Ok check it out. My father, who is 72, is developing early signs of dementia and Parkinson's or perhaps essential tremor.
Normally I would just say this is what happens to people, but recently I have been studying Sarno, and believe there may be more to it. My mom is a narcissist and my dad is codependent. He is afraid of her. He is not allowed to have his own opinions about things. Since he retired, I have watched him further submit to her and let her make all decisions, because if he makes a decision that is different from what she wants, he'll get yelled at (not really yelled at, but lectured and shamed). These are what I believe contribute to his heath problems.
My father is a vegetarian. He has been for more than 10 years. My mom became a vegetarian and shamed him into becoming a vegetarian. Of course, she tells him he can eat meat, but he won't, because he knows he'll endure shaming from it.
I am codependent, too, resulting from a childhood of narcissism, but I have learned this recently and am going about resolving it (therapy).
I am sad, I watch my father every day be sad (my dad is a military guy and will not say he is sad). He is unhappy every day but cannot stand up to my mom, who is the source of it even though he would never admit it. My father's purpose in life is to take care of her. He is the nicest person on the planet, yet, my mom being a narcissist cannot be happy, so the more he tries, the greater her unhappiness.
It breaks my heart to watch him be sad constantly. My dad and mom usually spend their days in different rooms. They only interact when it's time to eat or when he is getting belittled for something, or told what to do. My mom has a lot of gross habits, and my dad has started copying them (solidarity?). When I ask my dad about some of the weird things my mom does, he defends her (if this concept is weird to you, imagine a beaten wife making excuses for her husband). My dad tries constantly to do or say things that will make her happy, but they don't work. He has developed a method of interacting with her where he is basically being completely without opinion until she says something, and then he grabs onto that opinion and elaborates. This keeps him from getting yelled at for having his own opinions, and keeps her calm mood, so he can be protected.
My mom is a pretty bitter person all around, to be honest.
I cannot give my dad health advice. He only listens to my mom.
Similar to myriad narcissists, my mom has convinced my dad (and everyone else in the family) that she knows the most about everything. Even if my dad doesn't believe it, he would never share his own opinion or question her.
My dad needs to go to the doctor, but my mom gets him not to go. She'll say things like "well there's nothing they can do" (wtf), or "well you've had every test there is", or other stupid bull****.
My dad doesn't eat enough. He is skinny and tall and probably eats (estimated) 35g of protein per day (two bowls of cereal with skim milk and some fish).
My dad is super intelligent. I mean like, this dude is the smartest guy you or anyone you know will ever meet. I'm not saying that because he's my dad, I'm saying it because he's true. Trivia like he's memorized the encyclopedia, advanced math done in his head, etc. Ridiculous.
His cognition is declining (diet and trauma?). I don't know what to do. He won't do anything and it's pissing me off, which is just causing me to get frustrated. I want him to realize my mom is making him unhappy, but I don't think he would admit that regardless of computing it.
Thoughts?
Normally I would just say this is what happens to people, but recently I have been studying Sarno, and believe there may be more to it. My mom is a narcissist and my dad is codependent. He is afraid of her. He is not allowed to have his own opinions about things. Since he retired, I have watched him further submit to her and let her make all decisions, because if he makes a decision that is different from what she wants, he'll get yelled at (not really yelled at, but lectured and shamed). These are what I believe contribute to his heath problems.
My father is a vegetarian. He has been for more than 10 years. My mom became a vegetarian and shamed him into becoming a vegetarian. Of course, she tells him he can eat meat, but he won't, because he knows he'll endure shaming from it.
I am codependent, too, resulting from a childhood of narcissism, but I have learned this recently and am going about resolving it (therapy).
I am sad, I watch my father every day be sad (my dad is a military guy and will not say he is sad). He is unhappy every day but cannot stand up to my mom, who is the source of it even though he would never admit it. My father's purpose in life is to take care of her. He is the nicest person on the planet, yet, my mom being a narcissist cannot be happy, so the more he tries, the greater her unhappiness.
It breaks my heart to watch him be sad constantly. My dad and mom usually spend their days in different rooms. They only interact when it's time to eat or when he is getting belittled for something, or told what to do. My mom has a lot of gross habits, and my dad has started copying them (solidarity?). When I ask my dad about some of the weird things my mom does, he defends her (if this concept is weird to you, imagine a beaten wife making excuses for her husband). My dad tries constantly to do or say things that will make her happy, but they don't work. He has developed a method of interacting with her where he is basically being completely without opinion until she says something, and then he grabs onto that opinion and elaborates. This keeps him from getting yelled at for having his own opinions, and keeps her calm mood, so he can be protected.
My mom is a pretty bitter person all around, to be honest.
I cannot give my dad health advice. He only listens to my mom.
Similar to myriad narcissists, my mom has convinced my dad (and everyone else in the family) that she knows the most about everything. Even if my dad doesn't believe it, he would never share his own opinion or question her.
My dad needs to go to the doctor, but my mom gets him not to go. She'll say things like "well there's nothing they can do" (wtf), or "well you've had every test there is", or other stupid bull****.
My dad doesn't eat enough. He is skinny and tall and probably eats (estimated) 35g of protein per day (two bowls of cereal with skim milk and some fish).
My dad is super intelligent. I mean like, this dude is the smartest guy you or anyone you know will ever meet. I'm not saying that because he's my dad, I'm saying it because he's true. Trivia like he's memorized the encyclopedia, advanced math done in his head, etc. Ridiculous.
His cognition is declining (diet and trauma?). I don't know what to do. He won't do anything and it's pissing me off, which is just causing me to get frustrated. I want him to realize my mom is making him unhappy, but I don't think he would admit that regardless of computing it.
Thoughts?
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