Overwhelming Emotional Stress After Breakup

[Ashoka]

I ended a relationship over four months ago and I feel like it was an awful mistake, but I know it’s too late to go back. I actually broke her trust by trying that already before working through my own issues. My ex is devastatingly beautiful and we had so much in common. I’m completely destroyed. All I’ve done since I ended it is dig myself deeper into a place I can’t see out of. And on top of it all I deal with PFS and Lyme disease symptoms. But losing this relationship is worse than those things to me.

I don’t want to scare anyone who has problems similar to mine if they end up reading this. I was actually feeling significantly better before this relationship, and really felt I was on a good path. Maybe on the route to being fully better (hence being reading to be in a relationship). But I still suffered from depression and dissatisfaction in the relationship that I didn’t understand and chose to end it in most likely very poor judgement.

I’ve lost probably thirty pounds since this started, and I was already underweight. I went from over 150lbs to 120lbs. I’m sure this is damaging my health in ways unknown to me, staying in a stressed, malnourished state for this long. I just don’t know how to bounce back. I wake up in physical and emotional pain every morning. I think about her with someone else. Months later and I can’t look at another woman and I have no motivation to act. I can’t sleep normal hours and no one really knows how to help me or what to tell me, and I don’t have the answers. I’ve never felt more lost.. Not even after illness did I feel this lost. I always believed I could recover what was lost after illness. This cannot be recovered because it is true loss, and one I brought upon myself out of confusion.

 

[raypeatclips]

First thing to tell you is, it will get better. They seem like hollow words, but it is 100% true. How old are you?

Everyone gets upset by break ups, its very normal, and natural thing to happen. It may not feel like it now, but you will start looking at other people and eventually find someone else just as good, even if you don't agree with me now.

You need to look after your health before anything else now, continuing to lose weight rapidly is not good. Browse some delicious recipe ideas and have fun making the new recipes. Peat has mentioned before about delicious foods like milkshakes lowering stress. I'd make some ice cream heavy milkshakes with milk and maybe some fruit all blended together to make a high calorie tasty drink.

Roast some potatoes with coconut oil and tasty herbs, alongside a fatty steak cooked how you like it, with some vegetables and a high calorie milkshake after it, yum yum!

Get into some of your hobbies again, if you like games, play some games, watch some movies you love (I wouldn't just sit in front of a TV and zombie out though) Actively engage with the movie. Read some books.

Leaving the house is massive and very important. Doing some walking, walk different routes from your house than you normally would, look around to see whats in your area. Smile at people that walk past, say hello. Don't over-walk yourself if you are under eating though, make sure you are well fed.

Drink some coffee, smoke some cigarettes, eat some chocolate, do all this sitting outside in the sun reading a good book.

Catch up with some friends, do something fun with them.

With sleep, have set times you go to bed and get up. Set an alarm to get up at a reasonable time and get up at that time no matter how crappy you feel. After a couple of weeks you'll get into a good routine. I find I have trouble sleeping if I 1. Haven't done enough exercise 2. Haven't eaten enough that day 3. If i've sat around doing nothing and been like a zombie, I'll sleep badly.

Basically get yourself out there doing fun things you want to do. Go get a new haircut, everyone feels sharp after a fresh trim. Start hitting the gym (when you've eaten enough.)

Hope you feel better soon.

 

[Blossom]

I'm sorry, truly. You can rebuild trust and the relationship if both people are willing to try. If you can't repair this relationship you can still grow and learn from the situation. I honestly don't mean to sound dismissive. My reply comes from someone who has lived through something similar and it was pretty recent. It's a very hard thing to go through but either way you will come out stronger even if it doesn't feel like it right now. Take it one day at a time and take good care of yourself!

 

[raypeatclips]

I'm sorry, truly. You can rebuild trust and the relationship if both people are willing to try. If you can't repair this relationship you can still grow and learn from the situation. I honestly don't mean to sound dismissive. My reply comes from someone who has lived through something similar and it was pretty recent. It's a very hard thing to go through but either way you will come out stronger even if it doesn't feel like it right now. Take it one day at a time and take good care of yourself!

Also, the best way to "get someone back" is to become the best version of yourself you can be! Get stronger, more positive, more in shape, more hobbies, passions, interests. Act like you are the boss of your own emotions, don't care about little issues. Become an interesting and attractive person.

 

[InChristAlone]

I'm so sorry Ashoka, unrequited love is a terrible terrible thing. If she was the right one maybe she'll come back? I wasn't faithful with my husband when we were dating long distance. He came back to me. And now we are married 10 yrs. Although it hasn't been easy. So if you go down that road know it will be an uphill battle. But if you choose to move on you really need to distract yourself as much as humanly possible and get out with friends. It won't sting forever and she won't be on your mind first thing in the morning forever. It will pass as much as you think it won't. Just go absolutely no contact. No pictures or anything.

 

[lampofred]

Do things that will lower your estrogen. You'll feel no attachment at all.

 

[tara]

Sorry you are hurting. I know it can be really hard.
You have to nourish yourself anyway, in whatever way you can.
Good ideas above.
Find friendly, relaxing, inspiring people to be around - family, friends, whatever community is available around you.
If you are in danger, please seek local help and support. Real people, not just electronic contact.

 

[Ashoka]

First thing to tell you is, it will get better. They seem like hollow words, but it is 100% true. How old are you?

Everyone gets upset by break ups, its very normal, and natural thing to happen. It may not feel like it now, but you will start looking at other people and eventually find someone else just as good, even if you don't agree with me now.

You need to look after your health before anything else now, continuing to lose weight rapidly is not good. Browse some delicious recipe ideas and have fun making the new recipes. Peat has mentioned before about delicious foods like milkshakes lowering stress. I'd make some ice cream heavy milkshakes with milk and maybe some fruit all blended together to make a high calorie tasty drink.

Roast some potatoes with coconut oil and tasty herbs, alongside a fatty steak cooked how you like it, with some vegetables and a high calorie milkshake after it, yum yum!

Get into some of your hobbies again, if you like games, play some games, watch some movies you love (I wouldn't just sit in front of a TV and zombie out though) Actively engage with the movie. Read some books.

Leaving the house is massive and very important. Doing some walking, walk different routes from your house than you normally would, look around to see whats in your area. Smile at people that walk past, say hello. Don't over-walk yourself if you are under eating though, make sure you are well fed.

Drink some coffee, smoke some cigarettes, eat some chocolate, do all this sitting outside in the sun reading a good book.

Catch up with some friends, do something fun with them.

With sleep, have set times you go to bed and get up. Set an alarm to get up at a reasonable time and get up at that time no matter how crappy you feel. After a couple of weeks you'll get into a good routine. I find I have trouble sleeping if I 1. Haven't done enough exercise 2. Haven't eaten enough that day 3. If i've sat around doing nothing and been like a zombie, I'll sleep badly.

Basically get yourself out there doing fun things you want to do. Go get a new haircut, everyone feels sharp after a fresh trim. Start hitting the gym (when you've eaten enough.)

Hope you feel better soon.

Thanks for your words. I'm 29, believe it or not. I've seen a share of breakups before and felt devastated before, but the magnitude of this is in a league of its own. I know it's true to say this is normal, but there little that's normal in how I'm handling this. The relationship was just over five months and I'm grieving five months later. I think people would be truly horrified if they saw how I lived. I go to bed at 5am most nights and often wake up at 3pm. I'm not working and live at home with my parents after the Lyme disease hit. I have no friends in the area I live. The lifelong friends I do have have watched me suffer like this for five months and they're frustrated and hurting for me because they don't know what to do, so I don't really talk to them. The combination of my health being bad, not having a career, having no friends around is so daunting. It's probably a large reason the relationship failed, because I was having some kind of existential crisis. I can't connect to the things I once felt passionate about because the passion I felt was always sublimated into the desire to share what I love with someone else - a partner. Now that it's over I've lost all my confidence. I don't even remember what I was like when I met her or how I charmed her or talked to her. But it's like going from the height of love to the absolute low of finding yourself with no one, just a list of responsibilities and an uncertain future. I've visited this state of being lost so many times since my health went bad. The one thing I do on your list is smoke cigarettes (I roll my own with american spirit tobacco lol).

Also, the best way to "get someone back" is to become the best version of yourself you can be! Get stronger, more positive, more in shape, more hobbies, passions, interests. Act like you are the boss of your own emotions, don't care about little issues. Become an interesting and attractive person.

I know building myself up, becoming an attractive person is a good idea. But I am far down this hole and have illnesses. Also, that no-contact period is way over with. I can't make the effort thinking it's about getting her back. I was able to be somewhat confident when I was dating her because I had limited expectations. I knew she could walk away at any time. But now I'm too invested, I won't have that attitude again.

I'm sorry, truly. You can rebuild trust and the relationship if both people are willing to try. If you can't repair this relationship you can still grow and learn from the situation. I honestly don't mean to sound dismissive. My reply comes from someone who has lived through something similar and it was pretty recent. It's a very hard thing to go through but either way you will come out stronger even if it doesn't feel like it right now. Take it one day at a time and take good care of yourself!

The thing is she gave me so many chances to come back to her, but I was riddled with anxiety and confusion at the time. That's how I broke her trust, because I made her wait in a period of limbo for too long. I got back with her and went back to my old behavior. I hadn't learned anything different yet. It was an endless bad breakup between people who had a lot of passion for each other. I didn't know what she meant to me. But I have to say I'm not an idiot, at least not totally; I was in a confusing situation. I actually suffered depression through a good deal of the relationship and felt I couldn't connect with her in the way I wanted to. That's why it ended, because I actively felt not neutral, but badly. But I feel now that that is probably my fault for not really trying to understand her experience. It's because people say this part should come easily and feel natural, but it does take some effort. It takes a moment of appreciating someone for their difference. I thought all my bad feelings were our dynamics, the way she made me feel, but it was probably just my inability to reach out for that deep connection to her and create it together.

I'm so sorry Ashoka, unrequited love is a terrible terrible thing. If she was the right one maybe she'll come back? I wasn't faithful with my husband when we were dating long distance. He came back to me. And now we are married 10 yrs. Although it hasn't been easy. So if you go down that road know it will be an uphill battle. But if you choose to move on you really need to distract yourself as much as humanly possible and get out with friends. It won't sting forever and she won't be on your mind first thing in the morning forever. It will pass as much as you think it won't. Just go absolutely no contact. No pictures or anything.

Hi Janelle. Thanks. You know, it wasn't even unrequited love. She loved me very much. More than any partner has ever. It was me who was ambivalent because I felt we weren't connecting in the right way. My personal situation was so out of whack I couldn't see what was going wrong either in the relationship or my life. In some moments we had amazing chemistry and then others I felt numb and disconnected. My expectation that I shouldn't feel that way led me astray and caused me to focus on faults and why it wasn't working. I should have really tried focusing on the things that were working exclusively for a while.

One reason I've been so stuck is I can't figure out if I can fight for her or if I have to move on. Looking at how intense my situation is, I think most people would tell me to move on. If I went back now she wouldn't want me. There would have to be some reason to trust me now, and she would have to still love me a lot, but a lot of time has passed and media about relationships often paints people like me as not worth the trouble. She also lives in a different city. We went through no contact and it didn't help me. I actually got in touch with her recently so I don't know how to tell her I need more time. If I take more time away, we're going to end up feeling as if we're practically complete strangers.

Do things that will lower your estrogen. You'll feel no attachment at all.

I have PFS so I think nothing about my body works quite the same way as others. But I'm down for having superpowers like freedom from attachment.

Sorry you are hurting. I know it can be really hard.
You have to nourish yourself anyway, in whatever way you can.
Good ideas above.
Find friendly, relaxing, inspiring people to be around - family, friends, whatever community is available around you.
If you are in danger, please seek local help and support. Real people, not just electronic contact.

I see a therapist twice a week. I don’t have any friends in the area. I even hurt the friendships I have because they hate to see me this way. I also went to a mental health clinic while I had problems with Lyme disease. They asked: "What can I do for you?". I asked for clonidine and they wouldn't give it to me lol. I have been going to buddhist groups for a while, but I don't feel at ease in those settings. That sounds funny, but it's true.

 

[Jon]

@Ashoka my condolences bud. Life and it's lessons can be unforgiving at times. I think @raypeatclips is 100% right on his suggestions for self investment.

Living with a chronic illness makes it complicated but not impossible to thrive. I understand losing a relationship in this state is devastating, but you must realize regret and sorrow will trap you in an introspective mindset which will lead to nothing but self pity and and destruction.

To get yourself out of this negative loop of emotional trauma I think you should instead focus on admiring and studying things in the outside world, and giving to others. More specifically; nature walks are great for helping you realize and be captivated by how beautiful our world can be when unbridled and unhindered. People are very much the same :) when we are given the chance to thrive WE DO. This forum is abound with ENDLESS knowledge! Take advantage! Learn all you can! Foster your intelligence, discuss topics, ask questions, think about how this information could help those in your immediate life. Living life by 1st person perspective prevents the destructive 3rd person perspective of yourself and helps you to accept where you're at in life but forces you to see where you can go.

Lastly, don't give up on yourself. Don't give yourself the option to wallow in what feel like failiures. As long as there life in you, there's potential to create. Don't waste it.

 

[ATP]

I am sorry to hear you are experiencing such severe emotional pain. I went through an extremely hard breakup that I also ended and it definitely is one of my biggest regrets. An impulsive action out of frustration that emotionally ruined me. I was experiencing health issues prior to the breakup but for sure after it ended, it was a terrible state to be in. To be honest, I don' think I ever recovered.

For sure I believe the acute pain from any emotional trauma can be reduced over time but the long term effects depend on the individual I guess. I have tried dating since and I can say I am broken. As I was experiencing health issues prior to the breakup, I can not say how much it contributed to how bad my life is at the moment.

 

[danishispsychic]

Magnesium.

 

[Ashoka]

I am sorry to hear you are experiencing such severe emotional pain. I went through an extremely hard breakup that I also ended and it definitely is one of my biggest regrets. An impulsive action out of frustration that emotionally ruined me. I was experiencing health issues prior to the breakup but for sure after it ended, it was a terrible state to be in. To be honest, I don' think I ever recovered.

For sure I believe the acute pain from any emotional trauma can be reduced over time but the long term effects depend on the individual I guess. I have tried dating since and I can say I am broken. As I was experiencing health issues prior to the breakup, I can not say how much it contributed to how bad my life is at the moment.

I'm so sorry man. I know exactly how it feels. Every piece of it. I sincerely wish you a path out of that regret. I hope there is any kind of solace in that, that this is a shared experience. Have you made any progress or sought out any professional help?

 

[ATP]

I'm so sorry man. I know exactly how it feels. Every piece of it. I sincerely wish you a path out of that regret. I hope there is any kind of solace in that, that this is a shared experience. Have you made any progress or sought out any professional help?

Thank you for the kind words. I appreciate that.

I did develop mental health illness prior to the breakup so I have seen numerous psychologists/psychiatrists. They haven’t helped but like I said, I think it’s an individual process of healing and also depends on your health before hand.

I hope you feel better soon.

 

[Andman]

Emotional Response To Pain Is Driven By Serotonin And Prostaglandins

time to whip out the supplements bro, wish i had known stuff like that back when i was having similar issues

 

[Ashoka]

Emotional Response To Pain Is Driven By Serotonin And Prostaglandins

time to whip out the supplements bro, wish i had known stuff like that back when i was having similar issues

What would you whip out and recommend for a situation of emotional stress like this? I take cypro right now but I've been taking it for a long time so it may have lost effectiveness. One problem is when I'm stressed I barely eat anything, and when I do my whole digestion is not working right at all anyway. It's a bad starting point among bad starting points. This isn't normal stress but a gut-wrenching type.

 

[Andman]

personally, although i know how fckn hard it is to stay objective at times like this, id treat it just like the stressed/hypo state ray always talks about - so using whatever is neccessary of the anti-stress and pro-metabolic substances for as long as it takes (while keeping sugar/calories up) would be a reasonable choice.

cypro is a great starting point in any case, although higher dosages may cause lethargy

 

[Ashoka]

personally, although i know how fckn hard it is to stay objective at times like this, id treat it just like the stressed/hypo state ray always talks about - so using whatever is neccessary of the anti-stress and pro-metabolic substances for as long as it takes (while keeping sugar/calories up) would be a reasonable choice.

cypro is a great starting point in any case, although higher dosages may cause lethargy

I have the idealabs B vitamin complex and fat solubles. I was trying to simplify and I thought these made sense. I don't know what kind of effect it has when I'm not eating properly though, or if it's even safe.

 

[Andman]

I have the idealabs B vitamin complex and fat solubles. I was trying to simplify and I thought these made sense. I don't know what kind of effect it has when I'm not eating properly though, or if it's even safe.

cant go wrong with those imo, worst thing that could happen is some hypoglycemia i guess.
what about liquid meals for a time? like the 2 quart milk/oj thing? ü

 

[Collden]

I ended a relationship over four months ago and I feel like it was an awful mistake, but I know it’s too late to go back. I actually broke her trust by trying that already before working through my own issues. My ex is devastatingly beautiful and we had so much in common. I’m completely destroyed. All I’ve done since I ended it is dig myself deeper into a place I can’t see out of. And on top of it all I deal with PFS and Lyme disease symptoms. But losing this relationship is worse than those things to me.

I don’t want to scare anyone who has problems similar to mine if they end up reading this. I was actually feeling significantly better before this relationship, and really felt I was on a good path. Maybe on the route to being fully better (hence being reading to be in a relationship). But I still suffered from depression and dissatisfaction in the relationship that I didn’t understand and chose to end it in most likely very poor judgement.

I’ve lost probably thirty pounds since this started, and I was already underweight. I went from over 150lbs to 120lbs. I’m sure this is damaging my health in ways unknown to me, staying in a stressed, malnourished state for this long. I just don’t know how to bounce back. I wake up in physical and emotional pain every morning. I think about her with someone else. Months later and I can’t look at another woman and I have no motivation to act. I can’t sleep normal hours and no one really knows how to help me or what to tell me, and I don’t have the answers. I’ve never felt more lost.. Not even after illness did I feel this lost. I always believed I could recover what was lost after illness. This cannot be recovered because it is true loss, and one I brought upon myself out of confusion.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, thats especially true of break-ups. We always look for other people to fill the hole in our soul, then when it ends the pain of that emptiness becoming exposed again will flare up to become fare more intense than before the relationship started. But feeling that emptiness more strongly than ever is also an opportunity for growth, because in feeling that pain and surviving the pain you might begin learn that you are capable of filling that hole yourself and that you dont need someone else to be complete. The end result if you learn to meet this pain with self-compassion, is that you'll be slightly less needy and more self-sufficient the next time someone comes into your life, and less likely to start or continue a dysfunctional relationship based on a need for someone to validate your self-worth.

People with deep-seated emotional wounds subconsciously seek out other people that will rip those wounds open and bring them up into the light so that they have the possibility to deal with them. Intimate relationships with other people is how we grow as persons and this is how you should view the break-up - just be grateful for the opportunity to grow and become stronger, since you initiated the breakup there's likely some part of you that realised this is just what you needed to evolve. Every time you think about her with some other guy and feel that stabbing pain of loneliness and despair in your chest - dont fight it, rather welcome the opportunity to deal with your pain and treat it with self-compassion. The greater the feeling of loss, the greater the opportunity for growth.

 

[Spartan300]

Thanks to @Andman for the Serotonin/Prostaglandin article.

I'm struggling with emotional issues more than I used to & believe it's serotonin related but it just so happens that it seems to tie in with me starting to take prostaglandin eye drops...I'll be upping the aspirin for a bit.

To the OP, you can also try BCAA with tyrosine which is good for serotonin/mood & easy to consume. I also feel like a full dose of Tocovit Vitamin E relaxes me & makes me a little less bothered by things.