Everyone hates me for no reason! Why!

[oxidation_is_normal]

LOL @ everyone reading obvious social and behavioral problems through Peat physiological lens. Get off the damn computer and go to a coffee shop and smile and say hello. Do this everyday and everywhere.

I'm guessing that the post from several months ago under another name about how all of the people in your state of Denver suck - was you as well. Now you changed your name to write about it again. You also wrote about it on your website (which is linked in your signature) in a post entitled, "How to Succeed in Life." Here are your own words: "I have the means to live better than most people... I will sum it up for your sake... So what is their problem? ... Now, I am not going to teach you how to discipline yourself..."

Those are the first sentences of the first 4 paragraphs - and they are tell-tale. Not for how to succeed in life, but of someone who probably doesn't feel good about me (so why would I want to interact with them?). You're telling yourself the same stories over and over. You've brainwashed yourself into negativity, so do not waste other's time thinking that the problem(s) is (are) external.

And Ben (or Andy or Kanobi), yes, it is obvious that you are not positive. Do you want to save the world or do you want people to like you? What's your real priority? Are you on here to take advice during your state of desperation, or not? You don't trust the world, and it will not trust you - so why trust any advice coming out of that world? There is no magic pill here - and Peat's physiology will not re-wire your brain with complex positive behaviors. There is a stage in which we must go to war with ourselves.

 

[Such_Saturation]

LOL @ everyone reading obvious social and behavioral problems through Peat physiological lens. Get off the damn computer and go to a coffee shop and smile and say hello. Do this everyday and everywhere.

I'm guessing that the post from several months ago under another name about how all of the people in your state of Denver suck - was you as well. Now you changed your name to write about it again. You also wrote about it on your website (which is linked in your signature) in a post entitled, "How to Succeed in Life." Here are your own words: "I have the means to live better than most people... I will sum it up for your sake... So what is their problem? ... Now, I am not going to teach you how to discipline yourself..."

Those are the first sentences of the first 4 paragraphs - and they are tell-tale. Not for how to succeed in life, but of someone who probably doesn't feel good about me (so why would I want to interact with them?). You're telling yourself the same stories over and over. You've brainwashed yourself into negativity, so do not waste other's time thinking that the problem(s) is (are) external.

And Ben (or Andy or Kanobi), yes, it is obvious that you are not positive. Do you want to save the world or do you want people to like you? What's your real priority? Are you on here to take advice during your state of desperation, or not? You don't trust the world, and it will not trust you - so why trust any advice coming out of that world? There is no magic pill here - and Peat's physiology will not re-wire your brain with complex positive behaviors. There is a stage in which we must go to war with ourselves.

I'm not sure rewiring the brain and personal warfare would be the best options to turn hatred into love.

 

[cout12]

First of all, you sound a bit like a ****. You're all like "look at me, I am so nice and smart, I save the planet, others are such douchebags".

No one will like someone who says such things. People like to be accepted and listened to. They hate being criticized, disagreed with or one upped. They don't care how cool you are or what you have to say about yourself or your mighty hobbies and opinions of saving the planet or whatnot. They just want to be listened to and agreed with. Just shut your mouth and be humble and listen to others and agree with them and you will have many friends and people will like you. Then once you realize that it's easy to make people like you, you can decide who it is that shares values similar to yours (saving the earth and whatnot) and hang out with only those people.

Disagreeing with people you don't know and talking about yourself is not cool, confident or intelligent. It's just being a **** really. Cool, confident and intelligent people are agreeable and humble with people they just met. Showing off, talking about yourself and your strong opinions is something that can only be done with very close friends.

I suggest you read the book how to win friends and influence people and other books about psychology if you wish to make friends. There's definitely nothing wrong with the way you look. You just lack social skills, which I'm sure you can pick up easily.

 

[aquaman]

Hey Ben

I'm glad you posted this. I've been worried about your postings for a long time. Even though I don't know you, it's still horrible to see others suffer. However, you have written posts like this before and got advice, and I know you've had PMs from various people (including me) offering suggestions, and it seems you've not put much of it into practice. My thoughts 6 months ago were already at "this guy is a suicide risk". Now I'm really worried for you Ben. Please seek help, and don't do anything rash and stupid before you do.

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.or ... lp/Someone

Here's some random advice:

1. Get a job. You want help from unknown people, but you won't get a job? Sorry, you need a job dude. I've seen people in third world countries sorting through rubbish dumps to find bits of old things to sell and recycle, you can get a ******* job and start to save money. How do you live with no money? This for me is non-negotiable. You can't choose not to live in the real world and yet expect the world to help you. Also, even if some girl did answer your craigslist ad, where would you take her with no money, no clean clothes, not havign washed, nowhere to go etc?! Girls aren't going to date guys who live in hostels with no runnign water, and full of felons.

2. Get (free?) psychological help. In the UK we have the NHS, you'd definitley be a candidate for free psychological help. So, other ways, you may try craigslist and see if there are people training who could offer you free help. Or maybe write to various local mental health practitioners and explain your situation. Maybe there are free mental health clinics in Denver you could go to? I'm not trying to be bad, and I'm not a doctor, but I think you could be on the autistic scale or something similar. This is also hard to say, but comments like "I may as well put a bullet through my head" really scares me. If you write this down and have thoughts like this, dude ... you really need to get help from somone who specialises in these things.

quoting from an Autism advice site:
"It can be hard to create awareness of autism as people with the condition do not 'look' disabled: parents of children with autism often say that other people simply think their child is naughty; while adults find that they are misunderstood." {my bolding} .. A lot of what you say doesn't fit with the results, eg you say you're fun to talk to. If you were, people wouldn't walk away.

--> in fact I'm going to be strong with this and say you MUST get help right now. I should have put this as number 1, but I'm modifying as I go. Find a way to get help even if you have no money. Maybe offer free work to a trained psychologist? What do you all day now anyway?

I just googled a few things and found:

THis one looks very promising, I would really recommend you speal to these guys:
http://denver.craigslist.org/vol/4914018454.html -- it's in association with the University of Colorado Boulder. The listing was only posted today.

http://www.metrocrisisservices.org/
http://www.metrocrisisservices.org/find-services --> lists services on depression, suicide etc - I think some are free
http://www.helppro.com/HP/therapist-fin ... eling.aspx
http://mens-support-groups.meetup.com/c ... co/denver/
--> lots on here, eg http://www.meetup.com/denversuperiormen/
https://groups.psychologytoday.com/rms/ ... O&spec=410
https://groups.psychologytoday.com/rms/ ... &gid=33830
https://groups.psychologytoday.com/rms/ ... &gid=15545


3. Speak very candidly to your brother and parents, and admit where you are and that you need help. You may need to apologise, because maybe some of your behaviour was very erratic when living there. Your posts are extremely erratic.

4. Ditch the kundalini awakening stuff. I'm all for esoteric work, but not for someone in your situation. I think it will only serve to pull you further away from others. And Kundalini should not be messed with if you're not in the right place, it's extremely powerful by all accounts and can cause big issues (or so my meditation teacher says).

5. Stop expecting to get a date from Craigslist. You think girls trawl that site for guys? If they do, the ratio is probably 100 guys to 1 girl minimum. It's not gonna happen, it will only make

6. Shave the mustache off, it makes you look younger and a bit weird

7. Find as many ways to interact with people as possible. Go to meetups, find things in bodywork like TRE/shaking, free yoga meets, drumming sessions. You need a mentor or 2. Someone who can actually help you. If you go to various meetups and just openly admit you have problems meeting and connecting with people, and want to know why you have this and what can be done, I'm sure people will help. You need meetups where people are going to be gentle and welcoming, and these are some of them. Eg don't go to Death Metal meetups. Maybe tantra? I go to a number of various paid and free meetups, where there are group leaders and other regulars who are super nice, who I'm sure someone could reach out to and say "Hey, I'm young, I've moved away from my family because they're not supporitve, I don't have a job, I'm stuck, I can't connect with people, I'm having thoughts about suicide, do you have some time to talk to me and help me figure out why I can't connect with people and what I can do to get better?". Maybe they will just help, maybe they will talk to you for 1 hour, maybe they know a psychotherapist who would do some free work with you etc.

8. Stop blaming Denver. It's not Denver's fault, it's not your brother's fault, it's not your parent's fault, or other people's fault. It's not really your fault as such, but you may be considered weird, and that's OK. It's OK to be weird, maybe you just need to learn more social skills. And they ARE learnable. But not from a place of arrogance and seeing the world as a strange place. You make a LOT of comments about how ****88 the world is and how weird everyone is. This just sounds like you protecting yourself, which is fine, but it's not going to welcome the world to you. You need guys who are socially more advanced than you to help you, and show you what you're doing is wrong. Somehow you are alientating people and not connecting with them. Random people you meet are not going to say "Hey Ben I noticed you're weird and I'm going to give you 5 tips on how to improve". It's not goingn to happen. You need to find the right people and then specifically ask them.

I'm loathe to suggest dating advice guys, because the "PUA" tricks and advice will *DEFNIITELY* not work with you, there's no tricks that work if you can't already connect with humans. HOWEVER, at least in the PUA community you have guys who are dedicated to attempting to move. There's actually one good book I would recommend, and that is "MODELS" by Mark Manson. It's very anti-PUA and has some great advice. But finding a couple of guys who are socially good who would help you would be great in combination with other mental health work.

--
and that's about all for now.

EDIT:

I read your rebuttal to a lot of the good comments on here. It's as I suspected, you wrote virtually the same thread 3-6 months ago, and had very similar answers, and you clearly havent' taken any of them on.

A lot of good advice you just shoot down on here. You clearly are arrogant and not in touch with humanity. YOu cant' get a job but you want followers to change the world. You want people to help you for free when you won't take a step back. If no one wants to meet with you, talk with you, befriend you, then virtualy eveyrthign you are doing right now is WRONG. Listen to people here and change your behaviours and thking, or continue to live like this forever. Maybe you just have severe depression?

You can't write ***t like the below and think your mind is not warped. PLEASE get help, and don't waste your time on forums like this asking for advice and not taking it. Your writing reminds me of the stuff you read after things like Columbine happened.

People speak of sociopaths like they are monsters, bahaha, they should look in the mirror. Most people didn't develop a conscience and altruism, just social emotions. 60% of people would rape someone if nobody else knew, and most people would press a button and kill a person in some random country if nobody else knew for a million dollars. That says a lot. People don't have a real conscience. I'm getting over this sad fact.

Also, sorry to break it to you but by having a job ("having your s*** together"), you are contributing to the system which is causing suffering to humanity. You are funding the rich who pollute the world with toxic chemicals. Congrats. Before you attack someone for not having a job, consider who the job benefits. Not humanity.

 

[thebigpeatowski]

There appears to be a disconnection from reality here. Yes, the world has LOTS of problems...so rather than curse the darkness, you could choose to be a light. Let the CHOICE and ACTION begin with YOU. You have obviously spent a great deal of time thinking about what needs to be done to fix the world. Start with yourself first and let then the positive vibes ripple out from there.

I am truly sorry that your upbringing failed to support you properly. I have a boy your age and it grieves my heart to know that you are suffering. However, lots of people overcome adversity and are stronger and wiser for it. Look for the silver lining, your very life depends on it.

Sitting around complaining will get you no further towards your goal of helping the world be a better place. You could choose a worthy cause and do volunteer work, working alongside like-minded people will give you an opportunity to share your brilliant ideas which can lead to further good works. That's how sh*t gets done.

Men often derive a deep sense of satisfaction from a "job well done". By doing NOTHING, you are robbing yourself of this basic fundamental principle. Devising plans, creating strategies and ACCOMPLISHING change is deeply gratifying and rewarding.

The bottom line is that the system we have is indeed flawed, but it's the only system we have for right now. If you wish to make changes, you're going to need to learn how to "play the game" and work within the system. Trust me, there are plenty of loop holes for you to explore without compromising your values. Establish your credibility with people and start implementing your ideas.

One more thing: as a woman, I can tell you that most women look for stability, safety and the ability to care and provide for offspring (food, shelter and heat)....otherwise find yourself a woman who isn't interested in pro-creation. You're a SMART good looking young man, you deserve to be happy and fulfilled. MAKE IT SO. :2cents

 

[Such_Saturation]

People speak of sociopaths like they are monsters, bahaha, they should look in the mirror. Most people didn't develop a conscience and altruism, just social emotions. 60% of people would rape someone if nobody else knew, and most people would press a button and kill a person in some random country if nobody else knew for a million dollars. That says a lot. People don't have a real conscience. I'm getting over this sad fact.

Also, sorry to break it to you but by having a job ("having your s*** together"), you are contributing to the system which is causing suffering to humanity. You are funding the rich who pollute the world with toxic chemicals. Congrats. Before you attack someone for not having a job, consider who the job benefits. Not humanity.

In what way is this untrue?

 

[Kasper]

Ben, I think you must be able to understand why nobody likes you. I mean, if you are so intelligent as you claim you are, it can't be much harder than 1+1 = 2.

You are either a troll, but assuming you are honest, you are as narcissistic as it can be. And many people are like that, that is no problem at all. The problem arises when you think and say you are absolutely awesome, but actually totally sucking in life.

Even if you were absolutely awesome, many people would hate you for having such an attitude, but there would also be quite a lot of people, that would admire you, for you abilities, and accept your attitude, just because you are indeed awesome...

I mean, if you had published a ground breaking physical theory of everything, and if everybody is saying you are brilliant, we would accept you saying you are intelligent. If you would have lots of friends, that love you, we would accept you saying how altruistic you are. But now, you just have no right to speak.

So why do people hate you, it is because of your attitude, if you want people to stop hating you, change your attitude. If you are as intelligent as you claim you are, that can't be that hard. But if you are as human as most of us, this can be very though.

I mean this attitude that you have, is probably just your mask, as you can't truly accept how much you suck at this moment. But I think it is very good thing to accept where you are right now. As when you accept this, you will notice and celebrate improvement you make from your current situation. You should change your title from: "Everyone hates me for no reason! Why!" to "I totally suck in life, how can I improve ?". Get your self-esteem from the improvements you make, not from some fake self-image hiding the truth.

 

[narouz]

Feeling like the whole world is f**ked up
and you are way smarter and better
is a pretty standard adolescent/young adult way of seeing things.
You will grow out of it.
Have you ever read The Catcher in the Rye by J.D.Salinger?

 

[repeated]

Hi Ben. I lurk this forum regularly but I just signed up to respond to you.

First of all I want to say that the problem is not your appearance. You look good.
I'm not saying that you might not look better by changing your hair, etc. But I think that's the wrong area to focus on. Because there are plenty of people less attractive than you who have lots of friends and girlfriends.

The problem must be your personality.

Reading your original post, you refuse to consider that your own behavior plays a role in the way people treat you. Even in the title, you say everyone hates you for no reason. Like it's a foregone conclusion that you are not at fault in any way.

If that's the case, why ask for advice? If you're not doing anything wrong, then there's nothing to improve.

You say you're "a very fun person to talk to" yet no one wants to talk to you. Well, frankly, people want to talk to people who are fun to talk to. If no one wants to talk to you, that's a good indication that you are no fun to talk to.

It seems to me you may be shy. The reason I suggest this is you complain that no one chased you. No girl chased you to be your girlfriend. Well, that generally doesn't happen to anyone. Guys have to ask women out, even the most attractive guys don't usually have many women fling themselves at them. That's the social protocol.

You are standing back saying it's not fair that people are not chasing you to be your friend or girlfriend. You want the rewards without putting the work in that everyone has to if they want to succeed in life.

You seem to have a huge ego, but without any of the life accomplishments that would justify that. If people say you're arrogant that means you are putting off a vibe that others detect as arrogance. If you want to change the way people react to you, you have to change your behavior instead of blaming it on other people. If everyone hates you, is it more likely that everyone who has met you is wrong, or that you are wrong? Even if everyone else were wrong, you can't change them so focus on what you can change, yourself. Be friendly to people, don't try to impress them with your knowledge or use a five dollar word when a fifty cent word will do, etc.

Stop believing you are better than everyone. Show some humility. Start accomplishing things with your life. Get a driver's license, work out, whatever, just do something that would justify having some confidence instead of acting like you are perfect without accomplishing anything. If you are perfect you can not improve, and your life will not get any better. Do you have any goals? You don't want to work, but you will never accomplish anything without your own money. You will just leech off of the people around you and feel entitled to their wealth that you never earned. You are trying to hurt greedy corporations by not working but it is mainly just hurting yourself. Find something you want to do and work towards it. Take a college course or something even if you have to temporarily work a ***t job to save up for it.

I know what I said may come across as pretty harsh but I'm just tring to shake some sense into you.

 

[aquaman]

Feeling like the whole world is f**ked up
and you are way smarter and better
is a pretty standard adolescent/young adult way of seeing things.
You will grow out of it.
Have you ever read The Catcher in the Rye by J.D.Salinger?

Sorry Narouz but talking about ending your life is not "standard adolescent" behaviour. Catcher in the Rye is not going to solve severe depression.

 

[narouz]

Feeling like the whole world is f**ked up
and you are way smarter and better
is a pretty standard adolescent/young adult way of seeing things.
You will grow out of it.
Have you ever read The Catcher in the Rye by J.D.Salinger?

Sorry Narouz but talking about ending your life is not "standard adolescent" behaviour. Catcher in the Rye is not going to solve severe depression.

I did appreciate your response to Ben, aqua.
There are some legitimate bases for your diagnosis of Ben as being severely depressed.
On the other hand,
diagnosis by forum postings is a dicey endeavor.
Good that you erred on the side of caution, though,
and you offer some good suggestions.
It could be that Ben is just feeling lost and disconnected and unloved,
and the ego thing is just a "defense mechanism."
I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss Catcher in the Rye.
It really might be therapeutic.
Books can work like that for some people....

 

[Peat's_Girl]

This is why you gotta love the RP forum.

If this is an honest post however, albeit a little misguided, I'll say this...

Girls don't chase guys... Sadly, it's either socially ordained or biologically determined (who knows?) for men to pursue women. I think most men actually find it a huge turn off if a woman shows too much interest in them (I know from experience).

As someone who also lives in a new city with not too many acquaintances, I've learned that the best way to make friends is (at least at the beginning) to suppress your personal beliefs as much as possible (especially if they're unconventional). I wouldn't go to the park with a pound of white sugar and a spoon and try to make conversation with some skinny girl eating a low-fat yogurt, telling her how I just discovered sugar is good for my cells or some ***t.

If you go around being confrontational and preachy, no one would want to be your friend. You have to listen to others' belief systems first, accept and respect them, before you can expect the same treatment.

Find another hostel and start fresh. Be nice and accommodating and listen a little more than you talk.
You can also move here to Montreal. No one here has a job ;D

 

[Peat's_Girl]

Feeling like the whole world is f**ked up
and you are way smarter and better
is a pretty standard adolescent/young adult way of seeing things.
You will grow out of it.
Have you ever read The Catcher in the Rye by J.D.Salinger?

Sorry Narouz but talking about ending your life is not "standard adolescent" behaviour. Catcher in the Rye is not going to solve severe depression.

I did appreciate your response to Ben, aqua.
There are some legitimate bases for your diagnosis of Ben as being severely depressed.
On the other hand,
diagnosis by forum postings is a dicey endeavor.
Good that you erred on the side of caution, though,
and you offer some good suggestions.
It could be that Ben is just feeling lost and disconnected and unloved,
and the ego thing is just a "defense mechanism."
I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss Catcher in the Rye.
It really might be therapeutic.
Books can work like that for some people....

I actually agree with you Narouz. I have diaries from my adolescence and they start the same exact way.

"Why does everyone hate me?"

This distorted perception of self-absorption is very typical of adolescence. As a teenage girl you walk down the street thinking all eyes are on you, judging how fat/thin/ugly/pretty you are. In adulthood, you realise everyone's too busy with their own ***t to even notice you. They don't spend time devising of ways to torture you and make you feel insignificant. They couldn't care less.

 

[Such_Saturation]

Really? Try having to walk behind an adult female for any amount of time, then observe what happens

 

[Peat's_Girl]

Really? Try having to walk behind an adult female for any amount of time, then observe what happens

I'll try. But I'll have to clone myself first. ;D

 

[Hugh Johnson]

In what way is this untrue?

Gabor Mate said that after he moved to America he realized everything the Communists said about America was true and everything they said about themselves was lie.

Anyway I just wanted to post this. I think it describes OP and his mindset pretty well.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6nX6fevCATI

 

[pboy]

I didn't read your post but I don't hate you

its one thing for people to not really like someone a lot, and to just be neutral towards someone. Hate ususally only happens when one person encroaches into anothers space or is somehow obstructing their optimal flow or choices. If you aren't doing that to others, they definitely don't hate you, at worst they just don't think you're the coolest guy ever or you might be lame or something, but hate only happens if you get in someones grill

 

[johns74]

If you aren't doing that to others, they definitely don't hate you, at worst they just don't think you're the coolest guy ever or you might be lame or something

The impression I got from Ben's writings is he thinks others hate him because they don't spontaneously come together and appoint him cult leader.

People know I'm better.

I have been very independent my whole life, but I need followers to change the world.

I still hope I will accomplish getting so many dedicated followers...

 

[Peat's_Girl]

I didn't read your post but I don't hate you

Let me tell you, it's hard to do if you have read it...
But hopefully Benny-boy gets a clue and does something better with his time than trying to start a cult.

 

[Joocy_J]

lmao, no way this isn't a troll post.

Get a haircut and stop dressing like a middle schooler to start lol

edit: Stop acting like a smug phaggot as well, I guarantee you there is nothing special about you

edit 2: just read that you don't have a job, typical liberal scum - your a man start acting like one