LUH 3417
Member
- Joined
- Oct 22, 2016
- Messages
- 2,992
I do think there is something worth exploring regarding trauma attachments and the posts by iron fist. The grief you are experiencing is probably so rooted in your imprinting/biology/psychology and although the pain feels very related to your ex, it’s most likely resuscitating deep infant and childhood wounds. Towards the end of my relationship I realized I didn’t want to eat unless I was with my ex, even my appetite and desire for food had become tied to him. Clearly I was attaching to him the way I had or hadn’t attached to a mother, it became almost symbiotic and of course very sick.
The good thing about these kinds of breakups is that they are an opportunity to become fully embodied and heal the deepest vulnerabilities we have about not belonging, not being wanted, not being enough. You mentioned in your other thread going grey and aging and being afraid you’ll never attract another woman. It speaks to a deep insecurity you have about only being lovable if you’re presenting an image or ideal you think is wanted. Yes youth and attraction and sexuality are biologically tied and I’m not denying that they mean something real in the world. But I also believe in and have experienced energy and the way it flows through a loving person and how that can create an attraction far beyond the insecure attachments we make with people we don’t feel fully safe or loved with.
Regarding psychotherapy I think it definitely helps in these kinds of situations but there should be a strong capacity for transference and you should be able to talk about how you feel about the therapist to the therapist. I imagine you are carrying a lot of rage and anger too. You can try finding a bioenergetic therapist or look into Lowen’s books and try some of the exercises yourself. I don’t think talk therapy works well if you’re just going and recounting past events. You have to really find someone you can relate to emotionally, your emotions have to be expressed in real time in the room. Talking about how sad you’ve been feeling means very little in comparison to actually sobbing in front of someone and having the experience of their felt empathy.
If you can’t cry over the worst heart break you’ve experienced you definitely have deep armoring around your eyes which can be attributed to marijuana use (weed causes ocular armoring and all the energy to go to your head).
The good thing about these kinds of breakups is that they are an opportunity to become fully embodied and heal the deepest vulnerabilities we have about not belonging, not being wanted, not being enough. You mentioned in your other thread going grey and aging and being afraid you’ll never attract another woman. It speaks to a deep insecurity you have about only being lovable if you’re presenting an image or ideal you think is wanted. Yes youth and attraction and sexuality are biologically tied and I’m not denying that they mean something real in the world. But I also believe in and have experienced energy and the way it flows through a loving person and how that can create an attraction far beyond the insecure attachments we make with people we don’t feel fully safe or loved with.
Regarding psychotherapy I think it definitely helps in these kinds of situations but there should be a strong capacity for transference and you should be able to talk about how you feel about the therapist to the therapist. I imagine you are carrying a lot of rage and anger too. You can try finding a bioenergetic therapist or look into Lowen’s books and try some of the exercises yourself. I don’t think talk therapy works well if you’re just going and recounting past events. You have to really find someone you can relate to emotionally, your emotions have to be expressed in real time in the room. Talking about how sad you’ve been feeling means very little in comparison to actually sobbing in front of someone and having the experience of their felt empathy.
If you can’t cry over the worst heart break you’ve experienced you definitely have deep armoring around your eyes which can be attributed to marijuana use (weed causes ocular armoring and all the energy to go to your head).