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Should I Stay In A Non-peat Relationship

Discussion in 'Ask For Help or Advice' started by Gadsie, Sep 30, 2018.

  1. Gadsie

    Gadsie Member

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    A ray peat forum is probably not a recommended place to discuss relationship trouble, but I figured this is the only place people might relate lol. I'm 21 and in a 9 month relationship. She's 23 and super sweet. I made it clear a long time ago that I don't want to eat PUFA's so basically no nuts and oils other than coconut or a little olive oil and butter. Her being sweet replaced all cooking oils with coconut oil.

    The main problem is that she really loves to cook and wants to try out new things to eat all the time. I hate being the one to "ruin" this all the time. I'm happy that she never uses oils etc. but if you're someone that wants to cook a lot then you can't really not use cheese, butter etc. especially if you yourself don't care about peating. I find it so cool that she cooks for me and also takes my wishes into account, but at the same time deep down I really just wanna eat a diet of rice, skim milk, oj, a bit of chocolate and pretty much nothing else. I think all the little exceptions I make on a daily basis has me close to 10 grams PUFA a day, whereas before I averaging about 1-2 grams, and it just makes me feel kinda shitty mentally, and physically I notice that my skin has never aged so fast as in the past 9 months.

    She never really gets mad about it, but always very dissapointed. We do love each other very much. It's just a really tough situation. I'm aware that I'm the "weird one" here (I mean what percentage of people minimize PUFA intake) which makes the potential breakup decision harder, because I don't think any girl would want to put up with a peat diet.

    Has anyone had a similar situation?
     
  2. Lee Simeon

    Lee Simeon Member

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    I feel that if you replace standard vegetable oils to something like coconut oil and avoid high PUFA foods like salmon etc you can reduce PUFA intake to something like 5 grams, and that seems reasonable I think. Had somewhat similar experiences in the past, but I always tried damage control afterwards like increase SFA intake and Vitamin E content. She sounds like a great girl, and I think this is a whack reason to break up with someone, but I understand where you are coming from.
     
  3. Sobieski

    Sobieski Member

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    If she's doing this for you, enjoys cooking for you and like you say is super sweet, don't break up with her. I'm fairly certain you'll live to regret it, as it's very rare to find young women like that.
     
  4. raypeatclips

    raypeatclips Member

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    How are you hitting 10 grams of PUFA a day if shes using coconut oil? This has to be one of the most ridiculous reasons to consider breaking up with someone I've ever heard. Your "dream diet" sounds absolutely awful, boring and incredibly orthorexic, where is the fun in that diet? Shes taking your wishes into account and has been understanding and changed her diet to suit you. If this is the only issue in your relationship and nothing else is going on behind the scenes, and you end it, I think later in your life you would look back and think you were an absolute dumbass to end it. A lot of 23 year olds are insane (a lot of people are insane), she sounds well adjusted, mature and reasonable.
     
  5. Sobieski

    Sobieski Member

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    Top post.
     
  6. Dobbler

    Dobbler Member

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    If she can't make it to 2g of PUFA daily, ditch her...
    :cool:
     
  7. mujuro

    mujuro Member

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    You’re young, and so is she. I feel like most of the members who’ve been in long term relationships will back me up when I say that, in the grand scheme of things that can truly go bad, you’ve hit the jackpot. Maybe because you’re young, you believe that you have plenty of time and plenty of fish to choose from, but don’t try to fix what ain’t broken. I don’t see a problem here. Every fighter, wrestler, bodybuilder, weight-class athlete and hobbyist gym goer experiences what you are going through, except for most of them they do the cooking themselves and their GF hates them for training so much.

    Relationships can be stressful, too. So your skin has aged. Well, maybe it was PUFA. More likely stress. So turn it around. Would you rather be alone? You’ve rolled a 90/100. You wanna take the chance and see if you can roll higher?

    This thread should be titled “I only have this 1 problem with my GF. Jealous?”
     
  8. Peatful

    Peatful Member

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    Hi @Gadsie

    Since you asked....

    This issue isn’t about her.

    The issue in question is all about you.

    I leave it at that for now and hope that you think about it through that lens...
     
  9. haidut

    haidut Member

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    If she is using cheese, butter, olive oil, etc for cooking then this is pretty Peaty. He said several times butter, ghee, fatty cheeses, etc are all safe fats to use on a daily basis. Olive oil no more than 3 tbsp daily and coconut oil about the same amount. Somebody asked him once if he believes an "optimal" diet can be achieved. His answer was something along the lines of "if by optimal you mean making informed choices subject to constraints of available food options, then yes. If it means avoiding all bad things all the time, then no". So, by that standard your diet is already optimal.
    Btw, love is perhaps the most systemic protector there is. Nothing induces coherence in an organism with its environment like mutual love. If you got that going on for you, a few grams of PUFA can't ever touch you. Keep that in mind when you encounter dietary imperfections in your life :):
     
  10. Runenight201

    Runenight201 Member

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    I’m going to go against the grain here, as I’ve pondered this deeply myself with future relationships, after viewing how sensitive I am to food and how I take careful consideration of everything I put into my body. Yes, I think it’s fine to cheat every now and then, but on a daily basis, I hundred percent am with OP where if I was in a situation where my significant other couldn’t understand my need to eat an incredibly fine tuned diet, and constantly creates food outside what id ideally like to eat, and then feel bad that I didn’t eat her food, she would ultimately have to go.

    There are fundamental things we all look for in a relationship. Non-negotiable items that must be met, and then there are things that can be worked with. Relationships work when the non-negotiables mesh, and couples are willing to compromise on the negotiables. Food is a non-negotiable for me, and either SO meshes with my food paradigm, or she’s out.

    OP, see if you can talk to your gf about expressing her love towards you in different ways. If she must cook for you, At the least, let her know that you would be much happier eating the food exactly how you’d like it. If she can’t get behind that, and she’s unhappy unless she can make the food her way, than ultimately your two sources of happiness in the relationship are at a contradiction and I don’t see how it can work out. It’s shitty, and sometimes love doesn’t always work out, but a mature individual recognizes what can and can’t be worked with, and makes the necessary choices for their betterment.
     
  11. Tenacity

    Tenacity Member

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    Just take some vitamin E, dude.
     
  12. Ulysses

    Ulysses Member

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    A relationship where you're eating 10 grams of PUFA per day but are loved by a partner who enjoys cooking and nourishing you, and exhibits a healthy form of novelty-seeking behavior (trying new foods) is one hell of a lot more "Peaty" than a relationship where your partner doesn't respect you, constantly tries to make you jealous, wants to "go out" every weekend and binge drink, or do harder drugs, and will only eat fast food, packaged snacks, or microwaved entrees, while never cooking for either you or herself.

    Which, statistically, if you live in North America anyways, is the the kind of relationship you're likely to find as a replacement, should you end this one. Or, you'll just be alone for a long time - not very Peaty either. As a guy in his mid-twenties myself, who has had both kinds of relationship with women, I urge you to consider the rarity of what you've been blessed with.

    I seriously doubt that 10 grams of PUFA per day visibly aged your skin within nine months, especially at the age of 21. Either you're imagining the difference in your appearance, or something else is responsible.
     
  13. jitsmonkey

    jitsmonkey Member

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    I've been married for 22 years to a "non-peat" person
    If she's a ride or die chick then just figure it out.
    If you're "weird" and she's down with that, figure it out
    if she's neither.... move on.
    Intelligent people know that even tho one of you is tagged as the "weird" one
    in a long term relationship there's ALWAYS give and take.
    On the diet thing you're making a big take sure but over a long enough time line
    you'll give as much or more. Its called adults liking eachother enough to care about cooperation more than being right
    but that's a crappy marketing tagline so they call it being "in love" and create unrealistic narratives around it.
    Best of luck.
     
  14. cdan1

    cdan1 Member

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    Id rather die a couple years earlier in life from a bit of pufa or what not than live longer not spending my life with a woman and children I love.

    Just by bit. :)
     
  15. OP
    Gadsie

    Gadsie Member

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    She uses quite a lot of butter and cheese in almost every meal. Given 100 grams of cheese and 30 grams of butter, that's about 3 grams of PUFA for dinner. I also try to eat lunch like somewhat normal person around her (say a grilled cheese sandwich), that's probably another gram. Then add the unavoidable pufas from OJ and skim milk and you're at about 7 grams on a good day. But I'm also not going to deny a piece of self-baked cheesecake or brownie which she makes about twice a week which would probably add another 3 grams (eggs). Maybe not TOO bad, but this means that besides her, I can never have a little cheat with friends or something because that would put me way overboard. But yeah it's a whack reason to break up lol, and I won't, but I was honestly just trying to find some people that could relate.

    Hah, thanks I guess. Well we have some other problems too, but this is one that felt appropriate for this forum, but yes it's generally a good relationship.
     
  16. Ulysses

    Ulysses Member

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    +1
     
  17. Sobieski

    Sobieski Member

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    This
     
  18. lampofred

    lampofred Member

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    Break up with her ASAP and then tell her lampofred over at raypeatforum.com doesn't mind eating 10 g of PUFA a day :D
     
  19. Mufasa

    Mufasa Member

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    I think you are focussing too much on PUFA, I dont think the PUFA is the real reason you feel not as good as before. Your SFA/PUFA is still more than fine. I think you just eat too much fat in the diet you are eating with your girlfriend.

    Im saying this as well because eating too much fat is much more a mainstream concern. I tell my girlfriend that I eat a lot of carbs and that I feel very sharp and good on that, but that I become fat and tired if I also eat a lot of fat next to such a high amount of carbs.

    You can also start supplementing with a lot of B3 and then you will be able to prove her your concern soon enough. Just kidding :)

    I think there are a lot of options. Eating low fat cheese. Just using much less butter in the things she makes.

    You could also consider something like, having 2 cheat days a week, and being more strict with fat on the rest of the days.
     
  20. Runenight201

    Runenight201 Member

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    You want some sprite for that thirst?
     
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