I'm OCD about my own semen

[RollingStone]

I don't think I fully understand, but if the issue is semen getting ON things, then couldn't you just not ejaculate? Or would the problem then turn into something new?

Have you heard of injaculation? Ejaculation does not have to occur during orgasm. You could either do that or stop masturbating.

 

[worrywart]

I don't think I fully understand, but if the issue is semen getting ON things, then couldn't you just not ejaculate? Or would the problem then turn into something new?

Have you heard of injaculation? Ejaculation does not have to occur during orgasm. You could either do that or stop masturbating.

Injaculation sounds weird and potentially harmful. All I want is to be just like every other guy: to be able to wank now and then and cum wherever and not be neurotic about it. Some guys don't even shower after doing it. I used to be like that, when I was a teen, and I miss that freedom.

It's probably related to sexual abuse. I feel deeply guilty about my libido, like there's something deeply filthy about it, even if I'm masturbating to something perfectly normal like a beautiful woman trying on bikinis [edit: sorry for being lewdly specific here; masturbation is ultimately immoral, let's face it; but I still think I feel too guilty about it]. It doesn't help that I have messed up intrusive thoughts about taboo sexual things when I masturbate (a very, very common feature of OCD). I sometimes have incest-related thoughts and it's a nightmare. I don't think I was abused by someone in my family, but who knows.

I have tried to stop masturbating. Sometimes I'll go an entire month without doing it. I once went six months without fapping. But it doesn't help much with the OCD. The less I masturbate, the more I begin to think everything in my house is dirty because of my wank sessions of months past.

I hate this ***t. I recently saw a guy on /r/OCD with a semen obsession just like mine and he said he couldn't take it anymore and was going to kill himself. It's such a stupid, life-destroying scruple. And the thing is it's just OCD. I keep trying to tell myself that. There are people who are OCD about cigarette smoke or germs and it's exactly the same phenomenon as mine but with a completely different substance. OCD is some sort of naughty disease or demon that latches onto whatever it can to ruin your life. Since I'm neurotic about sex, it latched onto semen.

Anyway, I have to be experimental here. I've tried going full scumbag and ejaculating on the floor and things like that. It kind of worked but I felt kind of dirty, it's a stressful, uncomfortable feeling. Right now I'm trying to only ejaculate in the bathroom. It seems to work. I wish I could do it anywhere and not be neurotic, but oh well. Maybe one day I'll get there.

tl;dr Abstinence sucks, jacking off sucks, I wish sex did not exist.

 

[Tzheng2012]

Have a look at German new medicine and find a practitioner to work with. You're OCD is likely a response to some trauma you had experienced. A good practitioner can help you find the root of the trauma and release it and thus remedying the manifestation of illness caused by the trauma.

 

[Bluemachine]

@buttermilk Just wanna wish you the best with everything, I know how much that sucks.
I think novelty & a new environment can bring about quite a profound change with obsessions

 

[Vajra]

Psychoanalysis.

 

[BRBsavinWorld]

I have contamination OCD that varies wildly in its intensity.

Let me tell you, when I am surrounded by people I love, when I am having a lot of fun, and when I am taking thyroid (or thyroid good), it tends to fad away!

I laugh at covid-scared people telling them that I have a PhD in germ-awareness and that their methods are dumb :)
I work in dialysis and the staff marvel at how clean, neat, and sanitized my workplace is.
I sanitize my hands after touching anything. Hands are treated as dirty, always.

All that excessive germ-aware ocd dissipates when I am "healthy" and feel loved. Germs don't seem to matter anymore in that state. It's like having confidence that the universe has got your back and your body is resilient enough to deal with any unwanted cooties....

I wish I could hold such states forever, but they come and go. It's a work in progress.

Stop reading redditt and go feel the love that this world has in store for you! That's what's on my to-do list.

+1

 

[BRBsavinWorld]

Haidut has posted studies about how megadosing B1, as well as strait sugar, has cured mental disorders.

 

[BRBsavinWorld]

90% of mental illness is due to trying to avoid pain.

 

[TheSir]

This all probably goes back to some repressed sexual trauma, of course.

Your problem is very out-there so here is a solution that is equally out-there. It may just do the trick for you: Default

I earnestly hope you are desperate enough to read it and try it.

 

[i_nomad]

How “Peat” is your diet? Eliminating PUFA and getting enough proper nutrition may help.

Also… and this is important… stop defining yourself by the diagnosis. My siblings and I were all adopted and I was the only one without some sort of mental disorder. They legitimately did… but it was how it was handled that I find problematic. Of course, since that time it was become more mainstream to frown upon labeling yourself with your illness - seeing as people have become almost proud to put them in their bio and post about them on forums.

Awareness is helpful… confining yourself is not. It becomes a prison. It limits you mentally and physically. Don’t label and restrict yourself. Just remain aware and act as though YOU are a normal person with some tendencies to work through. Not telling you to will your troubles away… just act this way. It frees yourself to actually begin overcoming and moving towards balance.

But again… it is likely an imbalance of diet. No PUFA. None. Then work on balancing everything else according to people on here who are the more established types.

 

[Herbie]

I see this situation as normal but it's impacting you more than what you would prefer.

Masterbating is arguably decadent and better to abstain from it, most men find it challenging to abstain.

Everyone who gets semen on anything washes it off quickly, so instinctively everyone knows it is dirty.

I think if you improve you health that you will still have these instincts but will be minor thing which doesn't burden you. I doubt you would be totally liberated and going to the other extreme of poor hygiene.

 

[worrywart]

Your problem is very out-there so here is a solution that is equally out-there. It may just do the trick for you: Default

I earnestly hope you are desperate enough to read it and try it.

Yeah I'll try anything. Did you try this yourself? The new-agey stuff in the website makes me wary but there's probably a regular scientific explanation for why it would work.

 

[worrywart]

I see this situation as normal but it's impacting you more than what you would prefer.

Masterbating is arguably decadent and better to abstain from it, most men find it challenging to abstain.

Everyone who gets semen on anything washes it off quickly, so instinctively everyone knows it is dirty.

I think if you improve you health that you will still have these instincts but will be minor thing which doesn't burden you. I doubt you would be totally liberated and going to the other extreme of poor hygiene.

It's normal to feel icky about semen but with OCD those feelings are exponentially amplified and it becomes a crippling thing. I'm talking not being able to even enter a particular bathroom because I jacked off in there months ago.

 

[worrywart]

How “Peat” is your diet? Eliminating PUFA and getting enough proper nutrition may help.

Also… and this is important… stop defining yourself by the diagnosis. My siblings and I were all adopted and I was the only one without some sort of mental disorder. They legitimately did… but it was how it was handled that I find problematic. Of course, since that time it was become more mainstream to frown upon labeling yourself with your illness - seeing as people have become almost proud to put them in their bio and post about them on forums.

Awareness is helpful… confining yourself is not. It becomes a prison. It limits you mentally and physically. Don’t label and restrict yourself. Just remain aware and act as though YOU are a normal person with some tendencies to work through. Not telling you to will your troubles away… just act this way. It frees yourself to actually begin overcoming and moving towards balance.

But again… it is likely an imbalance of diet. No PUFA. None. Then work on balancing everything else according to people on here who are the more established types.

I've been peating pretty consistently for about a decade. Sometimes very rigorously, no PUFAs no gluten lots of milk lots of OJ plus sunlight cypro cynomel niacinamide aspirin vit D etc. And I'd still be OCD.

And really it's not that I'm sticking to a label, I really do have OCD. I'm obsessed with doing things certain numbers of times, I need to think a positive thought as I'm closing the door, I need to leave my shoes in a very particular position on the floor etc., and if I don't do these things I think something terrible will happen, and all these things are classic OCD symptoms. It's not that I'm mildly neurotic and am slapping a label on myself, it's an actual mental disease with very specific features. I appreciate your words and I wish this was just something I could snap out of, but it's not that simple.

 

[worrywart]

Anyway thanks for all the replies, all suggestions are welcome, I'm willing to try "weird" things for sure, I have an open mind.

HOWEVER... I have just decided to simply stop masturbating. I've been trying to do it without feeling guilty since 2014 and it just doesn't work. I always feel guilty and sleazy about it. I can't just masturbate and go play a video game like most guys. If I masturbate my day is ruined. I will feel immense guilt.

I once went six months without doing it and it felt pretty sweet. Felt clean and decent. Like being a kid again.

Fapping just sucks.

 

[TheSir]

Yeah I'll try anything. Did you try this yourself? The new-agey stuff in the website makes me wary but there's probably a regular scientific explanation for why it would work.

I tried it for a while, but either the experimentation period was too short or I simply don't have any sexual trauma or disease stored in me, the latter of which would not be surprising since I've only had sex once. Someone I know over the internet had had found it helpful however. I'd be fascinated to hear if you have any extraordinary experiences with it.

 

[worrywart]

I tried it for a while, but either the experimentation period was too short or I simply don't have any sexual trauma or disease stored in me, the latter of which would not be surprising since I've only had sex once. Someone I know over the internet had had found it helpful however. I'd be fascinated to hear if you have any extraordinary experiences with it.

Yeah man if I give it a try I'll let you know how it goes.

 

[worrywart]

Anyway thanks for all the replies, all suggestions are welcome, I'm willing to try "weird" things for sure, I have an open mind.

HOWEVER... I have just decided to simply stop masturbating. I've been trying to do it without feeling guilty since 2014 and it just doesn't work. I always feel guilty and sleazy about it. I can't just masturbate and go play a video game like most guys. If I masturbate my day is ruined. I will feel immense guilt.

I once went six months without doing it and it felt pretty sweet. Felt clean and decent. Like being a kid again.

Fapping just sucks.

And as always, right after deciding I'll be chaste until the end of the year, my OCD grows ten times worse and suddenly I can't touch anything in my room because it's all "contaminated" and I can only relax when after hours of this ordeal I tell myself "alright dude, screw this NoFap thing, you can fap, it's alright" and then the OCD vanishes and I can move around like a normal human being again. This cycle has been going on for years.

But it's fine. I'll figure something out. I have to be objective here. Masturbation is immoral, sure, but my semen-phobia is OCD. I have a hard time separating those things. I keep having to tell myself that it's not a reasonable phobia but it's just the OCD.

There are OCD guys who are exactly like me but with germs. They get paranoid about touching germs to the point of immobility. I saw a reddit thread by a guy who took kratom for his OCD germophobia which is exactly what I do for my own phobia. Kratom significantly alleviates that icky feeling. The guy says once he runs out of kratom he can't move. And yeah that's me when I run out of kratom. Suddenly everything feels dirtier. This is further proof that my obsession is purely delusional. It's just OCD. There's nothing intrinsically impure/sinful/evil about the substance itself.

OCD basically latches onto a certain substance and makes you increasingly squeamish about it. Everyone is slightly squeamish about all sort of dirt but with OCD it grows exponentially. A single drop of urine/blood/semen can contaminate an entire household in an OCD person's mind.

 

[I'm.No.One]

Just dipping in to say it might be worth looking into microdosing psilocybin for OCD.

I'll let you do the research but I've seen it greatly alleviate a loved ones OCD about filth to the point they were afraid to eat food due to potential contamination.

We source safely from golden euphorics.

 

[ReSTART]

This is obviously due to your sexual trauma in childhood. The reason why ERP works for most people and not for you, is that semen is a more meaningful fixation because the source is internal, not external.

It’s easy when to stop OCD behaviour when it’s totally irrational, because the only desire to do comes from the OCD itself and a biological (if I’m contaminated, I will get sick and die, so I must clean everything) or social reason (if I’m contaminated and smell bad or look dirty, people won’t like me, so I must clean everything) or both together, biological and social.

Your behaviour manifests likely as the following
1. Sexual desire occurs (biological desire, you don’t want that desire, you feel shame that you can’t control your own desire)
2. Attempt to sate sexual desire OR choose not to act on sexual desire
3. If chosen to sate sexual desire, only options are masturbate or sexual partner
4. You masturbate, as you’ve said, you don’t have a sexual partner
5. Feel bad, specifically, feel ashamed (social shame) about masturbating due to reasons (can be many, societal norms, religious, trauma, etc)
6. Attempt to cover or remove what is causing the shame after sexual desire is sated (clean semen)
7. Sexual desire occurs again, cycle starts again but you feel even more ashamed now

Attempting to quit masturbation is hard enough with a partner, without one… just look at how many “I failed” threads there are with the nofap guys.

Read about castration anxiety. Freud: On Narcissism

You seem to have become hyperfixated on something that is, perhaps insubstantial to others, but has symbolic meaning to yourself. So your ideal self (“real self”) would not even have the desire to masturbate (a perfectly holy monk or priest for example), so biologically you do have that desire, so you feel ashamed of your own biological desire (biological shame), which further reinforces your shame when you do masturbate (social shame, male masturbation and sexuality is societally seen as dirty and bad, while women are pure and clean), creating a cycle of shame.