How To Cope With Being Ugly

[rw39]

I know this forum may not seem suitable, but you guys seem like intellectual people. Really the title says it all-how does one cope with being ugly knowing they are going to be looked down upon and disrespected by a lot of society?
I've read up on ray's stuff on learned helplessness--not really what I'm looking for though.

Just thought i'd ask.

 

[tyler]

I would definitely look into the book "Psycho Cybernetics." It was wrote by a plastic surgeon in the 1960's. It's pretty much what every "self help" book written these days is based off of.

Try to understand and really believe that your value as a person IS NOT in your appearance. It's in your actions and words, in the constructive work you do for yourself and others.

Think about who you respect and love most in this world. I'm willing to bet it isn't for their physical appearance.

 

[Constatine]

Also you can just become good looking. Your facial appearance is very reflective of you health and changes all throughout adulthood. To great degrees when one drastically changes their lifestyle.

 

[zztr]

You got dealt a bad hand and have to play from behind. That's just the harsh reality. I doubt you need to read any books. There's no pretending it doesn't matter enormously.

The only way to overcome the deficit is to impressively excel is some sphere. You're going to have to work a lot harder than better looking people to get close to the same level of social opportunity. Be that a renumerative career, music/arts, whatever.

The other thing is don't dress like a schlub. Be the best dressed and coiffed in the room. A lot of somewhat ugly people seem to take it as an excuse to stop trying altogether, which is a horrible idea.

 

[milk_lover]

If you are producing hormone smells and being healthy and happy from inside, looks matter none.

 

[Such_Saturation]

Be the best dressed and coiffed in the room.

Are fedoras ok?

 

[Westside PUFAs]

Symmetrical faces are very important to humans. Look at people in high school. It's all about how cute your face is. Girls tell each other "OMG you're so pretty!" or they fight with each other precisely because of one having a more symmetrical face. Look at celebrity culture. People love nice faces. I personally don't care too much about a nice face. I like other body parts. For example, Gigi Hadid has a nice face, but her legs completely ruin it for me.



People with symmetrical faces tend to be crazy though because everyone has been treating them differently than the average person their whole lives.

Nonetheless, there are many successful people with non-symmetrical faces. You can be one of them. Just enjoy your time because it is limited. Don't hang out with pretentious people.

 

[Dhair]

Symmetrical faces are very important to humans. Look at people in high school. It's all about how cute your face is. Girls tell each other "OMG you're so pretty!" or they fight with each other precisely because of one having a more symmetrical face. Look at celebrity culture. People love nice faces. I personally don't care too much about a nice face. I like other body parts. For example, Gigi Hadid has a nice face, but her legs completely ruin it for me.

View attachment 4026

People with symmetrical faces tend to be crazy though because everyone has been treating them differently than the average person their whole lives.

Nonetheless, there are many successful people with non-symmetrical faces. You can be one of them. Just enjoy your time because it is limited. Don't hang out with pretentious people.

I wouldn't say that having a symmetrical face is the primary factor in male physical attractiveness.

 

[biggirlkisss]

what about confidence with women with a guy isnt that itself attractive

 

[milk]

I truly believe being a good person is the only important thing, but I know how bad it feels to be looked at with indifference or scorn by everyone.

Nowadays it only happens when I get a bad haircut, but yeah.

 

[Gl;itch.e]

Are you male or female? If you are male you have less to worry about. Sad but true. As a male your worth is linked far more greatly to your accomplishments than your looks.

 

[Peater Piper]

Out of curiosity, how old are you? I'm ugly as well. I allowed it to destroy my self-esteem in my teens and 20's. I'm just now getting my life back on track because of it. In my case, over the years it's just become less important to me. For what it's worth, I managed to have some attractive girlfriends, yet my self-esteem remained poor. I let it control my life when it didn't have to. So waiting can help, but I wouldn't want to see you waste part of your life doing that. Cognitive behavioral therapy is very useful if you find the right therapist.

 

[rw39]

I'm 22. Male. Finding it hard to finish school. I wasn't born ugly. I've developed this way due to acne scars and shitty skin. It's one thing to have been born ugly. But to know what it is like to be somewhat good looking, and then have that ***t stripped from you---far far worse. Been dealing with this for 4 years now. I'm starting to just accept it. Accept that i will be treated significantly worse by other people. Accept that i'll probably be lonely. Find it hard not to wallow in my self pity. Very unattractive trait. Whatever. I've tried CBT. It's all up to the patient in the end---and I have a strong personality. Simply didn't work out for me. Nothing will except accepting. And that's the hardest part.

 

[Gl;itch.e]

I'm 22. Male. Finding it hard to finish school. I wasn't born ugly. I've developed this way due to acne scars and shitty skin. It's one thing to have been born ugly. But to know what it is like to be somewhat good looking, and then have that ***t stripped from you---far far worse. Been dealing with this for 4 years now. I'm starting to just accept it. Accept that i will be treated significantly worse by other people. Accept that i'll probably be lonely. Find it hard not to wallow in my self pity. Very unattractive trait. Whatever. I've tried CBT. It's all up to the patient in the end---and I have a strong personality. Simply didn't work out for me. Nothing will except accepting. And that's the hardest part.

Then you don't have it all that bad then. Scars and shitty skin can repair. Maybe not 100% but there is options available to you to help heal and recover. Mostly its going to be your self image that will need fixing even after the skin has healed. Theres not many people out there that would judge a person based on their skin that badly. And those people aren't worth knowing in the first place!

Have you looked into red light as a cosmetic tool to help the skin?

 

[Richiebogie]

Maybe people 15 years older than you will find you attractive due to your youth. (Or do you judge older people harshly?)

Remember there is always someone worse off than you.

Being physically fit and strong will compensate for your skin. Choose a sport that suits your physique. Eg 100m sprinters look like Usain Bolt, while marathon runners are tall and lean.

As mentioned above you should be able to improve your skin with diet, sun and exercise.

Looks aren't everything. Michael Hutchence was a popular singer with acne scars and non-classical features. Of course he could use makeup, and he had great hair. He was dramatic and had sex appeal like a male Marilyn Monroe:

 

[encerent]

Skin can be fixed with potent retinoids and maybe derma rolling and red light.

Have you seen a dermatologist?

 

[Constatine]

Symmetrical faces are very important to humans. Look at people in high school. It's all about how cute your face is. Girls tell each other "OMG you're so pretty!" or they fight with each other precisely because of one having a more symmetrical face. Look at celebrity culture. People love nice faces. I personally don't care too much about a nice face. I like other body parts. For example, Gigi Hadid has a nice face, but her legs completely ruin it for me.

View attachment 4026

People with symmetrical faces tend to be crazy though because everyone has been treating them differently than the average person their whole lives.

Nonetheless, there are many successful people with non-symmetrical faces. You can be one of them. Just enjoy your time because it is limited. Don't hang out with pretentious people.

I'm 22. Male. Finding it hard to finish school. I wasn't born ugly. I've developed this way due to acne scars and shitty skin. It's one thing to have been born ugly. But to know what it is like to be somewhat good looking, and then have that ***t stripped from you---far far worse. Been dealing with this for 4 years now. I'm starting to just accept it. Accept that i will be treated significantly worse by other people. Accept that i'll probably be lonely. Find it hard not to wallow in my self pity. Very unattractive trait. Whatever. I've tried CBT. It's all up to the patient in the end---and I have a strong personality. Simply didn't work out for me. Nothing will except accepting. And that's the hardest part.

Wow in that case your really lucky then. Just get in good health and you should be good looking once again. I recommend focusing on bone facial structure by utilizing the following regime: Vitamin k 45 mg, vitamin a at a reasonable amount, vitamin d 15000 ui, magnesium at a reasonable amount, low dose aspirin, 1g lysine, perhaps haidut's pansterone applied to the scrotum (we need to raise testosterone and 5-ar derived androgens so any androgen product will work), and anything else that increases osteoblastogenesis. Also drink a moderate amount of milk, lift heavy 3x a week for about 45 min sessions, stay active, eat gelatin and foods rich in gelatin, and follow the ray peat life style obviously. This should improve facial appearance via improving bone structure. Before I started going health nuts I was unattractive and had BDD because of it. Now people tell me I look like a model where ever I go and so on (brag brag brag). Attractiveness is not genetic and not definite, don't stress out about what you have now, rather take joy in your journey for a better future.

 

[Dr.Winston O'Boogie]

I think that the 'looks' issue is a bit more important for women than men when it comes how attractive you are regarded by General society. What I mean is that men tend to be more shallow...any 'hot' woman is instantly seen as attractive.

When it comes to women rating men on attractiveness looks will get you the interview but not the job. I really think women rate other qualities such as confidence and character more highly than looks.

As another posted intimated, focus and play on your strengths. Improve what it is in your power to improve, health, learning, confidence and self esteem. If your looks don't bother you they won't bother anybody else.

 

[Velve921]

I know this forum may not seem suitable, but you guys seem like intellectual people. Really the title says it all-how does one cope with being ugly knowing they are going to be looked down upon and disrespected by a lot of society?
I've read up on ray's stuff on learned helplessness--not really what I'm looking for though.

Just thought i'd ask.

Read 'Rules of the Game' or join the style life academy by Neil Strauss. These programs will shed a new light on your inner self that has been untapped yet. I'm apart of the program and its worth every penny. Let me know if I can be more helpful.

 

[Dhair]

Wow in that case your really lucky then. Just get in good health and you should be good looking once again. I recommend focusing on bone facial structure by utilizing the following regime: Vitamin k 45 mg, vitamin a at a reasonable amount, vitamin d 15000 ui, magnesium at a reasonable amount, low dose aspirin, 1g lysine, perhaps haidut's pansterone applied to the scrotum (we need to raise testosterone and 5-ar derived androgens so any androgen product will work), and anything else that increases osteoblastogenesis. Also drink a moderate amount of milk, lift heavy 3x a week for about 45 min sessions, stay active, eat gelatin and foods rich in gelatin, and follow the ray peat life style obviously. This should improve facial appearance via improving bone structure. Before I started going health nuts I was unattractive and had BDD because of it. Now people tell me I look like a model where ever I go and so on (brag brag brag). Attractiveness is not genetic and not definite, don't stress out about what you have now, rather take joy in your journey for a better future.

That's a lot of vitamin K