Please Help My Poor Suffering Little Sister! So Sadddd!

[Zo-So]

Hello, I am pleading for help with my dear 15 year old sister. I am at my wits end and would do anything to bring her health up to scratch. Please pardon the delay in my lengthy post in advance.


SO... my little sister is 15. She got her periods early at 10. I believe it was because she was irresponsibly placed on ritalin for one year prior to her period. She went through a growth spurt. ( I have a background in psych and did papers on ritalin in uni and am dead against it for the control of children's behaviour). My sister didn't have a behaviour issue, she just needed to be taught how to sit, deep breath, relax and focus. She was a very sweet child.

Anyhow she discontinued ritalin and after commencement of menstruating gained considerable weight - despite a short stature. It seemed her growth spirt ceased and till this day she still wears shoes for a 9 year old. However the wight increased at its max she was 64kg (141lbs) and only 5 feet and less than an inch - no gut, just butt and chest. She has not grown any taller since she was 12. She seems stunted at this height.

In 2015 there was quite sever emotional issues going on where she was living - and her mother was involved in a violent abusive relationship, substance abuse... and the private catholic school she went to and her mother ignored her pleas for help (contrived eating disorder and suicide attempt to get mother's attention to stop her bad choices). I stepped in as soon as I saw and took custody of her in sep 2015 as there was no way I would let my baby sister live in that environment. She was having her periods as was around 121lbs still just over 5ft.

It was a very stressful time for my sister and she went through the ringer emotionally. She was upset her mother chose that lifestyle over being her parent and felt severe rejection and could not make sense of her mothers bad choices. Her mother was being brash and irrational and it was extremely hurtful for her. She lost her period by jan 2016 and has never had it since till today OCT 2017. Her last two periods were very heavy, late and only one day each.

My lifestyle is organic, whole food, homeschool peaceful country life on a farm. We are spiritual people who pray and seek help from God for all our needs and this is certainly something we have been seeking His help for!!. We have done lots in terms of emotional work with my sister which improves every day. When she first came into my care, we bought junkfood for her for about a month and let he choose to eat a healthy diet like the rest of us - so it was a natural progression. We don't eat preservatives, sugar, and only organic meat. She lost a considerable amount of weight through stress and obviously also healthy eating. She struggles to keep her weight above 94lbs (43kg) at its best. We can get her weight up to 105lbs - but her digestion just cant take eating that amount of food anymore. Plus she just cant maintain the weight and it slides right off her, and anything, really, makes her loose weight. I think she worries and holds onto lots of hurt in her sweet heart. I do believe her weightloss is purely an emotional thing as she eats well - more than me (5'6'' 199lbs) and lots of healthy wholegrain carbs and fats.

We have tried every dietary food we can think of to help restore her period. I abhor it but I admit I even tried her with some soy (sigh!). Her diet is mainly brown rice, lentils, beans, fruit, veg, mackerel, sardines, tuna, white fish, with occasionally some farm-reared red meat and chicken (she has a bizarre new-found love for all offal). We eat a good amount of home laid eggs - NOTHING PROCESSED AND WHITE (flour or sugar), only brown organic wholemeal. We don't eat too much bread or grains - only a few times a month. Lots of good healthy fat (coconut oil, ghee, butter, e.v olive oil, tahini) and nuts and seeds. She has settled into rural life and homeschool and works on herself spiritually. But not having her period is making her so miserable and depressed. Its been two years! and She isn't overly athletic... just animal chores three times a day - mainly to build character and have a meaningful purpose, not too strenuous, just watering them. I bought her a bike but she seldom uses it.

-she has very fine tiny bones (risk of osteo issues)
-weak paper thin nails (used to be very beautiful and thick)
-thinning hair (used to be sooo thick and curly, now limp)
-no breasts (from DD to 8aa - which is big on her!)
- her personality is extremely withdrawn, quite, anxious and shy, very emotional and sensitive.. (She used to be outgoing and have a killer sense of humour)
-she has memory and brain fog problems
-she sometimes get red flushed cheeks when eating
- her skin seems to be relatively normal for a teen - few blackheads but nothing major, or noticeable.

She has had her hormones tested and she has ZERO oestrogen - YES ZERO!!. and very low of everything else, but nothing remarkably high. otherwise all her results were good. Our doc said its emotions. but this is a long time to not menstruate. Doc said Thyroid good. but I am dubious of testing methods - any ideas?
Her ultrasound showed tiny follicles on her ovaries and the doctor said it could be normal or it could be PCOS (I have PCOS and ovarian cysts myself which i treat naturally through a keto diet)... the doctor said she thought her ovaries were ok, but gave referal - which we are yet to pursue at this point.

Nothing we do can restore her period so far. I have tired iodine drops daily for 4 months, she has done the candida 6 week protocol, liver flush, lots of herbs herbs and more herbs and teas. I have tried her on my progestelle which seemed to help - we ran out and have just today purchased Dr Peat's progesterone oil as its many times more potent. I have also given her pregnenolone to help her boost in her hormones... but so far (3 weeks) nothing. maca didnt seem to do anything but give her what she says "creepy dreams". So we stopped that...

We are not into prescription medicines and we don't want to put our precious girl on the pill! (Or get her cut open by the butchers at hospital.) That's a dangerous synthetic chemical - we are doing everything to avoid that. She is against it but is at the point where she would try anything. She feels so sad about the whole matter... and i think that makes getting her period back even worse.

Our doctor is doing the wait and see approach and has given us a referral. But I do think that they are going to try and put her on some harmful fake drug that will only wreak more havoc on her body. We are very natural people and we just feel that has so much potential harm. But the pregnenolone and progesterone oil are our last attempts before we try. I do try so hard to push her body fat percentage up but its like her body is resisting. before she hardly ate a single mouthful and was overweight... now she eat a very decent amount and she is still so tiny.

I am so sad to see my beloved little sister suffer so much emotionally and physically - she doesn't laugh as much anymore. I think not having all her hormones balanced really effects her mentally. I am a worried parent to say the least. We would do anything, pay anything or drive to the end of the earth to get her a natural cure for her lack of period.

Can anyone please help me to help my sweet baby sister, I love her so much and I would do anything to see her happy again. Its very hard for me to see her suffering.

**Just thought I would add that I did treat her with abendozole when she first came into my care and we do lots of regular natural anti parasite things such as cayenne/acv/molasses bombs... So I tried to take care of every aspect I can think of! hopefully someone can show me where I am going wrong and failing!
**forgot to add we did try vitex too and Traditional Chinese medicine

 

[denise]

My first thought is that she needs a trauma therapist. There's no diet or supplement (nor meditation nor spiritual practice) that's going to cure the kind of developmental trauma she's been through. I recommend finding someone who practices Somatic Experiencing or Somatic Practice. With the right kind of therapy to remove all that trauma, her body will likely be able to heal on its own (and the protocols you're trying will start working much better).

In the meanwhile, is there anything she wants to eat that she's not currently allowed to or doesn't have access to? Many people on this forum (including me) have found high quality ice cream to be one of the most healing foods in existence, and it's a calorie bomb, so it may help with keeping some weight on. Liver is another magical food, so it makes sense she's craving offal.

I hope you can find some help for your sister!

 

[Xisca]

I will second Denise for Somatic Experiencing. I know she experienced it, and she knows that not only I did, but I am trained myself. It is the most respectful help to work at physiological level and not only emotional or cognitive. The training is opened also to physiotherapist and even to priests. I know some people in Austria, who made the training with me in Spain, but they are austrian. You can PM me if you want.

 

[Xisca]

At the moment, what came to my mind was her strong focus on getting her periods back. But this is just a part of the whole. And many things are like the milk in the saucepan, they wait that you think about something else! And pffffsch! I hope this will make you laugh, and her too, and that she can relax. make her laugh with paradoxes, it is good for untighing the body.

First goal is general health, and then all start to fit in. You cannot aim at one part of it.

Your diet is very good, I clap my hands. Maybe be careful with one detail, the bran of whole meal cereals contains phytic acids that remove minerals too much and are irritants. Only fermenting and sprouting prevents part of the problem. Same with the peel of all nuts.

 

[Zo-So]

Just thought I would add that I did treat her with abendozole when she first came into my care and we do lots of regular natural anti parasite things such as cayenne/acv/molasses bombs... So I tried to take care of every aspect I can think of! hopefully someone can show me where I am going wrong and failing!

My first thought is that she needs a trauma therapist. There's no diet or supplement (nor meditation nor spiritual practice) that's going to cure the kind of developmental trauma she's been through. I recommend finding someone who practices Somatic Experiencing or Somatic Practice. With the right kind of therapy to remove all that trauma, her body will likely be able to heal on its own (and the protocols you're trying will start working much better).

In the meanwhile, is there anything she wants to eat that she's not currently allowed to or doesn't have access to? Many people on this forum (including me) have found high quality ice cream to be one of the most healing foods in existence, and it's a calorie bomb, so it may help with keeping some weight on. Liver is another magical food, so it makes sense she's craving offal.

I hope you can find some help for your sister!

Thank you so much for your advice. We did take her to therapy but honestly she hated it. She says she hates talking to complete strangers, she utterly rejects it. I have taken her to appointments where she wants me to stay with her the whole time... and she resents the therapist and will block any attempts at rapport building or any therapeutic alliance - so I guess she is a tough cookie in that sense. In terms of food I make all the yummy stuff from scratch. So all natural home versions of chocolate/ice-cream/trifle/cake. We ask her all the time if there is any "junk" food that she would like and she shuns it completely (i think she associates it with her issues in the past and wants all healthy all natural now, though it used to be macca's every night and poor nutrition) - but perhaps she has covert feelings? She loves offal and even eats goat testicles. I do make energy balls and fat bombs for her - and If some converted food comes into the house I divide it up by ratio so she gets her very own portion to eat with her own discrimination and autonomy - which I hope helps - and I often give her my portion too. I do have treat family breakfasts and snacks that the kids really like and request (ie tomorrow is pancake/waffle breakfast) which she like. She's not too into junk. I do make healthy stuff like sourdough homemade croissants and friands but not super regularly. Do do you think more treats will work? Do you think it fosters emotional eating habits though or have I misunderstood?

 

[Zo-So]

her strong focus on getting her periods back. But this is just a part of the whole. And many things are like the milk in the saucepan, they wait that you think about something else! And pffffsch!

haha yess!
Exactly... This is why my husband has told us. I know this to be true, but as her parent I feel so compelled to help her with whatever I can. From the outside she seems happy, normal, and doesn't seem troubled, but the closer I pay attention I can see her unhappiness is causing a certain poison in the body.

Maybe be careful with one detail, the bran of whole meal cereals contains phytic acids that remove minerals too much and are irritants. Only fermenting and sprouting prevents part of the problem. Same with the peel of all nuts.

We do ferment/soak/sprout but yes its true I do try to limit grains and activate nuts. I have benefited from removing them completely for myself personally.

Additionally I am looking into Somatic Experiencing and I have heard wonderful things about it. We teach her that this is all apart of God's written plan for her and that she can trust that He is supplying her with everything she needs including hardships that shape her into a wonderful human, and cause her to turn to Him more and ask Him for His help. It does help her to hold these attitudes, rather than despair.

 

[Zo-So]

@denise
@Xisca

I have just done a bit of research and found some practitioners in our area. Thank you so much for your assistance.

 

[Xisca]

I know this to be true, but as her parent I feel so compelled to help her with whatever I can.

Feel how you are compelled, and look for where you feel it in your body. Then do nothing to change it voluntarily, just observe it and accept it as it is, with curiosity. You will experience that no sensation stays there, because everyting changes. If you offer your body to feel exactly what it feels, you will see that your body processes the information. It has a slower pace than the mind...
Do this experiment by refering yourself in a nice place you like, or even in the church or the place you pray at home. If you do not already, or not enough, try to include this way of self feeling the body when ever you pray. At the moment I feel you put too much effort in your wish. It is ok to make efforts to find solutions, but I mean inner effort. Do not reject it if this is the casee, do not calm it voluntarily. I am repeating but never mind, feel how it feels and then put attention, and you will see how the body processes your present state. My guess is that if you do this, there will be a moment of change, stay in contact with it and note all the spontaneous reactions! If this is emotionally strong, think about orienteering yourself in the room where you are, and look at all you like and the beauty, it will sustain you to do this while staying in contact with your inner sensations.

He is supplying her with everything she needs

This is true, and believing is a help in itself, and is also used in SE!
BUT god acts through us, and asking for help does not mean to do nothing, it means to rely on the inner force you have when you know that one part of you inside is eternal and strong, even if the rest falls apart. You also have to refer yourself to this more, so that you become less compelled, and relax. The more you relax and are in your own center, the more you will be a poiint that your sister will use for her growth. You do not have to do much more than be what is needed. Trust god, but also yourself. None of you, Zoe or god, will be healing your sister. She is the one who can, and she just need support coming from inner strength. Of course all that you can and already provide! Just center your inner wise. As this is not done properly by the thinking brain, I indicated the experiment, based totally on SE. SE is fully connected to spirituality, even for non believers, because it brings the same inner strength. God is with us, let's be with god!

 

[Hugh Johnson]

We don't eat preservatives, sugar, and only organic meat. She lost a considerable amount of weight through stress and obviously also healthy eating. She struggles to keep her weight above 94lbs (43kg) at its best. We can get her weight up to 105lbs - but her digestion just cant take eating that amount of food anymore. Plus she just cant maintain the weight and it slides right off her, and anything, really, makes her loose weight. I think she worries and holds onto lots of hurt in her sweet heart. I do believe her weightloss is purely an emotional thing as she eats well - more than me (5'6'' 199lbs) and lots of healthy wholegrain carbs and fats.

We have tried every dietary food we can think of to help restore her period. I abhor it but I admit I even tried her with some soy (sigh!). Her diet is mainly brown rice, lentils, beans, fruit, veg, mackerel, sardines, tuna, white fish, with occasionally some farm-reared red meat and chicken (she has a bizarre new-found love for all offal). We eat a good amount of home laid eggs - NOTHING PROCESSED AND WHITE (flour or sugar), only brown organic wholemeal. We don't eat too much bread or grains - only a few times a month. Lots of good healthy fat (coconut oil, ghee, butter, e.v olive oil, tahini) and nuts and seeds.

What is this? Give her sugar and stop feeding poverty foods like lentils and wholemea, and poisons like nuts. White sugar is the anti-stress food. Nuts, seed and tahini are highly toxic, olive oil somewhat toxic, sardines and other fish highly toxic, beans are so hard to digest it's no wonder she is starving, vegetables need to be cooked to deactivate the toxins.

 

[denise]

@denise
@Xisca

I have just done a bit of research and found some practitioners in our area. Thank you so much for your assistance.

That's great! One big bonus for SE is that you don't have to talk about stuff. I hate traditional talk therapy too, for the same reasons (talking to strangers, even if they're there to help), but with SE you can focus almost entirely on body sensations, which feels much better/safer to me.

I'll also echo what Xisca said, that it's quite possible that your compulsion/urgency to help her is actually getting in the way by causing more stress. I totally understand that compulsion and the frustration that comes with feeling hopeless, but if you can, try to step back and give her (emotional) space to just be with how things are. It's possible, given her background, that she may feel like she needs to get better for your sake as much as for her own, which is going to get in the way.

 

[Makrosky]

What is this? Give her sugar and stop feeding poverty foods like lentils and wholemea, and poisons like nuts. White sugar is the anti-stress food. Nuts, seed and tahini are highly toxic, olive oil somewhat toxic, sardines and other fish highly toxic, beans are so hard to digest it's no wonder she is starving, vegetables need to be cooked to deactivate the toxins.

She says she has developped a love for offal. NO WONDER. She's undernourished and her body is craving the minerals and vitamins and other nutrients and possibly hormones in offal.

Olive oil not only is not toxic but it's currently healthy, even Ray recognised that. It has to be extra virgin though.

To the OP : Have you read about progesterone and pregnenolone ?

Also, I think some more nutrient dense foods and easily digestible would be mandatory for her. Stop the beans, wholegrans and get back to refined grains. White rice and good bread.

 

[Makrosky]

That's great! One big bonus for SE is that you don't have to talk about stuff. I hate traditional talk therapy too, for the same reasons (talking to strangers, even if they're there to help), but with SE you can focus almost entirely on body sensations, which feels much better/safer to me.

I'll also echo what Xisca said, that it's quite possible that your compulsion/urgency to help her is actually getting in the way by causing more stress. I totally understand that compulsion and the frustration that comes with feeling hopeless, but if you can, try to step back and give her (emotional) space to just be with how things are. It's possible, given her background, that she may feel like she needs to get better for your sake as much as for her own, which is going to get in the way.

Well... I guess at one point or another you have to talk about stuff. Otherwise people would heal themselves just following TRE for some weeks or months and that is not the case at all.

 

[Hugh Johnson]

She says she has developped a love for offal. NO WONDER. She's undernourished and her body is craving the minerals and vitamins and other nutrients and possibly hormones in offal.

Olive oil not only is not toxic but it's currently healthy, even Ray recognised that. It has to be extra virgin though.

To the OP : Have you read about progesterone and pregnenolone ?

Also, I think some more nutrient dense foods and easily digestible would be mandatory for her.

Olive oil is MUFA and a bit of PUFA. It would be safe-ish, but almost all the oil is adulterated with inferior oils as a scam. In small amounts it's OK, but for a person who is recovering I think it should be avoided.

 

[Makrosky]

Olive oil is MUFA and a bit of PUFA. It would be safe-ish, but almost all the oil is adulterated with inferior oils as a scam. In small amounts it's OK, but for a person who is recovering I think it should be avoided.

The extra virgin has some vitamin E plus other compounds that protect against the PUFAS and other things. It also has some antiserotonin properties and cardioprotective compounds. If it is good quality and not adulterated I think it can be taken safely even in recovering situations.

 

[Zo-So]

I totally understand that compulsion and the frustration that comes with feeling hopeless, but if you can, try to step back and give her (emotional) space to just be with how things are

Honestly I have stepped back lost and from the beginning

I thought it was purely an emotional thing that she just needed time to heal from. I mean she was ovulating fine on canned food and maccas with such little macro nutrients. Its not diet its emotions. I was just hoping diet may kick it back into gear.

It has to be extra virgin though.

Of course and we do organic raw butter, ghee and coconut oil. Yes I have heard about the adulteration of EVOL, but we are trying to scoop up a variety of anti-oxidants and minerals form everywhere and sometimes the benefit might just outweigh the potential harm in the short term.
I hardly think this is doing her harm considering she was menstruating on McDonnald's transfats. These are good nourishing essential fats. and our Offal is usually home-slaughter organic grass reared its whole life.

We have tried her on white rice, which she likes but she says she feels more nourished on brown, and that its more wholesome and nutritious to her where as white rice she feels like she hardly ate. We have beans/lentil only very diluted in soups so its not so concentrated and we have gone off them for a while. She likes fish as she doesn't like to chew much since she is small baby and its tender. We also do homemade organic bone broths.

I might talk to my hub about her going onto white pasta/potatoes/white bread (stuff we as family dont touch and shun) but I have genuine concern this will just re-feed a persisting candida overgrowth she just brought into order. She did the 6 week no simple carb thing and became very weak and skinny (40kg) I dont think her body can take that again - She ended up doing 6 drops a day of oregano but it knocked her around terribly. She wants to do anything for it. I trust that God will return it too her when He wishes - but I just dont want to see her depressed because of its absence as it will only make the issue persist.

wow... I never knew i was doing such a horrid job feeding my little ones. sheesh!

 

[Zo-So]

What is this? Give her sugar and stop feeding poverty foods like lentils and wholemea, and poisons like nuts. White sugar is the anti-stress food. Nuts, seed and tahini are highly toxic, olive oil somewhat toxic, sardines and other fish highly toxic, beans are so hard to digest it's no wonder she is starving, vegetables need to be cooked to deactivate the toxins.

We just gave her a kg of jaggery to use at her own discretion. Its been 7 days so far. she seems to have no ill effect or crashes from it - I was very nervous that it would start the candida again... but her symptoms seem to still be abated which is terrific.

we have debated as a family just going back and doing a huge shopping of the processed SAD she was used to... and we have done it twice. But she doesn't feel happy like that. She wants to have her period in a healthy way. Its still an option.
We sometimes go somewhere in the middle and get what we call "the healthy junk food" but it really doesnt seem to do anything.
I have been tempted to try caffeine to stimulate her somehow (we dont do caffeine either really)... but I don't want to throw her body out any more.

 

[mujuro]

Early menarche is a typical result of childhood stress/trauma. Have you been on raypeat.com/articles? Try to read an article every night and you'll begin developing a different picture of the human organism. Ray studied estrogen and reproductive health exhaustively - extremely relevant in this case.

 

[Makrosky]

Honestly I have stepped back lost and from the beginning

I thought it was purely an emotional thing that she just needed time to heal from. I mean she was ovulating fine on canned food and maccas with such little macro nutrients. Its not diet its emotions. I was just hoping diet may kick it back into gear.
Of course and we do organic raw butter, ghee and coconut oil. Yes I have heard about the adulteration of EVOL, but we are trying to scoop up a variety of anti-oxidants and minerals form everywhere and sometimes the benefit might just outweigh the potential harm in the short term.
I hardly think this is doing her harm considering she was menstruating on McDonnald's transfats. These are good nourishing essential fats. and our Offal is usually home-slaughter organic grass reared its whole life.

We have tried her on white rice, which she likes but she says she feels more nourished on brown, and that its more wholesome and nutritious to her where as white rice she feels like she hardly ate. We have beans/lentil only very diluted in soups so its not so concentrated and we have gone off them for a while. She likes fish as she doesn't like to chew much since she is small baby and its tender. We also do homemade organic bone broths.

I might talk to my hub about her going onto white pasta/potatoes/white bread (stuff we as family dont touch and shun) but I have genuine concern this will just re-feed a persisting candida overgrowth she just brought into order. She did the 6 week no simple carb thing and became very weak and skinny (40kg) I dont think her body can take that again - She ended up doing 6 drops a day of oregano but it knocked her around terribly. She wants to do anything for it. I trust that God will return it too her when He wishes - but I just dont want to see her depressed because of its absence as it will only make the issue persist.

wow... I never knew i was doing such a horrid job feeding my little ones. sheesh!

Well I think you have to understand why we recommend avoiding beans, wholegrains, sardines, nuts, etc. Otherwise you are going to feel you were doing an horrid job and then if feeding her easyly digestible stuff free of PUFA and antinutrients doesn't work you'll feel again bad. I think you have to u derstand this is a board based on Ray Peat's ideas, and you have to read about him before doing anything. Otherwise it's gonna be a mess. I suggest you to hear some of his interviews on nutrition and/or read some of his articles.

 

[Makrosky]

You have to understand the reason behind the advice. Not following it blindly.

For instance, beans are full of antinutrients and not easily digestible. Their protein is incomplete also. The result is that you eat them, feel satiated, but you are extracting very little carbohidrates from them and few nutrients. You need calories to restore metavolic function.

Also, they often produce gas (a sign of fermentation) and can easily irritate the stomach producing histamine, serotonin, etc.

I hope you get the idea. You have to research a little bit more.

 

[Makrosky]

You cannot start feeding lots of carbs/sugar/fructose to someone you suspect had SIBO.

Please be patient and spend sometime trying to learn the basics before stressing your sister more things she'll percieve ss "weird".