Repulsion, Disgust, and Aversion: When should you trust your immediate response to someone, and when should you try to overcome it?

[LUH 3417]

Are YOU GAY?

What kind of question is that? WATCH YOUR MOUTH because I will put you and your husband on blast

You want me to tell the forum about the DM's you sent me a while back? STAY IN YOUR LANE Small Fish

Lol I asked you if you live in New York and what you’re doing about Covid, sardine

 

[Atelier]

Playing games is healthy behavior - hence why people say high metabolism makes you "playful"

"Muh power games", "muh narcissism man", Alright man - dude was just joking around trying to cheer you up because he could see how insecure/stressed you were and you think he's a creep

THIS IS WHY GUYS RARELY APPROACH ANYMORE

You weren't there. This guy was vicious.
Your reaction shows you're seeing the world through the narrow lense of your experience.
There is a huge difference between a healthy game, being playful, and vicious attitude.
Judging by your answers, I'm not surprised that you can't make the difference.

I have no problem with guys wanting to flirt, I have no problem with men wistling in the street when you walk by, when I was still young I would smile back, say "thank you" if I received a compliment. That's all normal attitude.
I have a problem with "I'm going to mess with you" kind of attitude.

"Muh power games"... aren't you the one who brought up the control card?
"Muh narcissism man"... I've dealt more with narcissistic women, but yes, there are some men who can be that too. It exists.

I have no problem with guys "approaching" women. I have a problem with guys who can't take a "no thank you", become vexed and worse, take revenge.
Same with pushy female friends. Same with anyone pushy.

"THIS IS WHY GUYS RARELY APPROACH ANYMORE"
You talk in the name of all men in this world? That's a whole lot.

 

[JamesGatz]

Lol I asked you if you live in New York and what you’re doing about Covid, sardine

Stop Lying - that's not all you said.

I KNEW what you were asking, and YOU DO too so don't try to pretend otherwise

I KNOW HOW girls talk, you can't play this game with me like "Oh, but I never said it directly", "Oh, but I never specifically said that"

I KNOW HOW GIRLS TALK, Insinuate things and kind of hint to things instead of saying it directly, SO DON'T TRY TO PLAY THIS GAME WITH ME

 

[LUH 3417]

Stop Lying - that's not all you said.

I KNEW what you were asking, and YOU DO too so don't try to pretend otherwise

I KNOW HOW girls talk, you can't play this game with me like "Oh, but I never said it directly", "Oh, but I never specifically said that"

I KNOW HOW GIRLS TALK, Insinuate things and kind of hint to things instead of saying it directly, SO DON'T TRY TO PLAY THIS GAME WITH ME

I said “I’m not necessarily trying to hook up” — because male and female friendship is not normal in a perverse and neurotic culture, which you promulgate with your retard level posts.

 

[JamesGatz]

I said “I’m not necessarily trying to hook up” — because male and female friendship is not normal in a perverse and neurotic culture, which you promulgate with your retard level posts.

Yea ok, ALRIGHT SURE whatever you say ok

HEY MAN, Tell your husband to book a coaching session with me so I can save his hair loss, I think you'd like the results I'd give him

 

[LUH 3417]

Yea ok, ALRIGHT SURE whatever you say ok

HEY MAN, Tell your husband to book a coaching session with me so I can save his hair loss, I think you'd like the results I'd give him

you sound 5’8 and circumcised

 

[LUH 3417]

Yea ok, ALRIGHT SURE whatever you say ok

HEY MAN, Tell your husband to book a coaching session with me so I can save his hair loss, I think you'd like the results I'd give him

“Short king energy over here”

 

[JamesGatz]

you sound 5’8 and circumcised

Na, I'm NOT SHORT AT ALL but that was a GOOD TRY though, I'm also STILL GROWING, so I'm always getting bigger

Are you projecting? Cause you sound 5'8

You know what you sound like? A wife whose always bored at home because her husbands at work all day so she goes out and looks for adventure to compensate for how boring her life is - is that accurate?

Yea, unfortunately I'm circumcised though - unfortunately these doctors got ahold of me when I was a baby and robbed my foreskin

But YOU KNOW WHAT? I'm blessed in other ways

 

[JamesGatz]

“Short king energy over here”

I'm NOT A SHORT KING Alright, NOT EVEN CLOSE, You might be projecting and be a SHORT QUEEN though

 

[animalcule]

Come on people … let’s just take a beat and think about whether it’s actually worth responding to someone/what you could possibly hope to gain from engaging in a back and forth…

The mute button is also available and I’ve never regretted using it.

 

[Atelier]

Come on people … let’s just take a beat and think about whether it’s actually worth responding to someone/what you could possibly hope to gain from engaging in a back and forth…

The mute button is also available and I’ve never regretted using it.

Agreed, I didn't know about the mute button

 

[LadyRae]

Men approach me and I also strike up conversations with other men quite often and 99% of the time it is a mutually enjoyable exchange. Men and women enjoy lively and intelligent conversation and even just a few jokes back and forth in the grocery store.

I've been at this a long time. There was nothing healthy about that guy on the plane.

 

[Atelier]

Men approach me and I also strike up conversations with other men quite often and 99% of the time it is a mutually enjoyable exchange. Men and women enjoy lively and intelligent conversation and even just a few jokes back and forth in the grocery store.

I've been at this a long time. There was nothing healthy about that guy on the plane.

Definitely, his attitude was very unhealthy.

I too like to chat and joke with people, men and women.
I love people with humour!
I've been around too (I'm 55) and I think I always had a pretty good feeling and intuition, even for things like theft.
I think intuition is a good thing to nurture, without delusion.

 

[LadyRae]

Definitely, his attitude was very unhealthy.

I too like to chat and joke with people, men and women.
I love people with humour!
I've been around too (I'm 55) and I think I always had a pretty good feeling and intuition, even for things like theft.
I think intuition is a good thing to nurture, without delusion.

It's fascinating really. I'm actually quite an introvert and I do not go out much, I pretty much never go out in the evenings socially anymore. Much of the day I prefer to be quietly alone puttering around or quietly working at my little side job from home.

So I am always rather surprised that people want to talk to me so much when I am out because I just assume that I give off a "keeping-to-myself over here" vibe.

My husband on the other hand, is extremely social and the analogy of water off of a duck's back comes to mind. Even if people are weird or creepy he can just go with it in a conversation and somehow find common ground with anyone! Everyone loves him. I think it is a real incredible skill to be able to do that.

There was an instance however when he was hanging out with an old old friend that he used to know in high school and one day after they were over at our house for a little bit, I told my husband that this guy was bad news and that I got a really bad feeling about him. My husband listened and he didn't gaslight or minimize me but I could tell that he didn't really get it. Over the next 6 months or so however, this other guys behavior went down the drain and eventually my husband saw him for who he really was, a complete weirdo with probably some diagnosable mental issues. (He actually made a romantic aggressive advance toward my husband one night! That was the end of them hanging out )

I'm still quite amazed and sobered by how strong of a negative reaction I had to this guy right off the bat. With no real evidence. Of course the real evidence came out over time but still.

 

[Atelier]

It's fascinating really. I'm actually quite an introvert and I do not go out much, I pretty much never go out in the evenings socially anymore. Much of the day I prefer to be quietly alone puttering around or quietly working at my little side job from home.

So I am always rather surprised that people want to talk to me so much when I am out because I just assume that I give off a "keeping-to-myself over here" vibe.

My husband on the other hand, is extremely social and the analogy of water off of a duck's back comes to mind. Even if people are weird or creepy he can just go with it in a conversation and somehow find common ground with anyone! Everyone loves him. I think it is a real incredible skill to be able to do that.

There was an instance however when he was hanging out with an old old friend that he used to know in high school and one day after they were over at our house for a little bit, I told my husband that this guy was bad news and that I got a really bad feeling about him. My husband listened and he didn't gaslight or minimize me but I could tell that he didn't really get it. Over the next 6 months or so however, this other guys behavior went down the drain and eventually my husband saw him for who he really was, a complete weirdo with probably some diagnosable mental issues. (He actually made a romantic aggressive advance toward my husband one night! That was the end of them hanging out )

I'm still quite amazed and sobered by how strong of a negative reaction I had to this guy right off the bat. With no real evidence. Of course the real evidence came out over time but still.

Wow it must have been a shock to your husband!
That was quite the insight on your part! That is a good type experience to ponder on when you have a proof afterwards that your gutfeeling was right.
I find that this kind of event really stays in the memory, physically and emotionally.
I keep a strong memory of gutfeeling moments.

I often wonder what intuition is. I think it could be a mix of things, including minute cues the body picks up from the other person.
Things that are off from other healthy regular situations we know.
I find it fascinating. We all have intuition, some more than others.

Otherwise, I really like the analogy of the duck feathers! I try to practice that more, I think it a good ability to have.

I'm an introvert too. I spend most of my time on my own, with my dog.

 

[Hugh Johnson]

Thank you

The man on the plane : we were sitting on the same row, occupying the 4 middle seats, each one near the corridor, so 2 empty seats between us.
I felt his glance once in a while. I looked at him and felt the repulsion immediately. So I was annoyed because I felt he was trying to get my attention, but tried to be as blend as possible.
Before the plane took off, an elderly couple came up to him, they were obviously fond of him. I guessed from their conversation that they had sympathized in the waiting area before boarding the plane.
The lady was all sweet, like he was such a darling, and said "Oh my poor dear, and you're going to Paris, all alone?? No fiancée to visit Paris with you???". As he answered "no", he glanced at me intentionally with a sad exaggerated puppy face.
That was SOOO creepy. At this point, I had been acting in order for him to leave me alone, ignoring him. And it really felt like he was toying with me.

That whole thing with the elderly couple reminded me of the scene in that old movie "The night of the hunter"... the elderly woman who is all over Robert Mitchum.

As the dinner came, I had to open my eyes (I acted like I was asleep). So he sort of obliged me into a conversation since there was nowhere to get away to, and I still tend to stay polite (I have a hard time to just cut people short). He started asking me questions, and I tried to greyrock him (I don't think this expression existed back then).
He then started telling me about his big house, and that he never opened his windows, that he liked to keep it dark. Things like that.
So I think he felt I was very uncomfortable with him even though I was trying to act totally indifferent, and he enjoyed it. Like a cat playing with a mouse.
And I think that a normal, healthy minded person would never play games like that.
When we got off the plane, I slowed down to let him walk ahead. I didn't want him to see my suitcase and eventually my name on it, and where I was headed.
I mean, he freaked me out so much, that I got paranoid after that!
He was super neat, polite, handsome, and I believe, totally sick.

I can tell women never looked at me in public. Not that I was a bad guy, but I was heavily traumatized and messed up. Women not wanting to get themselves mixed up in all that negative energy is reasonable. Lately women make a lot of eye contact in public as I have finally managed to heal enough.

 

[LadyRae]

I can tell women never looked at me in public. Not that I was a bad guy, but I was heavily traumatized and messed up. Women not wanting to get themselves mixed up in all that negative energy is reasonable. Lately women make a lot of eye contact in public as I have finally managed to heal enough.

Your comment here just gave me a little heart pang... That's great to hear that you have noticed a difference since you have been healing...

Like a boomerang, I believe that we attract whatever it is that we are sending out into the world.

Coincidentally, yesterday I was talking on the phone with one of the secretaries at one of my kids schools, and she was talking about a YouTube podcast that she really likes called, "Attract Passion". Specifically she was talking about his recommendations for working through procrastination.

I looked up the channel on YouTube and it looks like a youngish man and I haven't listened to anything yet honestly, there looks to be a little bit of woo woo Moon and solar stuff, but maybe it would be something you'd find useful.

 

[Jennifer]

I often wonder what intuition is. I think it could be a mix of things, including minute cues the body picks up from the other person.
Things that are off from other healthy regular situations we know.
I find it fascinating. We all have intuition, some more than others.

I think intuition is a mix of things too, and involves sensing energy. I think a woman’s intuition is particularly strong, and for good reason. It’s like our own personal bodyguard, protecting us and our babies, should we listen to it. I’ve had so many experiences where my intuition was spot on. One example that comes to mind was while hiking. I hiked with my brother who was a big guy at the time—6’4” and around 120 kg—so for the most part, I didn’t have to worry about my safety. One day, while out on a hike, my brother and I were introduced to a man about twice our age. He was well loved and respected among the hiking community, was happily married, hosted after hike parties and so on, however, I immediately had a bad feeling about him. Not long after, my brother and I decided to do an overnight backpacking trip with a large group of mostly hikers we knew and when we got to the trailhead parking lot, I saw that the man was there and learned that he would be joining us. While we were getting our packs ready, he made a comment that I had nice legs and I thanked him, and told myself it was just a compliment, no biggie, and continued getting ready. When we started the hike, I kept close to my brother because again, the man gave me bad vibes, however, we came to a water crossing and in the process of getting my boots off and hung around my neck so that they wouldn’t get wet, I got separated from my brother. When I got to the other side of the river, the only one there was the man. He was wiping his feet off with a small towel and then offered it to me and as I thanked him and went to grab it, he started wiping my feet and legs. Feeling really uncomfortable, I quickly got my boots on and took off to find my brother. After meeting up with him, I stayed close the rest of the trip. The following morning, while we were back on trail and heading out, I noticed that two of the women in our group were hanging back and one looked upset. I later found out that she had arranged to share a tent with the man and he had sexually assaulted her during the night.

 

[ThinPicking]

People are hurting so much inside they don't really know why and it feels overwhelming and usually seeps out into their lives and on to other people in less violent seeming ways, but not necessarily less destructive.

Excellent comment Ms Rae. The idea many don't really know why got me in particular. I think this too.

High time for hearts to go out. Then again it probably always is.

 

[Regina]

It's fascinating really. I'm actually quite an introvert and I do not go out much, I pretty much never go out in the evenings socially anymore. Much of the day I prefer to be quietly alone puttering around or quietly working at my little side job from home.

So I am always rather surprised that people want to talk to me so much when I am out because I just assume that I give off a "keeping-to-myself over here" vibe.

My husband on the other hand, is extremely social and the analogy of water off of a duck's back comes to mind. Even if people are weird or creepy he can just go with it in a conversation and somehow find common ground with anyone! Everyone loves him. I think it is a real incredible skill to be able to do that.

There was an instance however when he was hanging out with an old old friend that he used to know in high school and one day after they were over at our house for a little bit, I told my husband that this guy was bad news and that I got a really bad feeling about him. My husband listened and he didn't gaslight or minimize me but I could tell that he didn't really get it. Over the next 6 months or so however, this other guys behavior went down the drain and eventually my husband saw him for who he really was, a complete weirdo with probably some diagnosable mental issues. (He actually made a romantic aggressive advance toward my husband one night! That was the end of them hanging out )

I'm still quite amazed and sobered by how strong of a negative reaction I had to this guy right off the bat. With no real evidence. Of course the real evidence came out over time but still.

We are similar. And have had similar unpleasant events.
Both with an "old friend" that grew up weird. And people trying to hustle us, (sometmes successfully).
It's happened enough times to leave him shaken. He pays attention to my "shine" now.
Gift of Fear is a good book by Gavin de Becker where he helps victims reveal that they already knew but didn't trust themselves.

I've had a terrible pattern that is difficult to shake off. I am super agreeable with people--a real trooper. I'll jump in a ditch and help somebody dig it.
I grew up with a father that stopped to help people on the side of the road all the time. I mean for people NO ONE would stop for but my dear ole dad. He'd be out there changing their tire and learn about them a bit. Invariably, the next week he'd take a ride out to the junkyard and crawl around for a missing part for this family's car. He'd have obtained their address. After Church we'd have to stop by their place (often in the heart of the ghetto) so he could further fix their car. He might bring them a bag of our used clothes and household items.
I forget that he was built llike a silverback gorilla and was completely fearless. He didn't do these things because he was a putz. He was built to serve. And literally no one would mess with him. He always had a meatball of cash rolled up in his front pocket in case he wanted to buy a house (literally), a car, a boat, a pile of lumber at any given time. He was a 'walk through the darkest valley' kind of guy.
I have those same instincts AND fearlessness, but I am no silverback gorilla. I get fleeced.
But I also switch on a dime when a line has been crossed and they are gobsmacked. I think I inherited the aikido philosophy before even training.
You take ukemi (go along like a ragdoll) but ferociously squelch an opening in an attack.

I have a hard time conveying this up front: I will help you but you see these teeth?