animalcule
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- Joined
- Oct 22, 2019
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- 361
There's a story trending now about a man named Allan Kassenoff and his wife, Catherine, who committed suicide after being diagnosed with terminal breast cancer. She had endured years of her husband's cruel tirades, as well as false allegations in courts, having her children taken away from her, having her reputation ruined, etc. Below is are some videos showing his abuse, and the posts she made before undergoing medically assisted suicide.
But some things just didn't sit right with me, watching the videos. Maybe it's because I've witnessed similar toxic dynamics between my parents before they divorced. My father also won in courts, because he knew the legal system and had more money. He harassed my mother legally for years. I'm not excusing this behavior. What happened will haunt his children forever. But it just doesn't sit right with me... the idea that this woman was simply a long suffering martyr and that his behavior came out of nowhere.
A few things:
- In the videos I've seen, he usually appears to be trying to get away from her, while she follows with her phone, insisting he fulfill a certain obligation. He seems disgusted by his wife, but also...strangely childish. He's not standing over her and threatening her physically. He's ... venting extreme frustration and disturbance by his wife. And trying to get away from her, not interact with her. Again, not excusing it, just ... trying to understand what was really happening with this dynamic. Maybe I sympathize with him, a little, because I know what it's like to feel trapped by duty and obligation and finances to someone who ... sometimes makes me feel like life is not worth living, someone who saps the energy from me whenever I'm near them.
There's always something behind this. He is deeply disgusted by her. Maybe she reminds him of aging and death. Or of life as an endless chore. Or makes him feel as though he's only a pawn in her life, but she doesn't respect him, and he can't complain about that bc that would be seen as being a bad husband/father, which is morally wrong, but inside his life is misery. Maybe he's just a superficial child who can't handle having family responsibilities. Maybe he's just supremely selfish and cruel. But maybe... this has been building for years, complete inability to communicate or empathize with the other, and he can feel nothing but disgust for her. He's thinking in the scope of his entire life, not just in terms of that day's stressors. He's dehumanized her and wants revenge, and uses the legal system to do so. But I just ... WHAT IS THIS? Why does it happen? What causes it? Because yea ... I almost empathize with him. And I empathize with the wife -- I'm not suggesting she did anything wrong, but ... I know how some people just do not SEE how their behavior is dehumanizing to someone, or just ... causes them to shut down and not want to interact with them. And when these people use the weight of duty and obligation to justify their words and their behavior... the other person is trapped. The anger turns inwards first, and then outward. And it spirals. Because now the angry, cruel, yelling person has to justify his rage, not only to himself, but also to the other party. Who will, of course, see him only as cruel and abusive. And the disgust and rage keeps burning, and every comment that reminds him of duty/obligation only stokes the flames.
- She had breast cancer 3 times. This could have been random. It could have been exacerbated by living in constant stress with a man who hated her. But it also immediately made me think there was an environmental component. Some toxin in their home. Which for her manifested as cancer. And maybe for him... manifested as psychological disturbance.
- Mold rage. Yes, I'm still obsessed with mold, and the psychological impacts it can have. I can recognize now, when I'm in a moldy environment, or an environment with a lot of allergens, I'm prone to feelings of rage. I'm highly irritable. Things that might otherwise never come to mind somehow lodge themselves there, and I perseverate on them with growing anger. A little issue I have with a person suddenly become an issue of supreme importance and rage. And then I leave the environment.... and I don't care. I noticed that when I was in my basement at night, I would start obsessing over personal disagreements, my mind would spin out wildly, resentments simmer to the top, scarily so. Now that I'm avoiding that area... I don't really get into that same frantic, rageful headspace.
View: https://www.tiktok.com/@therobbieharvey/video/7239750147268267306
View: https://www.tiktok.com/@therobbieharvey/video/7240063019391225131
View: https://www.tiktok.com/@therobbieharvey/video/7240453967728168234
View: https://twitter.com/foxiesonline/status/1664337074718121985
It's a sad and horrible story all around.
Just sharing some thoughts.
But some things just didn't sit right with me, watching the videos. Maybe it's because I've witnessed similar toxic dynamics between my parents before they divorced. My father also won in courts, because he knew the legal system and had more money. He harassed my mother legally for years. I'm not excusing this behavior. What happened will haunt his children forever. But it just doesn't sit right with me... the idea that this woman was simply a long suffering martyr and that his behavior came out of nowhere.
A few things:
- In the videos I've seen, he usually appears to be trying to get away from her, while she follows with her phone, insisting he fulfill a certain obligation. He seems disgusted by his wife, but also...strangely childish. He's not standing over her and threatening her physically. He's ... venting extreme frustration and disturbance by his wife. And trying to get away from her, not interact with her. Again, not excusing it, just ... trying to understand what was really happening with this dynamic. Maybe I sympathize with him, a little, because I know what it's like to feel trapped by duty and obligation and finances to someone who ... sometimes makes me feel like life is not worth living, someone who saps the energy from me whenever I'm near them.
There's always something behind this. He is deeply disgusted by her. Maybe she reminds him of aging and death. Or of life as an endless chore. Or makes him feel as though he's only a pawn in her life, but she doesn't respect him, and he can't complain about that bc that would be seen as being a bad husband/father, which is morally wrong, but inside his life is misery. Maybe he's just a superficial child who can't handle having family responsibilities. Maybe he's just supremely selfish and cruel. But maybe... this has been building for years, complete inability to communicate or empathize with the other, and he can feel nothing but disgust for her. He's thinking in the scope of his entire life, not just in terms of that day's stressors. He's dehumanized her and wants revenge, and uses the legal system to do so. But I just ... WHAT IS THIS? Why does it happen? What causes it? Because yea ... I almost empathize with him. And I empathize with the wife -- I'm not suggesting she did anything wrong, but ... I know how some people just do not SEE how their behavior is dehumanizing to someone, or just ... causes them to shut down and not want to interact with them. And when these people use the weight of duty and obligation to justify their words and their behavior... the other person is trapped. The anger turns inwards first, and then outward. And it spirals. Because now the angry, cruel, yelling person has to justify his rage, not only to himself, but also to the other party. Who will, of course, see him only as cruel and abusive. And the disgust and rage keeps burning, and every comment that reminds him of duty/obligation only stokes the flames.
- She had breast cancer 3 times. This could have been random. It could have been exacerbated by living in constant stress with a man who hated her. But it also immediately made me think there was an environmental component. Some toxin in their home. Which for her manifested as cancer. And maybe for him... manifested as psychological disturbance.
- Mold rage. Yes, I'm still obsessed with mold, and the psychological impacts it can have. I can recognize now, when I'm in a moldy environment, or an environment with a lot of allergens, I'm prone to feelings of rage. I'm highly irritable. Things that might otherwise never come to mind somehow lodge themselves there, and I perseverate on them with growing anger. A little issue I have with a person suddenly become an issue of supreme importance and rage. And then I leave the environment.... and I don't care. I noticed that when I was in my basement at night, I would start obsessing over personal disagreements, my mind would spin out wildly, resentments simmer to the top, scarily so. Now that I'm avoiding that area... I don't really get into that same frantic, rageful headspace.
View: https://www.tiktok.com/@therobbieharvey/video/7239750147268267306
View: https://www.tiktok.com/@therobbieharvey/video/7240063019391225131
View: https://www.tiktok.com/@therobbieharvey/video/7240453967728168234
View: https://twitter.com/foxiesonline/status/1664337074718121985
It's a sad and horrible story all around.
Just sharing some thoughts.