I'm OCD about my own semen

[worrywart]

Contamination OCD. It has ruined my life. I will soon turn 37. I've been like this since I began masturbating, when I was around 12, and then it got worse when I was around 19. I used to read long novels, like Brothers Karamazov. I used to read philosophy books. I don't read anything anymore because I'm afraid of contaminating my objects. OCD is a nightmare. Take a look at /r/OCD. Many people there talking about suicide. OCD is serious stuff.

When I was 30 I said enough and just smeared some of my semen on my books and video game console and sneakers. It's called ERP and it's the method OCD therapists recommend. Exposure Response Prevention. Face your fear. Putting semen on objects sounds insane to people but that's how you fight OCD. OCD is a extreme life destroyer, so you take extreme measures to defeat it.

It worked. But then weird synchronicities began to happen. Stange coincidences seemingly telling me that I was wrong, that my semen is indeed dirty, that I should feel guilty for my semen. Synchronicities are a regular feature of OCD. The obvious explanation is the materialistic one: OCD people are insane. A less mainstream explanation but that I consider plausible is that OCD is spiritual in nature. It's some sort of force or spirit trying to trap you in obsessions and compulsions and paralyze you. And this force can trigger synchronicities in order to reinforce the OCD thoughts. Jung believed in synchronicities and he was a bright and erudite guy, wasn't he? It's not mere credulity, I think it's a real phenomenon. I once made a post detailing some of my synchronicities. It's some wild stuff.

I'm trying to do the ERP thing and not clean things down after I do the deed (I've thrown books and clothes and computer chairs away because of this OCD), but it's tough. I often succumb and go into cleaning frenzies. The feeling that things are "dirty" is very stressful. But it's irrational. There are people who are exactly like me, but about things like germs or public bathrooms or cigarette smoke. Their obsessions sound insane to me, but so does mine to them. My semenphobia is just OCD, and OCD is a liar.

Anyway, that's it. I feel the urge to write endless pages about this, to fully explain my situation, which is probably an OCD trait as well, but this post is already big enough. I'd appreciate any feedback here.

(I have found that bag-breathing helps a lot with this. The thought that things are "contaminted" diminishes considerably in severity after a two-minute bag-breathing session. Kratom and tianeptine help as well, but are expensive and addictive and not an ideal solution. I think trying to raise dopamine in more natural ways would be a good idea. If I have a mild opioid buzz going on my OCD becomes much more manageable, but getting high is not an ideal long-term solution for anything.)

 

[DoctorBackwards]

Nobody wants to tackle this bear of a post, so here goes; A wise man told me several years ago "Just because you think it doesn't mean it's not ridiculous".

I recommend you keep your line of sight no lower than straight ahead of you regardless of what direction you are peering and create for yourself a mechanism to remind you that your principle conviction of the moment can be a blessedly forgotten misconception of the past someday soon lol.

Also, continue to share your thoughts with this forum but be a good listener. It can help you, me, and, others. People here can come and go. They come when they need to and go when they no longer do, and that's a bittersweet thing.

 

[worrywart]

Nobody wants to tackle this bear of a post, so here goes; A wise man told me several years ago "Just because you think it doesn't mean it's not ridiculous".

I recommend you keep your line of sight no lower than straight ahead of you regardless of what direction you are peering and create for yourself a mechanism to remind you that your principle conviction of the moment can be a blessedly forgotten misconception of the past someday soon lol.

Also, continue to share your thoughts with this forum but be a good listener. It can help you, me, and, others. People here can come and go. They come when they need to and go when they no longer do, and that's a bittersweet thing.

Thanks for replying. I do want to be a good listener. I realize that the way I present my problem makes it hard for people to answer. The usual advice for OCD is to see an OCD therapist and do ERP, but when I add synchronicities to the mix I guess people don't know what to say. But really, phobias around sexual fluids and synchronicities seem to be relatively common among people with OCD. I'm not that much of a weirdo.

I recommend you keep your line of sight no lower than straight ahead of you regardless of what direction you are peering and create for yourself a mechanism to remind you that your principle conviction of the moment can be a blessedly forgotten misconception of the past someday soon lol.

Yes, I realize that it's all in my head. But OCD is very tyrannical. You feel icky and there's nothing you can do about it. They say the feeling of ickiness may go away after months of ERP. Actually, I did manage to make progress a few years ago. I had grown used to being dirty like every other guy. I still felt a bit icky about my seed, but I was much less neurotic about it. But eventually I started feeling disgusted/guilty about it again.

I have tried abstinence. After one month, my libido raised by a workout session, I just succumbed. Abstinence is annoying. But then again I feel like a lecher if I masturbate too much. I feel filthy. It's depressing. This all probably goes back to some repressed sexual trauma, of course. I'm just weird about sex. I alternate between abstinence and excess.

It's really complicated. I believe masturbation is immoral and that ideally one wouldn't do it. But abstinence also feels too radical. I don't know what the "right" thing to do here is. All I know is I'm tired of the OCD. Choosing to remain OCD is death, really, so I guess I'll just do ERP even if it kills me.

But again, thanks for replying. This is an embarrassing subject but whatever, I'm so sick of this OCD. I'd rather ask for help than continue living like this.

 

[PTP]

Contamination OCD. It has ruined my life. I will soon turn 37. I've been like this since I began masturbating, when I was around 12, and then it got worse when I was around 19. I used to read long novels, like Brothers Karamazov. I used to read philosophy books. I don't read anything anymore because I'm afraid of contaminating my objects. OCD is a nightmare. Take a look at /r/OCD. Many people there talking about suicide. OCD is serious stuff.

When I was 30 I said enough and just smeared some of my semen on my books and video game console and sneakers. It's called ERP and it's the method OCD therapists recommend. Exposure Response Prevention. Face your fear. Putting semen on objects sounds insane to people but that's how you fight OCD. OCD is a extreme life destroyer, so you take extreme measures to defeat it.

It worked. But then weird synchronicities began to happen. Stange coincidences seemingly telling me that I was wrong, that my semen is indeed dirty, that I should feel guilty for my semen. Synchronicities are a regular feature of OCD. The obvious explanation is the materialistic one: OCD people are insane. A less mainstream explanation but that I consider plausible is that OCD is spiritual in nature. It's some sort of force or spirit trying to trap you in obsessions and compulsions and paralyze you. And this force can trigger synchronicities in order to reinforce the OCD thoughts. Jung believed in synchronicities and he was a bright and erudite guy, wasn't he? It's not mere credulity, I think it's a real phenomenon. I once made a post detailing some of my synchronicities. It's some wild stuff.

I'm trying to do the ERP thing and not clean things down after I do the deed (I've thrown books and clothes and computer chairs away because of this OCD), but it's tough. I often succumb and go into cleaning frenzies. The feeling that things are "dirty" is very stressful. But it's irrational. There are people who are exactly like me, but about things like germs or public bathrooms or cigarette smoke. Their obsessions sound insane to me, but so does mine to them. My semenphobia is just OCD, and OCD is a liar.

Anyway, that's it. I feel the urge to write endless pages about this, to fully explain my situation, which is probably an OCD trait as well, but this post is already big enough. I'd appreciate any feedback here.

(I have found that bag-breathing helps a lot with this. The thought that things are "contaminted" diminishes considerably in severity after a two-minute bag-breathing session. Kratom and tianeptine help as well, but are expensive and addictive and not an ideal solution. I think trying to raise dopamine in more natural ways would be a good idea. If I have a mild opioid buzz going on my OCD becomes much more manageable, but getting high is not an ideal long-term solution for anything.)

I'm glad you found bag breathing helps short term at least. I have no advice to give, sounds like a hard mental state to be in and I am sorry for your suffering.

 

[xeliex]

I have contamination OCD that varies wildly in its intensity.

Let me tell you, when I am surrounded by people I love, when I am having a lot of fun, and when I am taking thyroid (or thyroid good), it tends to fad away!

I laugh at covid-scared people telling them that I have a PhD in germ-awareness and that their methods are dumb :)
I work in dialysis and the staff marvel at how clean, neat, and sanitized my workplace is.
I sanitize my hands after touching anything. Hands are treated as dirty, always.

All that excessive germ-aware ocd dissipates when I am "healthy" and feel loved. Germs don't seem to matter anymore in that state. It's like having confidence that the universe has got your back and your body is resilient enough to deal with any unwanted cooties....

I wish I could hold such states forever, but they come and go. It's a work in progress.

Stop reading redditt and go feel the love that this world has in store for you! That's what's on my to-do list.

 

[Elast1c]

Contamination OCD. It has ruined my life. I will soon turn 37. I've been like this since I began masturbating, when I was around 12, and then it got worse when I was around 19. I used to read long novels, like Brothers Karamazov. I used to read philosophy books. I don't read anything anymore because I'm afraid of contaminating my objects. OCD is a nightmare. Take a look at /r/OCD. Many people there talking about suicide. OCD is serious stuff.

When I was 30 I said enough and just smeared some of my semen on my books and video game console and sneakers. It's called ERP and it's the method OCD therapists recommend. Exposure Response Prevention. Face your fear. Putting semen on objects sounds insane to people but that's how you fight OCD. OCD is a extreme life destroyer, so you take extreme measures to defeat it.

It worked. But then weird synchronicities began to happen. Stange coincidences seemingly telling me that I was wrong, that my semen is indeed dirty, that I should feel guilty for my semen. Synchronicities are a regular feature of OCD. The obvious explanation is the materialistic one: OCD people are insane. A less mainstream explanation but that I consider plausible is that OCD is spiritual in nature. It's some sort of force or spirit trying to trap you in obsessions and compulsions and paralyze you. And this force can trigger synchronicities in order to reinforce the OCD thoughts. Jung believed in synchronicities and he was a bright and erudite guy, wasn't he? It's not mere credulity, I think it's a real phenomenon. I once made a post detailing some of my synchronicities. It's some wild stuff.

I'm trying to do the ERP thing and not clean things down after I do the deed (I've thrown books and clothes and computer chairs away because of this OCD), but it's tough. I often succumb and go into cleaning frenzies. The feeling that things are "dirty" is very stressful. But it's irrational. There are people who are exactly like me, but about things like germs or public bathrooms or cigarette smoke. Their obsessions sound insane to me, but so does mine to them. My semenphobia is just OCD, and OCD is a liar.

Anyway, that's it. I feel the urge to write endless pages about this, to fully explain my situation, which is probably an OCD trait as well, but this post is already big enough. I'd appreciate any feedback here.

(I have found that bag-breathing helps a lot with this. The thought that things are "contaminted" diminishes considerably in severity after a two-minute bag-breathing session. Kratom and tianeptine help as well, but are expensive and addictive and not an ideal solution. I think trying to raise dopamine in more natural ways would be a good idea. If I have a mild opioid buzz going on my OCD becomes much more manageable, but getting high is not an ideal long-term solution for anything.)

“Come now, and let us reason together, saith the LORD: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.”
— Isaiah 1:18 (KJV)

Psalms 51 (KJV)
¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯
⁴ Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when thou judgest.
⁵ Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me.
⁶ Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom.
⁷ Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
⁸ Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice.
⁹ Hide thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities.
¹⁰ Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.
¹¹ Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me.
¹² Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit.

…
¹⁶ For thou desirest not sacrifice; else would I give it: thou delightest not in burnt offering.
¹⁷ The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.

Mark 5 (KJV)
¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯
² And when he was come out of the ship, immediately there met him out of the tombs a man with an unclean spirit,
³ Who had his dwelling among the tombs; and no man could bind him, no, not with chains:
⁴ Because that he had been often bound with fetters and chains, and the chains had been plucked asunder by him, and the fetters broken in pieces: neither could any man tame him.
⁵ And always, night and day, he was in the mountains, and in the tombs, crying, and cutting himself with stones.
⁶ But when he saw Jesus afar off, he ran and worshipped him,
⁷ And cried with a loud voice, and said, What have I to do with thee, Jesus, thou Son of the most high God? I adjure thee by God, that thou torment me not.
⁸ For he said unto him, Come out of the man, thou unclean spirit.
⁹ And he asked him, What is thy name? And he answered, saying, My name is Legion: for we are many.

…
¹³ And forthwith Jesus gave them leave. And the unclean spirits went out, and entered into the swine: and the herd ran violently down a steep place into the sea, (they were about two thousand, and were choked in the sea.
¹⁴ And they that fed the swine fled, and told it in the city, and in the country. And they went out to see what it was that was done.
¹⁵ And they come to Jesus, and see him that was possessed with the devil, and had the legion, sitting, and clothed, and in his right mind: and they were afraid.
¹⁶ And they that saw it told them how it befell to him that was possessed with the devil, and also concerning the swine.
¹⁷ And they began to pray him to depart out of their coasts.
¹⁸ And when he was come into the ship, he that had been possessed with the devil prayed him that he might be with him.
¹⁹ Howbeit Jesus suffered him not, but saith unto him, Go home to thy friends, and tell them how great things the Lord hath done for thee, and hath had compassion on thee.


John 6 (KJV)
¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯
⁴³ Jesus therefore answered and said unto them, Murmur not among yourselves.
⁴⁴ No man can come to me, except the Father which hath sent me draw him: and I will raise him up at the last day.
⁴⁵ It is written in the prophets, And they shall be all taught of God. Every man therefore that hath heard, and hath learned of the Father, cometh unto me.
⁴⁶ Not that any man hath seen the Father, save he which is of God, he hath seen the Father.
⁴⁷ Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that believeth on me hath everlasting life.

 

[worrywart]

Psalms 51 (KJV)
¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯
⁴ Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when thou judgest.
⁵ Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me.
⁶ Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom.
⁷ Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
⁸ Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice.
⁹ Hide thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities.
¹⁰ Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.
¹¹ Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me.
¹² Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit.

…
¹⁶ For thou desirest not sacrifice; else would I give it: thou delightest not in burnt offering.
¹⁷ The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.

Mark 5 (KJV)
¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯
² And when he was come out of the ship, immediately there met him out of the tombs a man with an unclean spirit,
³ Who had his dwelling among the tombs; and no man could bind him, no, not with chains:
⁴ Because that he had been often bound with fetters and chains, and the chains had been plucked asunder by him, and the fetters broken in pieces: neither could any man tame him.
⁵ And always, night and day, he was in the mountains, and in the tombs, crying, and cutting himself with stones.
⁶ But when he saw Jesus afar off, he ran and worshipped him,
⁷ And cried with a loud voice, and said, What have I to do with thee, Jesus, thou Son of the most high God? I adjure thee by God, that thou torment me not.
⁸ For he said unto him, Come out of the man, thou unclean spirit.
⁹ And he asked him, What is thy name? And he answered, saying, My name is Legion: for we are many.

…
¹³ And forthwith Jesus gave them leave. And the unclean spirits went out, and entered into the swine: and the herd ran violently down a steep place into the sea, (they were about two thousand and were choked in the sea.
¹⁴ And they that fed the swine fled, and told it in the city, and in the country. And they went out to see what it was that was done.
¹⁵ And they come to Jesus, and see him that was possessed with the devil, and had the legion, sitting, and clothed, and in his right mind: and they were afraid.
¹⁶ And they that saw it told them how it befell to him that was possessed with the devil, and also concerning the swine.
¹⁷ And they began to pray him to depart out of their coasts.
¹⁸ And when he was come into the ship, he that had been possessed with the devil prayed him that he might be with him.
¹⁹ Howbeit Jesus suffered him not, but saith unto him, Go home to thy friends, and tell them how great things the Lord hath done for thee, and hath had compassion on thee.


John 6 (KJV)
¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯
⁴³ Jesus therefore answered and said unto them, Murmur not among yourselves.
⁴⁴ No man can come to me, except the Father which hath sent me draw him: and I will raise him up at the last day.
⁴⁵ It is written in the prophets, And they shall be all taught of God. Every man therefore that hath heard, and hath learned of the Father, cometh unto me.
⁴⁶ Not that any man hath seen the Father, save he which is of God, he hath seen the Father.
⁴⁷ Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that believeth on me hath everlasting life.

Yeah, thank you for quoting those chunks of the Bible at me and implying I'm possessed. And you just had to go straight to the Gerasene story, and quote the whole thing. Very kind of you.

If a masturbation habit means I'm possessed, most Christian men are possessed. Most of them masturbate. But they're not neurotic about their spilt seed.

I guess I made a mistake asking for help regarding OCD on a non-OCD forum. I always get those weird replies from fundie lunatics. Last time one of them quoted Leviticus at me, as if OT purity laws were still applicable. Lovely stuff.

By the way, isn't that one of David's psalms? Dude had hundres of wives and concubines. I don't think wanking would be a temptation for him.

 

[worrywart]

I have contamination OCD that varies wildly in its intensity.

Let me tell you, when I am surrounded by people I love, when I am having a lot of fun, and when I am taking thyroid (or thyroid good), it tends to fad away!

I laugh at covid-scared people telling them that I have a PhD in germ-awareness and that their methods are dumb :)
I work in dialysis and the staff marvel at how clean, neat, and sanitized my workplace is.
I sanitize my hands after touching anything. Hands are treated as dirty, always.

All that excessive germ-aware ocd dissipates when I am "healthy" and feel loved. Germs don't seem to matter anymore in that state. It's like having confidence that the universe has got your back and your body is resilient enough to deal with any unwanted cooties....

I wish I could hold such states forever, but they come and go. It's a work in progress.

Stop reading redditt and go feel the love that this world has in store for you! That's what's on my to-do list.

Thanks man.

Yeah, I did get relief from thyroid back when I took it. I think I'll look into taking it again.

Working out and drinking lots of milk gets me to a similar place, it almost feels like taking tianeptine, but it's not enough to make the OCD go away.

 

[worrywart]

I'm glad you found bag breathing helps short term at least. I have no advice to give, sounds like a hard mental state to be in and I am sorry for your suffering.

Thanks man.

 

[Elast1c]

Yeah, thank you for quoting those chunks of the Bible at me and implying I'm possessed. And you just had to go straight to the Gerasene story, and quote the whole thing. Very kind of you.

If a masturbation habit means I'm possessed, most Christian men are possessed. Most of them masturbate. But they're not neurotic about their spilt seed.

I guess I made a mistake asking for help regarding OCD on a non-OCD forum. I always get those weird replies from fundie lunatics. Last time one of them quoted Leviticus at me, as if OT purity laws were still applicable. Lovely stuff.

By the way, isn't that one of David's psalms? Dude had hundres of wives and concubines. I don't think wanking would be a temptation for him.

Not sure how you have evaluated all men. It couldn't be as you say if it's spiritual but how Jesus says. We have a total lack of an objective basis for morality without Christ. Yes you're on an internet forum and also Christians are tempted by Satan. The difference is in the account of Christians who aren't enslaved to sin but free in Christ. If it's morally wrong yes there is an inevitably true moral Judge. Wouldn't it be better to not just be free but to be a new creature? I can only assume you are not genuine or you aren't aware how it's an absolute.

From experience those obsessions ruined everything I wanted. Christ saved me so you're talking to entirely the wrong individual to soothe your general pondering.

 

[worrywart]

Not sure how you have evaluated all men. It couldn't be as you say if it's spiritual but how Jesus says. We have a total lack of an objective basis for morality without Christ. Yes you're on an internet forum and also Christians are tempted by Satan. The difference is in the account of Christians who aren't enslaved to sin but free in Christ. If it's morally wrong yes there is an inevitably true moral Judge. Wouldn't it be better to not just be free but to be a new creature? I can only assume you are not genuine or you aren't aware how it's an absolute.

From experience those obsessions ruined everything I wanted. Christ saved me so you're talking to entirely the wrong individual to soothe your general pondering.

Forgive my sarcastic reply. I'm sure you just wanted to help.

I appreciate your story, but well, I've been a Christian my whole life and moral scrupulosity is the one thing that has been ruining my life for the last two decades (and even before that really). I'm not just OCD about the stuff in my OP, I'm OCD about everything involving morality. I'm paranoid about sinning. It's such a tight straitjacket of moralism that sometimes I just want to give up my religion.

There is a good side to religion, too. It's a source of comfort and joy and meaning in a bleak, cruel world. I love Christianity. I wish I could just be a non-scrupulous Christian. Moral, yes, but not neurotic. The masturbation thing is particularly problematic here. It's not even mentioned in Leviticus, and you have to wonder why. If it's such a sinful thing, why doesn't Leviticus - the book in the Bible detailing all sorts of sexual sin - mention it even once?

Christians talk like it's easy to repress your libido for years or even decades - and let's not kid ourselves, once those Christian guys get married many of them are still not getting any. Sexless Christian marriages are a common thing. But don't you dare touch your weenie! It's a mortal sin!

Yeah, cool. We're given a raging libido and then we're told we cannot use it. If this never puzzled you, if this never made you at least slightly pissed, you're a puritanical weirdo. But whatever I don't wanna argue dude. Have a good day.

 

[OccamzRazer]

I would suggest abstinence and building yourself up mentally/spiritually/physically.

Then marrying a woman who loves every part of you (lol).

This process should help fix things on a fundamental level.

 

[worrywart]

I would suggest abstinence and building yourself up mentally/spiritually/physically.

My NoFap record is six months. But it has a strange tendency of making my contamination OCD worse. The more I abstain, the more I regard my semen as icky and the less I can touch certain areas of the house.

Then marrying a woman who loves every part of you (lol).

I am poor and growing old. I used to be good-looking, not so much anymore. As "redpilled" guys like to point out, we're living in the worst age in history for average men. It's a tired redpill trope, yes, but it's probably true. Sexual liberation has meant most women now get to slut it up with the top 20% of men while sneering at the losers with whom in more traditional, marriage-valuing eras they would have gladly settled down. Having a "rotation of f%ck buddies" is now a common thing for both men and women. It's not regarded as scandalously immoral. If you regard it as immoral, you're the weirdo now.

Not only that, but let's face it we all want a minimally attractive wife, and the more attractive the woman the less likely she is to settle for an average man. Attractive women are a commodity in extremely high demand (to put it bluntly). You're competing with the stunners and the millionaires out there. They all want the attractive girls to themselves. Again, a cliché, but there is truth in there. I'm a poor, average-looking, deeply neurotic man. Not much of a catch.

I do wish I had a wife. But then again getting married would come with all sorts of problems. Other than the lack of sex/romance I quite enjoy being alone. Honestly I just wish I didn't have a penis/sexuality/libido, I could honestly do without orgasms for the rest of my life, they don't make up at all for all the pain and guilt and shame that sexuality brings.

 

[Nomane Euger]

Contamination OCD. It has ruined my life. I will soon turn 37. I've been like this since I began masturbating, when I was around 12, and then it got worse when I was around 19. I used to read long novels, like Brothers Karamazov. I used to read philosophy books. I don't read anything anymore because I'm afraid of contaminating my objects. OCD is a nightmare. Take a look at /r/OCD. Many people there talking about suicide. OCD is serious stuff.

When I was 30 I said enough and just smeared some of my semen on my books and video game console and sneakers. It's called ERP and it's the method OCD therapists recommend. Exposure Response Prevention. Face your fear. Putting semen on objects sounds insane to people but that's how you fight OCD. OCD is a extreme life destroyer, so you take extreme measures to defeat it.

It worked. But then weird synchronicities began to happen. Stange coincidences seemingly telling me that I was wrong, that my semen is indeed dirty, that I should feel guilty for my semen. Synchronicities are a regular feature of OCD. The obvious explanation is the materialistic one: OCD people are insane. A less mainstream explanation but that I consider plausible is that OCD is spiritual in nature. It's some sort of force or spirit trying to trap you in obsessions and compulsions and paralyze you. And this force can trigger synchronicities in order to reinforce the OCD thoughts. Jung believed in synchronicities and he was a bright and erudite guy, wasn't he? It's not mere credulity, I think it's a real phenomenon. I once made a post detailing some of my synchronicities. It's some wild stuff.

I'm trying to do the ERP thing and not clean things down after I do the deed (I've thrown books and clothes and computer chairs away because of this OCD), but it's tough. I often succumb and go into cleaning frenzies. The feeling that things are "dirty" is very stressful. But it's irrational. There are people who are exactly like me, but about things like germs or public bathrooms or cigarette smoke. Their obsessions sound insane to me, but so does mine to them. My semenphobia is just OCD, and OCD is a liar.

Anyway, that's it. I feel the urge to write endless pages about this, to fully explain my situation, which is probably an OCD trait as well, but this post is already big enough. I'd appreciate any feedback here.

(I have found that bag-breathing helps a lot with this. The thought that things are "contaminted" diminishes considerably in severity after a two-minute bag-breathing session. Kratom and tianeptine help as well, but are expensive and addictive and not an ideal solution. I think trying to raise dopamine in more natural ways would be a good idea. If I have a mild opioid buzz going on my OCD becomes much more manageable, but getting high is not an ideal long-term solution for anything.)

Hi,what do you eat?do you have a good digestion?

 

[worrywart]

Hi,what do you eat?do you have a good digestion?

I eat a pretty regular Peat diet, though I've been slacking a bit lately. But even at my peatiest this OCD was still a thing. I can have two quarts milk, two quarts OJ, boiled potatoes & steak, and copious coffee with sugar and salt and coconut oil, and take vit D and niacinamide and cyproheptadine on top of it, and spend two hours lying in the backyard in my boxers soaking up the sunlight, and the contamination OCD will still be there.

I've been OCD since I was around 6 or 7. The contamination thing is just one aspect of it. I'm also obsessed with doing things in numbers, thinking positive thoughts as I close the door, etc.

I wish diet alone could fix this. When I was working out and drinking a lot of milk I did feel almost drugged, like I'd just taken tianeptine, so maybe that's something to look into. Tianeptine is one of the only things that help with my contamination OCD, but it's an expensive habit.

 

[VitoScaletta]

It's really complicated. I believe masturbation is immoral and that ideally one wouldn't do it. But abstinence also feels too radical. I don't know what the "right" thing to do here is.

Sex

 

[worrywart]

Sex

In other words, fornication, which is just as sinful as masturbation, or marriage, which is completely untenable in my current circumstances.

Again, I kinda wish I didn't have a penis.

 

[VitoScaletta]

In other words, fornication, which is just as sinful as masturbation, or marriage, which is completely untenable in my current circumstances.

Again, I kinda wish I didn't have a penis.

Why didnt you marry man?

 

[worrywart]

Why didnt you marry man?

Because I'm a neurotic wreck. I failed out of college and I keep missing deadlines at work. I could have a reasonable income as a Brazilian if I were more productive. I've been translating books for over a decade and it pays quite well, but I'm depressed and unproductive so I don't end up making much.

I was real good-looking in my twenties and early thirties, to the point that I got used to having attractive women flirt with me. But whatever, it's fine. Being alone is fine. I just want to get rid of my OCD.

 

[Elast1c]

Forgive my sarcastic reply. I'm sure you just wanted to help.

I appreciate your story, but well, I've been a Christian my whole life and moral scrupulosity is the one thing that has been ruining my life for the last two decades (and even before that really). I'm not just OCD about the stuff in my OP, I'm OCD about everything involving morality. I'm paranoid about sinning. It's such a tight straitjacket of moralism that sometimes I just want to give up my religion.

There is a good side to religion, too. It's a source of comfort and joy and meaning in a bleak, cruel world. I love Christianity. I wish I could just be a non-scrupulous Christian. Moral, yes, but not neurotic. The masturbation thing is particularly problematic here. It's not even mentioned in Leviticus, and you have to wonder why. If it's such a sinful thing, why doesn't Leviticus - the book in the Bible detailing all sorts of sexual sin - mention it even once?

Christians talk like it's easy to repress your libido for years or even decades - and let's not kid ourselves, once those Christian guys get married many of them are still not getting any. Sexless Christian marriages are a common thing. But don't you dare touch your weenie! It's a mortal sin!

Yeah, cool. We're given a raging libido and then we're told we cannot use it. If this never puzzled you, if this never made you at least slightly pissed, you're a puritanical weirdo. But whatever I don't wanna argue dude. Have a good day.

Scrupolisity is best aided by the promises of God and of the total nature of Christ's sufficiency. Looking at ourselves the Christian religion can logically does lead to a demented scrupulosity theology or worldview and that's precisely the point of Satan interfering with the doctrine. Looking at Christ and what He did there is freedom and reassurance and in our weakness God's strength is perfect (2 Corinthians 2:8-10).

Paul said people who marry struggle also that he would prefer people were as himself but that marriage was a good thing too.

Typically estrogen is responsible for rampant libido and often times masturbation is not done without any consideration for the flesh which Christ made an example by saying even looking at women in lust is as the sin of adultery. Clearly humanity needs something far greater than ourselves to make up for the reality of immorality but it's precisely that Jesus died on the cross for the sins of the whole world that we know those who put their faith and belief in Him have already been washed and are being sanctified by Jesus Himself in their walk. I don't personally see the existential necessity of masturbation, in general it seems like a way to relieve stress from an anti-male and very anti biblical-male culture but to me I'd rather just gain leverage and usually the things or whatever category (learning and applying stuff from Ray or here for example) tend to build up your value as a partner in the long run and if preaching the Gospel it is helping God save the lost. To that end I mean there isn't any wasted time since it's all gonna come back and you'll be rewarded according to the good works but salvation has already been accomplished by Jesus.