Log Of Curious Events

[Swandattur]

4peatssake, with those sorts of statistics, at least they ought to monitor people in some kind of hospital setting while they are getting on or off those things. Better treatment would be a real good thing, too, of course. Here a person is, already feeling out of it emotionally and varying degrees of bad, and then they stick him or her on a drug that is going to really throw them for a loop before there is ever any possible improvement.

 

[Swandattur]

messtafarian, I will try adding more sugar and see how that does for me. Thanks for the idea. I have read that RP article before, but I will read it again. Every time I reread one of his articles I get more out of it.

 

[messtafarian]

Man.

Those ssri stories are unreal. I wonder sometimes if ssris are going to be a story like radiation for earaches or thalidomide one day, you know?

Doesn't matter, I've already taken enough of these to be exposed. Sure wish I'd had a guiding medical hand to tell me to take a vacation, eat a carrot everyday and supplement with progesterone when I was in my thirties.

 

[ilovethesea]

I'm reading! I find your writing very soothing :)

How come you're weaning off coffee?

 

[Bluebell]

Sure wish I'd had a guiding medical hand to tell me to take a vacation, eat a carrot everyday and supplement with progesterone when I was in my thirties.

messtafarian, why to supplement with progesterone in your thirties? Is there a special benefit taking it at that time?

 

[messtafarian]

yes, Bluebell -- depending on what symptoms a woman would have in her cycle. I think typically the twenties are the most stable; by the midthirties stress, anovulatory cycles, nutritional issues not to mention the aftermath of childbirth and childraising can really start be problematic. I wish I had found out about progesterone a lot earlier and not gotten handed so many prescriptions for Prozac from my GP.

 

[Swandattur]

Log: I didn't take W. yesterday and won't today. This morning woke up before dawn and started to get frightened, thinking that if I did have serious withdrawal, I am just not up to it, and my backup systems are not adequate (husband with serious PTSD, older parents in poor health, children who love me, but may not be up for a parent with a serious meltdown.. ) I saw my husband was up playing Doom, and hoped he might be in good enough shape to talk rationally about it. Luckily, he was, and it helped to talk about it. My son, who is visiting, happened to wake up, and he was comforting, too. I just got all fearful that I could go nuts and hurt someone. Adrenalin, of course. I had the thought that I may feel different now and have to adjust to a different way of feeling. I haven't been off antidepressants in twenty years. I guess, usually, If I wake up with the adrenalin thing in the morning, I feel negative and depressed, but not frightened like that. Anyway, I feel good now, and we are about to go buy some delicious guavas from someone.

 

[messtafarian]

None of these bad things will happen. You are rational enough to monitor yourself and the people around you, clueless as they are, aren't going to let you get hurt.

Symptoms of withdrawal tend to be more physiological than emotional for the most part. You've probably seen the tales of twinges, zings and zaps. You know the difference between thinking crazy and thinking *really* crazy -- in fact the truth is you are sane and will remain so. If you start thinking *really* crazy -- a determination you'll be able to make -- get help. Meaning get to the hospital and get them to stabilize you. This won't happen, but knowing you can and will be able to do this if you need it will make it less frightening. People who end up seriously melting down are people who are not aware that they are in withdrawal, around people who are not aware what they are going through. None of that is you. You're safe.

 

[mandance]

Hey Swan, I didnt know you were trying to get off the SSRIs, hang in there. You are not going crazy and wont lose it...the worst that could happen might be a panic attack here and there. It is hard feeling this way for a long time so it does make me feel like I will never be ok again but we can and will. Its good you have a lot of supportive family, that is the key right there.

 

[Swandattur]

Ilovethesea, thanks for the complement! It's nice to think my writing is agreeable. I was thinking of being off coffee for a trial run to see if it helped on allergies. I had some notion it could be hard on my digestive tract, but it helps me so much mood-wise that I am not gonna worry about that. I don't think it's likely at all.

Messtafarian, Hey, thanks for the encouragement. What you said makes sense and is reassuring. That's good cognitive therapy. Talking back to the negative skewed thinking.

mandance, I have been edging toward getting off for a while. Feeling better on my diet has encouraged me to try it. So, I just accidentally on purpose took the plunge. It's really nice of you to encourage me on my medication withdrawal when I know you have been having such a tough time, yourself.

We had a successful guava run, and had a nice chat with the couple who grow them. They are in their 90s, and seem to be doing well. They have lots of family right around them. The man was showing me all the neat stuff his kids had showed him to do with his cell phone. He was saying he goes online to do his business. The older you are the harder it usually is to deal with electronic technology. So, I thought that was really good. He told us how his great grandfather (I think it was) came to the area in Florida before the railroad came that far. So he came by boat and then rented a horse and buggy to get there to become a school teacher. Pretty neat.

 

[Swandattur]

Sorry if I have sounded negative in many of my posts. I started out thinking I would tell about the results of some dietary experiments and thoughts about them, maybe. I'll try to tell about more of the positive things that happen.

 

[Swandattur]

My double vision sure seems to get worse when I'm low on protein. It gets worse at night, too.
My husband may be planning a covert operation. He has a bee in his bonnet about something.

 

[HDD]

I want to know where the guava farm is?

Swandattur, you are wonderful at communicating. It is a gift. Your stories are all so interesting.
I enjoy them very much.

Is your vision problem something new?

 

[mandance]

Dont worry about being negative, its your journal, tell us how you feel. Double vision can be from that reduction of antidepressants for sure. I also notice without proper nutrition and sleep, things are very crazy the next day with head/vision.

 

[Swandattur]

Hagendazendiane, Thanks for the compliment! I do like writing.
The double vision must be related to the scarring on the cornea of my right eye from childhood, plus getting older, I guess. I think when I wait too long to eat properly it might be worse.

mandance, That's true about getting good nutrition. It's very important. Thanks for not minding the negative stuff.

Oh, These people in Pierson Florida have guavas. It's north of Deland on 17. They didn't have them for the last three years due to too much cold weather, but they had more this year. They smell so good! Heavenly. Maybe we can one day get some guavas going. Maybe if we made a green house just for them, they wouldn't freeze.

 

[Swandattur]

Feeling pretty good right now. I woke up early with fearful thoughts again, although not as bad as the other time. I tried eating something, and that didn't work. I tried monitoring breath and 'bag' breathing, but that didn't help that much. I kept trying to go back to sleep, because I hate not getting enough sleep. I have noticed that often, unless things are really bad, as soon as I get up my anxiety evaporates. Finally, I thought to try meditation. That worked to straighten out my fast mouth breathing, while keeping 'bad' thoughts at bay. I notice as soon as my thinking drifts away from meditation, my breathing speeds up and I start breathing through my mouth. I have an idea that there is something bad about trying to achieve that first stage of sleep and thinking. Somehow it often leads to bad thinking if there are worries in your life. Anyway, I finally went back to sleep and feel pretty rested. Those fears of unbearable, unstoppable depression coming back are banished for now.

My husband had a successful coup counting foray. So, he's all happy.

 

[Swandattur]

I feel okay now, but didn't have a vey good night. I tried going to bed early, but couldn't go to sleep, so I read some, and then had a carrot salad and an Epsom salts bath. I felt much more relaxed and okay after that. So, I went to sleep fairly late. Two hours later I woke up and didn't feel very well mood-wise. My skin felt itchy and irritated. I finally went back to sleep. It's kind of a blur. I realized that I have probably been overdoing on eating guavas. I cut them up and eat them with sugar and just swallow the seeds. Maybe that many seeds are just too many, or it's just too much guava!

Oh well. I'm planning to put most of the rest through a dilver (conical sieve) to separate out the seeds from most of the rest. Then I will freeze it. Actually, I will freeze the seed part, too, because more juice will come out of the frozen seeds. I might keep back a few of the scooped out shells to cook with sugar.

My husband got mad at me for shutting his door when his phone alarm kept going off over and over again. I shut it very quietly and not entirely, but you'd think I'd slammed it shut.
My sister has a habit of keeping you on the phone when really you need to get off and the whole discussion can take place later in person if you get off in time to get ready to meet her. Erhg! One time several years ago when that sister and I were having small a tift or two, my dad said something to the effect that we just shouldn't spend any time together. That could get pretty lonely if you decide to avoid anyone who does irritating things, because we all do irritating things, no doubt. Nobody's perfect.

I think maybe histamines in meat do bother me by causing hot flashes. Or maybe it's anything that doesn't digest well.

 

[Swandattur]

Oh, the thing my sister was telling me about was that someone on Facebook had been tentatively diagnosed with MS and was having lots of trouble. Then she stopped drinking diet drinks with aspartame and had a very speedy recovery. There was something about other people having this happen, too.

 

[Swandattur]

I had another somewhat difficult night last night. I think I went to sleep okay, but then I woke up when our dog howled and a train was going by a mile or so off. Our dog normally doesn't howl. We used to have Huskys that howled all the time. I love howling dogs. Then my mood became depressed. I got up and had some alka seltzer with apple juice and felt much better, but took a while to sleep again. When I feel bad like that, I think I may have to get back on Wellbutrin, even though it may cause some problems. All sorts of depressed thoughts go through my head. I guess it's known as catastrophic thinking in cognitive therapy. I think it is. Something like that. I felt itchy, too, after waking up. Maybe the buffalo mozzarella does bothers me somewhat. The Wellbutrin is like Dumbo's feather that helps him to fly. Without it, he loses confidence. I need to feel that these various Ray Peat measures will be my new feather or feathers.

 

[mandance]

I hear you on that. The weather just changed here and its a lot like fall now and I have been feeling more depressed. Sometimes its hard to pinpoint the source of depression...season changes, chemicals in us, thought patterns etc. I think for me it can be a combination but some people are just more centered around depression. I know for me, my mind naturally goes towards the negative because it usually makes more logical sense to me...and its lead me to a lot of success in my life but its not exactly good for well being. We can change our default thinking through practice...it will take thousands of reptitions but we can. Just have to catch the negative thoughts as they come and redirect them....a lot of negative thinking is also irrational at times. I know i tend to jump to the worst case scenario for things maybe as a defense mechanism to protect myself if it does turn out to be the worst? idk....

If you do feel you need to go back to antidepressants though, dont feel bad about it. I dont think its such a bad thing to take them if they really do help you live your life. Its a nice fantasy to live a life without pills but maybe its not for everyone...im still trying to find that out for myself as well and I will tell you its hard as hell but worth fighting for I think. So just hang in there. You are a good person, dont be so hard on yourself...you deserve to feel good.