Endless rumination over embarrassing memories

[blue_lotus]

can somebody please talk some reason into me regarding embarrassing memories? I endlessly ruminate over embarrassing things ive done in the past, like ill think it over from every conceivable angle and just in general make myself feel miserable and feel like I want to go hide under a rock or something. the thing is, I rationally know these two things:

1.most people are absorbed with their own lives; some embarrassing thing I did months ago is the last thing they're thinking of.
-case in point is the fact that even I myself personally cant think of the last embarrassing thing I remember another person doing; like I have to really struggle to think of something embarrassing or cringey someone else has done
-even if I can remember something cringey someone else has done, I find that I have a really hard time caring about it

2.was the thing I did really that embarrassing or is my mind embellishing it?
-my personality type runs from cope like the plague; I absolutely cannot tolerate sugarcoating stuff to myself and I have to always insist on seeing things as truthfully as possible. this is generally good when it comes to most things in my life (this mindset is why im at a forum like this for example); however this personality trait turns against me when im thinking about past embarrassing things ive done. in my mind I tend to accept only the most embarrassing version of an event; im completely unable to think to myself:

"you know, maybe what I did wasnt even that big of a deal, maybe a little bit weird but nothing extraordinary"

im afraid that if I accept that an embarrassing memory wasnt really that embarrassing then ill just be coping and deceiving myself in order to make myself feel better. I really do have a tendency to do embarrassing things, like more so than the average person, but I still need to keep perspective

I have OCD, its pretty bad at times. OCD is definitely a contributing factor to the rumination (maybe this entire problem IS the OCD), but also low-metabolism/sluggish energy levels contributes to the problem as well (when I have zero energy I just wanna lay around and ruminate more, which is a vicious cycle). case in point, if I take an adderall then I find that the burst of dopamine and energy makes me feel so good and hopeful that I dont even care about what I did in the past, however this takes me closer to a "manic" type mindset where paradoxically maybe im not perceiving things truthfully either (IE sugarcoating things in my memory instead of viewing things in the most embarrassing light)

anyone deal with this stuff too? sometimes the embarrassing feelings just make me want to not get out of bed, or do anything.

 

[YourUniverse]

Try keeping your blood sugar even
Observations from using a continuous glucose monitor - Jessie Inchauspé

 

[piro444]

anyone deal with this stuff too? sometimes the embarrassing feelings just make me want to not get out of bed, or do anything.

Mate, you got depression given by your anxiety
Try to do everything that might lower your anxiety levels
Start from the ground up, literally
Start with grounding, then begin meditating about your life, your goals and your dreams
Look out for muscle twitching
Try to avoid touching your body with your hands while meditating, it’s gonna be almost painful to the point that you wanna stop
There are many ways (and smarter guys in this forum to help you out)
You are living on stress hormones, do you really want that

Leave out thoughts that don’t serve you anymore
Try joining a meditation group (either an app, somewhere local or go to your Buddhist organisation, they’re gonna be happy to help)
It’s gonna take a while but at the same time it’s gonna take seconds
Look around for a figure that you’re missing in your life. An older brother? A fatherly figure? Maybe even a younger brother to wisdom him?
I’d suggest you “stellar thoughts” on youtube

There are many, many ways to treat anxiety
But let food and meditation be the medicine, don’t go overboard with supplements and drugs yet, fix the problem
I’m sorry that you’re dealing with that, things will change, I’m speaking from personal experience
Keep up posted, you need a safe space to vent
Add stretching to your routine too, the body keeps a lot of anxieties hidden in muscle twitching
Think about your future and where you wanna be, you’ll be fine my friend

 

[BrianF]

I'm 49 and only in the last few years really liberated myself from what others thought of me. If only I had been able to achieve this before. This has been a waste of my life. This doesn't have to be you.

You are not a gold coin who will bring a smile to every face - and why would you want to anyway? Your character will grate on some, that's just life, embrace it. It's called integrity. We desire in others and were even envious of those who genuinely display it.


It sounds like a cliche but believe in yourself. You are enough.

 

[Smelly5]

I wouldn't get too caught up in the thoughts you describe.
Remember that it's possible for you to shift to a state, where the rumination will not take place and the memories which are 'embaressing' will suddenly feel unimportant and with no emotional attachment.

What are your temps and pulse?
Are you taking any supplements that could be swaying your conciousness in a negative direction?
Consider Serotonin as a substance to focus on in lowering general rumination.

 

[HeyThere]

Apparently NAC is great for OCD. Worth a try.

 

[Steve]

can somebody please talk some reason into me regarding embarrassing memories? I endlessly ruminate over embarrassing things ive done in the past, like ill think it over from every conceivable angle and just in general make myself feel miserable and feel like I want to go hide under a rock or something. the thing is, I rationally know these two things:

1.most people are absorbed with their own lives; some embarrassing thing I did months ago is the last thing they're thinking of.
-case in point is the fact that even I myself personally cant think of the last embarrassing thing I remember another person doing; like I have to really struggle to think of something embarrassing or cringey someone else has done
-even if I can remember something cringey someone else has done, I find that I have a really hard time caring about it

2.was the thing I did really that embarrassing or is my mind embellishing it?
-my personality type runs from cope like the plague; I absolutely cannot tolerate sugarcoating stuff to myself and I have to always insist on seeing things as truthfully as possible. this is generally good when it comes to most things in my life (this mindset is why im at a forum like this for example); however this personality trait turns against me when im thinking about past embarrassing things ive done. in my mind I tend to accept only the most embarrassing version of an event; im completely unable to think to myself:

"you know, maybe what I did wasnt even that big of a deal, maybe a little bit weird but nothing extraordinary"

im afraid that if I accept that an embarrassing memory wasnt really that embarrassing then ill just be coping and deceiving myself in order to make myself feel better. I really do have a tendency to do embarrassing things, like more so than the average person, but I still need to keep perspective

I have OCD, its pretty bad at times. OCD is definitely a contributing factor to the rumination (maybe this entire problem IS the OCD), but also low-metabolism/sluggish energy levels contributes to the problem as well (when I have zero energy I just wanna lay around and ruminate more, which is a vicious cycle). case in point, if I take an adderall then I find that the burst of dopamine and energy makes me feel so good and hopeful that I dont even care about what I did in the past, however this takes me closer to a "manic" type mindset where paradoxically maybe im not perceiving things truthfully either (IE sugarcoating things in my memory instead of viewing things in the most embarrassing light)

anyone deal with this stuff too? sometimes the embarrassing feelings just make me want to not get out of bed, or do anything.

I do this same type of thing. Memories from way in my past keep popping into my head, and I'll feel moments of embarrassment or shame for thiings that happened years and years ago. It's completely silly. I get irritated that the thought and feelings occur, and then just try to let it go and go on with my day.

I'll also have this issue with current memories. The other day I was riding my bike, and turned into a bike lane. Apparently there was a marathon going on as a few people went by me from the other direction. I was lost in thought and didn't really realize it until some girl gave me a WTF look and chided me for riding on the path at that time. Just that little thing tormented me the rest of the day. Felt embarrassed and wanted to go hide the rest of the day. Completely ridiculous, as it was no big deal, but the thoughts just follow me around until they wear off with time.

Another example was an interview I had the other day. I felt like I sounded like a complete tool, and that thought embarrassed me and tormented me for days. Still does now a week later, but it's going away.

I think what helps is to do healthy thiings that lead to improvement such as lifting weights to build my body, going out into nature, learning something.

 

[EustaceBagge]

I think that from a young age we get conditioned to actually become OVERLY socialized where extreme outgoing behavior is rewarded greatly. This also works in favour of society by making shaming more effective, thus getting you more in line with their plans and political agendas. Just like how they shame critical thought and all kinds of liberalistic mind diseases nowadays.

It is hard to let go and analyze things rationally or just not care at all. But nobody should feel burdened by a built in mechanism that is supposed to make you a more caring citizen, because at that point it doesn't function to keep you in check but it functions to PUNISH you internally. That is where you should draw the line.

I welcome any criticism as I might learn something from it :).

 

[FrostedShores]

Isn't rumination a symptom of high serotonin?

 

[golder]

Isn't rumination a symptom of high serotonin?

Has anyone found subjectively that a seratonin antagonist reduces rumination?

 

[FrostedShores]

Has anyone found subjectively that a seratonin antagonist reduces rumination?

I've been taking BCAA + phenylalanine + lysine + theanine. Just started including beta alanine, as well. I've noticed a sharp decrease in anxiety and depression, but I still tend to ruminate on things. It's a bit difficult to explain, but it's like I still ruminate, but it doesn't bother me to ruminate on stuff like it used to - in other words, the rumination doesn't cause anxiety. So I can't say for sure if lowering serotonin helps with rumination, or if it just counters the anxiety brought on by rumination... It's doing something, though. I feel quite different from before I began supplementing the various aminos.

I'm still experimenting. Despite a significant decrease in depression and anxiety, I'm still having anhedonic episodes, which I believe indicates low dopamine, as opposed to high serotonin. Maybe the rumination is tied to low dopamine as well? Or a combination of high serotonin, low dopamine?

 

[blue_lotus]

Try keeping your blood sugar even
Observations from using a continuous glucose monitor - Jessie Inchauspé

Apparently NAC is great for OCD. Worth a try.

the thing about blood sugar does sound interesting and as for NAC, I tried it (albeit not for that long) and it didnt seem to have any effect on me. I feel like some OCD is physiological in origin and other OCD is more psychologically rooted. mine seems to be more of a psychological quirk; the only things that help supplement-wise are things that mask/override my underlying anxiety, like adderall or being really really buzzed on alcohol.

Mate, you got depression given by your anxiety
Try to do everything that might lower your anxiety levels

this sounds like really good advice. I think I do have anxiety issues on a fundamental level that I need to fix. ive been working on fixing my sleep schedule lately and I feel like regular, good sleep is helping a ton with my general mood/mindset. im gonna look into releasing anxiety on the physical side of things as you suggested

I do this same type of thing. Memories from way in my past keep popping into my head, and I'll feel moments of embarrassment or shame for thiings that happened years and years ago. It's completely silly. I get irritated that the thought and feelings occur, and then just try to let it go and go on with my day.

I really resonated with this, I like the idea of lifting weights or going out into nature. I find that a nice long scenic drive always helps clear up my mind (for a few hours anyways). I try to go on one daily, even though its a waste of gas I consider it worth the price since it helps with my general mood and mental health. I think something about being physically distracted for an extended period of time (the act of actually driving, paying attention to the road and listening to music) help pry my mind from itself.

I think that from a young age we get conditioned to actually become OVERLY socialized where extreme outgoing behavior is rewarded greatly. This also works in favour of society by making shaming more effective, thus getting you more in line with their plans and political agendas. Just like how they shame critical thought and all kinds of liberalistic mind diseases nowadays.

this makes sense, social media probably plays a role as well. coincidentally im taking a break from social media and feeling better overall; for the past year I had been getting increasingly addicted to it and this coincided with a feeling of becoming increasingly uncentered and losing sight of my north star so to speak.

What are your temps and pulse?
Are you taking any supplements that could be swaying your conciousness in a negative direction?
Consider Serotonin as a substance to focus on in lowering general rumination.

I dont measure my temps and pulse that often but IIRC my temps usually run a little bit low, I know im probably hypothyroid. I naturally have OCD, so I think its a mixture of naturally occurring OCD plus low metabolism which causes me to get into these kind of emotional pits. I seem to recall a thread a few months ago where some guy said that when his metabolism is high he doesnt feel any worries about anything and everything just feels right; I assume this is probably analogous to my experience with adderall

I'm 49 and only in the last few years really liberated myself from what others thought of me. If only I had been able to achieve this before. This has been a waste of my life. This doesn't have to be you.

You are not a gold coin who will bring a smile to every face - and why would you want to anyway? Your character will grate on some, that's just life, embrace it. It's called integrity. We desire in others and were even envious of those who genuinely display it.


It sounds like a cliche but believe in yourself. You are enough.

how did you do this? for me, I have a love/hate relationship with what others think of me. on one hand, its a source of narcissistic supply, like I love imagining others thinking how cool and awesome I am, but on the flipside when things go bad I always imagine how others think im so weird and a loser etc. the funny thing is, this is all head canon, I have no idea what these people actually think of me IRL or if they even think of me period/or care (most likely they dont LOL).

I didnt think of this angle before until your reply, but now I can recognize this complex within myself. If I refused to draw narcissistic supply from the imaginary approval of others then my psychology would probably adjust likewise and stop caring about imaginary negative judgements from others as well. if im being honest though, im quite fond of imagining others fawning over me, I guess I really have to ask myself what it is that I want. I cant have my cake and eat it too

 

[BestSinceDAYONE]

Have you thought about TRT while ofc, managing estrogen. Everyone has embarassing moments, yet people are forgiven or forgive themselves. Look how many times Conor McGregor has gotten destroyed in his recent fights yet he's still convinced he's the best (obviously, this is the WRONG mindset) but I have a strong feeling it has to do with physical fitness and T-levels. Resiliency and Testosterone levels have to be correlated.

 

[blue_lotus]

Have you thought about TRT while ofc, managing estrogen. Everyone has embarassing moments, yet people are forgiven or forgive themselves. Look how many times Conor McGregor has gotten destroyed in his recent fights yet he's still convinced he's the best (obviously, this is the WRONG mindset) but I have a strong feeling it has to do with physical fitness and T-levels. Resiliency and Testosterone levels have to be correlated.

I have PFS so TRT etc doesnt affect me normally. PFS and the cascade of hormonal/emotional problems it causes are likely connected to my rumination problem. ive always had OCD, so im naturally prone to ruminating but the PFS complicates things by making it so that possible solutions dont work as well as they should

 

[Runenight201]

What are you eating?

 

[piro444]

this sounds like really good advice. I think I do have anxiety issues on a fundamental level that I need to fix. ive been working on fixing my sleep schedule lately and I feel like regular, good sleep is helping a ton with my general mood/mindset. im gonna look into releasing anxiety on the physical side of things as you suggested


I really resonated with this, I like the idea of lifting weights or going out into nature. I find that a nice long scenic drive always helps clear up my mind (for a few hours anyways). I try to go on one daily, even though its a waste of gas I consider it worth the price since it helps with my general mood and mental health. I think something about being physically distracted for an extended period of time (the act of actually driving, paying attention to the road and listening to music) help pry my mind from itself.


this makes sense, social media probably plays a role as well. coincidentally im taking a break from social media and feeling better overall; for the past year I had been getting increasingly addicted to it and this coincided with a feeling of becoming increasingly uncentered and losing sight of my north star so to speak.


I dont measure my temps and pulse that often but IIRC my temps usually run a little bit low, I know im probably hypothyroid. I naturally have OCD, so I think its a mixture of naturally occurring OCD plus low metabolism which causes me to get into these kind of emotional pits. I seem to recall a thread a few months ago where some guy said that when his metabolism is high he doesnt feel any worries about anything and everything just feels right; I assume this is probably analogous to my experience with adderall


how did you do this? for me, I have a love/hate relationship with what others think of me. on one hand, its a source of narcissistic supply, like I love imagining others thinking how cool and awesome I am, but on the flipside when things go bad I always imagine how others think im so weird and a loser etc. the funny thing is, this is all head canon, I have no idea what these people actually think of me IRL or if they even think of me period/or care (most likely they dont LOL).

I didnt think of this angle before until your reply, but now I can recognize this complex within myself. If I refused to draw narcissistic supply from the imaginary approval of others then my psychology would probably adjust likewise and stop caring about imaginary negative judgements from others as well. if im being honest though, im quite fond of imagining others fawning over me, I guess I really have to ask myself what it is that I want. I cant have my cake and eat it too

Hey man, I said it once and I’ll say it again
You anxiety is giving you depression

See how you talk about yourself, you have a negative-ish self image (don’t take that as an insult, I’ve began changing so recently that I can feel you more than anyone else)

Focus on your victories, build yourself up by giving yourself small tasks and small rewards (keep in mind that the rewards should always be good and healthy, focused towards your goals “I will start taking Zinc supplements after 2 weeks of not cheating on my diet” and so on, let them be small and forward, if I knew your end goal I’d love to help you get on your way)
If you get caught on the “what do others think of me” train, you’ll stay in your cycle, you’ll get so lost that you’ll forget what you really are because you’re thinking of an image you could be
Think of what you’d like to be and how can you get there
Don’t let others waste your precious mind space, it’s private for a reason

This may sound harsh, but watch yourself from a third person and think “what would I think of a guy that thinks of what others think about him?”

Language aside, hopefully you got my point
Stop affirming what you’re and start affirming where you’re going
You don’t soffer from PFS, you’re curing it and so on
This forum is a gem, once you start understanding your body and leaving aside all those stupid beliefs from the past about your body, you’ll have a wonderful time
Keep it up buddy, everything is gonna be alright

 

[Jonk]

Has anyone found subjectively that a seratonin antagonist reduces rumination?

Yeah definitely, cyproheptadine has helped me with this.

One common factor in anxiety for me seem to be an irritated/inflamed gut. And the anxiety often stems from:

1. Direct irritation, e.g. from constipation or
2. Malabsorption. Even with quickening of transit time, if done incorrectly, e.g. from self induced diarrhea, the anxiety comes back in a few days.

What seem to work is:

1. Dairy is only goat milk (A2 dairy)
2. No starch
3. Cyproheptadine
4. Eating a lot of calories (318 grams pure sucrose/day) and nutritious foods (egg yolks, meat, goat milk, OJ, oysters, beef liver, gelatinous bone broth).

 

[worrywart]

Inositol works great for my OCD. Considerably diminishes my compulsions to ruminate. I spend a lot of time ruminating and like you I tend to obsess over embarrassing moments from the past. You need to take high daily dosages for OCD. I take 1 g every few hours. Peat seems to be okay with inositol. I haven't noticed any drawbacks so far.

 

[toolhead]

I’m afraid I have no actionable advice to give but just wanted to say you pretty much described me perfectly. I mean right down to the details. I’ve never seen anyone describe my mindset so clearly it’s eerie. I’ll try to post some more thoughts later when I have more time.

 

[artist]

I agree that there could be physical contributors here but also consider how your self-concept might play a role. It sounds like your self-concept is very fragile and/or negative. You’re looking for reasons to feel good or bad about yourself and you ruminate on these ideas because imo your brain is trying to figure out who you are and how you fit into the world. Do you have a solid social life? Do you feel solid in how you want to develop as a person, who you used to be and who you are today? Do you feel stuck as a person you don’t want to be? If you engage with what these embarrassing memories represent ABOUT you to yourself I think you can start to dig out of them. There’s a reason your brain latches on to those memories in particular. Depending on the memory, maybe you feel you’re a little clumsy, a little oblivious, a little socially awkward. Maybe you even ARE those things. But so what. Those are things that you can either make peace with or improve on. Lots of cool worthwhile people do awkward embarrassing things all the time. You don’t have to be perfect. Are you extremely attached to the idea of being charismatic/smooth/popular? We often torture ourselves with our perceived flaws and place highest value on whatever it is we lack. And particularly when we are isolated (or feel isolated) we feel that we do need to be perfect because we are desperate for love and acceptance and we are terrified of being even more isolated or rejected.