Am I Delusional?

[Dhair]

My physical and mental health continues to deteriorate.
I started using testosterone a couple months ago. Things got a little better, then they became significantly worse. I stopped cold turkey a couple weeks ago, and I have really been having a hard time.
I'm still dealing with extreme anxiety, heart palpitations, blurry vision, severe depersonalization/derealization. I cant feel sexually aroused without using androsterone, and morning or random erections are a distant memory, but it is fair to say that's the least of my problems. It's extremely difficult to talk to people and sometimes even form coherent sentences without it taking longer than normal. Sometimes I feel that I may lose track of where I am or who I am. I typically sleep all day and stay up all night by myself, and I'm very tired and lazy when I am awake, with no desire to do anything.
I haven't been able to work in many months, and even leaving the house is difficult. I'm currently staying with family but my time here is coming to an end, and I'll have to move somewhere else. I don't know that I can handle that.
Since I was poisoned by finasteride and flouroqinolones two years ago, my life has been a living hell every day. I had one week a year ago when I felt completely fine, and that was from using haidut's tyromix on the testes. I have not been able to replicate this experience.
I'm beginning to convince myself that this is all made up in my head. Perhaps on some level, I think that if it was, I could just give up. I don't want to end my life, but I also fear that something might break in my brain and I will do something stupid. It's not really a conscious consideration; just a fear. I live in constant fear of losing my mind.
I have spoken to physicians about this. They are in agreement that my problem is androgen deficiency (as indicated by lab tests), but they all refuse to treat me, presumably because of my relatively young age (25) or my unpaid medical bills.
I am going to make an appointment with a psychiatrist. I have a therapist who I talk to on and off, but he isn't where I am currently. Since my health took a dive, I expressed to him my concerns about developing schizophrenia. He told me that I am past the average onset age, and he does not believe me to be delusional in any way, shape or form. However, he did seem to think I may be a hypochrondiac, so this concerns me.
The issue with seeing a psychiatrist is that I don't want to end up zombified any more than I already am because my brain fog is bad enough as it is.
I have started working with Danny Roddy because I feel I need someone to bring me down to earth before I start any more crazy therapies/supplements and inevitably get lost in the woods again.
What I feel is very real. I just can't understand how I could live a life like this.
I guess what I'm looking for is some reassurance, or a different way of looking at the problem.
Can anyone relate to this?

@haidut - I know you typically don't respond to more personal issues like this, but I think you might have an interesting perspective on this issue, and i respect you, so please feel free to respond if you feel so inclined.

 

[Sobieski]

What do you eat on a day to day basis? Height weight kcals etc.

 

[Dhair]

What do you eat on a day to day basis? Height weight kcals etc.

I can't be as picky here as I usually am, so it varies. But lately it's a lot of milk, some coconut oil in a cafe con leche type mixture with lots of sugar once a day, a couple cokes, a couple oranges, cottage cheese or sliced provolone, 4 eggs cooked in butter and coconut oil, mushrooms, liver once or twice a week. I make a conscious effort to avoid PUFA, and I have done so for about the past 3 years. I'm about 5"10 or 5'11. I sometimes "cheat" on the diet, but that is usually once a week or ine every 2 weeks. I have steadily been gaining weight over the last several months, and now I'm sitting and about 190, which is the heaviest I've ever been.

 

[Tenacity]

Have you had your thyroid function / prolactin / cholesterol / vitamin D / PTH checked? How is your pulse and temperature?

I have suffered from anxiety, palpitations and depersonalisation, and all got significantly better after I started addressing a vitamin D deficiency.

 

[Constatine]

I would begin taking very in depth notes on all the things you eat, do, experience, etc every day so that it would be easier to see patterns. Your symptoms sound like they could have a digestive component to it (and considering you took flouroqinolones, which is what originally started my rather extreme digestive problems with very similar symptoms to yourself). I think looking at the problem more systematically rather than just as an androgen deficiency can be helpful. Fin interrupts the whole hormonal system, dramatically increasing cortisol and pushing you to a catabolic, hypometabolic state. Perhaps try ashwagandha as its very anti cortisol, androgenic, and thyroid stimulating. Dose very low at first in case you get an adverse reaction, it is quite a strong herb.

 

[Dhair]

Have you had your thyroid function / prolactin / cholesterol / vitamin D / PTH checked? How is your pulse and temperature?

I have suffered from anxiety, palpitations and depersonalisation, and all got significantly better after I started addressing a vitamin D deficiency.

I had high cholesterol and vitamin D in the 40s when I had it tested a year ago. I ordered some tests for myself in January of this year before I started the T. The results were: LH 6.9 miu/ml (ref. 1.7-8.6) FSH 3.5miu/ml (ref. 1.5-12.4) testosterone 264 ng/dl, prolactin 13.6, estradiol 19.8 (ref 7.6-42.6).
I'm taking vitamin D now, and cyproheptadine and progesterone as needed to manage the anxiety.

I would begin taking very in depth notes on all the things you eat, do, experience, etc every day so that it would be easier to see patterns. Your symptoms sound like they could have a digestive component to it (and considering you took flouroqinolones, which is what originally started my rather extreme digestive problems with very similar symptoms to yourself). I think looking at the problem more systematically rather than just as an androgen deficiency can be helpful. Fin interrupts the whole hormonal system, dramatically increasing cortisol and pushing you to a catabolic, hypometabolic state. Perhaps try ashwagandha as its very anti cortisol, androgenic, and thyroid stimulating. Dose very low at first in case you get an adverse reaction, it is quite a strong herb.

The herbs are kind of scary to me due to some of the potential side effects.
I try not to think of myself as having any kind of "post- syndrome." My experience with what helps and what hurts doesn't seem to match with what other PFS people experience, even though the symptoms are similar. I don't know that I have extreme digestive problems, but I did in the beginning. I tend to see digestion and abnormal sleep patterns as part of cortisol dysregulation. Now I'm leaning towards thinking I'm dealing with some kind of bacteria/endotoxin problem, and I will be experimenting with penicillin when I receive it in the mail. I also ordered some DHT, but apparently I'm too stupid to get the powder to dissolve the right way, and I didn't feel anything taking it orally, probably due to first pass in the liver. I have spent a lot of money just over the past couple months on more drugs and supplements, and I am honestly sick and tired of it.

 

[Constatine]

Now I'm leaning towards thinking I'm dealing with some kind of bacteria/endotoxin problem

I definitely think its likely. Flouroqinolones have an incredible ability to mess up gut bacteria. Do you currently have any other symptoms of bacteria or digestive issues (white tongue, foul body odor, etc?

 

[Dhair]

I definitely think its likely. Flouroqinolones have an incredible ability to mess up gut bacteria. Do you currently have any other symptoms of bacteria or digestive issues (white tongue, foul body odor, etc?

I have had the white tongue issue for a while. It cleared up with Defibron for only about a day, which was interested. Defibron has been inconsistent for me like everything else, but I did have an evening when I took it and it lifted my depression and gave me a screaming libido for the first time in a very long time.
Bowels move once a day.
I am hoping that I can make some progress with antibiotics, vitamin D, and thyroid. I want to keep things much simpler this time. I was considering the PFS herb protocol at one point, but I'm pretty sure it's literally hundreds of dollars (assuming it has to be done at least a couple times). High doses of vitamin E and vitamin K seemed to help my sleep schedule and brain fog/depersonalization. A few months ago, I used vitamin K on my scrotum and had a complete elimination of symptoms for a few hours, similar to the tyromix experience. I thought about trying HCG to stimulate the testes directly, but I don't know If that will work, and I don't like the idea of using it.
If I am developing schizophrenia, penicillin should help with that too, according to Peat's articles.

 

[johnwester130]

what's your light exposure ?

 

[Dhair]

what's your light exposure ?

I have a light from Life Giving Store. Other than that, I don't get much as it has been cloudy and rainy here lately.

 

[goodandevil]

Androsterone caused me a lot of anxiety. This dht is helping me a lot, at a 1:20 ratio to vitamin e, but even then not all of it will dissolve, but enough will. Id reduce the cypro to once a week or two weeks, stop the androsterone, and take three to six drops dht/day (whatever has dissolved).

 

[Lucenzo01]

I have had the white tongue issue for a while. It cleared up with Defibron for only about a day, which was interested. Defibron has been inconsistent for me like everything else, but I did have an evening when I took it and it lifted my depression and gave me a screaming libido for the first time in a very long time.
Bowels move once a day.
I am hoping that I can make some progress with antibiotics, vitamin D, and thyroid. I want to keep things much simpler this time. I was considering the PFS herb protocol at one point, but I'm pretty sure it's literally hundreds of dollars (assuming it has to be done at least a couple times). High doses of vitamin E and vitamin K seemed to help my sleep schedule and brain fog/depersonalization. A few months ago, I used vitamin K on my scrotum and had a complete elimination of symptoms for a few hours, similar to the tyromix experience. I thought about trying HCG to stimulate the testes directly, but I don't know If that will work, and I don't like the idea of using it.
If I am developing schizophrenia, penicillin should help with that too, according to Peat's articles.

If you are worried about schizophrenia niacin is a proven treatment. Abraham Hoffers used doses up to 30 grams for some hard cases. I highly recommend his book about niacin. Vitamin C megadoses (+10 grams/dose) cleaned my white tongue instantly. Vitamin C + Niacin have been used for a lot of conditions.

 

[Dhair]

If you are worried about schizophrenia niacin is a proven treatment. Abraham Hoffers used doses up to 30 grams for some hard cases. I highly recommend his book about niacin. Vitamin C megadoses (+10 grams/dose) cleaned my white tongue instantly. Vitamin C + Niacin have been used for a lot of conditions.

I don't think mental health professionals will really see my fears as anything other than anxiety unless I have a psychotic break. I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. It's difficult to describe how strange I have felt mentally for the past 2 years.

 

[Lucenzo01]

I don't think mental health professionals will really see my fears as anything other than anxiety unless I have a psychotic break. I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. It's difficult to describe how strange I have felt mentally for the past 2 years.

**** them. You know how you feel and that's enough. A lot of people here, including myself, have been through hell and misery with the support and help of no one. You have to keep trying things until you find something that works. I highly recommend to read the Hoffers book to anyone with health problems. Good luck.

 

[mayweatherking]

hey man, it is 100% not in your head, as i have gone through this as well from finasteride, and i have been to the emergency room multiple times due to the problem as well with feeling light headed where i couldnt walk. at my worst, i couldnt walk more than 10 or 20 feet, i couldnt even go shopping for food, i tried to get a wheelchair from the doctor, they wouldnt give it to me. in that condition, i had to drop all foods almost, i only ate gelatin and vegetables as i literally couldnt eat anything else without having a panic attack or developing a tight chest. i had to work from home during that time.

it sucks man, i completely understand, again, it is not in your head.

something big for me was i had to drop coffee, it always brought on the light headedness. in my head, i think it was from the body not being able to handle stress. i also couldnt handle watching TV or being on the computer at that time, i started reading literally all day when i was in that extreme panic mode.

the other biggest thing is i had to drop porn/orgasm completely. any kind of stress is bad for this, literally any kind of stress is bad. this is the biggest one id say that helps, is dropping porn/masturbation. after you drop it for around 2 or 3 weeks, you start coming back to your senses. again, i understand all men do it, but in PFS state, it is like shock to your body. i dont know why. i dont think masturbation/porn is bad if you are in good health, but with PFS, man it is literal poison. just straight stress.

i think being in darkness is a big part of PFS as well. i have read many people who "recovered" when they went on vacation, but most of them seem to be temperary.

now, im trying to solve the constipation aspect of it. i still cant handle a lot of foods. it seems to stop my digestion completely. i literally just stop feeling hungry. i have checked out this thread the other day, i believe it is the problem, but i am trying to work on it now: https://raypeatforum.com/community/...ee-times-a-day-he-consults-a-physician.23120/

 

[Terma]

My life is uncannily like yours, you're not delusional, and I have every sympathy it's impossible to express on a forum. Unfortunately I never registered low androgens and everything that helped me survive (progesterone + opioids/tianeptine, together) can severely impact androgens, so we shouldn't even compare notes on that. F***en good luck, it's not in your head [in the sense that they mean].

 

[Rodion]

If you are worried about schizophrenia niacin is a proven treatment. Abraham Hoffers used doses up to 30 grams for some hard cases. I highly recommend his book about niacin. Vitamin C megadoses (+10 grams/dose) cleaned my white tongue instantly. Vitamin C + Niacin have been used for a lot of conditions.

Hey there
mind telling us how you manage 10g vitamin C w/o running to the pot?
thx

 

[InChristAlone]

Hey there
mind telling us how you manage 10g vitamin C w/o running to the pot?
thx

Some people can take 50 grams, 4 grams at a time in 15-20 minute intervals and not run to the loo. Eveyerone's bowel tolerance is different. Mine is about 8 grams taken at once. Maybe 12 grams spread out over an hr.

 

[Lucenzo01]

Hey there
mind telling us how you manage 10g vitamin C w/o running to the pot?
thx

My bowel tolerance in one sitting is 12 grams.

 

[DaveFoster]

hypochrondiac

God of the gaps in medicine right alongside "genetics."