blue_lotus
Member
can somebody please talk some reason into me regarding embarrassing memories? I endlessly ruminate over embarrassing things ive done in the past, like ill think it over from every conceivable angle and just in general make myself feel miserable and feel like I want to go hide under a rock or something. the thing is, I rationally know these two things:
1.most people are absorbed with their own lives; some embarrassing thing I did months ago is the last thing they're thinking of.
-case in point is the fact that even I myself personally cant think of the last embarrassing thing I remember another person doing; like I have to really struggle to think of something embarrassing or cringey someone else has done
-even if I can remember something cringey someone else has done, I find that I have a really hard time caring about it
2.was the thing I did really that embarrassing or is my mind embellishing it?
-my personality type runs from cope like the plague; I absolutely cannot tolerate sugarcoating stuff to myself and I have to always insist on seeing things as truthfully as possible. this is generally good when it comes to most things in my life (this mindset is why im at a forum like this for example); however this personality trait turns against me when im thinking about past embarrassing things ive done. in my mind I tend to accept only the most embarrassing version of an event; im completely unable to think to myself:
"you know, maybe what I did wasnt even that big of a deal, maybe a little bit weird but nothing extraordinary"
im afraid that if I accept that an embarrassing memory wasnt really that embarrassing then ill just be coping and deceiving myself in order to make myself feel better. I really do have a tendency to do embarrassing things, like more so than the average person, but I still need to keep perspective
I have OCD, its pretty bad at times. OCD is definitely a contributing factor to the rumination (maybe this entire problem IS the OCD), but also low-metabolism/sluggish energy levels contributes to the problem as well (when I have zero energy I just wanna lay around and ruminate more, which is a vicious cycle). case in point, if I take an adderall then I find that the burst of dopamine and energy makes me feel so good and hopeful that I dont even care about what I did in the past, however this takes me closer to a "manic" type mindset where paradoxically maybe im not perceiving things truthfully either (IE sugarcoating things in my memory instead of viewing things in the most embarrassing light)
anyone deal with this stuff too? sometimes the embarrassing feelings just make me want to not get out of bed, or do anything.
1.most people are absorbed with their own lives; some embarrassing thing I did months ago is the last thing they're thinking of.
-case in point is the fact that even I myself personally cant think of the last embarrassing thing I remember another person doing; like I have to really struggle to think of something embarrassing or cringey someone else has done
-even if I can remember something cringey someone else has done, I find that I have a really hard time caring about it
2.was the thing I did really that embarrassing or is my mind embellishing it?
-my personality type runs from cope like the plague; I absolutely cannot tolerate sugarcoating stuff to myself and I have to always insist on seeing things as truthfully as possible. this is generally good when it comes to most things in my life (this mindset is why im at a forum like this for example); however this personality trait turns against me when im thinking about past embarrassing things ive done. in my mind I tend to accept only the most embarrassing version of an event; im completely unable to think to myself:
"you know, maybe what I did wasnt even that big of a deal, maybe a little bit weird but nothing extraordinary"
im afraid that if I accept that an embarrassing memory wasnt really that embarrassing then ill just be coping and deceiving myself in order to make myself feel better. I really do have a tendency to do embarrassing things, like more so than the average person, but I still need to keep perspective
I have OCD, its pretty bad at times. OCD is definitely a contributing factor to the rumination (maybe this entire problem IS the OCD), but also low-metabolism/sluggish energy levels contributes to the problem as well (when I have zero energy I just wanna lay around and ruminate more, which is a vicious cycle). case in point, if I take an adderall then I find that the burst of dopamine and energy makes me feel so good and hopeful that I dont even care about what I did in the past, however this takes me closer to a "manic" type mindset where paradoxically maybe im not perceiving things truthfully either (IE sugarcoating things in my memory instead of viewing things in the most embarrassing light)
anyone deal with this stuff too? sometimes the embarrassing feelings just make me want to not get out of bed, or do anything.