Lost Hope And Dissociation

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@Janelle525 I have seen some of Dr. Driscoll's videos..I like her sense of humor. Will learn more about this.

@Remedy Glad to hear you're getting better. Was it a steady improvement, was there a dump phase? I used to spend some time on the FB group..but it got too depressing..couldn't reconcile the knowledge of Peat and their massive use of fish oil, adrenal cortex extract, cortisone..to this day I have cognitive dissonance about it.

@mayweatherking The test result's attached as a file... I don't think it's completely straightforward. It has to be interpreted with context, so my potassium could be lower, or higher, but it's a general marker.

As an aside...anything I should do about this? This started before Peating...no change with it really..heart checked out fine at ER..family doc said it's stress, but I'm calm..the 120 resting pulse, I wanna go back to the gym soon. It kind of remains unchanged, this was after a big balanced meal. I take taurine, 1 g, minerals.

QwBjU

dude thats crazy. your levels are all low that indicate water retention issues. look at your levels, dude this is what ray said to me about water retention. this is an eye opener to me too because i feel the same as you. i had the same as you too with the really high heart rate around 5 or 6 years ago when i was at my WORST.

this is what ray said to me:

Thyroid, sodium, magnesium, and potassium work together to regulate water. Laxatives, such as cascara sagrada, and fiber (raw carrots or cooked mushrooms, oat bran, bamboo shoots), are necessary when thyroid function is low, and will help with water retention.

dude your magnesium is .01 under the range, your potassium is on the lower end, and your sodium is definitely on the lower range. bro!!!! damn. i was right about this. i should get this hair test too. you know i actually ordered one and then never went through with it.

i will tell you what though, i notice a big difference with coconut water. me personally i am drinking an entire liter of it a day on top of other things, i think it gets my bowels moving for the reasons i said above.
 

charlie

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Coconut water is on da list. Thanks bro. :hattip

fo shizzle my charlizzle. yeah dude... coconut water makes a big difference to me... i think i have all ready a deficiency in potassium or something because when i utilize it, i notice i can relieve my constipation. i do have some water retention.. but it's very challenging to work on it... it seems to be going better though... i think it is very powerful.
 

Regina

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The most important for me right now is staying away from things that inflame my brain and activate the HPA axis. our stress cycle. Also keeping my blood sugar up. I can tell when its going to fall when I get this feeling in my brain, its an anxious feeling. The only med I have tried is cyproheptadine. And that really helps me sleep at night. I keep a food diary and make lots of notes, so I can see patterns. The dissociation is just the trauma of what you are going through, it is a way of protecting you. But if you can bring those emotions to the front and realize its not you, the emotions come from sensations in your body. They are just signals. I know it is hard to see that beneath everything you are is love, we all are, it's who we are. No matter what is going on in our body or brain.
"bring those emotions to the front and realize its not you, the emotions come from sensations in your body. They are just signals. I know it is hard to see that beneath everything you are is love, we all are, it's who we are." Yay :yum:
 

LeeRoyJenkins

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LOL I hate always recommending this as I just did in another similar thread but have you tried Nofap? The symptoms you described seems like that of over masturbation or even too much real sex. Try a period of abstinance, around 50 days, and see if you feel better. Almost every single person with like problems are exhibiting signs of sexual exhaustion, it happens to be the most rampant health problem in modern day society next to pufa.

Thinking I might highjack this thread here... but curious to learn more about this. Where have you heard/seen this?
 
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JCastro

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Remedy

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@Remedy Glad to hear you're getting better. Was it a steady improvement, was there a dump phase? I used to spend some time on the FB group..but it got too depressing..couldn't reconcile the knowledge of Peat and their massive use of fish oil, adrenal cortex extract, cortisone..to this day I have cognitive dissonance about it.

If by dump phase, you mean a great increase in symptoms, then no, I didn't have that. However, if you include a stall phase as a possible manifestion of the dump phase, then yes, I think I may have gone through that. I would say that, for the first 38 or so rounds, the improvement was steady but much more slow than I was expecting, and that after round 38, the improvement has perceptibly increased. An interpretation might be that my dump was weak enough to be slightly overpowered by my chelation, and that it has now passed or is on the way out.

Probably you were looking for reassurance, and this hasn't helped, but you should keep in mind that you're almost certainly more mercury sensitive than I am. I'm 30, and though looking back I can see I was suffering a number of meaningful symptoms during my teen years and earlier, I could say my symptoms only started mildly affecting me at 22, and significantly affecting me, becoming "serious", around 26. I then took about a whole bottle, 120 doses, of 250mg lipoic acid not knowing about its chelating properties, and then did 18 rounds -- pretty powerful rounds -- with an amalgam in, before I could say my symptoms, at age 29, became comparable in severity to your symptoms...which you have at 19, and most of which, though you've done IV DMPS, it seems you've had for years beforehand.

As for the Peat disapproved supplements that Cutler recommends, well, yes, mixing and matching from different experts is unsettling, as it cuts straight to the heart of the problem of how a non-expert (or anyone, really) is supposed to know what to believe; the only way to really know would to be to become an expert oneself, but, because one almost certainly can't do that, one is forced to pick between experts, using vague, unsystemizable methods. When personal experience or something equally convincing shows the expert wrong in some area, everything else the expert says is suspect, and in deciding whether to change experts or mix and match by allowing an exception -- he's right about everything but...-- one senses the unsoundness, the flimsiness, of those vague and unsystemizable methods, and is upset at the awfulness of being forced, on the threat of immense and irrecoverable loss, to solve a problem they could not possibly know how to solve, and must little more than blind guess at and hope for the best. In this case, I suspect you trust Cutler because he accurately described IV DMPS damage, and you trust Peat for some reason I don't know of, and all that can be said is that you have convincing evidence that neither is entirely correct, and that Cutler is right about mercury and chelation, but wrong about fish oil etc., and Peat is right about fish oil etc., but wrong about mercury and chelation.
 
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JCastro

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@Remedy Yes, this has been an incredible lesson to me in taking what I need from these experts and leaving the rest. It has also forced and motivated me to do my own research so I can develop an understanding of science that I wouldn't have had otherwise. It created a lot of stress at first but once you get the ball rolling it is empowering. Similar to you, I bought and took large doses of alpha lipoic acid after reading it "removes mercury" before learning of Cutler. I took something like 300 mg for a few days and woke up one day not able to focus my eyesight for several hours.
 

skittles

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I'm glad I stumbled upon this thread, half asleep after waking up from another almost-nightly panic attack. I've got different symptoms than you, but similar state of mind.
I'm not trying to hijack the thread, but I feel like this might be a good place to vent.

I haven't had a friend in years. I feel extremely disconnected from my family. My self love (or all love for that matter) is basically zero. I don't seem to enjoy anything, and I can't even remember the last time I did. I don't have a smart phone or Facebook or anything. If I didn't have to go to work, I would probably never leave the house. I don't play games, I don't watch movies, I don't go out. I have become so incredibly bitter with the world and frustrated with everyone. I feel like I'm incapable of opening up to anyone anymore. I don't think it's even within the realm of possibility for me to fall in love, or even be romantically interested in another person. It's just so beyond me now, that I can't even understand it. I have no interest in sex.

But in any case, people seem to like /me/. I talk to people all day at work. I can put on a happy face and be energetic and expressive, but it feels like it's all an act. Just because words are coming out of my mouth doesn't mean that I feel like I can be real with anyone. If there's three or more people, I can't even seem to make an attempt to interject or say anything or add to the conversation. My voice lacks depth, and it's so weak compared to everyone else's that nobody notices when I speak anyway.
I feel like I'm going crazy, schizophrenia-style. But I can't help but feel like I'm only waist-deep in this pit I've dug myself into, and I can still escape.
But after waaay too much effort, I've lost faith in doctors and medicine. And I feel like I've tried so many things over the past 10 years to improve my health, only to fail time and time again. And after finding Peat and being so sure (and I still am sure), I feel like I've failed yet again.
I wake up very often with ridiculous adrenaline responses and a numb left arm at 1 or 2AM, terrified that I'm about to have a heart attack. And some days I just feel so completely empty and devoid of purpose that I feel like I could spontaneously die right there on the sidewalk for no reason other than the fact that I'm just a waste of space.

But once in a while, I also manage to briefly escape the loop. Once in a while, I have a day where it all makes sense, and I'm suddenly totally /cured/, and I feel truly alive.
But then, a day or two later, I'm back at the bottom, wondering what went wrong.
 
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JCastro

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I'm glad I stumbled upon this thread, half asleep after waking up from another almost-nightly panic attack. I've got different symptoms than you, but similar state of mind.
I'm not trying to hijack the thread, but I feel like this might be a good place to vent.

I haven't had a friend in years. I feel extremely disconnected from my family. My self love (or all love for that matter) is basically zero. I don't seem to enjoy anything, and I can't even remember the last time I did. I don't have a smart phone or Facebook or anything. If I didn't have to go to work, I would probably never leave the house. I don't play games, I don't watch movies, I don't go out. I have become so incredibly bitter with the world and frustrated with everyone. I feel like I'm incapable of opening up to anyone anymore. I don't think it's even within the realm of possibility for me to fall in love, or even be romantically interested in another person. It's just so beyond me now, that I can't even understand it. I have no interest in sex.

But in any case, people seem to like /me/. I talk to people all day at work. I can put on a happy face and be energetic and expressive, but it feels like it's all an act. Just because words are coming out of my mouth doesn't mean that I feel like I can be real with anyone. If there's three or more people, I can't even seem to make an attempt to interject or say anything or add to the conversation. My voice lacks depth, and it's so weak compared to everyone else's that nobody notices when I speak anyway.
I feel like I'm going crazy, schizophrenia-style. But I can't help but feel like I'm only waist-deep in this pit I've dug myself into, and I can still escape.
But after waaay too much effort, I've lost faith in doctors and medicine. And I feel like I've tried so many things over the past 10 years to improve my health, only to fail time and time again. And after finding Peat and being so sure (and I still am sure), I feel like I've failed yet again.
I wake up very often with ridiculous adrenaline responses and a numb left arm at 1 or 2AM, terrified that I'm about to have a heart attack. And some days I just feel so completely empty and devoid of purpose that I feel like I could spontaneously die right there on the sidewalk for no reason other than the fact that I'm just a waste of space.

But once in a while, I also manage to briefly escape the loop. Once in a while, I have a day where it all makes sense, and I'm suddenly totally /cured/, and I feel truly alive.
But then, a day or two later, I'm back at the bottom, wondering what went wrong.
Hey man. Have you tried any kind of exercise? Someone recently recommended to me Jiu Jitsu to build confidence. I have yet to try it but there's an idea.

Also recommended to me by someone who dealt with similar problems is group therapy, which I also have yet to try. But maybe that or psychoanalysis could be helpful in dealing with the lack of self-love and hopelessness. Do you think some trauma led to this or what? EMDR therapy is used for people to process feelings physiologically (with bilateral eye movements) and it's supposed to be very helpful. I saw results with it but stopped recently. I know it's really hard to keep up a healthy habit when you feel so bad.

For the past few days, I started meditating and going for long walks at night. There's a quote from Soren Kierkegaard about walking. "Whatever you do, never lose your fondness of walking. I walk myself into my daily well-being, and I walk out of all illness. I have walked myself into my best thoughts, and I know of no thought so heavy that one cannot outwalk it."

Aside from that, eating tons of nutritious food and trying to do things every day even though you're not interested, we are still alive. There is always a chance to fix this, no matter how many times you fail or how futile it feels. This is personal and I'm not asking, but if you watch porn that can hinder self-improvement. I'm still struggling with that addiction but I think if we're looking to attain the happiness felt in childhood (at least, I felt that), we have to be willing to make drastic changes and make our brains work like they did when we were little, untouched, unaltered, healthy.

Personally, I felt the same way about my voice. I don't know if this is transient, but after 34 days of "Peating", my voice seems deeper. No, not "seems"; it is. Testing it right now, it's changed. So I now realize how undereating is so damaging to the identity, to masculinity, to confidence. I never got to fully "be" myself, because I was not giving my body what it needed to build itself. But once the diet is addressed, lifestyle and psychology are the next things to tackle.

If whatever made you feel this way is due to past experiences, niacinamide is supposed to help reverse epigenetic changes so should push things in the right direction. But I think not one drug or supplement will do it. To get out of this, an entire and holistic regime is needed; the right activities, lifestyle, interactions, movement, exercise, novelty, therapy, AND nutrition.
 

amethyst

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For the past few days, I started meditating and going for long walks at night. There's a quote from Soren Kierkegaard about walking. "Whatever you do, never lose your fondness of walking. I walk myself into my daily well-being, and I walk out of all illness. I have walked myself into my best thoughts, and I know of no thought so heavy that one cannot outwalk it."
That. I do this a lot. There is something about walking out in nature that revives you and makes you feel alive. Walking is very therapeutic and can change you if you let it. No more endless running on a treadmill in a gym.Being outside puts you in touch with life, the trees, birds, critters. I saw a blue Heron the other day when I was out communing with nature and getting some life extending exercise. How cool is that?
 
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NOTHING beats lots of naked cuddling and non orgasmic sex with someone you love. KILLS depression and anxiety and addiction like nothing else. We are meant to live this way.

Walks in nature, pets, socializing is VERY helpful too.
 
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lollipop

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But I think not one drug or supplement will do it. To get out of this, an entire and holistic regime is needed; the right activities, lifestyle, interactions, movement, exercise, novelty, therapy, AND nutrition.
This is so wise @JCastro and what I have observed over the years of working with many many people.

One other piece of advice here: have a good yoga teacher teach you a few poses where the heart is elevated over the head. Magical restorative/healing properties. Also balances and creates a healthy balance between sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems.
 

skittles

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Hey man. Have you tried any kind of exercise? Someone recently recommended to me Jiu Jitsu to build confidence. I have yet to try it but there's an idea.

Also recommended to me by someone who dealt with similar problems is group therapy, which I also have yet to try. But maybe that or psychoanalysis could be helpful in dealing with the lack of self-love and hopelessness. Do you think some trauma led to this or what? EMDR therapy is used for people to process feelings physiologically (with bilateral eye movements) and it's supposed to be very helpful. I saw results with it but stopped recently. I know it's really hard to keep up a healthy habit when you feel so bad.

For the past few days, I started meditating and going for long walks at night. There's a quote from Soren Kierkegaard about walking. "Whatever you do, never lose your fondness of walking. I walk myself into my daily well-being, and I walk out of all illness. I have walked myself into my best thoughts, and I know of no thought so heavy that one cannot outwalk it."

Aside from that, eating tons of nutritious food and trying to do things every day even though you're not interested, we are still alive. There is always a chance to fix this, no matter how many times you fail or how futile it feels. This is personal and I'm not asking, but if you watch porn that can hinder self-improvement. I'm still struggling with that addiction but I think if we're looking to attain the happiness felt in childhood (at least, I felt that), we have to be willing to make drastic changes and make our brains work like they did when we were little, untouched, unaltered, healthy.

Personally, I felt the same way about my voice. I don't know if this is transient, but after 34 days of "Peating", my voice seems deeper. No, not "seems"; it is. Testing it right now, it's changed. So I now realize how undereating is so damaging to the identity, to masculinity, to confidence. I never got to fully "be" myself, because I was not giving my body what it needed to build itself. But once the diet is addressed, lifestyle and psychology are the next things to tackle.

If whatever made you feel this way is due to past experiences, niacinamide is supposed to help reverse epigenetic changes so should push things in the right direction. But I think not one drug or supplement will do it. To get out of this, an entire and holistic regime is needed; the right activities, lifestyle, interactions, movement, exercise, novelty, therapy, AND nutrition.

Hey there,
Thanks for messaging back. I wasn't really expecting anyone to respond.

Yeah, I do some resistance exercise 3-4 days a week. I used to be much stronger and more resilient. A year or so ago, I was doing big compound movements like deadlifts and squats, and I got to a good level of strength, but then my strength started rapidly going downhill, and my joints all started hurting. Now I don't beat myself up in the gym anymore. I do some resistance work on machines, and I no longer keep track of my numbers or the time between sets. So far, it feels pretty good. But yeah, I think there's a big difference between going to the gym and learning a martial art. I'd like to learn one, but I have no clue how to get started, and I've only got like one or two random days off work per week, so it's pretty much impossible to stick to any kind of a schedule.

I love walking in the summer time, but in the Canadian winter, I don't even want to set foot outdoors. Just walking to the bus stop, I'm shivering and quaking out of control and every muscle is clenched, and my roommates are like 'yeah, it's cold but no big deal'

I'm certain some trauma caused a lot of my psychological issues. Stuff with my parents. But I've gotten to the root of it all, and gotten past my resentment for them, and I've forgiven them. But it still hasn't solved anything.

I've never really been a porn guy. I find it makes me feel lonely and gross. I am constantly sexually frustrated though. I'm really weird about sex. I've been in a lot of long-term relationships, and I've observed many long-term relationships, and they have all predictably failed. And I can't find it in me to get emotionally involved with anyone again. And I played the hook-up game for a while, but I've come to the conclusion that it's just not what I was looking for. I'm looking for something that doesn't seem to exist anymore. So I've checked out completely. Maybe I'm just too old fashioned, or too stubborn in my convictions.

I've been slowly integrating Peat's ideas for a few years. I really dove in like six months ago, but my voice is still screwed. I can remember even like 5 years ago, my voice never even crossed my mind. Now, I've had to take weeks off of speaking, and I've gone to ultrasounds and ENTs and speech therapists, I'm constantly clearing my throat and people are always like 'woah, you catching a cold there?'

I've recently tried taking niacinamide, but I think the dose is way too high. I seem to get headaches no matter what, and it seems to increase my likelihood of panic attacks and numbness in my left arm at night.
 

Ahanu

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This type of sex creates long term good feelings and gets rid of addictive and anxious behavior, and makes the world a wonderful place for you.
haha jaja, i like the orgasmic sex and the wonderful place.
 

Ahanu

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We all are programmed thst way but behind thst lurking is something far better. Orgasms are shitty compared to that.
i have experimented with that kind of thinking and living. it is not for me.
i think the problem is getting addicted which will produce a lot of anxiety. Once you can enjoy what you have and what you do without getting addicted or producing ideas about it, the world is just fine in and on itself. a wonderful place as you say. I think a good metabolism/balanced hormones etc, though is necessary for that. With that you can enjoy an orgasm as what it it is and it won´t be able to chase you out of heaven.
 

bohogirl

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Just remember to be kind to yourself.

I know the feeling of failing and becoming obsessive. All I do lately is search for a cure, thinking I've struck gold, only to find out it wasn't gold I've found.
 

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