Going through a rough time (breakup) and experiencing extreme anxiety, panic, and depression

[LUH 3417]

I do think there is something worth exploring regarding trauma attachments and the posts by iron fist. The grief you are experiencing is probably so rooted in your imprinting/biology/psychology and although the pain feels very related to your ex, it’s most likely resuscitating deep infant and childhood wounds. Towards the end of my relationship I realized I didn’t want to eat unless I was with my ex, even my appetite and desire for food had become tied to him. Clearly I was attaching to him the way I had or hadn’t attached to a mother, it became almost symbiotic and of course very sick.

The good thing about these kinds of breakups is that they are an opportunity to become fully embodied and heal the deepest vulnerabilities we have about not belonging, not being wanted, not being enough. You mentioned in your other thread going grey and aging and being afraid you’ll never attract another woman. It speaks to a deep insecurity you have about only being lovable if you’re presenting an image or ideal you think is wanted. Yes youth and attraction and sexuality are biologically tied and I’m not denying that they mean something real in the world. But I also believe in and have experienced energy and the way it flows through a loving person and how that can create an attraction far beyond the insecure attachments we make with people we don’t feel fully safe or loved with.

Regarding psychotherapy I think it definitely helps in these kinds of situations but there should be a strong capacity for transference and you should be able to talk about how you feel about the therapist to the therapist. I imagine you are carrying a lot of rage and anger too. You can try finding a bioenergetic therapist or look into Lowen’s books and try some of the exercises yourself. I don’t think talk therapy works well if you’re just going and recounting past events. You have to really find someone you can relate to emotionally, your emotions have to be expressed in real time in the room. Talking about how sad you’ve been feeling means very little in comparison to actually sobbing in front of someone and having the experience of their felt empathy.

If you can’t cry over the worst heart break you’ve experienced you definitely have deep armoring around your eyes which can be attributed to marijuana use (weed causes ocular armoring and all the energy to go to your head).

 

[LadyRae]

@LUH 3417 Wow! So very insightful and inspiring. Thank you

 

[helpmyhair]

I do think there is something worth exploring regarding trauma attachments and the posts by iron fist. The grief you are experiencing is probably so rooted in your imprinting/biology/psychology and although the pain feels very related to your ex, it’s most likely resuscitating deep infant and childhood wounds. Towards the end of my relationship I realized I didn’t want to eat unless I was with my ex, even my appetite and desire for food had become tied to him. Clearly I was attaching to him the way I had or hadn’t attached to a mother, it became almost symbiotic and of course very sick.

The good thing about these kinds of breakups is that they are an opportunity to become fully embodied and heal the deepest vulnerabilities we have about not belonging, not being wanted, not being enough. You mentioned in your other thread going grey and aging and being afraid you’ll never attract another woman. It speaks to a deep insecurity you have about only being lovable if you’re presenting an image or ideal you think is wanted. Yes youth and attraction and sexuality are biologically tied and I’m not denying that they mean something real in the world. But I also believe in and have experienced energy and the way it flows through a loving person and how that can create an attraction far beyond the insecure attachments we make with people we don’t feel fully safe or loved with.

Regarding psychotherapy I think it definitely helps in these kinds of situations but there should be a strong capacity for transference and you should be able to talk about how you feel about the therapist to the therapist. I imagine you are carrying a lot of rage and anger too. You can try finding a bioenergetic therapist or look into Lowen’s books and try some of the exercises yourself. I don’t think talk therapy works well if you’re just going and recounting past events. You have to really find someone you can relate to emotionally, your emotions have to be expressed in real time in the room. Talking about how sad you’ve been feeling means very little in comparison to actually sobbing in front of someone and having the experience of their felt empathy.

If you can’t cry over the worst heart break you’ve experienced you definitely have deep armoring around your eyes which can be attributed to marijuana use (weed causes ocular armoring and all the energy to go to your head).

Thank you for your reply. I am still struggling very very badly. I have two therapy sessions next week and I hope they will help a little.

I do clearly have issues that were present during and before the relationship, but are now out of control post-relationship. I definitely have a deep insecurity especially when it comes to looks. I've also been an attractive guy and that has been going downhill since my hair has been thinning and greying. It has absolutely killed my confidence. I just know the way the world works, and I have always attracted women with my looks first and then personality. But now that my confidence and self-esteem is gone, my energy isn't good at all, so now I'm worried that even my personality isn't good anymore. I'm just depressed and anxious all the time.

I did finally cry to a family member when I expressed that I didnt even want to live anymore and I burst out into uncontrollable crying. This was a week ago and I havent cried since.

I really think I need medication because the anxiety is debilitating as is the depression and after 10 months post B/U, I'm not getting any better, only worse. But I'm so afraid of the side effects, from lowered sex drive, to hairloss, to weight gain, and a lot more. I wish I didnt have to sacrifice my manhood and my hair to take these medications. My hair falling out really is making me so depressed, so I want to avoid that at all costs. I wish there was an antidepressant that didn't have all these side effects and was still effective.

 

[LUH 3417]

A

Thank you for your reply. I am still struggling very very badly. I have two therapy sessions next week and I hope they will help a little.

I do clearly have issues that were present during and before the relationship, but are now out of control post-relationship. I definitely have a deep insecurity especially when it comes to looks. I've also been an attractive guy and that has been going downhill since my hair has been thinning and greying. It has absolutely killed my confidence. I just know the way the world works, and I have always attracted women with my looks first and then personality. But now that my confidence and self-esteem is gone, my energy isn't good at all, so now I'm worried that even my personality isn't good anymore. I'm just depressed and anxious all the time.

I did finally cry to a family member when I expressed that I didnt even want to live anymore and I burst out into uncontrollable crying. This was a week ago and I havent cried since.

I really think I need medication because the anxiety is debilitating as is the depression and after 10 months post B/U, I'm not getting any better, only worse. But I'm so afraid of the side effects, from lowered sex drive, to hairloss, to weight gain, and a lot more. I wish I didnt have to sacrifice my manhood and my hair to take these medications. My hair falling out really is making me so depressed, so I want to avoid that at all costs. I wish there was an antidepressant that didn't have all these side effects and was still effective.

Are you still smoking marijuana? It can make anxiety worse and increase feelings of sentimentality where you’re just in loops thinking about the past

 

[peatmoss]

Thank you for your reply. I am still struggling very very badly. I have two therapy sessions next week and I hope they will help a little.

I do clearly have issues that were present during and before the relationship, but are now out of control post-relationship. I definitely have a deep insecurity especially when it comes to looks. I've also been an attractive guy and that has been going downhill since my hair has been thinning and greying. It has absolutely killed my confidence. I just know the way the world works, and I have always attracted women with my looks first and then personality. But now that my confidence and self-esteem is gone, my energy isn't good at all, so now I'm worried that even my personality isn't good anymore. I'm just depressed and anxious all the time.

I did finally cry to a family member when I expressed that I didnt even want to live anymore and I burst out into uncontrollable crying. This was a week ago and I havent cried since.

I really think I need medication because the anxiety is debilitating as is the depression and after 10 months post B/U, I'm not getting any better, only worse. But I'm so afraid of the side effects, from lowered sex drive, to hairloss, to weight gain, and a lot more. I wish I didnt have to sacrifice my manhood and my hair to take these medications. My hair falling out really is making me so depressed, so I want to avoid that at all costs. I wish there was an antidepressant that didn't have all these side effects and was still effective.

I'm very prone to anxiety. I have been my whole life. I was a complete wreck during my last break up for a straight year. I'd get 2 or 3 hours of sleep a night and couldn't eat but maybe 500 calories a day.

I know how weird this sounds but I discovered that sitting down and stretching my adductors (the muscles you stretch when doing the splits) and also stretching the hip muscles by doing the pigeon yoga pose was like taking a Xanax. When my anxiety gets really bad I'll do this a couple times a day spending a half hour to 45 minutes rotating between the 2 different stretches.

If you try this, please write back and tell me if it worked for you.

Also microdosing a tiny bit of weed helped with getting me to sleep. I'm talking a stupid small amount. Maybe the size of a half a pea. I noticed that it sort of helped reset my brain the next day and the trauma didn't seem quite as traumatic as well. At least the first part of the day.

 

[helpmyhair]

A

Are you still smoking marijuana? It can make anxiety worse and increase feelings of sentimentality where you’re just in loops thinking about the past

No I stopped smoking since the breakup 10 months ago. When I tried to smoke, it just made me super emotional and unstable. It no longer was enjoyable, so I quit then.

 

[helpmyhair]

I'm very prone to anxiety. I have been my whole life. I was a complete wreck during my last break up for a straight year. I'd get 2 or 3 hours of sleep a night and couldn't eat but maybe 500 calories a day.

I know how weird this sounds but I discovered that sitting down and stretching my adductors (the muscles you stretch when doing the splits) and also stretching the hip muscles by doing the pigeon yoga pose was like taking a Xanax. When my anxiety gets really bad I'll do this a couple times a day spending a half hour to 45 minutes rotating between the 2 different stretches.

If you try this, please write back and tell me if it worked for you.

Also microdosing a tiny bit of weed helped with getting me to sleep. I'm talking a stupid small amount. Maybe the size of a half a pea. I noticed that it sort of helped reset my brain the next day and the trauma didn't seem quite as traumatic as well. At least the first part of the day.

I haven't been smoking weed anymore. I have a handful of times since the breakup, but it always made me feel more down, or worse the next day. But macrodosing does sound interesting. It never really made me tired though. I used to get high and stay up as my brain would be so active.

Is there a link to a video that shows these two stretches? I can't tell how to do them based of your description. Would like to try it out.

 

[peatmoss]

I haven't been smoking weed anymore. I have a handful of times since the breakup, but it always made me feel more down, or worse the next day. But macrodosing does sound interesting. It never really made me tired though. I used to get high and stay up as my brain would be so active.

Is there a link to a video that shows these two stretches? I can't tell how to do them based of your description. Would like to try it out.

heres the seated adductor stretch. You dont have to lean forward like shes doing in this video. However, i have found it beneficial to lean from side to side to stretch your sides every now and then.


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kITC2kfGYxs




and heres the pigeon pose. Again, you dont have to lean forward if you dont want.


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1o7awuDGzag




When i do this, i grab my phone or laptop and watch a video to help me take my mind off of stretching. Whenever it starts getting really uncomfortable, I switch to a different leg or different pose. I typically do at least 2 or 3 sets spending at least a half hour up to 45 minutes.

 

[helpmyhair]

heres the seated adductor stretch. You dont have to lean forward like shes doing in this video. However, i have found it beneficial to lean from side to side to stretch your sides every now and then.


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kITC2kfGYxs




and heres the pigeon pose. Again, you dont have to lean forward if you dont want.


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1o7awuDGzag




When i do this, i grab my phone or laptop and watch a video to help me take my mind off of stretching. Whenever it starts getting really uncomfortable, I switch to a different leg or different pose. I typically do at least 2 or 3 sets spending at least a half hour up to 45 minutes.

Thanks.. definitely seems like a pretty big commitment. Do you actually get a Xanax-like effect from it?

 

[peatmoss]

Thanks.. definitely seems like a pretty big commitment. Do you actually get a Xanax-like effect from it?

I do. If you take a good 45 minutes doing this you should notice a difference the first time. If you dont, then it probably wont work, so it shouldnt be a huge commitment.

 

[ironfist]

Are you talking about the stretching somatic thing where you get in a butterfly stretch and get on the back and hold it for a while and it makes you shake and release tension?