How To Cope With Being Ugly

[Westside PUFAs]

No 2-3s are getting married and having children with legitimate 7,8,9s.

Exactly.

 

[Makrosky]

I never said hot people don't or can't have problems. I responded to her original statement "It's a lot easier being ugly than beautiful, trust me, I'm a model" because it was factually not true. She was the one who used the term "ugly." Notice that? You could turn her statement around on her and say "ugly people have problems too." This has somehow turned into a feminist thread when that wasn't what the OP was asking about. Everything I said about people and their preferences on facial symmetry is factually true. Nature/God/evolution, whatever you want to call it, doesn't care about someones individual feelings and emotions about the harsh reality of the way people view beauty. Go to the mall and look at the line of about 200 people, mostly women/girls, who are there to see the Victoris'a Secret models who are there singing autographs and taking pictures. Those people wouldn't be interested in taking pictures and standling in line for hours to see "ugly" people. They want to see them precisely because of how good looking they are. Look at shows like Americas Next Top Model and the things that are said and the things they do. Look at history. Look at the bust of Nefertiti of Egypt. Look at all the great lengths people go through to look more physically attractive, both genders. As I said, most people are 5's which means average, not ugly, so naturally when there is someone that's getting close to an 8.5 to 10, average people find it a novelty. There's a reason why "Brad Pitt" is a go to name when taking about a "good looking guy." There's a reason why many women post pictures of Audrey Hepburn all over their social media, precisely because of her face. Women are obsessed with Audrey Hepburn. There's a reason why people are obsessed with Justin Bieber, because of his face. But an important thing to remember here is that those kind of good looking people are so rare in the general public. So the natural mating that most people do will be will people who are of equal attractiveness as them. But the fact that people dream of the 10's says something.

You never think that the "beauty" and "ugly" you are saying is largely cultural influenced ? Maybe the simmetry thing not that much... but all other traits...

 

[Westside PUFAs]

You never think that the "beauty" and "ugly" you are saying is largely cultural influenced ? Maybe the simmetry thing not that much... but all other traits...

No. Blaming "the media" or "society" is what liberals do. This is how people are naturally. No one is forcing people to view it this way. People who say it's being "forced" are just jealous SJW's.

 

[Makrosky]

No. Blaming "the media" or "society" is what liberals do. This is how people are naturally. No one is forcing people to view it this way. People who say it's being "forced" are just jealous SJW's.

I think that it changes a lot.
Before : very tanned people were not considered beauty because only farmers and that were tanned.
Now : not tanned people is considered sick or working long hours in offices, not sexy.

Before : very skinny people were not considered beauty because only poor and sick people were skinny.
Now : Only a certain body size is considered beauty, which tends to be skinny. Look at top models and stuff like that.

In a mediterranean country : a blonde is considered exotic, thus giving it more value
In a scandinavian country : everyone is blonde, is boring

And the list can go on and on... You get the idea.

 

[Amazoniac]

burtlan, haidut, jyb and pboy have nothing to add, as expected considering the subject of this thread.
"It's much easier being pretty, trust us, we're models."

 

[Gl;itch.e]

I think that it changes a lot.
Before : very tanned people were not considered beauty because only farmers and that were tanned.
Now : not tanned people is considered sick or working long hours in offices, not sexy.

Before : very skinny people were not considered beauty because only poor and sick people were skinny.
Now : Only a certain body size is considered beauty, which tends to be skinny. Look at top models and stuff like that.

In a mediterranean country : a blonde is considered exotic, thus giving it more value
In a scandinavian country : everyone is blonde, is boring

And the list can go on and on... You get the idea.

These would more accurately be categorized as fashion trends than beauty standards.

 

[ilovethesea]

I think you should completely forget about it and go on with your life. Do whatever you like. Follow what you want. That is much more important than being narcissistic and being driven by your ego and cultural beauty standards.

Beimg spontaneous and true to yourself is more important specially FOR YOU.

But of course if what you want is going to the club and shag top models...then yes, by all means follow the advice other members gave you. You can go for plastic surgery as well. And don't forget to enter into the rat race to become rich, nothing attracts more pusypusy than a ferrari.

This really says it all. Agree 100%.

Men who are very focused on their own appearance (having 6 pack abs, fancy clothes, tattoos, jewelry etc.) tend to have a feminine energy and attract masculine women.

If/when the man evolves into a mature masculinity his focus is less on himself and more on actions/doing. Taking care of OTHERS. This is what a feminine woman is attracted to... looks are far from the top of her list.

In contrast, men choose women with their eyes. The attraction is either there or it isn't. Although that doesn't mean every woman has to aspire to be a supermodel. Every man has his own taste, and they are attracted to our comfort, vulnerability and self-care. It's not just her looks but also the woman's essence.

 

[rw39]

What if people look (*stare*) at me because of how disgusting I look? How do i cope with that? This isn't in my head---it's simply a matter of fact.

 

[Gl;itch.e]

What if people look (*stare*) at me because of how disgusting I look? How do i cope with that? This isn't in my head---it's simply a matter of fact.

People look at all kinds of things. At some point you have to realise that it doesn't matter and let it go. Them looking at you has no effect on what you can actually do with your life.

Anecdote time. When I first noticed I was going bald I used to think everyone knew and could see and was looking at me. It bothered me. But after awhile I realised that if these people didn't know me then all I was to them was another dude on the street. Their thoughts and regard for me stopped there, once I had passed by anything that went through their mind was also gone. The only people who really notice (as in pick out from a crowd) balding people are other balding people. The only people who notice ugly people are other ugly people. But they are far more ugly because its on the inside as well.

 

[Constatine]

In my opinion it is much easier being beautiful than ugly as physical beauty tends to be a reflection of hormonal profiles and other such things. Thus beautiful people are typically happier not just because they are more beautiful but because they are overall more healthy. I myself have never met a gorgeous person who was pointlessly depressed.

 

[Regina]

People look at all kinds of things. At some point you have to realise that it doesn't matter and let it go. Them looking at you has no effect on what you can actually do with your life.

Anecdote time. When I first noticed I was going bald I used to think everyone knew and could see and was looking at me. It bothered me. But after awhile I realised that if these people didn't know me then all I was to them was another dude on the street. Their thoughts and regard for me stopped there, once I had passed by anything that went through their mind was also gone. The only people who really notice (as in pick out from a crowd) balding people are other balding people. The only people who notice ugly people are other ugly people. But they are far more ugly because its on the inside as well.

 

[milk]

nevermind

 

[zztr]

"Oh woe is me, being Hot is not all it's cracked up to be." This crap is exactly the same as the stuff along the lines that "Money can't buy you happiness."

There are exactly zero problems in life that are easier dealt with when uglier or in possession of less money. The better looking and the more money you have, the easier challenges are. Anyone indicating to the contrary is lying and I don't know why people are so self deluded as to believe otherwise.

Why our society is so visually fixated is another topic for discussion. I believe that historically there were a lot more opportunities for character quality to shine through, or that skill as a singer or instrumentalist would be regarded as beautiful. But here we are in a time when generally speaking nobody gives a ***t if you can paint or play piano masterfully.

 

[mujuro]

I can think of a lot of people who are aesthetically below average and still command respect, admiration, love or fear. Males are lucky in this regard because attraction has less to do with appearance. As long as you don't weigh 300lbs and don't look like Clint Howard, you'll find someone. Everything else can be honed. Cut fat, add muscle, eat healthy, exercise, dress well, maintain good grooming and you will be fine. As someone who has been in bodybuilding, most girls really don't give a ***t beyond mild definition and a slim midsection.

This topic is actually really tiring. People are determined to see self-fulfilling trends in realities which they believe they already have a stake in. I've been through 9 years of therapy, countless personal crises of self loathing. Appearance is significant, but attraction is complex. The neocortex is the engine of intimacy, bonding, the formation of romantic mateship. It's not simply a matter of observer + pretty face. It took me years to realize that I'm not as hideous as I thought I was, but from the moment I started believing I was attractive, that first impressions were neither a hindrance or something to fear, suddenly people became attracted to me. I think it's moronic to assert either way that looks are all that matter, or that they don't matter at all.

 

[zelda_the_brain]

It also depends on what you're after. I'm attractive and am uncomfortable getting too much attention for it. I would feel very cheap just going around seeing what I can get from people.
Now what I've really always wanted is a decent job. No matter how good of a job I do I can never get promoted. The last job I left I heard that people said that I was going to get married and not have to work anymore. I wasn't even in a relationship at the time. It was very hurtful. They had already passed me up for several promotions, but had "seriously considered" me. When I started looking and found something else, the GM said they all knew I was going to leave. Maybe it's because I look very young but I can't ever get anyone to take me seriously. Also, I don't act like your typical attractive person. I'm very goofy and people always say I'm weird, so it's not that I have a stuck-up brain dead attitude.

 

[Regina]

It also depends on what you're after. I'm attractive and am uncomfortable getting too much attention for it. I would feel very cheap just going around seeing what I can get from people.
Now what I've really always wanted is a decent job. No matter how good of a job I do I can never get promoted. The last job I left I heard that people said that I was going to get married and not have to work anymore. I wasn't even in a relationship at the time. It was very hurtful. They had already passed me up for several promotions, but had "seriously considered" me. When I started looking and found something else, the GM said they all knew I was going to leave. Maybe it's because I look very young but I can't ever get anyone to take me seriously. Also, I don't act like your typical attractive person. I'm very goofy and people always say I'm weird, so it's not that I have a stuck-up brain dead attitude.

Ditto. genau

When you say "feel very cheap just going around seeing what I can get from people", to me this would be an animalistic mind. I think no human being wants to have animal mind. Think of their suffering. When will I be fed. This animalistic mind. Stalking prey; playing with it before killing it. Well, it's great on animal kingdom TV shows. But as humans, we don't have to kill each other. I am glad I don't have to look at people as prey. It's horrible. We don't have to do it.

 

[Queequeg]

It also depends on what you're after. I'm attractive and am uncomfortable getting too much attention for it. I would feel very cheap just going around seeing what I can get from people.

Now what I've really always wanted is a decent job. No matter how good of a job I do I can never get promoted. The last job I left I heard that people said that I was going to get married and not have to work anymore. I wasn't even in a relationship at the time. It was very hurtful. They had already passed me up for several promotions, but had "seriously considered" me. When I started looking and found something else, the GM said they all knew I was going to leave. Maybe it's because I look very young but I can't ever get anyone to take me seriously. Also, I don't act like your typical attractive person. I'm very goofy and people always say I'm weird, so it's not that I have a stuck-up brain dead attitude.

Unsolicited advice warning :)

Someone wise once said to me that the world works in a certain way. Your choice is to work within those rules or outside of those rules. You can do either one, but working within the rules is a lot easier.

I know it sucks and does go against the inner rebel in all of us but it is human nature. The odd man out always gets beaten back into line. I imagine it’s an evolutionary advantage to create a cohesive tribal unit.

So my take on this is that if you want to get ahead in the workplace you have to start playing their game or start your own company. You are not doing anything wrong per se, but whatever it is you are doing is not meshing with the demands/expectations etc of others and you are seeing the result.

If you want to see a new result maybe try some changes and see if they work. Some might be.
A new hairstyle to make you look older/more sophisticated
New clothes, maybe glasses to do the same.
Tone down the goofiness/weirdness at work and try to be more serious
Look for a successful female role model that has the job you want and try to learn from her behavior
Ask some others at work for some feedback on how they perceive you

It’s great to be an individual and stay true to yourself but there are some minor changes you can make that won’t sacrifice your true self, while at the same time make a big impact in softening any societal friction you may be experiencing.
just my 2 cents

 

[zelda_the_brain]

Regina, thank you for your reply. Exactly what I meant.

Queeque, I agree with some of what you say (though believe me I have tried many different strategies over the years.) My point was mostly that looks did not help me at all. The o.p. shouldn't be too worried about being ugly. People don't really look at you, they just think of you a certain way. Don't let people put you down or put you under them socially, and don't do all the work without getting anything for it. If you show people you are valuable they'll treat you accordongly. As for relationships: for guys it's more important to have confidence and to do what you say your going to. Generalities I know. It's hard to say specifically what will help someone without knowing all the details. I find for me, though, sometimes when I'm feeling bad about myself or my situation, I realize I'm just feeling frustrated or helpless at not feeling well or not having energy.

 

[Makrosky]

What if people look (*stare*) at me because of how disgusting I look? How do i cope with that? This isn't in my head---it's simply a matter of fact.

Try to laugh out loud about the situation as if you were watching it on a film. Extremely therapeutic.

 

[Atalanta]

This really says it all. Agree 100%.

Men who are very focused on their own appearance (having 6 pack abs, fancy clothes, tattoos, jewelry etc.) tend to have a feminine energy and attract masculine women.

If/when the man evolves into a mature masculinity his focus is less on himself and more on actions/doing. Taking care of OTHERS. This is what a feminine woman is attracted to... looks are far from the top of her list.

In contrast, men choose women with their eyes. The attraction is either there or it isn't. Although that doesn't mean every woman has to aspire to be a supermodel. Every man has his own taste, and they are attracted to our comfort, vulnerability and self-care. It's not just her looks but also the woman's essence.

"Feminine" women do care about a man's physical appearance.

Are you saying that the millions of women who wanted to sleep with Brad Pitt(when he was young and handsome) were not "feminine"? Do you think Angelina Jolie was not attracted to his looks and that she did not thoroughly enjoy making babies with him?

What about young girls who have crushes on handsome celebrities or even guys in school? That is a purely visual thing. Didn't you and your girlfriends talk about the "cute" guys when you were in school?

Women are just as visual as men. Now it is true that ultimately many women are willing to overlook a man's physical appearance if he has the ability to be a good provider, but that is about survival, not about physical desire or attraction. Many women marry men that they are not physically attracted to and that is why so many women hate sex. I think most women would want a man who is attractive and a good provider, if that were possible. Men have resources that women need so men are able to prioritize looks over other qualities.

Successful, financially secure women who don't need a provider often place a man's looks at the top of the list the way men do.

Handsome men get lots of attention from women and they get sex much more easily than less attractive men. Unattractive men have to beg or pay for sex but handsome men get it for free. In fact, handsome men are often pursued by married women for extra-marital relationships. When I was in college, I had handsome guy friends who used women(both married and single) for sex and money. Many older women are attracted to younger, handsome men and would love to have relationships with them but they don't openly admit it because they are ashamed and/or because they feel younger men are not attracted to them.