Lost Hope And Dissociation

[JCastro]

I tried. Like many of you I started with paleo, exercise, fish oil, pop health trash etc., steadily got worse. Discovered Ray and thought I had unlocked the secret.

I had a lot of vigilance. For years. I lost my teens trying to cure my symptoms. Alienation, brain fog, social anxiety, "shin splints", couldn't keep up with anyone. I recognized learned helplessness as a possible ending if I failed. Lost all my interests, lost contact with my loved ones, all I cared about was getting better, and then my life would start.

Whole life undereating. That's it! Start eating a lot, 3000 cal., manic, reactive to everything. Increased sugar, more yeast. Protein, fatigue. Histamine reaction with red ears and face to god knows what. Throwing water on my face releases histamine, haha...

Pressure in brain. Burning, dry eyes. Dry hair, dandruff. Dry skin. Cold hands and feet. Sitting pulse 120. Walking, 130-140. Dysautonomia. Odd sensations, tingling, electric. Formification. Borderline or bipolar. Chronically derealized. Addiction. No appetite, ever. Waking up tired, starting to see things. High adrenaline. Hypersensitive to meds. Vestibular problems. Noise hurting ears, light hurting eyes. Tremor. Air hunger. IBS, GERD. Tinnitus. Visual static. Lower back pain. Purples toes, blood pooling? Bladder doesn't work well. Takes me minutes to start peeing. Urologist and chiro found nothing. No one ever found anything anywhere. Well, high DHEA, high prolactin, demyelinating brain lesion, digestive inflammation, "but not enough for a diagnosis". People can postulate all day about what might be wrong with me, but nothing has ever worked so it's all useless. This is like the pivotal moment where John Locke cries out in despair and then sees the light in the hatch except that's a TV show.

I'm 19 with a drooping face, dark circles and bags under eyes. Deep lines on cheeks, around nose and mouth. Hair is like a Brillo pad, coarse, zig-zaggy, scalp stopped producing oils long ago.

Couldn't integrate into college well, never felt right, always knew deep down I'm different and there's something wrong, something no one can help me with.

Oh but can pregnenolone lift my face like Ray Peat? Maybe it will heal my brain, energize me! Take it, intense stress reaction. Read horror stories online of permanent damage. Ok guess not. Read haidut saying that's just detox, well faith in internet personas never got me anywhere.

Ray tells me nutrition won't work for me if my TSH is 3.7. Take crumb of thyroid, intense stress reaction. Ok. Ask him further advice, ignored.

Dropped out of work, dropped out of school, it was a "break" at first but I don't see anything in front of me. Ignoring everyone who cares about me. A few days ago I stopped speaking, started staring for long periods of time. Simple movements are difficult. Inertia. People talk to me and I can't pay attention. I broke my grandma's heart because I can't smile, emote, or converse anymore. Maybe I have become autistic. Maybe I'll go schizophrenic. I have an apt. today but I can't seem to move. I'll stay here instead.

Peat stuff I tried: lisuride, mirtazapine, tianeptine, thyroid, preg., progesterone, bag breathing, red light, carrot salad, cascara, stimulating activities, optimism, abundance, niacinamide, aspirin, baking soda, lysine, theanine, taurine, selenium, vitamin D, E, A, high calories, minerals, low dose naltrexone, probably more I can't remember.

I tried more interventions than most ever do in their lifetime..paleo, GAPS, mercury chelation, raw fruit diet, water fasting, anti-parasite, coffee enema, meditation, self-help, philosophy, therapy, hours a day of self-cognitive therapy, exercise, hiking, cold showers, sun-bathing, so many ******* supplements, herbs, chemicals. Spent over $5000 this year. Total, maybe double that. My money's gone. I never got a diagnosis. I'm a stressed hypochondriac. People want to cheer me up but the damage is done. I got a botched kundalini awakening.

Caffeine used to pump me up, now it just makes me mad. Yes, with sugar & protein. Amphetamine used to pump me up, now it just releases histamine.

I think I'm being put on an antipsychotic soon and maybe an SNRI. I don't have a particular reason for posting this because I don't expect an answer anymore. I've talked to the experts, talked to Ray Peat, talked to other scientists, specialists, looked deep inside myself, looked to a creator, and it remains unchanged. Some people, especially with my cluster of symptoms, never get better. There isn't a market for orphan illnesses like this. So, in an environment where my suffering is endless and unanswered, the body forces me to stop because it simply can't deal anymore.

I hate to fill this place with negativity but it's out of my hands now.

 

[Vinero]

Do you eat starch? Maybe endotoxin can cause these reactions

 

[JCastro]

Yes, I eat starch. Sugar makes things worse more than starch, I think.

There was a period of 8 months where I ate nothing but chicken, beef, liver, honey, and olive oil. With the reintroduction of an apple, I had a migraine and itching all over.

I have sanitized my gut with hydrogen peroxide, antibiotics, herbs. Things revert soon after, hours or days.

 

[milk_lover]

Do you take anti-histamines like cyproheptadine or theanine? I would quit all supplements for now and take few with meals only like glycine, taurine, theanine, cypro and maybe little aspirin.

Sometimes it's good not to do anything. Relax you are still young, you still have plenty of time to heal. I really hope you get well and feel well.

 

[Vinero]

Do you use any medications? I developed similar weird symptoms a few years ago when I was using corticosteroids cream on my skin for my eczema. When I quit those, those strange sensations like pressure in head, cold hands/feet, depression, stress etc went away.

 

[JCastro]

@milk_lover Cyproheptadine is on its way to me from India. I take 200 mg theanine once a day, 1000 mg taurine. I get my glycine from gelatin. I seem to react slightly to aspirin, as in I get a headache and random jolts of pain for a few seconds, but it also has helped me sometimes.

Sometimes it's good not to do anything. Relax you are still young, you still have plenty of time to heal. I really hope you get well and feel well.

Thanks.

@Vinero That is interesting. I got sick at 13 after discontinuing amphetamine and SSRI cold turkey, and these symptoms started piling up afterward. Likely they triggered dysautonomia and/or allowed a stealth virus to flourish.

Maybe some substance is retained in my cells and cannot detox, years later. Without an answer, I'm left to ponder these things.

There is a disease called hyperadrenergic POTS, which has no known cure, which sounds similar to my symptoms. I think it's when the nervous system is locked into fight or flight, forever. I have not found a success story for this.

Co-morbid with that is mast cell activation syndrome, which also has no cure.

"Nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs,[11] including aspirin can be very helpful in reducing inflammation in some patients, while others can have dangerous reactions."

Perhaps things could resolve themselves given time, but each time I thought it couldn't get worse, it did get worse and I have seen no signs of it getting better.

"[...] a person's longevity is likely to be shortened if something doesn't intervene to alter the patterns induced by stress early in life." -Ray Peat

 

[paymanz]

I have experienced some of those symptoms ,especially the dry eyes ,cold hands and many of them uyou mentioned.

I want say its almost impossible to get a definitive answer from anyone even from people as knowledgeable as peat.because no one can tell you what exactly is wrong in the body that cause the problem.especially these problem with wide range of chronic symptoms

For me what I choice to do and it worked and I get improvements was just aiming to get all vitamins and minerals day to day and constant,with no expectation to see improvement in short term.

And I look back and I see now it's 6 months or longer that I doing it and now I see improvementa.sometimes damages to structures are so bad that need time to heal.

All of b vitamins especially,replete your body stores with them.

Make sure you stay on safe dose ,but on optimal range and constant.I see you took them before but maybe you haven't been constant.

But for macro nutrients I think appetite is best guide to how much and when to eat.

This is most basic important thing I can mention.

 

[ecstatichamster]

what are your waking temps like?

 

[JCastro]

Hovers around 97.1, and is 97.4 at midday.

 

[goodandevil]

How's your living situation? also have you tried magnesium carbonate and/or pure t3?

 

[ecstatichamster]

Hovers around 97.1, and is 97.4 at midday.

therein lies a huge problem. I'm learning that merely elevating those temperatures can change mood and alter the brain chemistry and body chemistry more than anything else.

And you do not need to do it with thyroid, quite often, either.

Temperature Reset à La Steve Richfield

Take a look here, read this thread carefully...

 

[JCastro]

@goodandevil I live with my mother who works 7 days per week.

No, I have only used magnesium citrate and glycinate. Is there something better about carbonate?

I have not tried pure T3. I don't understand thyroid much.

@ecstatichamster I will read this.

 

[Constatine]

I tried. Like many of you I started with paleo, exercise, fish oil, pop health trash etc., steadily got worse. Discovered Ray and thought I had unlocked the secret.

I had a lot of vigilance. For years. I lost my teens trying to cure my symptoms. Alienation, brain fog, social anxiety, "shin splints", couldn't keep up with anyone. I recognized learned helplessness as a possible ending if I failed. Lost all my interests, lost contact with my loved ones, all I cared about was getting better, and then my life would start.

Whole life undereating. That's it! Start eating a lot, 3000 cal., manic, reactive to everything. Increased sugar, more yeast. Protein, fatigue. Histamine reaction with red ears and face to god knows what. Throwing water on my face releases histamine, haha...

Pressure in brain. Burning, dry eyes. Dry hair, dandruff. Dry skin. Cold hands and feet. Sitting pulse 120. Walking, 130-140. Dysautonomia. Odd sensations, tingling, electric. Formification. Borderline or bipolar. Chronically derealized. Addiction. No appetite, ever. Waking up tired, starting to see things. High adrenaline. Hypersensitive to meds. Vestibular problems. Noise hurting ears, light hurting eyes. Tremor. Air hunger. IBS, GERD. Tinnitus. Visual static. Lower back pain. Purples toes, blood pooling? Bladder doesn't work well. Takes me minutes to start peeing. Urologist and chiro found nothing. No one ever found anything anywhere. Well, high DHEA, high prolactin, demyelinating brain lesion, digestive inflammation, "but not enough for a diagnosis". People can postulate all day about what might be wrong with me, but nothing has ever worked so it's all useless. This is like the pivotal moment where John Locke cries out in despair and then sees the light in the hatch except that's a TV show.

I'm 19 with a drooping face, dark circles and bags under eyes. Deep lines on cheeks, around nose and mouth. Hair is like a Brillo pad, coarse, zig-zaggy, scalp stopped producing oils long ago.

Couldn't integrate into college well, never felt right, always knew deep down I'm different and there's something wrong, something no one can help me with.

Oh but can pregnenolone lift my face like Ray Peat? Maybe it will heal my brain, energize me! Take it, intense stress reaction. Read horror stories online of permanent damage. Ok guess not. Read haidut saying that's just detox, well faith in internet personas never got me anywhere.

Ray tells me nutrition won't work for me if my TSH is 3.7. Take crumb of thyroid, intense stress reaction. Ok. Ask him further advice, ignored.

Dropped out of work, dropped out of school, it was a "break" at first but I don't see anything in front of me. Ignoring everyone who cares about me. A few days ago I stopped speaking, started staring for long periods of time. Simple movements are difficult. Inertia. People talk to me and I can't pay attention. I broke my grandma's heart because I can't smile, emote, or converse anymore. Maybe I have become autistic. Maybe I'll go schizophrenic. I have an apt. today but I can't seem to move. I'll stay here instead.

Peat stuff I tried: lisuride, mirtazapine, tianeptine, thyroid, preg., progesterone, bag breathing, red light, carrot salad, cascara, stimulating activities, optimism, abundance, niacinamide, aspirin, baking soda, lysine, theanine, taurine, selenium, vitamin D, E, A, high calories, minerals, low dose naltrexone, probably more I can't remember.

I tried more interventions than most ever do in their lifetime..paleo, GAPS, mercury chelation, raw fruit diet, water fasting, anti-parasite, coffee enema, meditation, self-help, philosophy, therapy, hours a day of self-cognitive therapy, exercise, hiking, cold showers, sun-bathing, so many ******* supplements, herbs, chemicals. Spent over $5000 this year. Total, maybe double that. My money's gone. I never got a diagnosis. I'm a stressed hypochondriac. People want to cheer me up but the damage is done. I got a botched kundalini awakening.

Caffeine used to pump me up, now it just makes me mad. Yes, with sugar & protein. Amphetamine used to pump me up, now it just releases histamine.

I think I'm being put on an antipsychotic soon and maybe an SNRI. I don't have a particular reason for posting this because I don't expect an answer anymore. I've talked to the experts, talked to Ray Peat, talked to other scientists, specialists, looked deep inside myself, looked to a creator, and it remains unchanged. Some people, especially with my cluster of symptoms, never get better. There isn't a market for orphan illnesses like this. So, in an environment where my suffering is endless and unanswered, the body forces me to stop because it simply can't deal anymore.

I hate to fill this place with negativity but it's out of my hands now.

LOL I hate always recommending this as I just did in another similar thread but have you tried Nofap? The symptoms you described seems like that of over masturbation or even too much real sex. Try a period of abstinance, around 50 days, and see if you feel better. Almost every single person with like problems are exhibiting signs of sexual exhaustion, it happens to be the most rampant health problem in modern day society next to pufa.

 

[marteagal]

Ray tells me nutrition won't work for me if my TSH is 3.7.

Would you mind providing Peat's exact quote to your (e-mail) question? I never read that before and this would have great impact. Thank you in advance.

 

[JCastro]

@Constatine I tried to quit for several years. At one point I resorted to taking apart my computer into little pieces and putting it in storage. I meditated for very long periods. I did therapy. I did hypnosis. I read spiritual books. I exercised against it. I was working 6 days a week and school full-time and still did it. I always return to it, no matter what. So I stopped trying to quit because it's a symptom of some personality disorder, or high stress hormones, who cares? Longest I went was 28 days, 3 years ago.

Does anyone think I have refeeding syndrome? If I ate ~1000 kcal or less most of my life, all junk, then suddenly went to 3000-4000+ kcal, tons of sugar, nutrition, protein, coconut oil...? Thought I felt better for first 3-4 days...then became catatonic and stopped speaking...lost the energy to scratch an itch or reply to questions? "Impaired mental status" and confusion being symptoms of refeeding syndrome...extreme apathy...before Peating was panicking 24/7. Now lowered anxiety, just don't give a ***t, more of an empty lethargy..thiamine B1 deficiency from refeeding perhaps..hard for me not to let my vision go blurry because focusing it requires energy. Perhaps deficient in many things like phosphorous, minerals, despite eating them?..when sitting on the toilet my feet go numb for 10-15 minutes afterward

Age 0-14 western junk food diet, formula feeding, low appetite low calories, bread, starch, fast food, some sugar, barely any protein unless it was in a fast food burger or chicken nuggets

Age 15-19 even lower calorie low carb low sugar intermittent fasting orthorexic diet, eating one or two meals a day, overhydrating, all water or black coffee, constantly peeing, chicken, some fruit..one 6-inch hoagie over an 8 hour work day.. never really hungry, just eat because it's something you're supposed to do, some days forgot to eat at all

Late age 19 massively reduce water intake, switch to OJ, milk, fruit juice, force-feed high amounts of nutritious foods, supplement to meet all cronometer nutrients, break way over the limit for many things. Feel good for 4 days, consider returning to my life, calling friends up, gym, then crash at day 5. Change happened in 5 minutes, got in the shower hopeful, got out of the shower, dressed, groomed, "browned out" and stared in space with no content of thought lost all enthusiasm, a 180 degree turn almost instantly. Paranoia and pseudo-hallucinations started that night, never had them before, if I look at an object long enough it morphs into a person or image from my memory. Closing my eyes, I rapidly see images from my memories.

Hmm... maybe it's nothing about food and I have an organic dissociation with mania. But I never had this before, on this level. I'm gonna try and pile in more food every day, see what happens, but it's hard with no appetite and inertia. Food is foreign to me, I have no want for it. Just took a 200 mg of B1 thiamine..heat flushing and some anxiety, chest pains (hospital says heart is fine) @tara

 

[JCastro]

Would you mind providing Peat's exact quote to your (e-mail) question? I never read that before and this would have great impact. Thank you in advance.

Me: My TSH is 3.72, but I have been warned not to take thyroid until I stabilize my metabolism with nutrition. [...] If you are calcium deficient, how long should it take to correct it, given 1000+ mg per day, and sufficient amounts of other nutrients?

The same question goes for protein, given long-term deficiency, now eating 100 g per day. I have heard conflicting information, from a month to six months, to 1 year.

Ray: To assimilate protein, calcium, and magnesium well it’s essential to have good thyroid function, and with the TSH well about 3, I think that’s a problem.

 

[JCastro]

Refeeding induced Wernicke-Korsakoff syndrome

This triad of symptoms results from a deficiency in vitamin B1 which is an essential coenzyme. The aforementioned changes in mental state occur in approximately 82% of patients symptoms of which range from confusion, apathy, inability to concentrate, and a decrease in awareness of the immediate situation they are in. If left untreated, WE can lead to coma or death. In about 29% of patients, ocular disturbances consist of nystagmus and paralysis of the lateral rectus muscles or other muscles in the eye. A smaller percentage of patients experience decrease in reaction time of the pupils to light stimuli and swelling of the optic disc which may be accompanied by retinal hemorrhage. Finally, the symptoms involving stance and gait occur in about 23% of patients and result from dysfunction in the cerebellum and vestibular system. Other symptoms that have been present in cases of WE are stupor, low blood pressure (hypotension), elevated heart rate (tachycardia), as well as hypothermia, epileptic seizures and a progressive loss of hearing.

There are six major symptoms of Korsakoff's syndrome:

1. anterograde amnesia
2. retrograde amnesia, severe memory loss
3. confabulation, that is, invented memories which are then taken by the patient as true due to gaps in memory, with such gaps sometimes associated with blackouts
4. minimal content in conversation
5. lack of insight
6. apathy — the patients lose interest in things quickly, and generally appear indifferent to change.

Beriberi refers to a cluster of symptoms caused primarily by thiamine (vitamin B1) deficiency. According to the Oxford English Dictionary, the term 'beriberi' comes from a Sinhalese phrase meaning "weak, weak" or "I cannot, I cannot", the word being duplicated for emphasis.

Increased metabolic consumption of thiamine can result from the following:

• Diets high in carbohydrate or saturated fat intake
• Pregnancy
• Hyperthyroidism[19]
• Lactation
• Fever - Severe infection/sepsis[20]
• Increased physical exercise
• Refeeding syndrome (carbohydrate metabolism is increased)

Case Report
Thiamine Deficiency in Self-Induced Refeeding Syndrome, an Undetected and Potentially Lethal Condition
Rapid restoration of nutrients and electrolytes after prolonged starvation could result in a life threatening condition characterized by sensory and neurological dysfunction and severe metabolic imbalance that has been designated as refeeding syndrome. Its diagnosis is frequently missed resulting in severe complications and even death. We describe a 25-years-old female patient with mental disorders and severe malnutrition who developed severe clinical manifestations and biochemical abnormalities characteristic of the refeeding syndrome, after restarting oral feeding on her own. Schizophrenia was later diagnosed. Increased awareness of this condition and its complications is necessary to prevent its detrimental complications.

 

[ecstatichamster]

I would say at this point, that CO2 (bag breathing) and raising temps, are probably by far the most important to me in restoring mental and physical health.

 

[Queequeg]

I think sometimes our hyper focus on our own health can actually be counter-productive and as you have found can lead to even worse health outcomes. IMO the never ending search for a magic pill can lead to excessive self-absorbtion with decreased abilities to care about or relate to others, leading to more mental and physical problems.

As you had mentioned, you have developed a sense of learned helplessness through continually trying to "fix yourself" and failing. RP has said that the cure for this is often just some form of action like getting a new job or taking a vacation.

You are only 19 and are lucky in that you have the flexibility to start anew. Since you have been focused on health for the last 5 years it seems that you may have found an interest that can give you back some drive and ambition if properly channeled. One idea would be to go back to school and focus on a career (or calling) in the health sciences. The key would be trying to focus on how you could help others and not about only yourself. Of course you will want to pick a field that you will be free to act in the best interests of your patients or research without the straight jacket of the medical establishment.

I am sure that this seems overwhelming but if you keep your eye on taking one step at a time it won't feel so impossible. IMO the important thing is just to start doing and stop thinking.

 

[michael94]

flush your liver. You cannot fix physical obstructions with some supplements so no surprise everything stopped working.