Love

[timmytom]

I feel like I'm incapable of falling in love. That didn't used to be the case, and back when I could fall in love my metabolic health wasn't any better than it is now. I'm probably healthier now, if anything.

How does love work? I've come to the conclusion that it isn't biological, or not merely so, and that there must be a metaphysical basis of it. I feel like my heart is closed off. My "heart chakra"? I'm not sure how this happened but (without getting into personal details) I think it happened to me because I'm sensitive.

I'm not unhappy and many things in life bring me pleasure/satisfaction. I have a strong sex drive but I have an aversion to pursuing sex. (The idea of doing so makes me feel creepy, I have a "puritanical" streak in me, and also doesn't usually seem worth the effort--so I just masturbate. I masturbate too much tbh, but I don't think this is relevant).

Right now I just feel like I'm incapable of loving a woman.

Any thoughts/advice?

 

[InChristAlone]

Could be a feminine wounding like a mother wound. For a man to love he needs to integrate his feminine energy (we all have both energies), but that would be hard if you were severely wounded by a woman. Working on your inner child can help open you up.

 

[timmytom]

Could be a feminine wounding like a mother wound. For a man to love he needs to integrate his feminine energy (we all have both energies), but that would be hard if you were severely wounded by a woman. Working on your inner child can help open you up.

I'm actually ridiculously close to my mother, and she's never hurt me. I've sometimes wondered if this is a problem, if I'm too close.

 

[InChristAlone]

I'm actually ridiculously close to my mother, and she's never hurt me. I've sometimes wondered if this is a problem, if I'm too close.

Aha then that is it as well. My husband was enmeshed with his Mom (she treated him like her little prince) and he couldn't devote to me like I needed. We went through Jerry Wise's videos (after moving away from her), and he is self differentiating and is loving me exactly the way I need.

 

[eat my peat]

I masturbate too much tbh, but I don't think this is relevant

sounds like you masturbate to avoid putting yourself out there and being venerable.

and that you are deluding yourself into thinking that you "have an aversion to pursuing sex" when really you are just at a turning point in your life where you can stop masturbating and start taking action in pursuing potential relationships with people.

you aren't "incapable of loving a woman" ... you just are not actively pursuing any woman and wanking to make up for the lack of action taking.

this is entirely speculating based on the message but either way. cut down on the masturbating, cut out porn (if you watch that too). start taking action and you will definitely be capable of loving a woman

keep going. life's short

 

[mamakitty]

I feel like I'm incapable of falling in love. That didn't used to be the case, and back when I could fall in love my metabolic health wasn't any better than it is now. I'm probably healthier now, if anything.

How does love work? I've come to the conclusion that it isn't biological, or not merely so, and that there must be a metaphysical basis of it. I feel like my heart is closed off. My "heart chakra"? I'm not sure how this happened but (without getting into personal details) I think it happened to me because I'm sensitive.

I'm not unhappy and many things in life bring me pleasure/satisfaction. I have a strong sex drive but I have an aversion to pursuing sex. (The idea of doing so makes me feel creepy, I have a "puritanical" streak in me, and also doesn't usually seem worth the effort--so I just masturbate. I masturbate too much tbh, but I don't think this is relevant).

Right now I just feel like I'm incapable of loving a woman.

Any thoughts/advice?

Stop masturbating and watching porn ffs, and it is 100% relevant.

 

[mamakitty]

Aha then that is it as well. My husband was enmeshed with his Mom (she treated him like her little prince) and he couldn't devote to me like I needed. We went through Jerry Wise's videos (after moving away from her), and he is self differentiating and is loving me exactly the way I need.

Wdym by devote to you? Is this some sort of every woman is a queen mentality netflix is pushing so hard?

 

[InChristAlone]

Wdym by devote to you? Is this some sort of every woman is a queen mentality netflix is pushing so hard?

No, just basic husband things like not spending all his time playing video games or watching football. He started becoming the leader of our family when he addressed this enmeshment, and started self differentiating and also that I submitted to his leadership role in our family (which I couldn't do if he was playing video games instead of addressing our problems).

 

[LUH 3417]

I have the same issue and it’s from being hurt and fear of having my heart broken. It’s a shitty way to live and I wish you the best in getting over it. I have considered shamanic medicine because at this point I do feel like it’s an unconscious blocking and plowing my way through by forcing myself to go on dates or meet new people has not worked at all.

 

[mamakitty]

No, just basic husband things like not spending all his time playing video games or watching football. He started becoming the leader of our family when he addressed this enmeshment, and started self differentiating and also that I submitted to his leadership role in our family (which I couldn't do if he was playing video games instead of addressing our problems).

Oh okay, so more about the maturity and being a man. I understand now!
Unfortunately more and more modern men are perpetually stuck in their Peter Pan syndrome. It could be the coddling from their mommies but imho it’s the infantilising of the society as a whole, and the emasculation of men so they never want to be the leaders. They have also been told women are the boss ladies or whatever the heck, so they should be dominant in the house. And they think they are being the “good boys” by doing what the society told them to. So they are genuinely shocked and unprepared when the wife wants to be feminine and submissive. Many times it’s cultural too; they see their mother was dominant and they expect it from the wife.
Anyway, good on you for fixing the problem!

 

[ecstatichamster]

nowadays, by "I masturbate" a person means "I use porn." Porn use over time can result in all sorts of brain effects including feeling that "I am gay" or "I am incapable of love" etc.

Just stop porn use altogether for awhile and rebalance.

Your Brain On Porn

Curious about the latest research on internet porn's effects? Your Brain on Porn looks at teh science and the lived experience of people consuming internt pornography

www.yourbrainonporn.com

is a good site.

 

[mamakitty]

nowadays, by "I masturbate" a person means "I use porn." Porn use over time can result in all sorts of brain effects including feeling that "I am gay" or "I am incapable of love" etc.

Just stop porn use altogether for awhile and rebalance.

Your Brain On Porn

Curious about the latest research on internet porn's effects? Your Brain on Porn looks at teh science and the lived experience of people consuming internt pornography

www.yourbrainonporn.com

is a good site.

Yep +125

 

[InChristAlone]

Oh okay, so more about the maturity and being a man. I understand now!
Unfortunately more and more modern men are perpetually stuck in their Peter Pan syndrome. It could be the coddling from their mommies but imho it’s the infantilising of the society as a whole, and the emasculation of men so they never want to be the leaders. They have also been told women are the boss ladies or whatever the heck, so they should be dominant in the house. And they think they are being the “good boys” by doing what the society told them to. So they are genuinely shocked and unprepared when the wife wants to be feminine and submissive. Many times it’s cultural too; they see their mother was dominant and they expect it from the wife.
Anyway, good on you for fixing the problem!

Yes! His Mom was boss lady of their house so he definitely settled in to that more submissive role when we got pregnant and moved closer to his Mom and Dad when he wasn't that way before that.

 

[mamakitty]

Yes! His Mom was boss lady of their house so he definitely settled in to that more submissive role when we got pregnant and moved closer to his Mom and Dad when he wasn't that way before that.

Aah! There’s almost always a connection to how one was raised, eh? I’m glad your husband was open minded to look into changing his ways.

 

[timmytom]

nowadays, by "I masturbate" a person means "I use porn." Porn use over time can result in all sorts of brain effects including feeling that "I am gay" or "I am incapable of love" etc.

Just stop porn use altogether for awhile and rebalance.

Your Brain On Porn

Curious about the latest research on internet porn's effects? Your Brain on Porn looks at teh science and the lived experience of people consuming internt pornography

www.yourbrainonporn.com

is a good site.

I have basically never used porn, and it's always been mysterious to me how anyone could become addicted to it. The few times I did (long ago, as an experiment) I found it disgusting. I masturbate no more often than I did back when I my heart didn't feel so closed off. For this reason I don't believe masturbation is relevant. I'd rather not pursue women viewing them merely as sex objects, which is what always happens to me when I stop masturbating for several days and "put myself out there". I feel I'm operating at a low carnal plane. It didn't used to be this way for me. I intend on masturbating less, but I definitely don't think this is the cause/problem.

Aha then that is it as well. My husband was enmeshed with his Mom (she treated him like her little prince) and he couldn't devote to me like I needed. We went through Jerry Wise's videos (after moving away from her), and he is self differentiating and is loving me exactly the way I need.

Interesting.

I have the same issue and it’s from being hurt and fear of having my heart broken. It’s a shitty way to live and I wish you the best in getting over it. I have considered shamanic medicine because at this point I do feel like it’s an unconscious blocking and plowing my way through by forcing myself to go on dates or meet new people has not worked at all.

Thanks. I think this is it. For me it wasn't much. Just a couple bad experiences, not even that big. And also I think a broken (male) friendship that was life long has hurt me deep down more than I realize (we simply grew apart, but used to be the tightest of friends growing up).

I think acknowledging or realizing that the "unconscious blocking" is there is a good first step, and maybe focussing on the blocking--bringing it from unconscious to conscious awareness--will help things to heal on their own? This is actually kind of sounds a lot like Freud's method, though Freud believed that romantic love was just a concentration of the sex instinct (which is very wrong, in my opinion).

 

[timmytom]

I have the same issue and it’s from being hurt and fear of having my heart broken. It’s a shitty way to live and I wish you the best in getting over it. I have considered shamanic medicine because at this point I do feel like it’s an unconscious blocking and plowing my way through by forcing myself to go on dates or meet new people has not worked at all.

What does "shamanic medicine" look like?

 

[LUH 3417]

I have basically never used porn, and it's always been mysterious to me how anyone could become addicted to it. The few times I did (long ago, as an experiment) I found it disgusting. I masturbate no more often than I did back when I my heart didn't feel so closed off. For this reason I don't believe masturbation is relevant. I'd rather not pursue women viewing them merely as sex objects, which is what always happens to me when I stop masturbating for several days and "put myself out there". I feel I'm operating at a low carnal plane. It didn't used to be this way for me. I intend on masturbating less, but I definitely don't think this is the cause/problem.


Interesting.



Thanks. I think this is it. For me it wasn't much. Just a couple bad experiences, not even that big. And also I think a broken (male) friendship that was life long has hurt me deep down more than I realize (we simply grew apart, but used to be the tightest of friends growing up).

I think acknowledging or realizing that the "unconscious blocking" is there is a good first step, and maybe focussing on the blocking--bringing it from unconscious to conscious awareness--will help things to heal on their own? This is actually kind of sounds a lot like Freud's method, though Freud believed that romantic love was just a concentration of the sex instinct (which is very wrong, in my opinion).

Yea, I don’t think it necessarily has to be that your heart is broken from a romantic relationship. My heart is broken for other reasons, mostly not feeling loved by my parents, and I carried that with me and unconsciously believed I was unloveable, unworthy, crazy etc. I am bringing it to conscious awareness through therapy, and realize the way I was contributing to my false beliefs. But I also did a lot of damage “putting myself out there” and forcing myself to meet new people and date while still feeling unworthy and unloveable; I attracted the wrong kind of people and suffered needlessly.

 

[LUH 3417]

What does "shamanic medicine" look like?

There’s some acupuncturists and energy healers who promote their work on this level, I believe it’s along the lines of the power of intention, attention and focus to a field. I will say I have had acupuncture sessions that felt “soul healing”. I knew since I was a child that my illnesses were very much related to my psychological state, when I was around 19 and first tried lsd I had a conscious body experience of this, the way my negative thoughts were causing cold symptoms and then the way they would alleviate when I switched my frame of mind.
Was listening to a podcast with this lady today, she seems pretty great. Was talking about structured water and other semi peaty concepts

About Stella

A writer, artist, and intuitive bodyworker, Stella practice remotely and in person in Wakefield, RI and San Mateo, Costa Rica. She is passionate about re-skilling medicine and teaches classes and o…

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