Trying to Survive Christmas: Staring into the Abyss Edition

[LuMonty]

I couldn't really find a better title in my mind; it's on the cheesy side but it sums up the topic. As some of you may recall, around this time of year in the past my dad was in the hospital and died soon after. While this is still difficult for me, I am managing my grief well (getting blitzed on progesterone remains my best method) and for such a harsh loss, I am doing well enough. What is more troubling to me is what I wanted to post, and perhaps this would do better in the Advice section, but I know I have a habit of writing in a stream of consciousness style which fits Rant and Rave better.

I should get to the point. Over the last year, I have been trying to get my sister to get her thyroid checked. Actually, all of my siblings drank the flavoraid (took the Haxxcine) and that's already been an uphill battle, and could be contributing to me current trip into the Abyss. The main issue is that my sister (early 40s) has only one eyebrow, looks like a raccoon (dark eyes), and is always cold, fatigued, forgetful, etc. She got a thyroid panel done, and her doctor said she was normal and having on eyebrow is just a thing that happens.

She accepted this advice. Also her husband, who we all adore, is the "always listen to doctors, everything else is dangerous" type and he's been talking up their current doctor for over a year before he even had room to take them on as patients. I had previously gotten my sister to use Tyromix and she had started to return to her old self, but he made her stop.

Though I expected this, it is still troubling to me. My mother wants to have an intervention, and I'm more worried about her well-being. She's doing her best but she's certain that dad would still be around if he had listened to me. So she's very adamant about getting my sister to take thyroid again. I'm also deeply concerned about the potential aftermath,

In short, it's taking a toll on me. While their well-being is weighing on me, I know I need to take care of myself to be there for them. And I don't want anyone reading this to feel like they have to give advice. Certainly, a cliff's notes version of a family issue is a minefield, and can be awkward of uncomfortable to jump into. I just really needed to get his off my chest and don't have another place to do it. Or maybe I've fallen head-first into the Abyss after staring too long and need help escaping. Probably both.

 

[Bozidar]

I dont have an advice, but I just want to send you a hug and say Merry Christmas.
I left my family 2017 and don't contact with them.
Only with my mother sometimes over Whatsapp
Also I left all of my friends behind, but I haven't found any new ones, so I am very lonely.

Anyways, Merry Christmas

 

[Peater]

I dont have an advice, but I just want to send you a hug and say Merry Christmas.
I left my family 2017 and don't contact with them.
Only with my mother sometimes over Whatsapp
Also I left all of my friends behind, but I haven't found any new ones, so I am very lonely.

Anyways, Merry Christmas

Ah Bozzie, I know the feeling - it does get harder once you're out of your 20s/early 30s to make new friends easily.

LuMonty, I am in a very similar position and I'll be harsh but honest, you need to stop caring. Even if they humour you and do everything you say, it won't be internalised and they will reset back to whatever they are told. You can't change people.

 

[Bozidar]

Ah Bozzie, I know the feeling - it does get harder once you're out of your 20s/early 30s to make new friends easily.

LuMonty, I am in a very similar position and I'll be harsh but honest, you need to stop caring. Even if they humour you and do everything you say, it won't be internalised and they will reset back to whatever they are told. You can't change people.

Yeah, sometimes the gap between you and "them" is small so you can putt in some energy to change the person, but often times the gap is to big and you would drive yourself to the ground trying to change people. There is no other option but to let go and let people have their choices.
Its very difficult though...

 

[shanny]

I couldn't really find a better title in my mind; it's on the cheesy side but it sums up the topic. As some of you may recall, around this time of year in the past my dad was in the hospital and died soon after. While this is still difficult for me, I am managing my grief well (getting blitzed on progesterone remains my best method) and for such a harsh loss, I am doing well enough. What is more troubling to me is what I wanted to post, and perhaps this would do better in the Advice section, but I know I have a habit of writing in a stream of consciousness style which fits Rant and Rave better.

I should get to the point. Over the last year, I have been trying to get my sister to get her thyroid checked. Actually, all of my siblings drank the flavoraid (took the Haxxcine) and that's already been an uphill battle, and could be contributing to me current trip into the Abyss. The main issue is that my sister (early 40s) has only one eyebrow, looks like a raccoon (dark eyes), and is always cold, fatigued, forgetful, etc. She got a thyroid panel done, and her doctor said she was normal and having on eyebrow is just a thing that happens.

She accepted this advice. Also her husband, who we all adore, is the "always listen to doctors, everything else is dangerous" type and he's been talking up their current doctor for over a year before he even had room to take them on as patients. I had previously gotten my sister to use Tyromix and she had started to return to her old self, but he made her stop.

Though I expected this, it is still troubling to me. My mother wants to have an intervention, and I'm more worried about her well-being. She's doing her best but she's certain that dad would still be around if he had listened to me. So she's very adamant about getting my sister to take thyroid again. I'm also deeply concerned about the potential aftermath,

In short, it's taking a toll on me. While their well-being is weighing on me, I know I need to take care of myself to be there for them. And I don't want anyone reading this to feel like they have to give advice. Certainly, a cliff's notes version of a family issue is a minefield, and can be awkward of uncomfortable to jump into. I just really needed to get his off my chest and don't have another place to do it. Or maybe I've fallen head-first into the Abyss after staring too long and need help escaping. Probably both.

Know you are not alone in this. I went through a similar situation with my grandmother 2 years ago, and she was the only member of my family that understood, supported and listened to me. Although she didn't take the jab, I'm convinced she died of a broken heart due to the loneliness created because of the plannedemic. It was really hard to watch, and since she's been gone I have had to do what @Bozidar suggested and walk away from the rest of them.

My Mom sounds maybe similar to yours, she drank the Kool-aid in the beginning, but then called me one day out of the blue (I never really talk to them) and said that she realized I might be right about everything. At the time, she was working in HR at her local hopital and her office just happened to be outside of the emergency room where she heard people coming in all day long complaining of the side-effects from none other than the jab. She said that everything I had warned her about was exactly what she was hearing people complaining about all day long. I'm glad that she realized that she had made a mistake, but unfortunately for her, her mind has gotten so weak over time from following the noise, that it is still unhealthy for me to be around.

My dad has just completely given up in general, even though he lost two of his brothers to jab injuries. He doesn't believe me, and spends his days drowning in American swill (cheap American beer, but not Budweiser anymore because that's "queer" beer) and painkillers. He lives every day for himself, and I don't want to be the one taking care of him when he crashes and burns.

Thank you for sharing your story, it really is helpful to know that I'm not alone. Sometimes it feels heartless that I have to not care, but reading all of this makes me understand that it is the right decision. I can only live my life by example and hope that they figure it out before it's too late.

 

[LuMonty]

@Bozidar Thanks much, and Merry Christmas to you too! That's what I'm mainly processing right now. As long as my Mom is dedicated to going through with this I've chosen to support her best I can (my Mom has a day chosen for this). And I'll just see how it all goes and then wash my hands of it afterwards. And I certainly understand leaving friends and/or family. That would get me off on another tangent

@Peater Yeah I'm slowly accepting that, biggest hurdle is keeping my Mom sane since she does listen and she's adamant about seeing this through. They have to be truly ready to change, if ever, before anythign I do can make a difference. So I've chosen to be there for them if they day comes, and to support my Mom best I can in the meantime.

@shanny You're welcome! That's the advice my Dad always gave me and after I made this post and got myself more sorted out physically I was able to reflect on his advice and eventually got to sleep. If it weren't for my Mom's well-being I'd be completely in the same boat you're in, but I'll have to let them make their own mistakes and can only pray that if they do want to make turnaround, they have both the time and willingness to make it known and follow through.

 

[akgrrrl]

@LuMonty i find your post most intriguing, and recommend the perspective offered by member Peater.

I guess what I am thinking here is rather than advice, maybe another life's perspective might assist in your process, and to build on what has already been offered.
This will be the longest post I have ever written on this forum.

I lost both sets of grandparents when I was 11 into teens---all four in the space of 6 yrs. Left home at 18 unprepared for the world as my mother disallowed dating, financial education, driving, or accurate body/health info--- she intended me to work doing her jobs at home until at least age23. (I had the family meal on the table since 12, lawn mowing, housecleaning, babysitting, laundry etc.)
Disowned because I "abandoned her after she took care of me for 18yrs", I moved blindly to another state, suffered many pitfalls, until starting my own niche retail business on just$600. My only sibling lied, connived and stole from my parents then lied about what I was doing 2 states away despite never having contact with me. My Father died a horrible long death with brain cancer, lung cancer, melanoma, but I was not told until he was gone.(yes, sibling treachery) His brothers my uncles, followed suit, stomach cancer, colon cancer, all military men. Then my mother the RN died, then 3 sets of my same age cousins, who I have now outlived by 20 years.
I pretty much lived my entire adult life with zero family, after a wonderful childhood full of celebrations and many loving family members. (Except the horrid sister and conditional love mother).
The lesson loomed large: NOBODY is going to care for your health, your character, and the way that you engage with the world except you.
I find it so interesting how we all cope with what we perceive as grievous and what we deem important over a lifetime.
Then in the next segment, my fortune was stolen by a con man, I opted for solo travel on spiritual quests in 12, 13 countries working as I went, started yet another entrepreneurial business and was doing GREAT then got shortstopped again while putting myself thru college, working as ParkRanger for the Feds, because I fell two stories putting in a window alone while building my own house on 2 acres.
Lost pretty much everything again: my work status, finances, social circle, educational plans. My life was medical--- reconstructive surgeries, skin grafts, Disability...
In what seemed like continuous loss I suffered caretaker abuse while both my arms were casted fingertip to above elbow and 4 crushed and collapsed cervical discs where the window had followed me 2floors down landing a ross my neck. Not just any window---a garden window 2 feet thick x4'x4' metal, wood and glass. And I landed on an 2" thick x12"board on its side as a garden border, both arms under me crushed over the board with my weight falling 2floors ...my healing tasks were huge. the challenges living alone with no functional hands in rural Alaska with weather, wild animals and a woodburning stove, boy howdy do I have stories. I recovered, only to then need double knee surgery as a consequence of that fall. Had that done both knees at once, something your average doctor would never do now, much less for a single woman with both arms and neck disabled, no family... I then committed my skills to helping build a rural town nearby that had one road one grocery store, and a recently filed city charter. 9years I worked basically for gas money/vehicle costs while grantwriting, administrating and developing programs, non-profits, fundraising, public speaking,immersing myself in fleshing out a new town in a new state, barely populated on great distances (the ex-large state of Texas fits into Alaska 5X). During those years, I gave my life to a community of people who were as dedicated as I was. We worked hard TOGETHER in every kind of weather, with very few of the amenities most Americans enjoy, and that I had enjoyed in my life previously. (TV, cheap gas, movies, fashion, theatre, restaurants, ice cream, fancy coffee)
We adapt. We are flexible. We are innovative under duress. Without the contrast that duress provides, we plod. We do not grow, learn, and manifest our dreams!
I feel your angst. We are taught to help our family members from our earliest years. I hope reading another person's story gives you some helpful perspective. Our job is more to meet life head-on, with creative performance----to develop our personage at all costs and strive to be our best selves. Those people who fail to pivot and restart at any setback along the way, well, that is their lesson and their path, not yours.
You are clearly a thoughtful and caring human. I pray the bulk of the younger generations have the introspect and integrity displayed by your query.

 

[LuMonty]

@LuMonty i find your post most intriguing, and recommend the perspective offered by member Peater.

I guess what I am thinking here is rather than advice, maybe another life's perspective might assist in your process, and to build on what has already been offered.
This will be the longest post I have ever written on this forum.

I lost both sets of grandparents when I was 11 into teens---all four in the space of 6 yrs. Left home at 18 unprepared for the world as my mother disallowed dating, financial education, driving, or accurate body/health info--- she intended me to work doing her jobs at home until at least age23. (I had the family meal on the table since 12, lawn mowing, housecleaning, babysitting, laundry etc.)
Disowned because I "abandoned her after she took care of me for 18yrs", I moved blindly to another state, suffered many pitfalls, until starting my own niche retail business on just$600. My only sibling lied, connived and stole from my parents then lied about what I was doing 2 states away despite never having contact with me. My Father died a horrible long death with brain cancer, lung cancer, melanoma, but I was not told until he was gone.(yes, sibling treachery) His brothers my uncles, followed suit, stomach cancer, colon cancer, all military men. Then my mother the RN died, then 3 sets of my same age cousins, who I have now outlived by 20 years.
I pretty much lived my entire adult life with zero family, after a wonderful childhood full of celebrations and many loving family members. (Except the horrid sister and conditional love mother).
The lesson loomed large: NOBODY is going to care for your health, your character, and the way that you engage with the world except you.
I find it so interesting how we all cope with what we perceive as grievous and what we deem important over a lifetime.
Then in the next segment, my fortune was stolen by a con man, I opted for solo travel on spiritual quests in 12, 13 countries working as I went, started yet another entrepreneurial business and was doing GREAT then got shortstopped again while putting myself thru college, working as ParkRanger for the Feds, because I fell two stories putting in a window alone while building my own house on 2 acres.
Lost pretty much everything again: my work status, finances, social circle, educational plans. My life was medical--- reconstructive surgeries, skin grafts, Disability...
In what seemed like continuous loss I suffered caretaker abuse while both my arms were casted fingertip to above elbow and 4 crushed and collapsed cervical discs where the window had followed me 2floors down landing a ross my neck. Not just any window---a garden window 2 feet thick x4'x4' metal, wood and glass. And I landed on an 2" thick x12"board on its side as a garden border, both arms under me crushed over the board with my weight falling 2floors ...my healing tasks were huge. the challenges living alone with no functional hands in rural Alaska with weather, wild animals and a woodburning stove, boy howdy do I have stories. I recovered, only to then need double knee surgery as a consequence of that fall. Had that done both knees at once, something your average doctor would never do now, much less for a single woman with both arms and neck disabled, no family... I then committed my skills to helping build a rural town nearby that had one road one grocery store, and a recently filed city charter. 9years I worked basically for gas money/vehicle costs while grantwriting, administrating and developing programs, non-profits, fundraising, public speaking,immersing myself in fleshing out a new town in a new state, barely populated on great distances (the ex-large state of Texas fits into Alaska 5X). During those years, I gave my life to a community of people who were as dedicated as I was. We worked hard TOGETHER in every kind of weather, with very few of the amenities most Americans enjoy, and that I had enjoyed in my life previously. (TV, cheap gas, movies, fashion, theatre, restaurants, ice cream, fancy coffee)
We adapt. We are flexible. We are innovative under duress. Without the contrast that duress provides, we plod. We do not grow, learn, and manifest our dreams!
I feel your angst. We are taught to help our family members from our earliest years. I hope reading another person's story gives you some helpful perspective. Our job is more to meet life head-on, with creative performance----to develop our personage at all costs and strive to be our best selves. Those people who fail to pivot and restart at any setback along the way, well, that is their lesson and their path, not yours.
You are clearly a thoughtful and caring human. I pray the bulk of the younger generations have the introspect and integrity displayed by your query.

Thank you for posting this. I have to let go and see how they can manage themselves, see if they can bend without breaking. My mother is convinced of catastrophic health results for my sister and her husband, which I tend to agree with, and so I'll apply myself to trying to do what I can for her since she does listen to my advice and has done a good job of growing on her own. And while I've read other posts of yours about your history while abusing the forum's search function, it was nice reading it again to give me perspective and I really appreciate that you took the time to type it all out. Additional thanks for your kind words at the end, you've put a smile on my face; I also have the same prayer, and I'm delighted when I meet such people.

 

[akgrrrl]

@LuMonty
My pleasure (curtseys)
Your post was inspiring

 

[Don]

Wishing you all a happy new year and lots of new friends !

 

[Peatress]

Wow @akgrrrl Thank you for sharing your wisdom.

 

[AlaskaJono]

@LuMonty

Very sage words from above.... this is a great site. I started to write this and then put it away yesterday, just finishing it now.

A wise woman (my first acupuncturist who became my teacher) once said to me that a person can say to oneself (about the other in relationship), "Yes" I see/accept/love you over there AND at the same time one can say "NO" their stuff/***t/bad vibes/judgements or choices, as in you not taking it on or in. Boundaries, in a nutshell. We truly cannot help another person unless they have made a choice to help themselves.

With family, lovers, close friends, it is hard but... there health choices are completely their responsibility. And never yours. Every one in my wife's family (except one) and everyone in my family drank the koolaid. Even my mother who is on NO meds, is 88 y/o and eats cooked food at home that she cooks, used to see acupuncturists and Naturopaths and Chiropractors at various times for 30-40 years, but somehow suddenly believed in the new quackxines. She doesn't even get flu jabs. Ever.
There is nothing I could say to her after an initial phone call a few years back (Plandemic) that determined she already had it, and I just stopped giving her information. So I dropped it immediately. Tough for me, but..... that's it. She is going to pass at some point, I believe sooner than later, but.... nothing for me to do but love her.

As Peater said about caring, I would like to add that it is still being compassionate that though they may have 'suffering' because of the jabs, one can see it, but there is nothing for you to do about it. Let it be. ...... As with many elements of this psyop, your family will most likely never come to the conclusion about the cause of issues (heart issues, spontaneous dying, constant pneumonia, weakness, lack of stamina, etc.). Their TV/Doctor/social contacts/milieu all support their ideas/rationale. So be the change you want to see in the world, and forget about saving them. The reality is that you 'trying' to help, to give people information about the contents with the jabs or scientific studies that show that the lipidnanoparticles (PEG) covering the supposed mrna is toxic as hell, and enough to kill you, etc., when they are not interested is very akin to abuse. Simply put, you become like a demon to them, who is giving them crazy info that they do not want. Full stop. Their well being is not up to you.

We are stronger than we know, but must do the work of letting go first in ourselves, and rebuilding our situation (mental physical emotional spiritual) with kindness to ourselves, and grow strong. Meditation, solo camping, therapy, bird watching, whatever it takes. Not joking. Not in a selfish sense, but truly in context of our self in the world and life everywhere, and knowledge of the truth of our situation. Other folks have their own path, and only if they are open to grow is it possible for them to discover.

PS: this work on oneself takes a lifetime. Take the story of @akgrrrl above. Like my first meditation teacher's story told of his teacher regarding meditation, " Try it for 20 years and see if you like it".
That was almost 40 years ago.
Carry on Lu, you are already on the path.

 

[Rinse & rePeat]

I couldn't really find a better title in my mind; it's on the cheesy side but it sums up the topic. As some of you may recall, around this time of year in the past my dad was in the hospital and died soon after. While this is still difficult for me, I am managing my grief well (getting blitzed on progesterone remains my best method) and for such a harsh loss, I am doing well enough. What is more troubling to me is what I wanted to post, and perhaps this would do better in the Advice section, but I know I have a habit of writing in a stream of consciousness style which fits Rant and Rave better.

I should get to the point. Over the last year, I have been trying to get my sister to get her thyroid checked. Actually, all of my siblings drank the flavoraid (took the Haxxcine) and that's already been an uphill battle, and could be contributing to me current trip into the Abyss. The main issue is that my sister (early 40s) has only one eyebrow, looks like a raccoon (dark eyes), and is always cold, fatigued, forgetful, etc. She got a thyroid panel done, and her doctor said she was normal and having on eyebrow is just a thing that happens.

She accepted this advice. Also her husband, who we all adore, is the "always listen to doctors, everything else is dangerous" type and he's been talking up their current doctor for over a year before he even had room to take them on as patients. I had previously gotten my sister to use Tyromix and she had started to return to her old self, but he made her stop.

Though I expected this, it is still troubling to me. My mother wants to have an intervention, and I'm more worried about her well-being. She's doing her best but she's certain that dad would still be around if he had listened to me. So she's very adamant about getting my sister to take thyroid again. I'm also deeply concerned about the potential aftermath,

In short, it's taking a toll on me. While their well-being is weighing on me, I know I need to take care of myself to be there for them. And I don't want anyone reading this to feel like they have to give advice. Certainly, a cliff's notes version of a family issue is a minefield, and can be awkward of uncomfortable to jump into. I just really needed to get his off my chest and don't have another place to do it. Or maybe I've fallen head-first into the Abyss after staring too long and need help escaping. Probably both.

I really feel for you Monty, because I can relate. I have been sideswiped by six deaths in less than two years, with one being my husband of 25 years, and I developed some terrible anxiety about a couple of very close friends in my life, one works in the emergency room of a hospital and rides a motorcycle and the other has stage-4 bone and breast cancer and is three years past what the doctors told her she would be dead by. I am sure I developed some kind of PTSD from the 6 deaths, and I have been working my way through it. The Progest-E and sugars have been helpful when I was really feeling the anxiety, but I noticed things were worse on days that I didn’t eat optimally, with grains exacerbating my anxiety, and restaurant meals too. Accepting what we cannot control, especially another person, is hard, and for me when things fell on deaf ears on my two friends, I just had to practice self-care by focusing on other things and other people. The holidays do make things worse, and when the holidays come around my strategy has been to not do anything that I normally did, but rather develop new traditions for myself to pique my interest. Giving is helpful too. I don’t think “falling headfirst into an abyss” is an example of good health Monty, moths are attracted to a flame, so rather than pushing your opinion on her try to find ways to sneak them into her life. When I wanted my son and his wife to use a better flour, since they don’t see the point, and wouldn’t spend the money on it, I bought ten pounds of it for them for Christmas last year. They thought it was funny, and used it since it saved them money, but they felt the difference and continued to buy that flour after my gift was used up. Bottom line is that you and I have to respect other peoples decisions and boundaries, and get it good in our heads that nothing lasts forever, including your sister and my closest friends. For me changing up my routines for a fresh new “usual” prepares me for changes that are not going to be pleasant. When things are the same, someone missing is really uncomfortable and makes us insecure. Let yourself let go of other secure things, be a little daring and do uncomfortable things, which helps with the unexpected hard things that we have no choice about. Could you take your sister to lunch just the two of you, or do an activity that she would like, like an art class, so that you can find a different moment to express the depth of your worry about her away from her husband in a positive environment? I had a dear friend who was in terrible health from her weight and diet and was making it worse with intermittent fasting. Her marriage was in peril too because of it all and she would not not take advice from me about a better way to get her weight in check, so I made a bet with her and she signed up for that challenge and when I won she was more convinced to try my way. Life is a ride with some great waves to ride, some still waters to tread and some undertows. We cannot change the waters, so we better learn how to swim good. Your worrying is going to take a toll on your health if you keep this up with your sister. For all that I was worrying about and you are worrying about, the majority of people in this world have worse worries than us.

 

[akgrrrl]

Wow @akgrrrl Thank you for sharing your wisdom.

We are helping each other here at RPF. Just trying to offer what I can. Thankyou for noticing.

 

[LuMonty]

@AlaskaJono Ack! I read this and forgot to respond. It's funny you should mention meditation. I don't really do it much in the classical sense, but I find a similar result when I'm doing certain hobbies and can focus on them completely. It's hard to explain very well, as I've never had to find the words to do so, but I find the result to be what most people describe as their meditative state. Growth vs stagnation is certainly the theme, I can only pray those involved find their way more quickly than not. As it stands, I'll give my Mom a nudge on this and see what she thinks. My main thought now is keeping her from going nuclear with worry.

@Rinse & rePeat It's hard to sum up, but I have actually done some of the things you've suggested. Unfortunately, just when things seemed to be successful, the whole thing fell apart.