Going through a rough time (breakup) and experiencing extreme anxiety, panic, and depression

[L_C]

Yeah I have been taking thee magnesium, zinc, and calcium. I eat about 2 eggs each morning as its hard for me to get down more. I could probably do 3 if its an omelette or scrambled. Even with all that, its not enough man. What I'm going through is so intense. I really need something extra that will really calm me down, especially in the mornings and during the day.. and also something that will make me feel happy and this depression is overwhelming. And I'm really unable to actually fall asleep.. like at all. Without that horrible sleeping pill, I would be up all night.

One of the big issues for me I guess is that I feel really unattractive. I met her 7-8 years ago, and back then I was actually handsome. But in those years, I became a type 1 diabetic which made me loose a ton of weight and all my muscle.. now I am underweight and look like a shell of myself. My hair has gotten thinner and very grey , and my face looks aged. All that makes me feel like I won't find another girl.. or one as good as my ex.. and I have this overwhelming feeling that I am gonna be alone forever. That makes it all so much more difficult to accept and part of why I'm freaking out so much. Sure I can work out a bit, but it won't change a lot. I met her when I was 29 and looking really good, now I'm 37 and looks really unattractive. Girls don't even look at me anymore. If I felt like I could attract a girl as attractive or better than my ex, then I think I would be a little more relaxed and confident. But I feel like that won't happen so I'm freaking out. I just wish it didn't end with her and I wouldn't be in this mess.

Reading your post raises some questions. You dated this girl for 7 years but it seems like you went through some major physiological changes, such as losing weight, grey hair etc. I mean what happened? Did you stop working on yourself? Focusing more on her? Or ate bad diet? People should not age so much within such a short time, given you are still very young.

 

[LadyRae]

Reading your post raises some questions. You dated this girl for 7 years but it seems like you went through some major physiological changes, such as losing weight, grey hair etc. I mean what happened? Did you stop working on yourself? Focusing more on her? Or ate bad diet? People should not age so much within such a short time, given you are still very young.

He says he developed Type 1 diabetes.... Which led to his physical deterioration...

 

[L_C]

He says he developed Type 1 diabetes.... Which led to his physical deterioration...

Right, I did read that but I was wondering why...? whether he forgot about himself while he was in the relationship and started eating crap... focusing more on his ex.

I feel like there is more to the story. Obviously he doesn't have to share if he doesn't want to.

 

[LadyRae]

Right, I did read that but I was wondering why...? whether he forgot about himself while he was in the relationship and started eating crap... focusing more on his ex.

I feel like there is more to the story. Obviously he doesn't have to share if he doesn't want to.

My brother-in-law was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes in his early 30s and he had definitely not let himself go or started eating badly.... That said, 10 years later he "looks" no different and manages his condition well. Continues to exercise moderately and has a couple young children and a pretty happy easy going existence.

So I agree, there's definitely much more that went on since the type 1 diabetes diagnosis in our OP.

 

[stoic]

Listen, you have a right to feel the way you do. Trust me I know the pain you feel. But know this, no one is worth more than your sanity. No one is worth more than your health. You need to make the decision to put yourself first and believe in yourself and see past your insecurities. Good news is, women are more attracted to confident, masculine behavior than they ever will be to your looks. Believe in yourself and know you will get through this but this will only work if you decide to be on your own team for once and accept yourself as you are now. Your lesson here is to eradicate your codependent tendencies and make yourself the most important person in your life.

Fantastic post.

 

[Peachy]

Fantastic post.

I agree. @redsun this is so good

 

[Adf]

This dude has a trauma bond from a bad breakup with a narcissist or borderline. Supplements are not the answer. The answer is figuring out why you're codependent and going from there. Listen, it's like coming out of the fog (literally, that's the way they describe it, FOG, FEAR OBLIGATION GUILT). There are numerous resources available. r/bpdlovedones is your best friend. www.flyingmonkeysdenied.com is another one. I don't know why there are lots of replies and no one is addressing the main issue. Supplements do not fix trauma bonds. Exercise does not fix trauma bonds. Traveling does not fix trauma bonds. UNDERSTANDING WHAT THE **** HAPPENED AND SOLVING IT FIXES TRAUMA BONDS. shrink4men.com is another one. This thread is triggering the **** out of me because I did all that same ***t after a breakup where I couldn't really figure out WHY I was so depressed. "I'll never find someone else like her." No. "No one comprehends me like she does." No. "I'll never date someone as hot as her." No. It's none of those things, that's your ******* gross bond with her talking. Stop looking for other ***t. You want to do some self development? Ok do it. I did. I literally moved to a huge city and spent most of my time doing self improvement and going out and talking to chicks. I got better socially, but it DIDN'T FIX THE DEPRESSION because I was still emotionally attached to the cluster B I had dated. I moved across the country and spent 9 months traveling AND THAT DIDN'T FIX THE DEPRESSION. It wasn't until I became satisfied with myself that I started to feel better, and then it was gone basically instantly. Meeting new people helps but that's sometimes just a replacement.

Everyone experiences life differently, nothing is black and white so there's no need to get triggered. I'd imagine most people are giving their advice here because they've all likely felt this at one stage in their lives. Just because some things mentioned here don't/didn't work for you doesn't mean it won't work for someone else. Emotional states do strongly correlate to brain chemistry, which supplements can have an affect on. All advice here is warranted to gain perspective and should not be attacked so disrespectfully. To do so, you may be attacking other peoples own experience.

Advice is nice, we appreciate you for giving yours but it should not be forced onto people in a very stressed post like this one. You're more likely to push the person away from your advice doing that. Going by your attitude with your post it sounds like your trauma has not been cured yet, if you are happy and whole you should not get 'triggered'. Did you trade your depression for frustration or anger?

 

[helpmyhair]

You are a male. The problem with men is our needs for choline can be very much higher then women because we lack estrogen to increase the activity of the enzyme that makes choline in the body so the enzyme activity is lower. So we are very dependent on dietary choline. There are also mutations in this enzyme that are also very common in men that make this enzyme even less functional. So your requirement can be very high. High enough that the only way you can get enough is if you eat a very high choline diet with specific high choline foods, mainly eggs.

Try 4 in the morning. And eat some choline rich foods later in the day such as meat as well. You can make it work. Try this for a short time. And when it does work, you will gladly eat them. Get your total choline intake to at least 800mg to 1g a day. 4 eggs gives about 600mg. You are stuck in this fight or flight state and you have not been able to process your emotions properly because of this. My educated guess tells me you likely need more choline based on the fact that you wake up with a panic attack after a short sleep. People who have choline deficiency often wake up in the middle of the night, sometimes with a bout of anxiety/panic or adrenaline rush. It is hard for you to stay asleep since your sympathetic system cannot turn off and stay off during the night even with a GABAergic drug. Also they tend to have elevated heart rate or heart rate that easily jumps at the slightest emotional provocation and they feel wide awake and on edge.

If its late where you are you can also eat 2 eggs before you go to bed right now and then go for the 4 in the morning. This will help you stay asleep during the night if you don't want to wait and likely go through another night of waking up in panic. Then go for 4 in the morning.

Listen, you have a right to feel the way you do. Trust me I know the pain you feel. But know this, no one is worth more than your sanity. No one is worth more than your health. You need to make the decision to put yourself first and believe in yourself and see past your insecurities. Good news is, women are more attracted to confident, masculine behavior than they ever will be to your looks. Believe in yourself and know you will get through this but this will only work if you decide to be on your own team for once and accept yourself as you are now. Your lesson here is to eradicate your codependent tendencies and make yourself the most important person in your life.

Thanks so much for this man. Your advice really is great. I think one of the problems I'm also having is really bad GI problems. Even went for a colonoscopy and endoscopy. There's a possibility that it might be candida. Though it also could just be caused by this intense stress/anxiety/panic/depression. I tried doing the 4 eggs every morning and it only helped a little. I still can't fall asleep til 5am and end up waking up after a couple hours with an anxiety attack for hours plus my body feels overheated as if my skin feels like its burning. I also don't really feel fully asleep when I am as I feel myself shaking and having anxious thoughts. 2 hours of sleep a night for months and constant extreme anxiety all day is getting to be too much for me. I am seeing my doctor on Wednesday and am gonna get on Trazodone for a little while. Apparently it also lowers serotonin. I've used it in the past and it helped me sleep and also helped ease the anxiety/depression. I've struggled with bad anxiety and a bit of depression long before this breakup and going through this experience has put me it all in overdrive. I can only take so much. I think I might have some imbalance in my brain or something. But natural supplements/therapy is not enough right now to be able to function in life. I can't even leave my apartment without being extremely overwhelmed. So I gotta do what I gotta do for now in order to be able to process everything. I am also thinking of joining some support group zoom calls for the co-dependency thing as I hear that can help.

 

[helpmyhair]

Right, I did read that but I was wondering why...? whether he forgot about himself while he was in the relationship and started eating crap... focusing more on his ex.

I feel like there is more to the story. Obviously he doesn't have to share if he doesn't want to.

T1 Diabetes did a number on me. I was in diabetic keto acidosis for a long time and somehow didn't fall into a coma. Instead I lost 30 pounds. Went from 150 pounds in shape with muscles, to 120 pounds skin and pounds and very sickly looking. After the diagnosis, I was able to gain some of it back but I still am very underweight, a shell of my former self. My face looks a lot more skinny now and not in a good way. I have been diabetic for 4 years now and am not able to gain the weight back. And even working out, muscle won't really build. Its tricky to make muscle as a diabetic unless your blood sugars are extremely controlled and even then, it's difficult. I also have bad anxiety, and stress from getting this disease made me age fast and turned alot of my hair very grey. The stress also gave me diffuse thinning and I lost quite a bit of density on my entire scalp. Face/hair/body all went downhill from this disease. So I didn't let myself go.. if anything, my diet got better since you gotta eat more sensibly as a diabetic. I think with getting diabetes and losing my looks plus having bad anxiety really take a toll on my confidence.

 

[Peachy]

One natural supplement (probably not peaty) you could look into is valerian. It’s helped me with acute stress in the past and specifically the kind of stress that’s interrelated with gut issues. It’s a very popular herbal sedative in Europe.

 

[artist]

I think there’s definitely something to what @ironfist is saying as well as everyone else. There’s more than one angle to attack this. Regardless of whether personality disorders or whatever are involved there is a deep dimension of beliefs about yourself that are tearing you up. And because you’re physically not feeling great you’re more emotionally/psychically permeable to these things and they affect you more. Maybe get some books on stoicism (Epictetus, Seneca, Marcus Aurelius) and see if anything in there resonates with you, I was struggling with a lot of these thoughts during a breakup myself and these writers helped me. And just keep trying things with diet and (cautiously) with supplements until your body responds.

 

[artist]

Valerian is great and Peat-endorsed actually, he says it has progesterone like effects.

One natural supplement (probably not peaty) you could look into is valerian. It’s helped me with acute stress in the past and specifically the kind of stress that’s interrelated with gut issues. It’s a very popular herbal sedative in Europe.

 

[Adf]

On the topic of personality disorders, Eckhart Tolle I think is someone to follow as well. The Power of Now is an amazing audio book to sit and listen to and a powerful tool to practice.

 

[Peachy]

Valerian is great and Peat-endorsed actually, he says it has progesterone like effects.

This is great to know! Some of the relaxing herbs like lemon balm are estrogenic. I guess I just assumed Valerian would fall into that category but thinking about it, it does have more of a Benadryl-like effect.

 

[helpmyhair]

On the topic of personality disorders, Eckhart Tolle I think is someone to follow as well. The Power of Now is an amazing audio book to sit and listen to and a powerful tool to practice.

I've read all of Eckhart's books. While rationally, I know that being in the present moment is the ideal state to be in, my body/mind/pysche are all too stressed out to the max that rationalizing is not enough. I try to be present, but then I get flooded with thoughts of the past/future. I also feel so overwhelmed in my body in the form of panic and anxiety attacks. And the constant depression is debilitating. I have always been a very sensitive person, and pain/emotions is completely overwhelming for me. I think I have resistance because I just feel too much and feeling it really really is too hard for me. Even though I am currently feeling everything. Its just been 6 months and not getting any better. I used to also smoke weed every day for 17 years straight and only stopped cause of the breakup cause it was just making me feel more emotional/unstable. So everything that I've repressed over the years with weed is also having to be dealt with. My body is overloaded and unable to handle, and in this constant fight or flight mode. I've never been at this low of a point in my entire life...

 

[Regina]

I've read all of Eckhart's books. While rationally, I know that being in the present moment is the ideal state to be in, my body/mind/pysche are all too stressed out to the max that rationalizing is not enough. I try to be present, but then I get flooded with thoughts of the past/future. I also feel so overwhelmed in my body in the form of panic and anxiety attacks. And the constant depression is debilitating. I have always been a very sensitive person, and pain/emotions is completely overwhelming for me. I think I have resistance because I just feel too much and feeling it really really is too hard for me. Even though I am currently feeling everything. Its just been 6 months and not getting any better. I used to also smoke weed every day for 17 years straight and only stopped cause of the breakup cause it was just making me feel more emotional/unstable. So everything that I've repressed over the years with weed is also having to be dealt with. My body is overloaded and unable to handle, and in this constant fight or flight mode. I've never been at this low of a point in my entire life...

what about trying inosine.

It blunts adrenaline.

 

[SamYo123]

Go bang a few more woman...

 

[Adf]

I've read all of Eckhart's books. While rationally, I know that being in the present moment is the ideal state to be in, my body/mind/pysche are all too stressed out to the max that rationalizing is not enough. I try to be present, but then I get flooded with thoughts of the past/future. I also feel so overwhelmed in my body in the form of panic and anxiety attacks. And the constant depression is debilitating. I have always been a very sensitive person, and pain/emotions is completely overwhelming for me. I think I have resistance because I just feel too much and feeling it really really is too hard for me. Even though I am currently feeling everything. Its just been 6 months and not getting any better. I used to also smoke weed every day for 17 years straight and only stopped cause of the breakup cause it was just making me feel more emotional/unstable. So everything that I've repressed over the years with weed is also having to be dealt with. My body is overloaded and unable to handle, and in this constant fight or flight mode. I've never been at this low of a point in my entire life...

Ah hmm. Well if you have a lot of repressed emotions and traumas perhaps you might find success with EFT. Have you tried EFT? Emotional Freedom Tapping. This supposedly works very well when done correctly and consistently. Here's a study.

"At one workshop (n = 31), participants also received comprehensive physiological testing. Posttest, significant declines were found in anxiety (−40%), depression (−35%), posttraumatic stress disorder (−32%), pain (−57%), and cravings (−74%), all P < .000. Happiness increased (+31%, P = .000) as did SigA (+113%, P = .017). Significant improvements were found in RHR (−8%, P = .001), cortisol (−37%, P < .000), systolic BP (−6%, P = .001), and diastolic BP (−8%, P < .000). Positive trends were observed for HRV and HC and gains were maintained on follow-up, indicating EFT results in positive health effects as well as increased mental well-being."

Also I'm surprised it hasn't been asked (I think) and surprised I didn't think to ask it yet, but have you had a full hormone profile done with an endo? You might be clinically low test or high estrogen or something. A lot of people don't like the idea as it is considered somewhat permanent, but some form of TRT might be needed, especially since you say your health has deteriorated in your 30's.

 

[helpmyhair]

Ah hmm. Well if you have a lot of repressed emotions and traumas perhaps you might find success with EFT. Have you tried EFT? Emotional Freedom Tapping. This supposedly works very well when done correctly and consistently. Here's a study.

"At one workshop (n = 31), participants also received comprehensive physiological testing. Posttest, significant declines were found in anxiety (−40%), depression (−35%), posttraumatic stress disorder (−32%), pain (−57%), and cravings (−74%), all P < .000. Happiness increased (+31%, P = .000) as did SigA (+113%, P = .017). Significant improvements were found in RHR (−8%, P = .001), cortisol (−37%, P < .000), systolic BP (−6%, P = .001), and diastolic BP (−8%, P < .000). Positive trends were observed for HRV and HC and gains were maintained on follow-up, indicating EFT results in positive health effects as well as increased mental well-being."

Also I'm surprised it hasn't been asked (I think) and surprised I didn't think to ask it yet, but have you had a full hormone profile done with an endo? You might be clinically low test or high estrogen or something. A lot of people don't like the idea as it is considered somewhat permanent, but some form of TRT might be needed, especially since you say your health has deteriorated in your 30's.

I tried tapping every day for a month in September. It helped only a little, but not really.

I see an endo every few months cause of the T1 diabetes and he does bloodwork. Not sure he does full hormones and I can't get him too because he only tests me for what he wants to. It took a lot of asking to even get him to do a TSH test.. which he has been and its been consistently over 4.0 which he considers normal, so he will not treat it.

 

[Adf]

I tried tapping every day for a month in September. It helped only a little, but not really.

I see an endo every few months cause of the T1 diabetes and he does bloodwork. Not sure he does full hormones and I can't get him too because he only tests me for what he wants to. It took a lot of asking to even get him to do a TSH test.. which he has been and its been consistently over 4.0 which he considers normal, so he will not treat it.

Damn, that sounds like you should find an endo who will take you and your requests seriously. Getting a prescription for something is one thing, but just getting a test done should never be a battle. Sure doctors know some things from their studies in university, but they don't know everything. Many doctors far overvalue the knowledge they actually have. It sounds like your doctor thinks he knows everything, without even doing all of the appropriate tests.

That is definitely someone I would never put up with myself. I only deal with doctors who are happy to oblige my curiosities. It takes effort but it's worth the search to find a good doctor.

In the meantime if you are interested in testing your hormone profile, Haidut offers that service with Idealabs. I don't know if it would be accepted by a Doctor as proof, for a prescription, but it's a start, and can sate your curiosity if you have it.
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