People get angry at me really easily

[blue_lotus]

For as long as I can remember I piss off people super easily and I dont know why. I mean yeah I can think of superficial things I shouldnt have said or done, but these are things that most people would get a pass for. Like I can literally think of situations at university where I would say something and people would knock down my idea/belittle me but then someone else says the same thing and they get a pass for it. Ive come to the conclusion that this is basically a vibe problem. I just have this vibe that rubs people the wrong way. Its really insidious because im genuinely a good person and try to behave/think morally all the time but its as if nobody picks up on this.

While I piss off most people in general, ive noticed that I particularly piss off insecure, ultra "NPC" types (I hate that term but at least it paints a clear mental image). I dont even have to be talking about something controversial but it seems like on a fundamental level they just oppose me and the vibe is all wrong. without exaggerating I can say that the people who hate me the most are usually shallow, trite types that are shitty in a very particular way while not being completely bad people, if that makes any sense. are we just in an age of darkness where genuine people get ***t on by everyone else?

unfortunately I suspect the "bad vibes" hypothesis is correct because ive met people before that I disliked for no reason or for minor reasons. these kinds of situations make me feel really bad because im doing the same thing to these people that I complain about having done to me too. im also open to the idea that I might have some social blindspots that im not aware of as well. honestly I think its probably a mixture of the two, social blindspots and "bad vibes". I just seem to have this uncanny bad luck in social situations where im acting normally but get imposed on by external situations that cast me in a bad light (think larry david-esque situations)

can anyone relate to this?

 

[unsubscribed]

For as long as I can remember I piss off people super easily and I dont know why. I mean yeah I can think of superficial things I shouldnt have said or done, but these are things that most people would get a pass for. Like I can literally think of situations at university where I would say something and people would knock down my idea/belittle me but then someone else says the same thing and they get a pass for it. Ive come to the conclusion that this is basically a vibe problem. I just have this vibe that rubs people the wrong way. Its really insidious because im genuinely a good person and try to behave/think morally all the time but its as if nobody picks up on this.

While I piss off most people in general, ive noticed that I particularly piss off insecure, ultra "NPC" types (I hate that term but at least it paints a clear mental image). I dont even have to be talking about something controversial but it seems like on a fundamental level they just oppose me and the vibe is all wrong. without exaggerating I can say that the people who hate me the most are usually shallow, trite types that are shitty in a very particular way while not being completely bad people, if that makes any sense. are we just in an age of darkness where genuine people get ***t on by everyone else?

unfortunately I suspect the "bad vibes" hypothesis is correct because ive met people before that I disliked for no reason or for minor reasons. these kinds of situations make me feel really bad because im doing the same thing to these people that I complain about having done to me too. im also open to the idea that I might have some social blindspots that im not aware of as well. honestly I think its probably a mixture of the two, social blindspots and "bad vibes". I just seem to have this uncanny bad luck in social situations where im acting normally but get imposed on by external situations that cast me in a bad light (think larry david-esque situations)

can anyone relate to this?

Yes. Group think. Hive mind. Do you add an outside perspective to the norm?

 

[Panopticon]

directed energy weapons at orbit altitude, satoration is 99 % by now (nasa war document) (aluminum oxide) 70-80 % evil souls on the planet, the dew is just making them their ultimate self and that is evil abusers... they don't care how they abuse only that they abuse, stay away...and don't waste you time.

edit: one platform can track and abuse/control 800 000 000 targets, including birds in flight

they annoy them and remove the signal to make them buy stuff... they get dopamine spikes too... the battery of their smart glass is lithium while at the same time they are deprived of sodium by the cell towers and orbital platforms... this is known as spectrum domination

 

[yerrag]

You are at a different wavelength. You cannot find resonance. In a woke culture, the dissonance you create with your vibes - movements, language, and ideas is bound to be more pronounced than say you were living at a different milieu or zeitgeist, such as twenty years ago.

It would be like you wearing baggy pants in a room of people wearing leg and crotch suffocating jeans. Though you value freedom and comfort, everyone would see you as dated even as you see them as insecure and conformist. NPCs.

It is in such moments that you are tempered and your values face the fire. That burnishes your edge.

At a time bullying is explicitly made to be inherently evil and not seen as a natural rite of passage into adulthood and as an initiation into the inevitable rough and tumble of the real world, another bully, bigger and more vicious, has taken its place.

PC culture hss regressed to wokeness, swallowing every corner of society in its wake. You are morsel and prey to this predator if you just stay put and let it swallow you.

 

[Mountain]

People probably pick up on your main character complex and are rightfully put off by it

 

[blue_lotus]

Yes. Group think. Hive mind. Do you add an outside perspective to the norm?

I do sometimes, but not obnoxiously so. have you observed that hivemind has gotten worse with time?

directed energy weapons at orbit altitude, satoration is 99 % by now (nasa war document) (aluminum oxide) 70-80 % evil souls on the planet, the dew is just making them their ultimate self and that is evil abusers... they don't care how they abuse only that they abuse, stay away...and don't waste you time.

edit: one platform can track and abuse/control 800 000 000 targets, including birds in flight

they annoy them and remove the signal to make them buy stuff... they get dopamine spikes too... the battery of their smart glass is lithium while at the same time they are deprived of sodium by the cell towers and orbital platforms... this is known as spectrum domination

not the answer I was expecting but you might be right. nothing surprises me these days

You are at a different wavelength. You cannot find resonance. In a woke culture, the dissonance you create with your vibes - movements, language, and ideas is bound to be more pronounced than say you were living at a different milieu or zeitgeist, such as twenty years ago.

It would be like you wearing baggy pants in a room of people wearing leg and crotch suffocating jeans. Though you value freedom and comfort, everyone would see you as dated even as you see them as insecure and conformist. NPCs.

It is in such moments that you are tempered and your values face the fire. That burnishes your edge.

At a time bullying is explicitly made to be inherently evil and not seen as a natural rite of passage into adulthood and as an initiation into the inevitable rough and tumble of the real world, another bully, bigger and more vicious, has taken its place.

PC culture hss regressed to wokeness, swallowing every corner of society in its wake. You are morsel and prey to this predator if you just stay put and let it swallow you.

this sounds like a good explanation. I think another thing is that a certain type of narcissistic psychopathy flourishes in an environment of easy 1st world conditions + constant exposure to toxic "cool" media. the reason I believe this because I was more heartless and arrogant towards people when I was younger, constantly watched brainless programming and was in good health however over time constant health problems have ground me down and humbled me.

IOW its easy to be a jerk when you feel strong and your mind is filled with crap from TV. I dont remember where I heard this from but illness really does humble you. thats probably the only benefit I have from dealing with chronic health issues

People probably pick up on your main character complex and are rightfully put off by it

care to elaborate on why you think I have main character complex? you seem like exactly the kind of person I was referring to in OP

 

[Mountain]

I do sometimes, but not obnoxiously so. have you observed that hivemind has gotten worse with time?


not the answer I was expecting but you might be right. nothing surprises me these days


this sounds like a good explanation. I think another thing is that a certain type of narcissistic psychopathy flourishes in an environment of easy 1st world conditions + constant exposure to toxic "cool" media. the reason I believe this because I was more heartless and arrogant towards people when I was younger, constantly watched brainless programming and was in good health however over time constant health problems have ground me down and humbled me.

IOW its easy to be a jerk when you feel strong and your mind is filled with crap from TV. I dont remember where I heard this from but illness really does humble you. thats probably the only benefit I have from dealing with chronic health issues


care to elaborate on why you think I have main character complex? you seem like exactly the kind of person I was referring to in OP

While I piss off most people in general, ive noticed that I particularly piss off insecure, ultra "NPC" types (I hate that term but at least it paints a clear mental image). I dont even have to be talking about something controversial but it seems like on a fundamental level they just oppose me and the vibe is all wrong. without exaggerating I can say that the people who hate me the most are usually shallow, trite types that are shitty in a very particular way while not being completely bad people, if that makes any sense. are we just in an age of darkness where genuine people get ***t on by everyone else?

 

[blue_lotus]

View attachment 48754

poor take. I assumed this was your angle beforehand but just wanted to make sure. If you bothered reading my response carefully instead of reflexively throwing out a response then you would understand why your argument is a poor one.

1.I explicitly stated that I disliked the NPC term and was only using it out of convenience to quickly illustrate a point. why do I dislike the NPC term? because its dehumanizing thats why. I reiterated this position by pointing out that the people that dislike me aren't completely terrible (and have redeeming features), but you ignored this.

While I piss off most people in general, ive noticed that I particularly piss off insecure, ultra "NPC" types (I hate that term but at least it paints a clear mental image). I dont even have to be talking about something controversial but it seems like on a fundamental level they just oppose me and the vibe is all wrong. without exaggerating I can say that the people who hate me the most are usually shallow, trite types that are shitty in a very particular way while not being completely bad people, if that makes any sense. are we just in an age of darkness where genuine people get ***t on by everyone else?

2.I spent the majority of the post talking about how this is possibly my own fault, I brought this up about 3-4 different times (giving it vast precedence over blaming "NPCs"). you ignored this of course too.

Im glad you posted your comment though, you perfectly illustrated the kind of ignorant people and "bad luck" I encounter IRL. Why do people get angry at me really easily? because they dont bother to understand what im saying and instantly assume things based on their own misperceptions like youve done.

 

[Jonk]

I think we all struggle with this sort of thing more or less. I listen to orthodox christians a bit and one person said that the right mindset to have is to assume you are the worst of sinners. What it means is not necessarily that it's correct all the time, but it's the correct mindset to have. I think the blind spots you might have about yourself becomes more clear with that sort of attitude. Otherwise assuming you are a good person might give you a false sense of righteousness while not lending that same thought about others.

 

[TheSir]

I think the most illuminating approach to your problem is not to ask why people are reacting to you badly, but rather why you are making others feel bad. Others are merely reacting to a feeling which they perceive you triggering in them.

To echo the sentiment above me, generally only bad people see themselves as good people. Good people, by virtue of trying to align their thoughts and behavior with their understanding of the highest good, end up realizing how short or true goodness they fall. As a consequence, those who are earnestly trying to be perfectly good tend to see themselves as being irredeemably wicked.

 

[Mountain]

poor take. I assumed this was your angle beforehand but just wanted to make sure. If you bothered reading my response carefully instead of reflexively throwing out a response then you would understand why your argument is a poor one.

1.I explicitly stated that I disliked the NPC term and was only using it out of convenience to quickly illustrate a point. why do I dislike the NPC term? because its dehumanizing thats why. I reiterated this position by pointing out that the people that dislike me aren't completely terrible (and have redeeming features), but you ignored this.



2.I spent the majority of the post talking about how this is possibly my own fault, I brought this up about 3-4 different times (giving it vast precedence over blaming "NPCs"). you ignored this of course too.

Im glad you posted your comment though, you perfectly illustrated the kind of ignorant people and "bad luck" I encounter IRL. Why do people get angry at me really easily? because they dont bother to understand what im saying and instantly assume things based on their own misperceptions like youve done.

You come off as an uppity dunning-krueger, brother, that's the "vibe" - I'd give you a noogie if I met you irl

 

[Korven]

In addition to what's already been mentioned, I would also consider your physiological state. High cortisol levels tends to repel people ("bad vibes"), whereas a high thyroid/relaxed and energized state makes people feel more comfortable around you. Being well-fed and keeping your blood sugar levels steady has a huge positive impact in making human interactions flow better!

 

[blue_lotus]

I think we all struggle with this sort of thing more or less. I listen to orthodox christians a bit and one person said that the right mindset to have is to assume you are the worst of sinners. What it means is not necessarily that it's correct all the time, but it's the correct mindset to have. I think the blind spots you might have about yourself becomes more clear with that sort of attitude. Otherwise assuming you are a good person might give you a false sense of righteousness while not lending that same thought about others.

I think the most illuminating approach to your problem is not to ask why people are reacting to you badly, but rather why you are making others feel bad. Others are merely reacting to a feeling which they perceive you triggering in them.

To echo the sentiment above me, generally only bad people see themselves as good people. Good people, by virtue of trying to align their thoughts and behavior with their understanding of the highest good, end up realizing how short or true goodness they fall. As a consequence, those who are earnestly trying to be perfectly good tend to see themselves as being irredeemably wicked.

Eh, I disagree here. Im paradoxically closer to being this kind of good person you describe due to the fact that im open to being wrong in the first place. a truly delusional bad person who sees themselves as being good wouldnt be open to seeing themselves as being the problem at all. The part about me being a genuinely good person was just a minor detail that gives context to the larger situation at hand, its not indicative of an underlying complex I have. I dont derive my self-worth from how good/righteous I perceive myself as.

how would this deluded righteousness theory explain things like this?

unfortunately I suspect the "bad vibes" hypothesis is correct because ive met people before that I disliked for no reason or for minor reasons. these kinds of situations make me feel really bad because im doing the same thing to these people that I complain about having done to me too.

I've met people that I was tempted to treat poorly because I didnt like their vibe for some reason, even though they didnt do anything wrong. this doesnt happen often but I have met people like this before. if even ive met people like this then it implies that I could be that person to other people as well. likewise in school ive seen innocent kids get bullied by popular kids which is analogous to my situation. how do you explain that? I appreciate your alls response but it feels a little bit off the mark.

You come off as an uppity dunning-krueger, brother, that's the "vibe" - I'd give you a noogie if I met you irl

I think you should start by directly addressing the points I brought up instead of doubling down with ad-hominem and threats of noogies.

no BS brother. why not admit you were too quick to speak and made a bad call? show some integrity

In addition to what's already been mentioned, I would also consider your physiological state. High cortisol levels tends to repel people ("bad vibes"), whereas a high thyroid/relaxed and energized state makes people feel more comfortable around you. Being well-fed and keeping your blood sugar levels steady has a huge positive impact in making human interactions flow better!

I think this partially explains things. yes, my cortisol levels do tend to be pretty high on average (I struggle with OCD which contributes a lot to this). however its not a full solution because I encounter weird issues with people sometimes even when im in a good mood. im suggesting there is a more metaphysical origin to my problem thats probably hard to pin down. still, I appreciate your advice.

 

[EustaceBagge]

People probably pick up on your main character complex and are rightfully put off by it

If everyone is a main character then nobody is more important than the other. Now the question is, why do you not feel like the main character over your own life? Out of control?

You have to see the main character issue not necessarily as who is more important or not, but as a POV. In that sense who is not a main character, be it a hero or anti-hero?

 

[Jonk]

I've met people that I was tempted to treat poorly because I didnt like their vibe for some reason, even though they didnt do anything wrong. this doesnt happen often but I have met people like this before. if even ive met people like this then it implies that I could be that person to other people as well. likewise in school ive seen innocent kids get bullied by popular kids which is analogous to my situation. how do you explain that? I appreciate your alls response but it feels a little bit off the mark.

One thing that might be fitting is that often people like other people not because of how nice they are but as how trustworthy they seem. This is common among men, where we usually "take jabs" at each other, and being able to laugh at yourself and give back some jabs is an indicator that you're willing to be part of the group and won't just fold under the smallest bit of pressure. There also are people that abuse this sort of group dynamic, and it's usually people that gladly dish out jabs at others but getting defensive when it's getting back at them.

Another thing might be to learn how to listen better. If you're OCD you're probably very goal oriented and a problem solver, and your way of listening might be to give people exact answers or solutions. I've noticed that people who I would regard as "NPC's" often are more in tune with non verbal communication and would probably regard me as being autistic for wanting to talk about the subject matter and not just "hang out". Being more one type or another isn't good or bad but if you're far on one side of the spectrum it might be helpful being aware of.

 

[Pete Rey]

Yes, I can relate. It's called autism. Join the club. The pool is warm and psychotherapy starts at 10.

 

[Atelier]

For as long as I can remember I piss off people super easily and I dont know why. I mean yeah I can think of superficial things I shouldnt have said or done, but these are things that most people would get a pass for. Like I can literally think of situations at university where I would say something and people would knock down my idea/belittle me but then someone else says the same thing and they get a pass for it. Ive come to the conclusion that this is basically a vibe problem. I just have this vibe that rubs people the wrong way. Its really insidious because im genuinely a good person and try to behave/think morally all the time but its as if nobody picks up on this.

While I piss off most people in general, ive noticed that I particularly piss off insecure, ultra "NPC" types (I hate that term but at least it paints a clear mental image). I dont even have to be talking about something controversial but it seems like on a fundamental level they just oppose me and the vibe is all wrong. without exaggerating I can say that the people who hate me the most are usually shallow, trite types that are shitty in a very particular way while not being completely bad people, if that makes any sense. are we just in an age of darkness where genuine people get ***t on by everyone else?

unfortunately I suspect the "bad vibes" hypothesis is correct because ive met people before that I disliked for no reason or for minor reasons. these kinds of situations make me feel really bad because im doing the same thing to these people that I complain about having done to me too. im also open to the idea that I might have some social blindspots that im not aware of as well. honestly I think its probably a mixture of the two, social blindspots and "bad vibes". I just seem to have this uncanny bad luck in social situations where im acting normally but get imposed on by external situations that cast me in a bad light (think larry david-esque situations)

can anyone relate to this?

It is something that has puzzled me my whole life.
There could be so many reasons depending on the context, your environment, your past etc.
It's very hard to assess for oneself.
I've discussed this with my psychotherapist, and she told me "most people relate through rank, and some relate through heart".
If you're someone who communicates from person to person, heart to heart, it could annoy the people who communicate through rank.

Also what I observe is that quite often people seem to assess the other person's power level. A lot of people's logic is about dominance/submission.
Groups establish ranks and power positions. It is unspoken most times, and since most communication is non-verbal, people know instictively.
And the power will be about different things for different groups also, like who's the coolest amongst young people, who has the highest status in a more status driven group, who has more knowledge etc.
Even in groups like here or on FB, even in the RP fan group, there are the cool ones, the more knowledgeable ones, etc.
And most people will tend to react according to the power they think someone has.
If a dominant one is jealous of you for instance, instictively the rest will reject you (either they themselves feel jealousy towards you and the fact that the dominant one will react against you is like a permission for them to forget their values of kindness, or they simply follow the leader).

And then we tend to unwillingly drag situations from our childhood into adulthood. Relationship with the siblings, place occupied in the family, marking events. The body gives out so much, even through posture. But vibes, definitely. I think we are all energy and we are still animalistic.

I still haven't figured out why I'm in the position you describe for yourself... so I'm not of a great help! But I definitely relate.
It seems to be for different reasons in different situations, but I wonder sometimes.
I did live a childhood where I was blamed unfairly by a very manipulative sister, and that has to leave some scars. Also I'm of mixed nationalities and was the different one wherever I went. Could it have shaped how I behave and how people relate to me, I think definitely.

Complicated but interesting post!

 

[aniciete]

Are you rather unattractive?

 

[gunther]

im also open to the idea that I might have some social blindspots that im not aware of as well. honestly I think its probably a mixture of the two, social blindspots and "bad vibes".

can anyone relate to this?

Yes. To be 100% bluntly honest, when communicating with others you are probably being slightly insulting or slightly inflating your own importance.
'
(I worded that slightly blunt to irritate you. I did this to show you how with a little change, a message can take an entirely different emotional tone. I could have said, "You know many people are overly sensitive and it can be a challenge to deal with them, but with a little work, it can be done." )

How to fix:
1. Watch videos and read books about persuasion/sales/influence. How to Win Friends and Influence Others is a great book that has stood the test of time. It will teach you how to persuade others, which is damn near the exact same thing as just getting them to like you.
2. Ask someone close to you that is a good person a specific question like, "Do you think I ever come across as braggadocios or insulting when I talk to others?" Family member are probably not a good choice here. Or better yet, ask them, "How can I become less irritating to others?"
3. Pro Tip: Get your hair cut at a place that mostly caters to older women. I would stick to females because they are better at this sort of thing AND they tend to have closed hair booths for more private conversation. With male barbers, everyone in shop tends to be in on ONE giant conversation. Hairdressers are emotional therapists and they generally really do know everything. They deal with this sort of thing ALL DAY EVERY DAY. Just say something like, "I don't know what it is, but I seem to irritate everyone around me..... What am I doing? How can I improve?" It might be tricky getting to the spot where you are getting good advice, because a hairdresser isn't going to want to insult you.

In the end, some people seem to be born with the ability to make communicating with them enjoyable. Others have to work on it. It can be a learned skill.

 

[blue_lotus]

One thing that might be fitting is that often people like other people not because of how nice they are but as how trustworthy they seem. This is common among men, where we usually "take jabs" at each other, and being able to laugh at yourself and give back some jabs is an indicator that you're willing to be part of the group and won't just fold under the smallest bit of pressure. There also are people that abuse this sort of group dynamic, and it's usually people that gladly dish out jabs at others but getting defensive when it's getting back at them.

Another thing might be to learn how to listen better. If you're OCD you're probably very goal oriented and a problem solver, and your way of listening might be to give people exact answers or solutions. I've noticed that people who I would regard as "NPC's" often are more in tune with non verbal communication and would probably regard me as being autistic for wanting to talk about the subject matter and not just "hang out". Being more one type or another isn't good or bad but if you're far on one side of the spectrum it might be helpful being aware of.

Im totally fine with taking jabs at others and receiving them, im extremely okay with self-deprecation IRL and dont take myself too seriously so the bolded part definitely isnt the case.

you could be right about the second part though, I wouldnt be surprised at all if my non-verbal communication skills are weak

Yes, I can relate. It's called autism. Join the club. The pool is warm and psychotherapy starts at 10.

do you have any specific experiences you want to get off your chest? its just nice for people like us to know that we're not alone

@Atelier I think youre 100% right. in the OP when I mentioned that I was a genuinely good person, I meant this in the sense that I communicate in a more heart to heart fashion. Its not something I do to extremes or in a socially awkward manner (that im aware of), but its more of an internal orientation that subtly guides my actions. It seems like (modern?) society doesnt appreciate genuine people, rather it prioritizes wolves/rank instead.

still, like you said it seems to happen for different reasons in different situations. its hard to pin down exactly... oh well. thanks for sharing :)

Are you rather unattractive?

no, im decently attractive and finding girlfriends has never been an issue for me. I even experience this kind of aggression online where physical appearance isnt a factor (see one of the earlier responses to me)

@gunther you might be right about this. when I talk to people online in forums I spend a lot of time editing what I post because im aware of a tendency to come off as pompous and I try to curb this as much as possible. IRL this could be even more of a factor since communication is happening in real time and theres no chance to edit what ive already said.

in your opinion do I give off condescending/insulting vibes in what I write? its infuriating because on a deep level im humble and try to respect the humanity of people but it seems like often (not always) people get the opposite impression of me somehow anyways. It could be something similar to the RBF phenomena.

I will freely admit however that im intentionally condescending when people act that way towards me first, which is completely justified