Thinking About Ending My Life

[Godiva]

I'll second the suggestion of tianeptine. I'm typically very anti-social, have lots of anxiety and trouble with focus. Tianeptine helps a lot with those and generally makes me feel more positive. http://www.powdercity.com/products/tianeptine-powder

I wish you well. Keep trying.

 

[Coldhandsandfeet]

You guys make these comments like its so simple. Spend time with friends. Pursue a career. Go outside more. I've been dealing with this for 5 years. The first 3 I pushed myself into social situations and worked a full time job despite feeling awful. I've lost a lot of friends because I was just a shell of myself. Moping around, I wasn't myself. People stopped reaching out to me. I just don't have the energy for social interaction. And a job is just too demanding when I barely have the energy to make myself breakfast. I even moved out of my house but had to go back home because I couldn't handle it. My heart is constantly pounding and I'm lightheaded. And people telling me I take too many supps? I take estroban and pregnenolone but I'm cutting the pregnenolone out and Armour as prescribed as a doctor. That's two things. The focus is on diet. I've pounded more cyproheptadine over the years than anyone on this forum. I guarantee my issue is not serotonin.

Exactly. Your issue is not seratonin; your issue is that you've "pumped more cyproheptadine than anyone else on this forum". How do you not find issue with that?

And that amount of vitamin A is assinign. I've really gone out of my way to type quite a lot in an attempt to help you, however you've only given excuses and rejected it. I'm going to give you the short answer: stop doing what you've been doing. It's not working for you...what else needs to be said?

I gave you dietary advice and you didn't even acknowledge it.

Just because I didn't acknowledge it doesn't mean I didn't read it. My diet is very similar to that. But I completely disagree with the gym thing. I used to work out 5-6 days a week before I got sick, and I even continued for 3 years while I was sick. Eventually, I said that this is not doing me any good and I gave it up. It was tough to watch all my progress melt away, but I knew I had to because it was making me feel worse. I will start up again soon, but I need to get from "miserable" to "not great, but life is still worth living"

 

[halken]

Do some charity work. Help someone else. See that those who are in need show gratitude for who you are as you are.

They will bear you the gift of purpose.

You need purpose.

Life is purposeful.

 

[mayweatherking]

where's your blood work dude???????

get the danny roddy blood work recommendations.

your basically playing a guessing game without it. should you take high vitamin D or no? well we don't know because you don't have it done.

you can look at my threads, i'm pretty ****88 up too and getting annoyed as ***t. but the blood work gives me some direction and game plans. yeah it sucks balls, but there is strategy happening.

 

[tara]

post 101625 You guys make these comments like its so simple. Spend time with friends. Pursue a career. Go outside more. I've been dealing with this for 5 years. The first 3 I pushed myself into social situations and worked a full time job despite feeling awful. I've lost a lot of friends because I was just a shell of myself. Moping around, I wasn't myself. People stopped reaching out to me. I just don't have the energy for social interaction. And a job is just too demanding when I barely have the energy to make myself breakfast. I even moved out of my house but had to go back home because I couldn't handle it. My heart is constantly pounding and I'm lightheaded. And people telling me I take too many supps? I take estroban and pregnenolone but I'm cutting the pregnenolone out and Armour as prescribed as a doctor. That's two things. The focus is on diet. I've pounded more cyproheptadine over the years than anyone on this forum. I guarantee my issue is not serotonin.

I believe you that it's not easy.
I do think it is important for human beings to have contact with other human beings, and to be engaged in something purposeful, and to have something new in their lives regularly. Without these experiences, it is difficult for anyone to get out of a hole.
So find ways that are possible with your current low energy. Maybe join in on events that don't require you to act very sociable - just somewhere you can be around other people who are being human. Maybe go listen to someone talk about sth interesting, or go to church if that is your thing. Find something to do that is within or nearly within your current capabilities. Not necessarily full-time work.

I would like to know how many calories you are eating on an average day, if you want to tell, and how much magnesium, and basic stats - age, approx weight and height. This would have an influence on what I think might make sense on a nutritional level, and maybe other people too.

 

[Gl;itch.e]

Ill echo the comments of the other users. I think at this point that your issues are not nutritional. You definitely need to find your joy. Its remarkable how health can improve with the right frame of mind. Its no miracle that people with unsatisfying work lives always feel healthier and happier when on holiday. unfortunately a perpetual holiday is not an option so you are going to have to find interests and a life that enriches you and fills the gaps that are left after taking care of your nutrition.

 

[Coldhandsandfeet]

I'm trying. I went on an interview today and it went awful I think. I couldn't put together coherent answers and string together sentences. My heart was pounding. I have this look of fear in my eyes and I can see it reflected on their face. I'm so depleted.

 

[Makrosky]

Do some charity work. Help someone else. See that those who are in need show gratitude for who you are as you are.

They will bare you the gift of purpose.

You need purpose.

Life is purposeful.

for this.

And thumbs up as well for many other comments wise enough to tell you your problem might very well not be in nutrients or calories or supplements, but in life. Someone posted great RP quotes regarding that. You remind me to blinkyrocket, I hope you're not him trolling us.

Another suggestion : Go to live to a volunteering farm. There's a WOOF network with plenty of them all around the world. Not necesarily very far away, just a few km in the countryside. You'll have to get up early, get sunlight, get fresh air, do something meaningful (what is more meaningful than grow your own food, carry your own water and chop your own wood?), be with other people including girls. And then forget about the supplements, the pufas, Ray Peat, the internet, the serotonin . After all, you've been worrying with this for many years and it has lead you to wanting to end your life. Which I'm sure you won't do because you sound young and there is always hope. ALWAYS. It's just a matter of finding your place in this crazy planet. We humans are sick beigns. Look around, it's full of ***t. But if you look closer as well you'll see true values in us as well. True jewels. Probably these things aren't really far away from you, you just can't see them. But you will.

You can read Viktor Frankl books. It is about the jews on the nazi concentration camps. He explains why some of them let themselves slowly die, and why others had the willing of survive. Hint : it has nothing to do with calories or vitamin D.

Go find a Viktor Frankl therapist. WHy not ? What can be worse ? You can still read and write and seem smart at least on the rational level.

Warm regards. I understand your desperation.

 

[tara]

post 101742 I'm trying. I went on an interview today and it went awful I think. I couldn't put together coherent answers and string together sentences. My heart was pounding. I have this look of fear in my eyes and I can see it reflected on their face. I'm so depleted.

I have had times like this too.
There are likely other factors - not least isolation. But for me, not eating enough is one good way to get into this state.

 

[narouz]

post 101742 I'm trying. I went on an interview today and it went awful I think. I couldn't put together coherent answers and string together sentences. My heart was pounding. I have this look of fear in my eyes and I can see it reflected on their face. I'm so depleted.

I've had days like that.
Try to stand back from it and not get caught in the downward spiral/vicious cycle.
Sometimes you're just sortuv living to fight another day.
Not a beautiful thought, I know.
But...sometimes its the best we can do.
And...it works.

 

[Joocy_J]

Adjust your dose of thyroid. Seriously the only time I feel any different with this peat stuff is when I change my thyroid ratio or dose.

 

[James IV]

Anxiety, anger, depression, wired and tired? Sounds like sympathetic dominance. I would suggest you eat less often, maybe 3 times a day, max, and replace your sugar with starch. Peats
Suggestions work very well for restoring thyroid, in fact they will work within weeks. I think most people run into problems because they believe the healing protocol should be continued indefinitely. When you are over stimulating your metabolism, it's just as bad, if not worse, than understimulating it.

 

[Coldhandsandfeet]

Thank you everyone for your contributions.

What I don't understand is the Vitamin A phobia. Ray took up to 100k IU per day at one point.

My face is very oily and I still have acne and dandruff, taking about 30k IU a day. 50-75k IU would eliminate it probably. So common sense tells me to take the higher dose if it works to eliminate the issue. I'm 6ft tall 180 lbs

 

[tara]

post 101774 Ray took up to 100k IU per day at one point.

As you say, at one point. Not all the time. At other times he's adjusted, and taken much less. Too much vit A can suppress metabolism. Too little can also be a problem. No one here knows exactly how much you need. But it's a variable to consider and maybe experiment with less to see if it gets better or worse.

Wanna post a cronometer listing of a typical day's food? To my mind, it makes sense to consider diet and basic lifestyle first. Then maybe some nutritional supplements, after having a go at getting what you can from food. You say food is not a problem, but the list you posted doesn't look like a guaranteed win to me. Maybe you are eating more than you listed?

And sunlight and movement. If you can get out in the sun and take a walk for 20-30 mins (with your mouth closed), let us know how you feel afterwards.

 

[mujuro]

Different people have different tolerances to retinol. It took barely 100kiu for me to "OD", so to speak. Took weeks for the yellow soles/palms, oily skin and hair loss to go away. 30k everyday would ruin me.

I think James has a point. I felt euphoric for the first few weeks Peating. Then I felt crappy. Wired, on edge. Tired, never able to recover 100%. It was the sugars, I'm sure of it, and it still occurs. If I pound down 500ml of OJ before a workout, I will get anxious at the mere thought of heavy lifting. I'm back to mostly simple starches (white potato/Basmati rice), moderate fruits, no PUFAs, mostly red meat, and I feel a lot better. The supplementing had to be dialed back too.

Regarding the weight training: having trained with hormones and without, I believe that there are many ways for a natural athlete to train wrong, and only a few ways to train that will facilitate positive changes.

 

[kaybb]

Caffine? Sounds too simple but it's changed my life after 20 years of suffering.
I was so low, desparate and suffering terribly ..had a death wish. I read Haiduts posts on caffine and liver health. It has changed everything. I do diet, sun, bag breathing, etc, & was doing many supplements and some prescriptions...but without caffine, Nothing was working. Now things are working. If you haven't tried it, read Haiduts posts.... and give caffine a try. Even if it's a small amount at first....you can work up slowly, especially with pounding heart issues. Hope you find help. ...it's so awful to be in such pain.

 

[DRTrenbolone]

Different people have different tolerances to retinol. It took barely 100kiu for me to "OD", so to speak. Took weeks for the yellow soles/palms, oily skin and hair loss to go away. 30k everyday would ruin me.

I think James has a point. I felt euphoric for the first few weeks Peating. Then I felt crappy. Wired, on edge. Tired, never able to recover 100%. It was the sugars, I'm sure of it, and it still occurs. If I pound down 500ml of OJ before a workout, I will get anxious at the mere thought of heavy lifting. I'm back to mostly simple starches (white potato/Basmati rice), moderate fruits, no PUFAs, mostly red meat, and I feel a lot better. The supplementing had to be dialed back too.

Regarding the weight training: having trained with hormones and without, I believe that there are many ways for a natural athlete to train wrong, and only a few ways to train that will facilitate positive changes.

Relatively short post, but good information IMO.

This is an example of being SENSIBLE and applying things to your own situation. OP, you must understand that how you are eating and living and supplementing would appear to be absolutely insane to most people. Now, please do not misunderstand what I'm saying here...I'm not implying that the "masses" have it right...what I am implying is that most individuals eat relatively "sensibly" and enjoy a pretty fair to good quality of life. Obviously, from my previous posts, I'm not afraid to disagree with some of the mandates laid forth by Dr. RP nor am I afraid to disagree with the majority of this forum (I do agree with a good deal of it, though). That being said, I do not feel that the majority of the population is dying a slow death from the way they eat, nor do I believe the majority of the average population is suffering from a thyroid disorder, nor do I believe a thyroid disorder is the cause or indicative of practically every other health issue. I believe a fair amount of people may have relatively suppressed metabolic rates from simply OVER CONSUMING for so long and living very sedentary lives.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with starches in your diet...white rice is seriously about as non-offensive as you can get with regards to a starch. All of this nonsense that I have read on these forums about starch INHERENTLY causing fat gain over say fructose or sucrose is plain and simply, incorrect. It's not founded in science...it's wrong...it hasn't even applied to me nor anyone else that I've ever known. Here's what does apply to EVERYONE: If you over consume calorically, you will gain weight over time. It's a very simply equation, actually.

YES, there are certain foods which may work better for you because they promote better health, satiety etc and therefore, you'd be more apt to stay on target with your consumption...but, eating 50g of carbs from rice vs 50g of carbs from bananas vs 50g of carbs from sucrose does not produce any different result in REAL WORLD APPLICATION in terms of gaining or losing weight. Now, I realize we are looking more towards health and promoting overall health, therefore one choice may be better than the other given the individuals unique needs, HOWEVER, RP himself has brought up the weight gain subject in his articles; so, it's fair game for me to discuss that aspect of the ideology and challenge in based upon science.

All of this talk of insulin release and fructose can't stimulate insulin to even close to the degree as starches or glucose can etc...all very true, btw. But, in real world application, if the quantity has been accounted for and the calories are accounted for...IT DOESN'T MUCH MATTER...energy is energy and the same amount consumed is the same amount consumed. Besides, the point of insulin for fructose is a moot point...fructose can and is converted to triglycerides directly in the liver, without the presence or need for insulin...all insulin does is shut off lipolysis for the most part while glucose levels remain elevated in the blood...the end result of storage and usage ends up evening out similarly assuming quantity is controlled for. This is basic stuff. Things change with regards to people with severe insulin resistance or diabetes for obvious reasons.

All of the above is just to try to make you understand, avoiding starch is really quite ridiculous unless you simply don't produce insulin or have very little sensitivity to it.

To the poster of this response, how a natural athlete should train is highly individualized and very much dictated by the current training status of the individual and their genetic prowess. I think you'd be very surprised to see exactly what the body is capable of doing naturally. I've seen some people recover and thrive on some very high levels of volume. The point is...periodization is absolutely paramount and seems to be something entirely ignored by the general gym going training population.

 

[Makrosky]

OP, you must understand that how you are eating and living and supplementing would appear to be absolutely insane to most people. Now, please do not misunderstand what I'm saying here...I'm not implying that the "masses" have it right...what I am implying is that most individuals eat relatively "sensibly" and enjoy a pretty fair to good quality of life. Obviously, from my previous posts, I'm not afraid to disagree with some of the mandates laid forth by Dr. RP nor am I afraid to disagree with the majority of this forum (I do agree with a good deal of it, though). That being said, I do not feel that the majority of the population is dying a slow death from the way they eat, nor do I believe the majority of the average population is suffering from a thyroid disorder, nor do I believe a thyroid disorder is the cause or indicative of practically every other health issue. I believe a fair amount of people may have relatively suppressed metabolic rates from simply OVER CONSUMING for so long and living very sedentary lives.

Couldn't agree more with this. There's many approaches to good health and life isn't about getting it PERFECT neither on a theoretical level or practical level. Specially with diet. Then people don't understand why Japanese (1st) have such a long life expectancy. Or Spain (2nd). Complete opposite diets between them. Opposite diets from what RP recommends. But we still keep bumping our heads on the wall : "no, it must be the diet! the vitamins! the hormones". Lol. We're quite trapped.

Sometimes I think... It's like we have a car, and we spend too much time tunning it, fixing it, putting better wheels, mufflers, nitros... But we never leave the garage. On the opposite side, there's people moving around with crappy cars. Slow cars. Old cars. That do fun and meaningful stuff and don't care if their car will fall apart 10 years before the tuned ones. They ain't playing any race. They have been riding the car. That is the purpose of having a car.

 

[Brian]

post 101784 Caffine? Sounds too simple but it's changed my life after 20 years of suffering.
I was so low, desparate and suffering terribly ..had a death wish. I read Haiduts posts on caffine and liver health. It has changed everything. I do diet, sun, bag breathing, etc, & was doing many supplements and some prescriptions...but without caffine, Nothing was working. Now things are working. If you haven't tried it, read Haiduts posts.... and give caffine a try. Even if it's a small amount at first....you can work up slowly, especially with pounding heart issues. Hope you find help. ...it's so awful to be in such pain.

I am also having positive experiences with caffeine. The first time I tried caffeine it was with the NutraKey brand. It didn't really do anything even at high doses. Then I bought the NutraBio brand. That stuff is the real deal. My liver that same day did a major detox and I went to bed feeling nauseated, but I had a very pleasant vivid dream and woke up feeling amazing. The next day I could already tell my body was metabolizing carbs much better.

I will second others here saying that fructose doesn't have to be your only fuel. I prefer well salted starch myself with a smaller amount of fruit and juice. It just feels better to me overall.

 

[DRTrenbolone]

I third the caffeine...I probably consume on average 600-1000mg per day. That's pretty excessive, though; it's also something that I've built up to over the course of a couple of years.