Overwhelming Emotional Stress After Breakup

[Dhair]

sorry i didnt mean cure in the traditional sense, like take this one thing and then you are cured, i meant more as treatment. i mean, yeah testosterone could help, but it's not really the root cause of the problem, i mean, the ray peat principles are pretty clear, can you eat the diet without gaining weight or keeping estrogen low or increasing libido? milk should really be able to help if you can digest it, but therein lies the problem, the digestion is really messed up where certain foods cause problems.

Yes, digestion is a huge issue.
Have you tried goat milk? I always do better with that.

 

[mayweatherking]

Yes, digestion is huge issue.
Have you tried goat milk? I always do better with that.

i havent tried it in a really long time, i can give it a try though. in the past i tried raw goat milk and the goat milk from whole foods, both caused me an issue, but it has been 3 years since then actually. ive tried so many milks though, 2%, a2, whole, whole with no added vitamins, multiple lactose free brands. all of them pretty much freeze digestion, like puts me into shock mode almost, makes me really tense up. even most cheese causes problems, now i found a low fat cheese that appears OK, but last time i used it, it made me gain massive weight in only around 2 or 3 days, so i'm trying to tread lightly.

 

[S-VV]

I completely second the move on and date other women advice. However, if as you say, you ended the relationship without a real cause on her part (cheating, BPD) maybe you could try to get back with her. After all, "rejection is better than regret".

If she doesn't want anything to do with you, well, at least you won't have that "what if " gnawing at you.

Once you remove that doubt you can go on dating her or go **** ten other women. You will have more certainty.

 

[tara]

From someone who can't claim any expertise on this, on the question of whether to let go and move on, or try seeing if she is interested in dating with you again, may be worth asking yourself questions about both your feelings and somewhat more objective assessments, eg:
Were you both mostly happy in each others company?
Did you both talk easily and enjoy conversation with each other?
Was it really hard work a lot of the time, or fairly easy?
Did you share similar values? Any definite clashes in values?
Did you both have similar amounts of energy, so you could things to do together that you both thought were fun?
Did she behave in a way that showed her to be trustworthy, kind, etc?
Did you have any experience resolving conflicts (even little ones) well/badly?
Any significant incompatibilities that you would come up against sooner or later anyway?
Is it practical - is she available, are you in the same town, etc?

If you have spent time enough to get attached, it hurts to separate. But that in itself doesn't say whether or not it's likely to be a good relationship longer term.
Maybe answering those questions would help clarify whether it would make sense to see if she is interested in trying again?

If not, or if she says no, then go ahead and date others. And/or do other fun stuff. Write yourself a list of your most important criteria in a girlfriend - must/must not haves. To protect your heart, don't get in too deep till you've sussed out whether there's longer term potential (both feelings and rational assessment).

 

[Ashoka]

From someone who can't claim any expertise on this, on the question of whether to let go and move on, or try seeing if she is interested in dating with you again, may be worth asking yourself questions about both your feelings and somewhat more objective assessments, eg:
Were you both mostly happy in each others company?
Did you both talk easily and enjoy conversation with each other?
Was it really hard work a lot of the time, or fairly easy?
Did you share similar values? Any definite clashes in values?
Did you both have similar amounts of energy, so you could things to do together that you both thought were fun?
Did she behave in a way that showed her to be trustworthy, kind, etc?
Did you have any experience resolving conflicts (even little ones) well/badly?
Any significant incompatibilities that you would come up against sooner or later anyway?
Is it practical - is she available, are you in the same town, etc?

If you have spent time enough to get attached, it hurts to separate. But that in itself doesn't say whether or not it's likely to be a good relationship longer term.
Maybe answering those questions would help clarify whether it would make sense to see if she is interested in trying again?

If not, or if she says no, then go ahead and date others. And/or do other fun stuff. Write yourself a list of your most important criteria in a girlfriend - must/must not haves. To protect your heart, don't get in too deep till you've sussed out whether there's longer term potential (both feelings and rational assessment).

Thanks Tara, all good advice, not to mention highlighting the need for feelings and a rational assessment like that.

The questions - were we both happy, was conversation easy, was it a lot of work? - are the important ones for this situation and have difficult answers. She was definitely happy when I was giving myself to the relationship. I was struggling over time. I wasn’t happy because I didn’t feel able to connect with her in a deep way through words and conversations. It made me feel incapable of intimacy or like I was shallow. I started catastrophizing, thinking there was something wrong with me, and that my hormones and brain are so messed up I can’t feel connected to someone who I should. Or I felt that I was having an identity crisis where I couldn’t accept or repudiate her. I would have a freeze response. I really had no idea what was wrong and it scared me. I think something that may have played a huge role in what went wrong is Relationship OCD or ROCD, and that set off a lot of these feelings.

My body easily triggers fight or flight. I’ve probably been almost permanently in that mode for over six months. And before that because of Lyme disease and illness, I had pervasive anxiety for years. Mixing anxiety, depression, weird expectations and obsessive thoughts is a recipe for problems.

She did make me happy of course too. I couldn’t help but smile when I saw her.

 

[Dhair]

i havent tried it in a really long time, i can give it a try though. in the past i tried raw goat milk and the goat milk from whole foods, both caused me an issue, but it has been 3 years since then actually. ive tried so many milks though, 2%, a2, whole, whole with no added vitamins, multiple lactose free brands. all of them pretty much freeze digestion, like puts me into shock mode almost, makes me really tense up. even most cheese causes problems, now i found a low fat cheese that appears OK, but last time i used it, it made me gain massive weight in only around 2 or 3 days, so i'm trying to tread lightly.

Have you tried eggshell calcium? You don't need to eat dairy or an excessive amount of calcium, just keep the calcium/phosphate ratio high.

 

[mayweatherking]

Have you tried eggshell calcium? You don't need to eat dairy or an excessive amount of calcium, just keep the calcium/phosphate ratio high.

yeah, gives me a poor reaction, made my own with a coffee grinder and tried grinding it a really long time. i also bought calcium supplements, i suspect they might do the same thing.

i tried eating 100 grams of protein in muscle meat and used egg shell calcium to counter it, it made my bones start aching in my leg for like a month. i thought i screwed myself up.

 

[bk_]

I ended a relationship over four months ago and I feel like it was an awful mistake, but I know it’s too late to go back. I actually broke her trust by trying that already before working through my own issues. My ex is devastatingly beautiful and we had so much in common. I’m completely destroyed. All I’ve done since I ended it is dig myself deeper into a place I can’t see out of. And on top of it all I deal with PFS and Lyme disease symptoms. But losing this relationship is worse than those things to me.

I don’t want to scare anyone who has problems similar to mine if they end up reading this. I was actually feeling significantly better before this relationship, and really felt I was on a good path. Maybe on the route to being fully better (hence being reading to be in a relationship). But I still suffered from depression and dissatisfaction in the relationship that I didn’t understand and chose to end it in most likely very poor judgement.

I’ve lost probably thirty pounds since this started, and I was already underweight. I went from over 150lbs to 120lbs. I’m sure this is damaging my health in ways unknown to me, staying in a stressed, malnourished state for this long. I just don’t know how to bounce back. I wake up in physical and emotional pain every morning. I think about her with someone else. Months later and I can’t look at another woman and I have no motivation to act. I can’t sleep normal hours and no one really knows how to help me or what to tell me, and I don’t have the answers. I’ve never felt more lost.. Not even after illness did I feel this lost. I always believed I could recover what was lost after illness. This cannot be recovered because it is true loss, and one I brought upon myself out of confusion.

You're better off without her. The last thing you need when you're sick is a "romantic" relationship to stress you out. You need solid family and friends as relationships, these are quality things you can really lean on.

Having a girlfriend/wife is just more work, burden, and responsibility that will emotionally drain you especially now that you're ill. Now that you're single you can spend quality time alone without anyone nagging you and you're free to pursue what you want like travelling, school, career, etc. You will get healthier so long as you stay out of the "relationship" trap.

Get in a relationship now and I promise you that you'll be even more sick. I know from experience...

 

[Ashoka]

You're better off without her. The last thing you need when you're sick is a "romantic" relationship to stress you out. You need solid family and friends as relationships, these are quality things you can really lean on.

Having a girlfriend/wife is just more work, burden, and responsibility that will emotionally drain you especially now that you're ill. Now that you're single you can spend quality time alone without anyone nagging you and you're free to pursue what you want like travelling, school, career, etc. You will get healthier so long as you stay out of the "relationship" trap.

Get in a relationship now and I promise you that you'll be even more sick. I know from experience...

Thanks for the perspective. I mean that is a real risk. It’s as though I’m unable to take any chances with it because of my position.

I’m still drained from it. Some days I feel okay and others days I’m preoccupied and confused. I know I have other important things to take care of and focus on, but my thoughts are intrusive and I become restless or apathetic towards being productive. Mainly I think it’s because I’ve (perhaps tenporarily) lost some hope, in a broad sense.

But to report something good for change, some of my health symptoms have seemingly improved and listening to music is a lot more enjoyable to me recently. The point being that even in a pretty dark place some good things can happen.

 

[bk_]

There is a season for all things. In this time of illness give yourself permission to slowdown or take breaks on occasion. You can continue working towards your goals and life’s purpose.

The mind is inherently negative so don’t let intrusive thoughts get the best of you. Instead of trapping yourself in thoughts observe your body and how it feels and observe nature.

Personally my relationship has added tremendous stress and kept me from becoming healthy so keep in mind that romance and romantic relationships are definitely not the answer. Look outside of that for real purpose.

 

[GorillaHead]

Is this actually true? Cause I def am interested in finding ways to reduce attachment and clinginess.