Adrenaline junkie/Games/Competition (Incl. email exchanges with ray)

[Bluemachine]

Edit: whilst writing this post I came to the conclusion or remembered that I had already heavily been thinking that the answer to this is probably just a result of damaged metabolism and the ensuing desire to still feel alive via other means. Therefore maybe the answer, at least the one I’ll receive here is just general peat principles but I’ll continue anyway in case not or if this post is interesting to anyone.

Maybe this isn’t the right question for what I’m trying to fix but let me digress... I think I read that peat recommended progesterone to a friend of his suffering from alcoholism and maybe there are various methods for quitting various substances but does anyone have anything to say for quitting adrenaline so to speak? What I mean is chasing the high of an adrenaline inducing act. for some it might be sky diving, for some cold expose, ice baths, running, sport, you get the idea. (not trying to say these things are all inherently bad/unhealthy, I don’t know) for Me currently my adrenaline kick is chess or at least the competition with myself and with others, the drive to reach a goal - a higher chess rating, an increase in social standing, admiration from others. Since I was young, when I would get into a new hobby, sport, game, even playing playing an instrument I turned into a game of i want to be the best, I would spend hours learning complex pieces of music for the hit of admiration and respect from my peers.

a couple of emails to ray and his responses regarding this subject matter:

me: do you think being competitive has a place in a healthy individual or would they be fairly indifferent about being better than others?

ray: I think it’s a form of neurosis
-
me: what do you think of chess as a hobby? Does mental exercise have the same potential to be anti-metabolic as physical exercise does?

ray: I think the abstract nature of games makes them potentially harmful, addictive.

I had been meaning to write a third email asking this very question (how to quit an addiction to a game - maybe this seems trivial - just quit bro - but for me the hobby is fulfilling certain things that I guess I’m not getting elsewhere) but unfortunately as you all know Ray passed. RIP Ray

to be more specific about my current circumstance i‘m addicted to chess and stuck in a cycle of spending all my time playing, thinking about it when I’m not playing, studying the game, watching other people play the game, getting completely burnt out, saying f*** chess I’m done with it, spending a few days not even being able to look at a chess board, slowly not hating the idea of it as much and allowing myself to just watch others play but I won’t, ahh just a couple of games can’t hurt, let’s see how I respond this time, wow that was quite fun actually maybe I can just play a couple every day, end up playing a couple hours a day, start thinking wouldn’t it be great if I could keep it up this time, start to feel stressed and exhausted, can’t look at a chess board again, repeat. I really just want to be done for good this time but a part of me still wants to find a way to incorporate it into my life in a healthy, balanced way. <- But that’s the thought that starts the wheel turning again.

 

[HealingBoy]

You're just fond of chess friend, there is nothing wrong about that. For some people, it's music, for others, it's reading books, for you, it's chess. I have a musician friend who sometimes get annoyed with music then goes back to it. It's just a cycle.
And there is nothing wrong with competition, that's what sport is all about, whether it's against others or against yourself.
I wouldn't overthink that :)

 

[Glace]

I think Ray is correct in that hypercompetitiveness is a form of neurosis. The way you describe your relationship with chess sounds like an addiction; the Rat Park experiment pretty well proves that addiction is self-medication to cope with stress.

In general, a person should be anxious to prove themselves if they don't get recognition and affirmation; it's a way of keeping us out of permanent mediocrity. If your life is pretty well on track with your goals, you might want to investigate why the hormones involved in emotional security would be low. I would suspect progesterone and testosterone.

I think once you identify and eliminate the significant sources of stress and restore good (brain) metabolism, your relationship with the game will improve.

 

[Androsclerosis]

Being competitive it's a double edged sword. It helps you improve in that regard, promoting neurogenesis in the brain at some point, in your case chess, but to reach that level you have to go through mild or even severe stress. This may be the reason why people who played sports or were scientists didn't live long enough.
The best approach is to have fun, try to improve without stressing about it if you don't expect becoming GM. Or during your 20s 30s you can stay competitive to reach a level of competence and ability and then retire with a perspective of life "going with the flow".
My friend who is low stress most of the time, has great sleep and infinite energy, has both sides, competivity and "living the moment without forcing anything". He stays on living the moment most of the time and he doesn't get obsessed easily. Only sometimes in competitive games like basketball.
You must focus on what makes you happy. Does the feeling of obsession makes you irritable/unstable? If yes, then slow down a bit till it's manageable.

 

[Warrior]

Who first introduced you to chess? What are your fondest memories of playing it? What are you attempting to avoid with this obsession?

There is more to this line of reasoning but asking yourself these three questions in order then associating the links between them will dredge the Patterns you're activating up from your subconscious for examination. It can generate a lot of insight as opposed to just carrying out the click*whirr behavior without introspection.

 

[BearWithMe]

...

me: do you think being competitive has a place in a healthy individual or would they be fairly indifferent about being better than others?

ray: I think it’s a form of neurosis

Our economy (and therefore, our society as a whole) is literally built on neurotic, deranged ideas.

This might be one of the most important quotes of Ray. Thanks for sharing.