I have fallen in love with my foster dog and that is not good...

[Bounce]

Ah
Reread what you wrote

Answer is strikingly clear to me

Also
Shocked you have a therapist that actually offered some truth


Hello to Maia

I read again and think you read that i should not keep her but im still unsure haha.

Regards Back from snoring Maia.

Edit: in the morning it was is yes, now it's a no and i hate myself sometimes for how i switch.

Edit 2: there is this incredible anxiety about the day where she leaves. Just the Imagination feels so terrible.


Thanks for all your answers Guys. Im truly Happy about this Forum.

 

[Rinse & rePeat]

I couldn't sleep last night. Panic and incessant thoughts about how I could possibly make the right decision. Talked to God, meditated and cried again and again. My therapist said there is a very big desire in me for merging, which I didn't get as a child. That feels right. Sometimes this happens with maia.

The most important thing was what I have in my journal. Here I understood the value of Maia. I understood that even though I am now a popular, well-behaved young man, as a child I was an outsider, I was bullied, insulted and beaten. There is still mistrust of people.

I realized that no matter who treats me in the outside world, there is this dog in the background, in my home, who always loves me. That nobody can manipulate. Who will also be with me in the years to come when strokes of fate or similar things happen. Not a bounce who is constantly wandering around alone in the world.

I always remember the animal rights activists who say that there will be another dog who touches my heart. But I just don't trust that.

Right at the start of the new year, I have to make a decision. That's what the animal rights activists want, which I can understand.

I am reading this above of yours Bounce, and with all that I have worked through, with my precious baby girl dog and my husband dying as well as four other dying since last year, I see you in my previous me. It is good to be loving to anyone and everyone, but if you are using love for your needy purpose then that isn’t a good thing, and is setting you up for disappointment, and will have you making needy decisions in your other relationships. Loving in a needy way sets up expectations which sets one up for disappointments, and then fear and mistrust is the outcome, and it keeps going on and on like that. I think this sweet dog that is there in your life right now is for a purpose, as probably other people who have come and gone and you missed the lesson trying to get what you wanted from them. You need to learn the lessons they are there for. When you look at life’s problems and crossroads in a questioning way, and learn the lesson, then that life problem, whether it be people or dogs, becomes a pleasure not a fear, and can’t hurt you, then people and dogs can stay for longer. I think you NEED to let this dog go and others to strengthen yourself so you can graduate to people. Being needy and distrustful is not a calm place for others to reside near or even for yourself. In letting go of your crutches you can learn to walk all by yourself and then run even, making better decisions with your head. By the way your dog isn’t loving you, he is doing what you are doing needing you, and getting attached without any thought. The next home will come and he will do the same. True love takes a lot of selflessness, and sometimes having to love from afar if that love is not a healthy one for one or both parties.

 

[freyasam]

I haven't read thru this thread yet but I've been going thru something similar w/ a cat. I live alone and am seriously chronically ill, but was still hoping to travel more, maybe move out of my country. I'm used to being independent w/ nothing tying me down, except the illness. Also I rent so it makes it harder to find housing.

But a stray cat come up to me 2 months ago when it turned cold. It was obviously someone's pet that had thrown it out. I tried to find the owner but no one claimed it; obviously the previous owner did not want her. It's been a very difficult decision but I fell in love with her and couldn't bear to part with her so I guess I will find a way to travel with her or for shorter periods. IDK. It's such a hard decision. I get it. Hope you choose the best thing for you. Deep down, you know what's best.

 

[freyasam]

Reddit is full of people who regret placing their foster dog

They regret re-homing their foster dogs?

 

[Brian Douglas]

Hey,

I'm writing this because I like this forum and I often get really cool answers. But I'm also writing the following for myself, in the hope that I'll become clearer.

Four weeks ago I got a dog. It was my first time as a foster carer. For those who don't know what that is: you have a rescued dog until a family is found to adopt it.

Maia, estimated to be 5, is a French Bulldog, wants to cuddle 24/7, never barks and has a wonderful nature.

I told myself from the start that I would only have her until someone suitable was found for her, but damn, I couldn't have imagined the bond I would build.

I have very little contact with my family and not many social contacts at the moment. I was alone for Christmas. Well, not completely because Maia was with me...

This morning, after meditating, i had an open heart and she was lying in my lap and I imagined that today was the day she would be taken away and it tore my heart apart and I get tears in my eyes again when I think about it.

Now you're asking yourself, why don't I keep her?

Yes, that's the thing. No matter how much my love for her grows, my feeling to keep her remains a no.

I am 36 years old, can work independently. I just want to travel more, attend workshops, be free, maybe move to another apartment (which is much more difficult with a dog in Berlin). Sure, you can always take them to a friend or put them in a dog hotel, but I know myself and I know that I simply wouldn't do many things anymore. It's not just about special events, but about my everyday life, which is very restricted.

Her love is so wonderful, but in the four weeks I've also noticed how it limit me and sometimes makes me lonelier, because I don't do certain things so that she's not alone for so long, etc. I stay home more often.

It's such a difficult decision, people. The institution that placed Maia with me said there will always be a dog that touches me if I want to continue to be a foster home, but I don't think anyone will be like Maia (sounds like an oneitis yeah?).

I have experienced a lot of trauma in my life. A lot of it had to do with abandonment and at any time the call could come that a family has been found for her. I don't know how to cope with that.

Of course I won't die from it, but I have great respect for the moment when her dog basket is no longer here and I'm sitting alone on the sofa again.

Maybe someone has experienced something similar.

Hugs
Johannes

Take the subject (dog) out of your consideration. The subject could just as easily be a person. Ask yourself if you're ready for a relationship because that's what this is. When one enters a relationship, a committed relationship, then life's avenues change. Some close while others open. No one knows what tomorrow brings but one soldiers on anyway. You are expressing doubt based on the past. The past is gone. If you don't learn to live in the now you will never be content. She is with you in the now. Can you be?

 

[akgrrrl]

Haha, thank you.
Yes, I think she is a very good therapist. She also draws parallels between Maia and my ex, where I also thought at the beginning that she was THE ONE, simply because there is a desire to merge. But when you're in the tunnel, it's hard to see. I can't say for sure whether it's the same with Maia.

What I forgot to mention is that she is estimated to be 5 years old. That means she will live another 5-8 years.

Regardless of whether this has anything to do with childhood wishes, Reddit is full of people who regret placing their foster dog (some still 7 years later). Of course, I don't know what their mental health is like in general.

Mh. I think it's time to build the necessary self-love and foundation in myself.

The life span of dogs is greatly increased if they are fed what canines are built to eat, which is meat. As soon as the big corporations figured out how to extrude grain waste into cheerios and cornflakes for their profit, they did the same for "dogfood" in a bag. Beware.

 

[rzero]

I'm not convinced pet ownership is a legitimate human endeavor. Just my opinion.