Lately, I have considered the possibility that I have some form of Aspergers due to various reasons listed below:
- I enjoy finding out ALOT about the topics I love since discovering Ray Peat I read every idea, article, theory possible and I create frameworks in mind how things work for example what factors influence muscle growth, which factors increase certain physical charasterics, how hormones affect eachother, what environmental factors put them towards a direction and so on, I have a strong information craving I just love being intellectually stimulated.
- Face expression dismatching how I feel-e.g. I could be happy and content but my face literally goes into the neutral resting face look unless I manually focus on making specific facial expressions although in some cases like strong genuine joy or laughter my face reacts accordingly to that but most of the time I just keep it relaxed.
- Haven't ever felt as I fully "fit in" or sort of understand the hidden subtle untold social cues, it's been like this since I have been born when I was younger I made friends easier though but I feel as I have never been on the same "vibe" that most people are on which sort of makes them "connected" if that makes any sense.
- Vivid senses-I'm not sure the level of sensory experience that others have but I have Low Latent Inhibition which is a neurological type where the mind doesn't filter out stimulus e.g. by combining together all the background noises unrelated to the one focused on instead as long as a sound/detail/any other sensory input is within the reach of my senses I'll always notice it e.g. being in a room with many people conversing I'll hear all the conversations together rather than my mind filtering them out so despite not focusing on any particular conversation I often hear alot of what others around me are talking about because my mind intakes every sensory information however I haven't really had sensory overstimulation induced meltdowns so it might not be as strong as for some.
- Very vivid inner world-I have always been very good at visualizing and "feeling" how things potentially could look like I would often imagine how the places I walk at could look if changed and I'd also often imagine what new series of particular books/movies/fiction/etc. that I like could look like and if I wanna write a story I very quickly can imagine what the scene could look like in all senses, I have been a daydreamer and rather than just focusing on things as they are I'd give them "more liveliness" by integrating them into my inner world daydreaming vividness.
- Very direct communicator-I say things directly and often I'd say how I felt or thought about something without being aware of some social cues e.g. once I told somebody that their mouth stinks-I have more social cue awareness now compared to before but back then I said it as to show that I find it unpleasant and perhaps to inform them even though they probably knew that but at that time I thought it'd not be interpreted negatively-now I have understood that you don't talk about something someone probably knows and doesn't wanna be informed again especially in a direct manner but I feel as it took me longer time than average to fully learn social cues and understand why they are that way and so on.
- Sometimes missing out the hidden social cues behind and interpreting it directly-I have had cases when someone would inform me indirectly and at first I would read it directly and only after minutes or sometimes even days or weeks or months or even years later I'd suddenly have the lightbulb moment of realizing they meant something else and just wrapped it inside what I thought to be a direct sentence and sometimes it's possible someone meant well or wanted to get to know me more but they showed that in indirect way so I didn't decode that and thus missed the opportunities-this too has somewhat improved with time and with more reading of humor/jokes/sarcasm/comedy which has made me better at detecting when something is said directly and when not but even then sometimes I might not be 100% sure if something was meant directly or not and might have troubles with that.
- Sometimes I feel as or some have said that I have an odd walking style or odd facial expressions or that in general, I seem different in some way.
- Looking younger-I'm 19 190cm tall 63kg of Baltic/Northen European like genetics, I'm lean, tall, never had gyno or excess weight and got tendency towards lean muscularity and resistance to fat gain, from Latvia, some have said that I look of my age but some have said that I have a younger appearance, my eyes aren't as narrow as in the highly androgenic stereotype but not big as women's eyes either, I'm Norwood 0 and now not haircutting for months my hair are very thick like a bush I haven't tried that yet but I might grow hair as long as women I assume, got facial hair on jaw/chin/sides/moustache and they are increasing but not a beard yet and my body/facial/general hair are lightish blondeish so my arms hairs aren't as visible even though they are there, my legs hairs are probably the thickest hair other than ones on head, stomach hair have slightly started growing including the naval strip but chest doesn't have visible hair even though if focusing closely my whole torso has the follicle points and very tiny starter hairs in them meanwhile my father has dark brown hair and his arms look darker due to that and his skin is slightly darker than mine and my mom's and my dad has a thicker fattier wider build in general including bones whereas I and my mom have the slimmer type of physique.
- Detailed longterm photographic memory-if thinking about something it's very likely I can remember it in details-the environment, things that were said, other details involved too and overall many sensory aspects and I remember well facts about topics I like and research.
- Larger forehead-idk but afair it was shown people with ASD have larger foreheads and a different facial proportion and I have a large forehead and kinda the ASD facial placement.
- Secondary issues that are-OCD that appeared at early teen years then disappeared appeared again and now has decreased alot again worsened by stress and better by not giving into OCD loops and Post Orgasmic Illness Syndrome since sometime in puberty but idk when it exactly began it got worse with time basically I go into this strong brainfog state where everything feels cloudy, it's harder to recall some things, my voice volume gets lower and sounds different, I may get clumsier like my mind doesn't focus fully on stuff around but is in this sort of fatigue state, decrease in exercise performance-I start shaking alot faster after certain amount of strength exercises when not on abstinence streak I feel sort of tightness in diaphragm like when you don't fully breath out the air or when muscles aren't relaxed but even with relaxed breathing it stays like 2-3 days postorgasm leading to increased trigerring by the sensory experience of that making it more likely I'll try to breathe it out but then there's a chance it leads to urge to repeat OCD motor tics making it more likely other OCD behaviors will appear too, the less sensory discomfort such as muscle discomfort, uncomfortable surfaces, lack of back support, etc. the better I feel. POIS is thought to be autoimmune inflammatory-related and those with ASD have more autoimmune conditions based on what I have read so maybe it's linked when I had the flu in 2020 February POIS disappeared for 3 days I had 2 orgasms 1 nightfall and almost no symptoms felt clear headed after just like before so perhaps immunity induces inflammatory response whenever a POIS trigger occurs so to fix that I must find out why and what makes it be so. I had antibiotic when I was young but only once afair, used antiepileptics due to sleeptime cramp seizures I had as a toddler and at 15 went off from antiepileptics as EEG showed no more epileptic brainwave activity and doc said to take a lightdose of a SSRI for 1 year to transition to medicine free state did that and no medicines after that don't recall any negative changes from the SSRI but maybe it contributed to the POIS, who knows, growing up I slept good, ate various nutritious foods, went out including in the summer in the sun and felt good till POIS appeared which I discovered in 2019 by abstaining and noticing rapid symptom appearance postorgasm but might have had it since 2017-2018 as I recall edging and not wanting to orgasm so I might have noticed it subconsciously.
