HOW GAMING IS RUINING MY LIFE

[Artynoa]

After three years of optimizing my nutrition im still overreacting to little stress and then immediately buying me a xbox and playing straight 16 hours a day for a week or two. basically im happy with my life, i have my own business, i have a wonderful girlfriend and im living a "good western life".

Sure some people did have a dark childhood. Im one of that people. I feel bad when im visiting my parents and brothers, but i don't show it. I hide my feelings and put on a mask so they think everything i fine- i do this because i forgive and still love my father. My sister does not have any contact to my family, she couldn't digest the past and said "**** you all". My sister i living her own life since about 10 Years, she's 39 and looks like ***t. She has now a big variety of diseases like diabetes, anxiety, panic attacks, extreme joint pain, back pain, big digestive problems and and and... her whole body is aching and she looks like she's 60. I see the psychosomatic connection to health. Her childhood trauma makes her so sick. And thats not a theory. I can see it every time. I can see it in her eyes.

And i can see it in the mirror too. I can see my pain, but i can't describe it. I thought i can handle it. I did a 150 Hour psychoanalysis therapy three years ago. I could have done more, but i stopped because my theory, that if i optimize my physical body, i will heal my mind. I tought my mind is locked in a physical body- and if I feed my body a highly nutritious food, i will then gain equilibrium for my life. I was one year in vegan heaven, after that i had more digestive issues, then i tried carnivore, then vegetarian and now im doing rays tipps for about half a year. I have to say, i never felt so good. Ray Peats Work definitely helped me, especially with my allergy, and that is a big deal for me.

But i have this gap inside me. Sometimes i just want to be a child. Sometime i just want to play. Sometimes i don't want to be an adult. I love life, and im going to live it until its fullest. But this Multiplayer Game is destroying every part of my life. I feel like a kid, when im playing my online shooter and meeting my old gaming friends. I love to fight and shoot and fly and learn new skills on the xbox. Ive played about 12000 hours in the last 5 years on this one particular Multiplayer Shooter. And i bought in this 5 years about 15 xbox, selled 10 of them after gaming until collapsing and the other 5 of them i destroyed all with a hammer in my garage.

Once i start playing, im like in a very intense flow. A Flow that is so strong, that i even don't eat and drink for hours- even if im really thirsty and hungry. It doesn't matter how good my body feels, it doesn't matter how wonderful my life is... every 3 to 6 month im like paralized. i can even watch 10 hours of gameplay on youtube... just to get that feeling of playing that game. I really don't know what to do.

I have the felling that no matter how good you treat your physical body- your subconscious will always win.

Did someone have a similar experience?

 

[redsun]

After three years of optimizing my nutrition im still overreacting to little stress and then immediately buying me a xbox and playing straight 16 hours a day for a week or two. basically im happy with my life, i have my own business, i have a wonderful girlfriend and im living a "good western life".

Sure some people did have a dark childhood. Im one of that people. I feel bad when im visiting my parents and brothers, but i don't show it. I hide my feelings and put on a mask so they think everything i fine- i do this because i forgive and still love my father. My sister does not have any contact to my family, she couldn't digest the past and said "**** you all". My sister i living her own life since about 10 Years, she's 39 and looks like ***t. She has now a big variety of diseases like diabetes, anxiety, panic attacks, extreme joint pain, back pain, big digestive problems and and and... her whole body is aching and she looks like she's 60. I see the psychosomatic connection to health. Her childhood trauma makes her so sick. And thats not a theory. I can see it every time. I can see it in her eyes.

And i can see it in the mirror too. I can see my pain, but i can't describe it. I thought i can handle it. I did a 150 Hour psychoanalysis therapy three years ago. I could have done more, but i stopped because my theory, that if i optimize my physical body, i will heal my mind. I tought my mind is locked in a physical body- and if I feed my body a highly nutritious food, i will then gain equilibrium for my life. I was one year in vegan heaven, after that i had more digestive issues, then i tried carnivore, then vegetarian and now im doing rays tipps for about half a year. I have to say, i never felt so good. Ray Peats Work definitely helped me, especially with my allergy, and that is a big deal for me.

But i have this gap inside me. Sometimes i just want to be a child. Sometime i just want to play. Sometimes i don't want to be an adult. I love life, and im going to live it until its fullest. But this Multiplayer Game is destroying every part of my life. I feel like a kid, when im playing my online shooter and meeting my old gaming friends. I love to fight and shoot and fly and learn new skills on the xbox. Ive played about 12000 hours in the last 5 years on this one particular Multiplayer Shooter. And i bought in this 5 years about 15 xbox, selled 10 of them after gaming until collapsing and the other 5 of them i destroyed all with a hammer in my garage.

Once i start playing, im like in a very intense flow. A Flow that is so strong, that i even don't eat and drink for hours- even if im really thirsty and hungry. It doesn't matter how good my body feels, it doesn't matter how wonderful my life is... every 3 to 6 month im like paralized. i can even watch 10 hours of gameplay on youtube... just to get that feeling of playing that game. I really don't know what to do.

I have the felling that no matter how good you treat your physical body- your subconscious will always win.

Did someone have a similar experience?

So you go from periods of no gaming at all to insane amounts of gaming? And then sell and buy gaming systems and do this over and over again. Do you not see the problem here? Stop going in circles.

Do you not think that you are allowed to game as an adult? That you are supposed to do adult things now? If you want to help yourself stop restricting the video games and integrate time for them in your life. You obsess about gaming because in the back of your mind you are afraid you'll lose it. Fear of deprivation in a way.

But i have this gap inside me. Sometimes i just want to be a child. Sometime i just want to play. Sometimes i don't want to be an adult. I love life, and im going to live it until its fullest. But this Multiplayer Game is destroying every part of my life. I feel like a kid, when im playing my online shooter and meeting my old gaming friends. I love to fight and shoot and fly and learn new skills on the xbox. Ive played about 12000 hours in the last 5 years on this one particular Multiplayer Shooter. And i bought in this 5 years about 15 xbox, selled 10 of them after gaming until collapsing and the other 5 of them i destroyed all with a hammer in my garage.

Once i start playing, im like in a very intense flow. A Flow that is so strong, that i even don't eat and drink for hours- even if im really thirsty and hungry. It doesn't matter how good my body feels, it doesn't matter how wonderful my life is... every 3 to 6 month im like paralized. i can even watch 10 hours of gameplay on youtube... just to get that feeling of playing that game. I really don't know what to do.

I have the felling that no matter how good you treat your physical body- your subconscious will always win.

Did someone have a similar experience?

Its not so much you want to be a child (plays a part though) but it sounds like to me your life is severely lacking in fun. What the hell is the point of life if you aren't having some form of fun or entertainment everyday? Maybe thats your issue, you lack fun and you always go back to the thing that you know is fun and fills that void. Let yourself have fun with video games, and then find some other ways to have fun. Lack of fun and entertainment leads to attaching and getting addicted to one thing.

I have the felling that no matter how good you treat your physical body- your subconscious will always win.

Did someone have a similar experience?

So because you improve your physical health you shouldn't want to play video games? It doesnt matter how physically healthy you think you are, your brain has way more control then you can imagine. Your willpower is an illusion that is only possible by the very thing you are trying to control (your brain).

I shouldn't even say your brain, because you are your brain. You are just fighting yourself as I already said. That's why you addicts of any kind go long periods of time, months, even years without having their fix, and suddenly snap and get right back into it like they never even stopped. You have the illusion of control like most other people.

Your subconscious always "wins" because you are your subconscious. You keep trying to fight yourself you will always lose.

IMO the best way to learn moderation is to get rid of the negative emotions you associate with your desire to play video games and stop denying yourself. Then play until you no longer feel deprived and then you'll tone down the video gaming naturally and integrate it back into your life the healthy way and won't feel the need to go on long gaming marathons.

The people that always try to control everything are the ones that always lose control and become addicted. You can't just be, you always have to be extreme. That is at the core of your problem. Just be.

 

[tankasnowgod]

After three years of optimizing my nutrition im still overreacting to little stress and then immediately buying me a xbox and playing straight 16 hours a day for a week or two. basically im happy with my life, i have my own business, i have a wonderful girlfriend and im living a "good western life".

How is this even possible? What kind of business do you own?

 

[mrchibbs]

Everybody, deep down, wants to be a child. The ''pressures'' of adulthood can be intense.
A child's perspective is the correct mindset with which to view the world.

You're allowed to play games. Just manage it. To echo @redsun you don't have to control it,
just accept that playing games makes you feel good, and play a little when you feel like. Check
your mental state before and after playing. Do you feel more or less relaxed. Check your
body temperature, is is higher after playing? If you're honest with yourself you'll be able
to tell when you're gaming too much, and it becomes counterproductive. And not eating/drinking
during play is probably making things worse.

If adults were more child-like, the world would be a better place. The more stressed/low
energy we become the more obsessive behaviours tend to creep up. You enjoy gaming,
make it a regular part of your life/a hobby. And be happy about it.

 

[Peatful]

@Artynoa
Welcome.

You’re not as bad off as you think.

You've forgiven. You’re aware.
Many can’t say that.
Give yourself some grace.

Have you ever watched the Crappy Childhood Fairy on YouTube?
She’s solid. You may like her.
But she’s milk- and you need meat.

I’ve heard solid things about this book.
Your description of yourself and your behaviors sound fragmented.

And don’t underestimate the depth of the trauma you endured.
My friend who read this book really had a hard time admitting the wrongs done unto her as a child. Once she did, she began a journey of growth, healing, breaking of bonds (hers was not gaming like yours but close) self acceptance and peace.

 

[mrchibbs]

@Artynoa
And don’t underestimate the depth of the trauma you endured.
My friend who read this book really had a hard time admitting the wrongs done unto her as a child. Once she did, she really began a journey of growth, healing, breaking of bonds (hers was not gaming like yours but close) and self acceptance. View attachment 17446

Ray has alluded to these things a couple times, about how a change of perspective on your life, a behavioural insight, can unlock developmental pathways which had been stunted prior to that moment. Of course lots of energy is typically needed to untangle the emotional mess we tend to carry. But it's a self-feeding dynamic. I've heard of several anecdotal reports of people who experienced great increase in basal temperature after leaving a bad relationship, or spending more time around friends, or even keeping a journal of their thoughts/emotions. I think this is the ultimate and most difficult aspect of any metabolic recovery. Whereas the lifestyle change on this forum are hard, they're still readily implementable by most people, dealing with chronic, inner sources of pain, and continuous emotional stress, is much more painful and difficult to get a grasp on, but so terribly rewarding.

 

[Peatogenic]

I had Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. For me it was integrative. I went to a trauma specialist which helped me realize all the symptoms i had...primarily depersonalization from my physical senses, extreme shame, hypervigilance, etc. But I knew early on that trauma disorders are primarily physiological. Yes, there's a "mind" aspect to it, but not primarily. The bodywork I did with her that altered my physiology began altering my thoughts. But it wasn't a long winded effort. Only 4 months. Then I started supplementing androsterone, vitamin D, DHEA, and pregnenolone and somehow my trauma disorder was more fully ripped away from me. I've felt mostly free from it since I began hormone therapy a year and a half ago.

Sure, I did process traumatic things that have happened ...but it felt rather natural, and most of it was done myself. I went from not being able to trust a single thought I had to now having full confidence in my perspectives. Trauma disorders alter your entire identity so it's like I've been coming alive for the first time.

I personally agree with Peat that a new perspective can alter your life, that trauma isn't "stored" in the body. What is stored is the endocrine/neurological patterns/damage. But I wouldn't call it a complex psychoanalytic experience untangling everything, though. Lots of introspection, sure, hyper self awareness necessary most definitely. I used to get very emotional when I saw my life changing, how the darkness and confusion was finally leaving me, I'd get emotional when I realized I was thinking completely differently, almost magically....but now my life has gained a kind of neutrality/normalcy to where I feel I've forgotten the former nightmare almost.

I know I made this comment about me, but the main thing I can share is that it's integrative. Let nobody tell you that a trauma disorder is not a serious medical issue, or that you just need to harness your thoughts. That's not how trauma disorders work. It's a combo, but our body really is where most of the damage has been done (see "limbic looping").

 

[mrchibbs]

I had Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. For me it was integrative. I went to a trauma specialist which helped me realize all the symptoms i had...primarily depersonalization from my physical senses, extreme shame, hypervigilance, etc. But I knew early on that trauma disorders are primarily physiological. Yes, there's a "mind" aspect to it, but not primarily. The bodywork I did with her that altered my physiology began altering my thoughts. But it wasn't a long winded effort. Only 4 months. Then I started supplementing androsterone, vitamin D, DHEA, and pregnenolone and somehow my trauma disorder was more fully ripped away from me. I've felt mostly free from it since I began hormone therapy a year and a half ago.

Sure, I did process traumatic things that have happened ...but it felt rather natural, and most of it was done myself. I went from not being able to trust a single thought I had to now having full confidence in my perspectives. Trauma disorders alter your entire identity so it's like I've been coming alive for the first time.

I personally agree with Peat that a new perspective can alter your life, that trauma isn't "stored" in the body. What is stored is the endocrine/neurological patterns/damage. But I wouldn't call it a complex psychoanalytic experience untangling everything, though. Lots of introspection, sure, hyper self awareness necessary most definitely. I used to get very emotional when I saw my life changing, how the darkness and confusion was finally leaving me, I'd get emotional when I realized I was thinking completely differently, almost magically....but now my life has gained a kind of neutrality/normalcy to where I feel I've forgotten the former nightmare almost.

I know I made this comment about me, but the main thing I can share is that it's integrative. Let nobody tell you that a trauma disorder is not a serious medical issue, or that you just need to harness your thoughts. That's not how trauma disorders work. It's a combo, but our body really is where most of the damage has been done (see "limbic looping").

Powerful testimony. Don't worry about making it about you, it's how we relate to one another, and your story is inspiring. I am so happy for you.

Ray has said many times that the mere effort of learning to be human, to want to heal and get better, is therapy in of itself. Reaching out to people, getting more sunlight, and slowly fixing metabolic problems, all that takes courage and is very much like the effort needed to go see someone for counselling. We are capable of healing from anything. The most profound yet almost matter-of-fact comment that I've ever heard from Ray was something like: ''When your thyroid function is restored to normal, you can think what you want about things''. Basically, with ample energy supply, we are able to heal from any trauma, just like most children can.

Seriously, Ray is such an amazing man.

 

[Peatogenic]

Powerful testimony. Don't worry about making it about you, it's how we relate to one another, and your story is inspiring. I am so happy for you.

Ray has said many times that the mere effort of learning to be human, to want to heal and get better, is therapy in of itself. Reaching out to people, getting more sunlight, and slowly fixing metabolic problems, all that takes courage and is very much like the effort needed to go see someone for counselling. We are capable of healing from anything. The most profound yet almost matter-of-fact comment that I've ever heard from Ray was something like: ''When your thyroid function is restored to normal, you can think what you want about things''. Basically, with ample energy supply, we are able to heal from any trauma, just like most children can.

Seriously, Ray is such an amazing man.

Omg, exactly! That exact quote of Ray's is/was a salve for me. Because I knew it to be true. There are actually many trappings in the psychotherapeutic world, and I'm grateful I had the physiological curiosity way before I saw a trauma specialist. I was able to extract what was useful for me. With think, perceive, act, and altogether questioning systems, i was led to questioning the belief that all "triggered" emotional states have a nebulous traumatic event they are connected to....but then you sleep really well and you're magically in a different frame of mind. With my physical systems balancing I feel in control over my life and understand that identity is not one thing. I no longer believe we have a core identity per se, but it is possible to have a core , a sense of standing on strong earth.

 

[mrchibbs]

Omg, exactly! That exact quote of Ray's is/was a salve for me. Because I knew it to be true. There are actually many trappings in the psychotherapeutic world, and I'm grateful I had the physiological curiosity way before I saw a trauma specialist. I was able to extract what was useful for me. With think, perceive, act, and altogether questioning systems, i was led to questioning the belief that all "triggered" emotional states have a nebulous traumatic event they are connected to....but then you sleep really well and you're magically in a different frame of mind. With my physical systems balancing I feel in control over my life and understand that identity is not one thing. I no longer believe we have a core identity per se, but it is possible to have a core , a sense of standing on strong earth.

Don't get me wrong, as I've gotten along this journey of recovering, I've realized that working on our emotional burden is crucial, and things like journalling, speaking about our problems with friends (or even a counsellor) is fundamental, because as you've alluded to, it's often not one hidden trauma, but a profound sense of unease with ourselves and our identities. Healing factors like sunshine, human touch (like hugs!), massage, music are all part of it, and the most difficult step is admitting to a certain vulnerability, and recognizing that you need to change things. It takes courage, resilience and energy to work through complicated problems, and taking the steps to fix the physiological stressors and restoring a healthy metabolism is the gateway to establishing new perspectives about ourselves and the way we interact with the world.

When you get really sick, with years of maintaining certain patterns, and cultivating past traumas, it can be hard to recover, but each little step adds up. More sunshine, less PUFAs, more sleep, more protein, less EMF, and at some level, it takes a degree of self-love to want to heal and take the necessary steps to change. It's not easy to get started but it gets easier and you become more ''human'' again the more you do it. As Ray alluded to in the 1996 thyroid interview (available as a transcript on this site), its the metabolic efficiency made possible by high thyroid function which makes us truly human, as every thing we value about life is made possible by metabolically intensive processes.

 

[YourUniverse]

After three years of optimizing my nutrition im still overreacting to little stress and then immediately buying me a xbox and playing straight 16 hours a day for a week or two. basically im happy with my life, i have my own business, i have a wonderful girlfriend and im living a "good western life".

Sure some people did have a dark childhood. Im one of that people. I feel bad when im visiting my parents and brothers, but i don't show it. I hide my feelings and put on a mask so they think everything i fine- i do this because i forgive and still love my father. My sister does not have any contact to my family, she couldn't digest the past and said "**** you all". My sister i living her own life since about 10 Years, she's 39 and looks like ***t. She has now a big variety of diseases like diabetes, anxiety, panic attacks, extreme joint pain, back pain, big digestive problems and and and... her whole body is aching and she looks like she's 60. I see the psychosomatic connection to health. Her childhood trauma makes her so sick. And thats not a theory. I can see it every time. I can see it in her eyes.

And i can see it in the mirror too. I can see my pain, but i can't describe it. I thought i can handle it. I did a 150 Hour psychoanalysis therapy three years ago. I could have done more, but i stopped because my theory, that if i optimize my physical body, i will heal my mind. I tought my mind is locked in a physical body- and if I feed my body a highly nutritious food, i will then gain equilibrium for my life. I was one year in vegan heaven, after that i had more digestive issues, then i tried carnivore, then vegetarian and now im doing rays tipps for about half a year. I have to say, i never felt so good. Ray Peats Work definitely helped me, especially with my allergy, and that is a big deal for me.

But i have this gap inside me. Sometimes i just want to be a child. Sometime i just want to play. Sometimes i don't want to be an adult. I love life, and im going to live it until its fullest. But this Multiplayer Game is destroying every part of my life. I feel like a kid, when im playing my online shooter and meeting my old gaming friends. I love to fight and shoot and fly and learn new skills on the xbox. Ive played about 12000 hours in the last 5 years on this one particular Multiplayer Shooter. And i bought in this 5 years about 15 xbox, selled 10 of them after gaming until collapsing and the other 5 of them i destroyed all with a hammer in my garage.

Once i start playing, im like in a very intense flow. A Flow that is so strong, that i even don't eat and drink for hours- even if im really thirsty and hungry. It doesn't matter how good my body feels, it doesn't matter how wonderful my life is... every 3 to 6 month im like paralized. i can even watch 10 hours of gameplay on youtube... just to get that feeling of playing that game. I really don't know what to do.

I have the felling that no matter how good you treat your physical body- your subconscious will always win.

Did someone have a similar experience?

Your story describes me so fully, even your rationale for focusing on health to heal the emotional hole, and spending too much time gaming. I can relate to 99% of your post.

Gaming is serious. Its a serious addiction I think. There's talk that addictions are ways of self-medicating, and theres talk that people heal themselves of serious addiction by giving in to them, within 5-7 years or something like that. I dont think any of this is true for gaming. I think gaming is an escape. I think the self-medication and the 'a-ha' moment that you must quit will happen when perhaps too much time is wasted. I think gaming, especially the addictive games, have to be STOPPED. I find literally leaving the home to be most effective. If you game on a desktop, get out of the house. Work at a coffee shop. Better, sell your desktop. If gaming is on a console, sell it, and again, get out of the house.

As far as fixing the hole inside, the psychosomatic problems down the line? If you come to a solution please pass it along. I fear these things will slowly creep up on me. Ray said something interesting about that, and I'll paraphrase: 'when your thyroid is good, the past stops troubling you, because you can just think what you want about the situation'. Along those lines.

Hope that helps, thanks for sharing

 

[YourUniverse]

@Artynoa
Welcome.

You’re not as bad off as you think.

You've forgiven. You’re aware.
Many can’t say that.
Give yourself some grace.

Have you ever watched the Crappy Childhood Fairy on YouTube?
She’s solid. You may like her.
But she’s milk- and you need meat.

I’ve heard solid things about this book.
Your description of yourself and your behaviors sound fragmented.

And don’t underestimate the depth of the trauma you endured.
My friend who read this book really had a hard time admitting the wrongs done unto her as a child. Once she did, she began a journey of growth, healing, breaking of bonds (hers was not gaming like yours but close) self acceptance and peace. View attachment 17446

Thanks for this. I'm going to check out this book too.

 

[YourUniverse]

''When your thyroid function is restored to normal, you can think what you want about things''.

Omg, exactly! That exact quote of Ray's is/was a salve for me. Because I knew it to be true.

That makes 3 of us :)

 

[Peatogenic]

"Nothing is stored, it's like the pasts are all present in the same room, and we periodically have a different perspective on them. When the present balance of stuff, toxicants, euphoriants, etc., is good, you can think and feel what you want to about things." Ray Peat

#33: Optimizing The Environment With Raymond Peat — Generative Energy Podcast

 

[SOMO]

Video games are a distraction.

Sometimes we need distractions to "shake us" out of our mundane and stressful lives.

Sometimes I will overwork myself and after "reward" myself with some video games.

Video games can be beneficial if they are used as a reward and as a way to "tune out" from daily stressors.

But if you are neglecting other aspects of your life for video games, that is a serious problem and indicates you should stop video games temporarily.

 

[redsun]

Video games are a distraction.

Sometimes we need distractions to "shake us" out of our mundane and stressful lives.

Sometimes I will overwork myself and after "reward" myself with some video games.

Video games can be beneficial if they are used as a reward and as a way to "tune out" from daily stressors.

But if you are neglecting other aspects of your life for video games, that is a serious problem and indicates you should stop video games temporarily.

I think you missed the part in his OP where he says he has done exactly this over and over again. Bought 15 xbox in 5 years, sold 10 and broke the other 5 with a hammer.

 

[SOMO]

I think you missed the part in his OP where he says he has done exactly this over and over again. Bought 15 xbox in 5 years, sold 10 and broke the other 5 with a hammer.

My post wasn't really directed at the OP, it was just a general statement directed at anyone with a video game addiction.


I actually don't think the OP has an issue with video games. @Artynoa I think your issue is psychological/mental and you're putting a lot of blame on the video games, but since you're balancing other aspects of your life, the simplest thing would be for you to seek some professional talk-therapy.

 

[GreekDemiGod]

I never understood video games. They bring no value. They teach no skills. They don't make money. They don't help you move ahead. It's like porn. It teaches you to be a cuckold with your own life. Instead of seeking exciting experiences to LIVE in your real life, you vicariously live them through a virtual character.

 

[milkboi]

Don’t agree with 100% what he says, but I think his general conclusion is true. And his recent videos are very much relevant to your situation OP; he’s talking about those kinds of binges you go through (and me too for that matter).

 

[HealingBoy]

There's no problem with playing games, just play games that have an end. If you plays MMO games, that's clearly addictive, it never ends, there is always a quest, a hidden item, and new boss, etc ...

Psychedelics can help, if used cautiously. Of course, check for legality in your state ...