I'm Just Losing Faith And Need Some Help

Jacob28

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Well, I've been taking thiamine for about 3 weeks, but I guess I take too little( 100-200mg daily, now increased to 1g)

Also take magnesium 500mg-1g and b compl.

But the point is, my appetite is very poor, food seem to be even a bit disgusting to me, how the hell can I refeed myself( I really want to do so) If I have to literally force myself to eat, sometimes when I eat little more, I have vomiting reflex.

How can I get that damn appetite back?

I know poor appetite is also symptom of thiamine deficiency and Magnesium, zinc, perhaps b12... I read about studies, where patients with anorexia, very poor appetite and low energy got better immidiately after thiamine treatment, but they got injections, I guess taking it orally, or just every nutrient is problematic, taking huge doses and hoping that some of it will get absorbed :/

If only I would have some access to iv or injections, at least with vit. B1 but also with whole spectrum of nutrient, I know I would feel better. Now I'm basically vegetating, in anhedonic and apathetic state, or pathetic in other words.

Every food I eat is poorly tolerate, even that super duper easy to digest, just sitting in my stomach, I have little pleasure from eating, its a real anguish, repeated everyday.

I'm so weak, but I go to work and pretend I'm fine, but I'm not, my muscles are easily fatigued, I just want to lie on bed, take some cypro and sleep.
But I'm not sleepy at night, without mianserine or cypro its hard for me to full asleep.
And I'm obviously not fresh after sleep, I forgot what it means to be 'fresh' or rested, it's like an abstract to me, everything seems like f***ing never ending torture, like last 5 years of my life( I'm 21)
I know that something is happening, but I don't know what it is.
I always had wounds behind my ears, dandruff, gum problems, definitely some b's deficiency, also has muscle cramps and twitching eye, stomach cramps, got fatigued when standing for a long time, had always dry skin, problems with concentration...
I'm so f****** angry that all those doctors doesn't even give you some damn vitamin supplement and some minerals, F***ing quackers don't even know about malnutrition, about proper diet, they don't treat, they don't understamd basic stuff about metabolism, they don't know that 3/4 of people who go to a visit are hypo and malnourished, they aren't even healthy, so how can they treat anyone, **** me.

I'm obviously exaggerating, but I feel there's no help for me, when I look at people on the street, I'm envy, when I seems great looking young, man without any fat neck, with healthy face, with nice hair, or I see people with fat neck, swollen face, face full of apathetic and fatigue, often devoid of vitality, I'm even more depressed.

Every f***ing day is the same for me, at morning I know I should get up, but I know I don't have anything to do, so I can lay on bed all day, I start my day with despondence, hoping that my intestines are in better state, but they make the same damn noises, bloody squashing and sloppin, and lots of gas, after a meal I feel like I swallowed a stone, just want to sleep, I take some tobacco, it gives some kick, but makes me quite nervous...
I'm exhausted.

Right now I feel like being healthy is not for me.
 
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Same ***t here since 2002. Still no answer, still no diagnose. I have many symptoms you describe. Sick to be sick, tired to be tired, depressed about having depression. Some times I feel like saying "screw it all" and packing my backpack to live in Amazonas with tribes far far far away. Maybe reconnection to natural habitat could do the trick for me.
 

Jacob28

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Same ***t here since 2002. Still no answer, still no diagnose. I have many symptoms you describe. Sick to be sick, tired to be tired, depressed about having depression. Some times I feel like saying "screw it all" and packing my backpack to live in Amazonas with tribes far far far away. Maybe reconnection to natural habitat could do the trick for me.

Since 2002!? Wow, thats like 17(18) years!
That's the beauty of chronic illness, you are sick and nothing helps you.
And folks often tell you that you're hypohondriac or you're exaggerating... F*** me.

That's why I often don't tell people about any symptoms or how I feel.
It's OK, it's alright, nothing's wrong.( what does it mean? An abstract)

Do you have poor appetite too?
I think it's biggest obstacle on the way to at least eat more calories, it's also somewhat alarming and disturbing.

Also my digestion makes impossible fo rme, for this moment to eat properly.
Sometimes I eat just glucose+ some white sugar( tolerate it poorly) and some thin sausages( kabanos) I don't even think about food. Or crave some odd thing like nutella or chocolate( I have huge gas after eating chocolate right now(!) :|

I don't think living in Amazonia would make you feel better, but if you would be born there, maybe.

Have you tired high doses of thiamine or any nutrient?
I hope it may help me but I just don't know, I tried many things.


Also I think iv or even injections with several most important nutrients would help both of us. But how to replenish your nutrients when taking it orally, and it seems its poorly absorbed?
 

Jacob28

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It won't work, I'm very sensitive to bad food, even dairy is troublesome.

And I'm basically forcing myself to eat, that's not pleasant thing.
 
Joined
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Same ***t here since 2002. Still no answer, still no diagnose. I have many symptoms you describe. Sick to be sick, tired to be tired, depressed about having depression. Some times I feel like saying "screw it all" and packing my backpack to live in Amazonas with tribes far far far away. Maybe reconnection to natural habitat could do the trick for me.
I just got back from basically having no internet, barely any light, cooking food in the freezing cold and making a camp fire every night it really does change your mindset on how fortunate we are.
 

Sofia

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Look for thread Recovering from undereating, edinstitute.org, otherwise for Berne book ”Games people play”.
 

lampofred

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Just don't think about anything. Turn off your phone, your TV, your computer, everything, just lie in bed without moving, without thinking. Do that for as many hours as you need until your panic/anger disappears and tryptophan/cortisol lowers and you get calmness/clarity.

You'll never figure out what you need to do in that current mindset, it could be as simple as being low in vitamin D or needing a one-time stint of antibiotics or maybe something major like needing to move and find a more satisfying job and a cleaner area to live in.
 

jzeno

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I've been there. What are you eating? And in general, what supplements are you taking?
 

Jacob28

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jzeno, Hi Trump :D

I eat lots of overcooked potatoes( even 5-6 medium) + 1cup of white rice broken down with alpha amylase to thin watery soup( it kinda works for me, its very easy to digest)
A big piece of lean fish- maybe 100g( cod or pollock) + sometimes few chicken livers, 2-4 egg yolks.
Sometimes half of a melon, a pear, mango, cup of orange juice,
Pure glucose- about 50-100g, some white sugar, say, 50<g( tricky one, get lots of gas and flatulence after esp fructose)

Fructose makes my gut swell and lots of gas :/

I take 500-700mg of magnesium, b complex, d3- about 4000 IU, some vit E, zinc- 15mg, selenium -150 mcg, some manganese and copper( just a pinch of powder) I always take suppo with food, add them and mix with my soup, most supplements I have are pure powders( chelates- in case of the minerals) without additives.
But I'm quite inconsistent in taking them, esp Zn, Se, vit E, I forgot or lose motivation(!?) often.

I was taking mianserine for about 3 weeks, it's very calming, my muscles got relaxed, even makes me more creative, my dreams after it are very weird and lucid but enjoyable and colourful.
Was taking 7.5 to 15mg, it's really nice thing.

And other noteworthy thing, which I often repeat is that I feel better during fever( flu or cold), when got fever I was always feeling so good, full of energy, happy and talkative, optimistic and creative.
That's interesting thing.

I could forget about something, so I guess I will write it in addition.
 
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Zpol

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Maybe reconnection to natural habitat could do the trick for me.
Exactly, same here. Pretty sure that all unwell people need to do this, however most are so distracted by technology and modern living that they don't even realize it. Fortunately we do, but I'm not sure yet how to make it happen. I used to get jealous of people with nice houses and cars, now I'm jealous of the people in those Amazon tribes.

@Jacob28 I suffered with something similar. I wrote this post awhile back Sicker Than Ever, Finding It Hard To Research Effectively. What you explain seems similar. The muscle weakness, lack of appetite, feeling like it will all come up again if you take one extra bite, an overall sick feeling but hard to describe, etc. My doctor took like 10 viles of blood for tests including; B-vitamins, Calcium panel, iron panel, zinc to copper ratio, vit D, CBC, homocysteine, liver panel, and a few others. Also, I went to a natropath and did a Doctor's Data stool test. (note; this all came to about $2000.00.) Ultimately my doctor diagnosed my with 'high amount of oxidative stress due to too high ratio of copper to zinc', high homocysteine, and the stool test came back with low elastase (indicating pancreas inflammation) and SIBO, and fortunately negative for signs of parasite infection. FYI, years ago I was diagnosed with Celiac and atrophied villi causing malnutrition.

I will tell you all that I did to get better, not sure what will apply to you but maybe it will give some ideas...

- I was already follow RP dietary suggestions but tried to eat a few bites more more often, every 3 hours at least, if only a few bites of high calorie foods. Things that go down best extremely ripe organic bananas, soaked dates, coconut oil, ghee, Mexican Coke (really helps with indigestion), meat broths, soups, applesauce, ZERO starch (until your gut heals at least). Also, get some coconut water or other electrolyte water throughout the day to keep cells hydrated enough to efficiently conduct electric current, also lots of salt.
- My experience is you need to get some highly digestible Amino Acids (supplements helped me big time with this). I used a product called Impower AminoPro. At one point I was taking about 40 caps per day. Another option is mixing your own according to this thread Amino Acid Supplementation For People With Poor Digestion. Other option would be to take digestive enzymes with food proteins. I also take glycine with every muscle meat that I eat. I would steer clear of gelatin and collagen powders until your gut heals because they can produce some serious endotoxin in my experience.
- I was also already taking T3 and T4
- Lauridicin to help combat dormant viruses (my immune system was wrecked and I was getting shingles frequently)
- Started taking Zinc sulfate
- Started taking a Selenium supplement
- Switched to Allithiamine from benfothiamine and thiamine HCL (do you take Allithiamine? I highly recommend over the other types)
- Energin B vitamins, 10 drops 2x per day
- Sublingual B12 (almost forgot)
- Vit K2 2x per day
- Inositol
- Pregnenalone
- Progesterone ( I am female, not sure if a young guy such as yourself would require this)
- Magnesium oil on skin 2x or 3x per day (I use Magnoil)
- Cascara every evening
- I highly recommend Dramamine to dispel some of the nausea and increase appetite, it's similar to cypro but I think it has the best stomach settling effects out of all the first generation antihistamines, or else ketotifen (I haven't tried yet but I ordered some).
- And finally, get the majority of your vitamin D from the sun or a SPERTI vit D lamp. Vit D synthesis via UVB light on your skin has a more pronounced beneficial effect on gut microbiota than supplements. Better yet, put some Magnoil on your skin before sun bathing; the DMSO in it will help with steroid synthesis.

Hope this helps. I can't say I'm completely healed but I can have a mostly normal life again and I have lots more energy, muscle weakness is completely gone. This seems like a lot of supplements, and it is, but it worked and I'm now able to cut back the amount of most of them, eventually I hope to eliminate some or all of them.
 

Jacob28

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Wow, indeed, lots of supps, tests and other stuff.

I know I shouldn't eat so much Starch, but when I use that enzyme, it brokes down eveything and I don't think there are any starch grains left, it's mostly dextrines, which I guess don't cause any endotoxin problems or sth like that. It's very hard and impractical for me to eat no starch, I have job, which is 50-80% physical and I must have some easy to prepare, dense, high calorie and 'practical' source of carbohydrates.
I can't imagine eating only bananas( which cause flatulence in my case) or dates( all that peel, pectins etc.) at work, and I also need some protein.
Fish or beef+ fruit is rather strange mix.
The fruit I tolerate the best is very ripe melon.
And no matter how many times I try to eat more sucrose, or fructose I always have a big intestinal discomfort, starts most likely at small Intestines, after few minutes of ingesting fructose.
 

boris

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@Jacob28 how is your temperature? Did you try thyroid? If you feel better with elevated tempereature like you said during fever it could be good to try it.

If you are hypo with low temps, all the starch will pass slowly and feed bacteria in the gut and produce lots of endotoxin which will make you feel bad.
How many bowel movements do you have in a day?
 

shine

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@Jacob28 Have you tried adenosylcobalamine? Bodybuilders use adenosyl-B12 to increase appetite and I can confirm that I am always hungry and eat a lot more when I take it. In phases when I am bulking I take about 500-1000mcg/day sublingually.
 

Jacob28

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I take magnesium, 500<mg, b compl., and thiamine 200-500mg everyday.
And as I said, usually over 1kg (2,2lbs) Of potatoes + 1cup of white rice(about 700 calories) always broken down by alpha amylase, it's basically a gloopy, slopy, thin and overcooked, almost sweet, watery( though I add only little water) soup and some fruit usually melon 1/2 to whole melon, one or two pears.
100g< of dextrose + 50-100g of sucrose
And almost everyday about 100g of cod or pollock, 2-3 times a week chicken liver, few egg yolks.

I usually have 1 bowel moment a day, sometimes 2( rather divided 1) only when take cascara, without cascara... Well, I even poop every two days...

I tried thyroid several times, and it mostly didn't do nothing, maybe one or two times, as far as I remember, I feel a bit warmer, but also a bit agitated and that could be from adrenaline.

No, I haven't try this form of cobalamine, I'm sure I'll give it a try.
 

Kvothe

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Your diet sounds very weird. Have you considered eating more "normal" foods and just choosing your foods, and when to eat, according to hunger and appetite? Eating when not hungry is an eating disorder, just like eating/chosing foods solely on theoretical aspects. As Peat has pointed out, eating when not hungry can make the intestine very sluggish, and doing this for a long time can create a lot of inflammation and functional disorders. Your microbiome has probably deteriorated a lot, judging by the description of your symptoms and response to certain foods. Have you done a breath-H2 test?
 

Ihor

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@Jacob28 I think you need to pass some tests, that it would be possible to get at least some kind of starting point, without them you can probably stomp on a place many years.
 

Jacob28

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Your diet sounds very weird. Have you considered eating more "normal" foods and just choosing your foods, and when to eat, according to hunger and appetite? Eating when not hungry is an eating disorder, just like eating/chosing foods solely on theoretical aspects. As Peat has pointed out, eating when not hungry can make the intestine very sluggish, and doing this for a long time can create a lot of inflammation and functional disorders. Your microbiome has probably deteriorated a lot, judging by the description of your symptoms and response to certain foods. Have you done a breath-H2 test?

I'm weird, so my diet is also weird...
Yes, I'd like to eat what I like and more "normal" stuff( though it depends how you define word "normal")
I like bananas, potatoes, milk, mangos, oranges, pineapples, chocolate, melons, dates, but I get flatulence and lots of gas from most of these foods. I eat banana, OK its delicious, half an hour later- my stomach is swollen, so I have no choice.
I tolerate these weird gloopy potatoes quite well and I like it, I add some ginger, turmeric, other spices.
I also love melons and they have rather low fibre content.

Imagine if you would have such gut problems( I don't wish you that)
I would really like to eat, say 4 bananas, a course of oranges but I know I will suffer, despite of taste being divine, super, delicious.

I have no f***ing choice.
And on the top of that, I have very damaged teeth, so I can't eat EVEN more fruits, like oranges, which I really like.

Yes, I'm eating when I'm not hungry, but you have to understand that I'm mostly NOT HUNGRY or NAUSEOUS so I have no bloody f***ing choice, I have to force myself to eat at least something. And that's not pleasant, but my body obviously needs some feel, but you suggest that I have to eat when I'm hungry, if would eat only when I'm hungry I would eat like 1000 calories,
Even now I barely manage to eat 2000 Sometimes 2500 or sth like that.

F*** me, now I feel like a complete weirdo.
 
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