A thimble full of moonlight

Discussion in 'Logs' started by loess, Sep 26, 2013.

  1. loess

    loess Member

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    I started Peating four days ago and have noticed an incredibly profound and rapidly improving rise out of a tunnel of depression, fatigue, and fear that has crippled me for over two months. I will maybe elaborate on my history and the backstory that caused me to tank into this bout of depression at some point, but for now I'll just log my little prism of reality that goes on each day so that I can have a record of my early days of Peat.

    Yesterday I had a carrot salad in the morning and around 1800 calories of OJ, milk, and gelatin during the day. Very sedentary as usual these days, spending the day reading on the laptop and getting up from the bed only to use the bathroom, visit the kitchen, etc. Tomorrow I will make myself go for a short gentle walk outside as it's no good to be indoors all day. I'm guessing that I am way overdue for some liver or some shellfish because at around 5pm, thoughts of chocolate took ahold of me and would not let go until I gave them what they wanted, which ended up being milk and a whole bar (100g) of Green & Black 85% dark chocolate. Theobromine is a pretty darn potent alkaloid so I usually like to eat small amounts but I really felt like I was craving the zinc and minerals, so I just went with it and shazam, no more choco bar. Around an hour later I felt the most euphoric sense of calm and hopefulness that I have experienced during this bout of darkness. I felt very creative and uplifted. That feeling kind of gently bloomed over the next couple of hours, it was nice and balanced. I wrote in my journal late into the night and started to feel the need for some sugar around 2 am so I made myself a bit of gelatin and some salted OJ (about 1 tsp of salt) and fell asleep soon thereafter, though I'm wondering if I overshot on protein for the day because I could really feel some digestive discomfort going on with the gelatin.

    While I was asleep I had a nightmare where a childhood friend was in a courtroom and pointed a gun at me. I woke up just before he was going to pull the trigger. Very strange, probably chocolate-induced in some way, or maybe too much salt at once? One of my nostrils was plugged up which doesn't usually happen unless I am dehydrated. After a little while I was feeling like I needed some sugar to calm down so I went down and drank some OJ and milk which made me feel better, but today I have noticed that I've been dealing with more mucus than normal in my sinus and throat.
     
  2. mandance

    mandance Member

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    Welcome to the forums loess. And congrats on your new journey towards better health!
     
  3. OP
    loess

    loess Member

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    Thanks mandance! I am so grateful to have found my way to Ray Peat's work, and this place, it is a lovely group of open-minded intelligent folks.

    I dropped a big chunk of change at Whole Foods yesterday but I am glad to be stocked up for a week or so. Got milk, OJ, oysters, shrimp, Carlson D3, niacinamide, couple of chocolate bars and cottage cheese. I am going to buy a thermometer today so I can start monitoring daily temps.
     
  4. OP
    loess

    loess Member

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    Today I am a rich man! Got my 300 watt bulbs & niacinamide powder in the mail. Found huge bags of wild caught shrimps & scallops at Costco, then turned around and literally collided my cart into cases of Mexican Coke. Then at the other grocery store I scored some rambutans and free case of oranges due to cashier error.

    [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]
     
  5. 4peatssake

    4peatssake Member

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    [​IMG]
     
  6. OP
    loess

    loess Member

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    I would gladly give that kid a high five and buy him ice cream.

    OK watch out because here comes the complain train.

    1) I love the carrot salad but I am super frustrated with my slow digestion. It is just sitting in me like a rock lately. It is now 8:26 pm and I haven't felt like eating anything since I ate the carrot + coco oil + vinegar at noon. I know it's doing something because I get the stomach gurgles eventually but lately it takes hours and hours. I drank 1.5 tablespoons of cascara before I ate it and still nothing. I just drank some OJ and a little milk not even because I was hungry but just because I didn't want to go the whole day without eating anything.
    2) The free case of oranges was sugary and yummy but yesterday I couldn't make it to the wholesaler so dropped $50 on a case of conventional navel oranges at the grocery store. I should have cut one open first because they are all ridiculously unripe. Might as well call them lemons. Huge waste of money but hey sometimes you gamble with fruit. THANKS A LOT for tricking me by dying the rinds of your oranges to make them look more orange, Sunkist. Still I might try to return them and see what happens.
    3) Haven't pooped in 4 days. Need to figure it out, maybe not enough magnesium or other minerals. Drinking a lot of liquid, mostly OJ and milk but also have had grapes, persimmons, meat, cottage cheese and plenty of gelatin. Come on bowels, the endotoxin party is over, kick them outta there!
     
  7. OP
    loess

    loess Member

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    I guess the cascara finally kicked in because I woke up in the middle of the night and took care of #3 up there in a big way! I have no words to convey how much better I felt after that! Slept like a big old sleepy bear.

    Today was great, I hit all my Peat goals. For once I actually got started eating early enough in the day to hit my sugar and protein needs (from OJ/dates/shrimps/scallops/gelatin). Got some liver in (with coffee and sugared milk) after a couple of weeks without it. Got in a tbsp of salt and some aspirin & niacinamide. Hung out under my lights and listened to music in the headphones. Earlier this week I bought a few bottles of Gerolsteiner mineral water and although it is a little bit pricey I think it's really helping me retain minerals instead of flushing them out when I need to drink water (usually in the mornings). The carbonation is nice too.

    Tonight was the first time that I have felt like playing music in a long while. I picked up my banjo and didn't set it down for 1.5 hours. This one song I wrote on the guitar and played at my grandma's funeral a few years ago came back to me and spilled out in banjo form. I think some pieces of me that went dormant over these past months are slowly trickling back into my heart.
     
  8. OP
    loess

    loess Member

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    Time to update if only to type out some thoughts and see if it helps me sort some stuff out.

    I seem to have settled into a pretty highly liquid diet. It's easy from a standpoint of being super lazy about preparing food, which I most certainly am. So that's a plus...but I am concerned that so much liquid might be causing me some problems. These days my food is coming from: OJ (10-15 oranges daily), skim milk (3 liters/day), sugar or honey (as needed), sometimes dates, niacinamide, B6, shrimp/scallops (5 days a week), gelatin, bone broth, oysters 1x or 2x/week. I'm unclear as to my protein needs, I can't seem to dial in what feels right but I may not be eating enough. I probably get around 50-60g/day, but it's hard to get more because if I eat too much at one time, I pay for it later. With the colder/drier weather I've been getting itchy scalp and skin. Haven't been eating liver very much so perhaps including it more often will help with that. Had 2 oz today with coffee/sugar/milk and will have 2 more oz in a day or two.

    Here is a dilemma I have been feeling stuck in:

    Carrot salad+cascara and charcoal+cascara do really good things for me overall. I do the charcoal once or twice a week, but it basically takes all day for it to go through me and needs to be taken completely on its own (with the exception of the cascara), so I usually have to wait for a day of rest or very low activity.

    As for the carrot, I want to be able to do it every day. But it does not feel good to eat it with other foods, and it does not feel good to eat it on anything other than an empty stomach. The problem is, it takes 5-6 hours, sometimes more, for the carrot to clear out of my stomach and dump into my small intestine. My digestion is super slow and I am pretty certain that my vagus nerve is severely damaged and out of wack after the years of binge eating and dieting and other things leading to hypothyroidism. Anyway, I can feel what it feels like when the pyloric valve opens up and there is gurgling and food moves out of my stomach into my small intestine. It happens a little bit at a time but doesn't feel "finished" for at least 5-6 hours on average.

    So, this leaves only a small window of time in the morning to eat the carrot without pushing too far into the day for the next meal. Problem is, in the morning I usually still have food sitting in my stomach from the night before. Sometimes water in the morning tends to help get things moving again. In addition, due to the drier weather and breathing a lot of stale air from the house A/C all night long, I often wake up with a stuffed nostril and dry mouth/throat so I need some water in the morning to help feel re-hydrated. I have tried repeatedly to avoid not drinking water in the morning and it just doesn't work. And when I consume sugar without being hydrated I get rapid heartbeat, anxiety, forehead sweating, difficulty breathing. It's a quandary because during the day I consume a heck of a lot of liquid (though I make a considerable effort to eat enough salt to offset that).

    So anyway, often it's like 11 am or later before I can get to the carrot, and then I don't even want to bother because I'm gonna need fuel during the day, and I can't wait all day for the carrot to pass through. I guess I am going to have to get over it and do the carrot with other food and see what happens. But isn't there something about the carrot slowing or blocking absorption of vitamins/nutrients, just like charcoal? Does sugar from simple syrup or honey at least get absorbed OK when taken with carrot?

    I have a feeling that my body is not ready to handle the amount of milk that I have been drinking. Or perhaps I need to get some milk from a different source. There is a farm that sells raw milk from grass-fed Jersey cows, but the only way I can get it is by driving an hour and back so it's not really practical on a regular basis. I may try dialing down the milk to a glass or two each day and replace with potato protein soup and perhaps eggshell to get calcium. I don't have the slightest idea of how to gauge the amount of eggshell I would need though.

    Supplements:

    Just got Nutrisorb vitamin A and some B6 powder. I have thiamine HCl powder coming which I will add to the niacinamide and B6 daily. Also have Thorne K2, and Swanson vitamin E on the way in the mail and will carefully experiment with these as needed. I was doing vitamin D on the wrist every day but I'm going to slow down until I can find a way to get enough magnesium in to balance it out. Hard to get enough magnesium with just transdermal magnesium oil so I may try spraying some oil into OJ and drinking it. Is it safe to take magnesium chloride orally like that? If not, I will order magnesium glycinate powder. Lastly I stopped aspirin since I wasn't eating liver much but since I am eating more and will also have the K2 liquid soon, I'll probably start it up again and see how it feels.

    Bottom line on this stuff is:

    1) I want to get some bloodwork done so I can get a better grasp on where I'm at instead of firing shots in the dark.
    2) I may simply not be eating enough calories overall and compounding my issues because of it. I have been spending a lot of time underneath my lights, after all...
    3) Long-term plan is to get on thyroid, but I'm doing my best to ensure that I get adapted to Peat food and lifestyle routines before I commit. I've read too many accounts of people having problems upon diving into taking thyroid too rapidly without getting other things ironed out first.
     
  9. OP
    loess

    loess Member

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    I don't want to speak too soon, but I think I am beginning to rise out of the plateau I was at for a while. One thing that I figured out that something is up with the way my body deals with consuming OJ (even fresh-squeezed) at the same time as milk. Sits in my stomach and feels sour. I think too much OJ in general is not good for me. Maybe too acidic. I suspect that I would tolerate some fruits better if I was picking them ripe off of the tree. Incidentally, the other day I reconnected with a friend I hadn't seen in a couple of years who has a farm in Maui, so I may just be able to go for a visit and pick some tree-ripe tropical fruits some time next year. Anyway, now I am not so sure that the milk was my problem and I'm super psyched about that. Warm milk with honey and a little salt is like rocket fuel and digests well for me. A little at a time throughout the day. I am eager to take a day trip down to a farm I used to volunteer at so I can get some of their raw goat milk.

    Today I had cascara+carrot salad and it was out of my stomach within 4 hours, and it went completely through me within 7 hours. That beats previous experience by a longshot, usually it takes 6-8 hours for the carrot to move through and anywhere from 16-24 hours for a bowel movement with cascara. If this shorter transit time keeps up, that will be huge for me. It means I could do the carrot more often and wouldn't have to set aside an entire day for it to clear.

    I have been eating 1.5 oz of liver sautéed in ghee every other day this week, and an egg yolk on the days I don't eat the liver. Next week I probably will leave the liver out so as not to overdo it. Have noticed that I am not as itchy and have less dry scalp even with the weather turning colder and drier. I discovered today that my ribcage is a good spot to apply the magnesium oil (in addition to the tops and bottoms of my feet). Since there is no body hair there, there is not as much friction when I rub it in and it doesn't irritate my skin as much.
     
  10. j.

    j. Guest

    Have you been taking niacinamide? Reducing intestinal serotonin too much might cause it.
     
  11. OP
    loess

    loess Member

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    Yes, 600 mg along with 5 mg of B6, twice a day. It doesn't feel like too much, but will keep that in mind. I just received thiamine and was going to begin slowly addding it in small increments.
     
  12. Peata

    Peata Member

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    How are you doing now?
     
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