Lately I find myself thinking about a vaccination that I received a couple of years ago (meningitis? definitely wasn't influenza, though I had one of those a couple of years prior, but that one does not seem to be bothering me so much at the moment). (What I find interesting is that it hasn't been in my attention in any meaningful way for a couple of years prior, but I have not been able to shake the train of thought for the past couple of weeks.) At the time I had heard of RP's work and was spending time with people who generally agreed with his interpretations and shared his disinclination towards the medical system and society in general. However, I was too busy with school to devote that much time to integrating very much of his teachings beyond avoiding PUFA. In both cases I felt social pressure to get the vaccines, the first time due to other peers, the latter from my family.
Beyond the despair/learned helplessness of (a) having it happen and (b) not knowing what the consequences will be (one of my peers who is a very knowledgeable biologist/nuero-scientist promptly stated that I will die from brain cancer upon hearing I received it), I find a mental image of the injection itself seems to consistently interrupt whatever train of thought I have at the moment, especially when I am having trouble sleeping. Granted, there are a number of ongoing mental/psychiatric processes interacting with this one; I'm generally very depressed with a history of self-injury (head-banging, cutting, slamming my hand in door frames), probably "schizophrenic" (although I have yet to hear a coherent and satisfying positivist definition of the term), possess (generally) very limited social skills, and have what I would imagine are fairly typical attention and learning challenges that accompany severe,chronic psychiatric conditions. Despite these substantial obstacles, however, looking back, my emotional/psychological state was generically very negative prior to either vaccinations, and the times that I have felt good through things such as thyroid or progesterone have been fairly surprising, though transient and irregular.
Obviously the only appropriate pattern of behavior is to avoid vaccines entirely from now on and educate myself as much as possible so that I can make the most informed decisions about managing the consequences, but something about the experience seems to catch my attention in a way that defies "moving on". Has anyone found a technique for compartmentalizing similar experiences to make them amenable to further intellectual, psychological processing?
All that being said, since re-discovering RP this past summer things have been getting better. My diet is very Peat friendly, and I actually find the food choices relatively expansive compared to how I was eating previously. Self-harm hasn't occurred in over a year and I do not feel any urge to do so. Large doses of methylene blue (200mg/day), as well as progesterone and pregenelone has greatly reduced the number and intensity of suicidal thinking. I am living on my own, am relatively young [25] and am working with a therapist who is familiar with RP's work and communicated a sense of understanding when I brought these circumstances to his attention.
So things could be worse.
Despite these trajectories, it seems that the more I learn or think about anything, the angrier I get at society (ie the state) and my family, which, I have discovered through the work of Reich/anthropology, are essentially identical social institutions. Most (if not all) of my personal problems (intellectual, social, sexual, nutritional starvation, severe psychological trauma) could have been avoided entirely, so for a substantial period of time I seriously thought my family was intentionally attempting to ruin or end my life, a train of thought that is not alleviated by the general state of the world. I am annoyed that my attention returns to my hairline, rather than practical challenges of life (ie making a comfortable living doing something I enjoy, finding fulfilling social relationships, meaning, consistent sleep, etc).
tldr - Things could be worse, but they could be a lot better. How do you tolerate the degenerate social order?
Beyond the despair/learned helplessness of (a) having it happen and (b) not knowing what the consequences will be (one of my peers who is a very knowledgeable biologist/nuero-scientist promptly stated that I will die from brain cancer upon hearing I received it), I find a mental image of the injection itself seems to consistently interrupt whatever train of thought I have at the moment, especially when I am having trouble sleeping. Granted, there are a number of ongoing mental/psychiatric processes interacting with this one; I'm generally very depressed with a history of self-injury (head-banging, cutting, slamming my hand in door frames), probably "schizophrenic" (although I have yet to hear a coherent and satisfying positivist definition of the term), possess (generally) very limited social skills, and have what I would imagine are fairly typical attention and learning challenges that accompany severe,chronic psychiatric conditions. Despite these substantial obstacles, however, looking back, my emotional/psychological state was generically very negative prior to either vaccinations, and the times that I have felt good through things such as thyroid or progesterone have been fairly surprising, though transient and irregular.
Obviously the only appropriate pattern of behavior is to avoid vaccines entirely from now on and educate myself as much as possible so that I can make the most informed decisions about managing the consequences, but something about the experience seems to catch my attention in a way that defies "moving on". Has anyone found a technique for compartmentalizing similar experiences to make them amenable to further intellectual, psychological processing?
All that being said, since re-discovering RP this past summer things have been getting better. My diet is very Peat friendly, and I actually find the food choices relatively expansive compared to how I was eating previously. Self-harm hasn't occurred in over a year and I do not feel any urge to do so. Large doses of methylene blue (200mg/day), as well as progesterone and pregenelone has greatly reduced the number and intensity of suicidal thinking. I am living on my own, am relatively young [25] and am working with a therapist who is familiar with RP's work and communicated a sense of understanding when I brought these circumstances to his attention.
So things could be worse.
Despite these trajectories, it seems that the more I learn or think about anything, the angrier I get at society (ie the state) and my family, which, I have discovered through the work of Reich/anthropology, are essentially identical social institutions. Most (if not all) of my personal problems (intellectual, social, sexual, nutritional starvation, severe psychological trauma) could have been avoided entirely, so for a substantial period of time I seriously thought my family was intentionally attempting to ruin or end my life, a train of thought that is not alleviated by the general state of the world. I am annoyed that my attention returns to my hairline, rather than practical challenges of life (ie making a comfortable living doing something I enjoy, finding fulfilling social relationships, meaning, consistent sleep, etc).
tldr - Things could be worse, but they could be a lot better. How do you tolerate the degenerate social order?
