I'm OCD about my own semen

[ReSTART]

Sorry I meant to mention this as well, in rat models of loneliness and social isolation, opioids are consumed in large quantities.

In healthy rats, while they may become addicted, they don’t consume as much because they don’t desire it to cover up loneliness or social isolation.

Opioids, contrary to popular belief, are more the “happiness chemical” than serotonin or dopamine, as endogenous opioids are released for pain relief (during and especially after exercise, you noted that you feel better after exercising) and when parents cuddle their babies, for example.

So you likely feel lonely or, just misunderstood and alienated by society, that’s why opioids work for you, they make you feel happy despite whatever problems you may have.

On heroin, you can wake up in a studio apartment, alone, it’s raining outside, you drive to work in your old barely running car, to your job you hate, but that doesn’t bother you, because you find beauty in every single raindrop sliding down your windscreen.

 

[Jerkboy]

Probably why all those hood nibba's drinking lean.

 

[RollingStone]

Masturbation is immoral, sure

How so?

 

[lady1light]

Contamination OCD. It has ruined my life. I will soon turn 37. I've been like this since I began masturbating, when I was around 12, and then it got worse when I was around 19. I used to read long novels, like Brothers Karamazov. I used to read philosophy books. I don't read anything anymore because I'm afraid of contaminating my objects. OCD is a nightmare. Take a look at /r/OCD. Many people there talking about suicide. OCD is serious stuff.

When I was 30 I said enough and just smeared some of my semen on my books and video game console and sneakers. It's called ERP and it's the method OCD therapists recommend. Exposure Response Prevention. Face your fear. Putting semen on objects sounds insane to people but that's how you fight OCD. OCD is a extreme life destroyer, so you take extreme measures to defeat it.

It worked. But then weird synchronicities began to happen. Stange coincidences seemingly telling me that I was wrong, that my semen is indeed dirty, that I should feel guilty for my semen. Synchronicities are a regular feature of OCD. The obvious explanation is the materialistic one: OCD people are insane. A less mainstream explanation but that I consider plausible is that OCD is spiritual in nature. It's some sort of force or spirit trying to trap you in obsessions and compulsions and paralyze you. And this force can trigger synchronicities in order to reinforce the OCD thoughts. Jung believed in synchronicities and he was a bright and erudite guy, wasn't he? It's not mere credulity, I think it's a real phenomenon. I once made a post detailing some of my synchronicities. It's some wild stuff.

I'm trying to do the ERP thing and not clean things down after I do the deed (I've thrown books and clothes and computer chairs away because of this OCD), but it's tough. I often succumb and go into cleaning frenzies. The feeling that things are "dirty" is very stressful. But it's irrational. There are people who are exactly like me, but about things like germs or public bathrooms or cigarette smoke. Their obsessions sound insane to me, but so does mine to them. My semenphobia is just OCD, and OCD is a liar.

Anyway, that's it. I feel the urge to write endless pages about this, to fully explain my situation, which is probably an OCD trait as well, but this post is already big enough. I'd appreciate any feedback here.

(I have found that bag-breathing helps a lot with this. The thought that things are "contaminted" diminishes considerably in severity after a two-minute bag-breathing session. Kratom and tianeptine help as well, but are expensive and addictive and not an ideal solution. I think trying to raise dopamine in more natural ways would be a good idea. If I have a mild opioid buzz going on my OCD becomes much more manageable, but getting high is not an ideal long-term solution for anything.)

Hi there! Okay I know this is the LAST thing that would ever be recommended on this forum, but have you ever tried or considered doing a juice fast? I’ve been having a lot of mental/physical issues for the last few years, with my digestion growing worse and worse no matter what way of eating I tried, and I tried everything. Vegan, Carnivore, Ray Peat, low-fat, high fat iterations of all that, etc. many supplements down the drain, the thing that basically shut off my depression, sensory-overload, chronic fatigue syndrome, and honest to god torture state was juice fasting! I did a 29 day juice fast (feast) and it has helped immensely. I went back to eat mostly raw food afterwards, some plants and animals, but I am feeling like I’m going to need to add some starch at some point for satiety. Anyways, I am continuing to juice and it really does help me. I’m talking mostly green juices made up with cucumber, celery, lemon, apple, greens. You can juice fruit as well but fruit juice tends to make me feel a bit insane.
ALSO- I wouldn’t worry so much about your metabolism, as, yes, fasting DOES lower it, but it doesn’t ruin it. Especially if you’re juice fasting you are still taking in a lot of nutrients and above all it’s the ENZYMES that heal and do their work. I’m just sharing my own experience, which isn’t to say it will work for you. But I was extremely desperate, and to be honest you sound that way too. Sometimes we have to do something drastic to heal. Anyways, I really wish you the best of luck!

 

[lady1light]

Contamination OCD. It has ruined my life. I will soon turn 37. I've been like this since I began masturbating, when I was around 12, and then it got worse when I was around 19. I used to read long novels, like Brothers Karamazov. I used to read philosophy books. I don't read anything anymore because I'm afraid of contaminating my objects. OCD is a nightmare. Take a look at /r/OCD. Many people there talking about suicide. OCD is serious stuff.

When I was 30 I said enough and just smeared some of my semen on my books and video game console and sneakers. It's called ERP and it's the method OCD therapists recommend. Exposure Response Prevention. Face your fear. Putting semen on objects sounds insane to people but that's how you fight OCD. OCD is a extreme life destroyer, so you take extreme measures to defeat it.

It worked. But then weird synchronicities began to happen. Stange coincidences seemingly telling me that I was wrong, that my semen is indeed dirty, that I should feel guilty for my semen. Synchronicities are a regular feature of OCD. The obvious explanation is the materialistic one: OCD people are insane. A less mainstream explanation but that I consider plausible is that OCD is spiritual in nature. It's some sort of force or spirit trying to trap you in obsessions and compulsions and paralyze you. And this force can trigger synchronicities in order to reinforce the OCD thoughts. Jung believed in synchronicities and he was a bright and erudite guy, wasn't he? It's not mere credulity, I think it's a real phenomenon. I once made a post detailing some of my synchronicities. It's some wild stuff.

I'm trying to do the ERP thing and not clean things down after I do the deed (I've thrown books and clothes and computer chairs away because of this OCD), but it's tough. I often succumb and go into cleaning frenzies. The feeling that things are "dirty" is very stressful. But it's irrational. There are people who are exactly like me, but about things like germs or public bathrooms or cigarette smoke. Their obsessions sound insane to me, but so does mine to them. My semenphobia is just OCD, and OCD is a liar.

Anyway, that's it. I feel the urge to write endless pages about this, to fully explain my situation, which is probably an OCD trait as well, but this post is already big enough. I'd appreciate any feedback here.

(I have found that bag-breathing helps a lot with this. The thought that things are "contaminted" diminishes considerably in severity after a two-minute bag-breathing session. Kratom and tianeptine help as well, but are expensive and addictive and not an ideal solution. I think trying to raise dopamine in more natural ways would be a good idea. If I have a mild opioid buzz going on my OCD becomes much more manageable, but getting high is not an ideal long-term solution for anything.)

Also, I wanted to specify that you may very well have sexual trauma or just some other kind of trauma behind your OCD, HOWEVER, there is something nutritional or gut related or food intolerance related behind the severity of the mental disorder. I’ve seen a lot of people have a certain problem, like severe depression, anxiety, even schizophrenia, who remove certain foods, and add in others, completely change almost overnight. Most people agree that things like gluten, dairy, and caffeine contribute to mental disease. Might be worth just trying to give those up too. I know how hard it is to give stuff up but what’s the alternative? Suffering immensely? No food or drink or substance is worth it. I personally have to stay away from all caffeine dairy and gluten to feel somewhat normal.

 

[BRBsavinWorld]

Anyway thanks for all the replies, all suggestions are welcome, I'm willing to try "weird" things for sure, I have an open mind.

HOWEVER... I have just decided to simply stop masturbating. I've been trying to do it without feeling guilty since 2014 and it just doesn't work. I always feel guilty and sleazy about it. I can't just masturbate and go play a video game like most guys. If I masturbate my day is ruined. I will feel immense guilt.

I once went six months without doing it and it felt pretty sweet. Felt clean and decent. Like being a kid again.

Fapping just sucks.

What if you feel good when you do good, because your idea of God is limited?

I'm a devout Christian, too. I believe God to be far too gracious, to let us wallow in the merry-go-round of shame/guilt/condemnation:
attain goodness > fail > feel like crap > reinforce the belief that you're crap > repeat.

Dang man, God's so much better than that! His grace and abounding goodness, is actually offensive to the carnal, prideful mind, because it says you'll never be able to accomplish what He did for yourself :)

it may take some time to see fruit, but he actually wants you to experience the fruits of Freedom... but it's upside down. He needs your heart to get healed, so you can receive His healing elsewhere. it's way less effort to live sinless when you do it this way! it, ironically, requires dropping the chains of fear and condemnation if/when you fail.