Noises from neighbors - how do I successfully work with my triggers?

[Bounce]

Hey people,

hope you are all well!

Unfortunately, in my life I had two very bad experiences with my neighbors. Not only were they loud, but conversations about how to reduce the volume were blocked and I felt powerless. At one apartment I had three children above me who stomped incessantly. According to German law, this is allowed and the neighbors knew that.

Now I live in a quiet house and am happy. But I have developed a sensitivity to noises and that stresses me a lot.

An example: my neighbor's dogs sometimes bark in the stairwell.
From this my brain makes: you can't take a nap, the dogs might bark.

So whenever I lie down I can't really relax because I expect the dogs to bark and I wake up from that and then I'm mad etc etc.

I don't have any neighbors above me, but I do have a nice woman below me. This I sometimes hear running in the morning and wake up (or I am awake before and then notice it - no idea). This makes me aggressive/anxious.

When I travel, I am always very afraid of the volume in the rooms beforehand. Maybe you know those weirdos who move some chairs around at 1am.

Generally I am an anxious person with a PTSD diagnosis, but in this case I am sure my brain just had crappy experiences and also subconsciously assumes that the neighbors want to harm me. Which is total bull****.

I don't think the years of using earplugs did me any good either. I would be interested in your opinion. By the way, they do not help with the footsteps of my neighbor or the barking of dogs.

How do you work EFFECTIVELY with these triggers, i.e. the emotional reaction to sounds?

 

[Rinse & rePeat]

Hey people,

hope you are all well!

Unfortunately, in my life I had two very bad experiences with my neighbors. Not only were they loud, but conversations about how to reduce the volume were blocked and I felt powerless. At one apartment I had three children above me who stomped incessantly. According to German law, this is allowed and the neighbors knew that.

Now I live in a quiet house and am happy. But I have developed a sensitivity to noises and that stresses me a lot.

An example: my neighbor's dogs sometimes bark in the stairwell.
From this my brain makes: you can't take a nap, the dogs might bark.

So whenever I lie down I can't really relax because I expect the dogs to bark and I wake up from that and then I'm mad etc etc.

I don't have any neighbors above me, but I do have a nice woman below me. This I sometimes hear running in the morning and wake up (or I am awake before and then notice it - no idea). This makes me aggressive/anxious.

When I travel, I am always very afraid of the volume in the rooms beforehand. Maybe you know those weirdos who move some chairs around at 1am.

Generally I am an anxious person with a PTSD diagnosis, but in this case I am sure my brain just had crappy experiences and also subconsciously assumes that the neighbors want to harm me. Which is total bull****.

I don't think the years of using earplugs did me any good either. I would be interested in your opinion. By the way, they do not help with the footsteps of my neighbor or the barking of dogs.

How do you work EFFECTIVELY with these triggers, i.e. the emotional reaction to sounds?

I play music 24/7 in my home. I think the quiet makes me more sensitive to noises and the thoughts swirling around in my head. I run my air filter at night when I sleep for a hum keep me from noticing the little noises. With PTSD you get hyper focused on things, so welcoming in more noise would be a good place to start.

 

[Zucker]

It is not the noise per se, but that the autonomous nervous system reacts independently to a trigger and goes into survival mode even though there is no imminent danger as you describe. There are many useful approaches to work with calming such an automated response in the mind to an outside trigger nowadays. Retraining the mind how it responds to a signal needs regular practice but can be very rewarding.

If you want to focus on the symptom alone and reduce the auditory sensitivity, the Tomatis method might be worth looking into. It retrains your ear to discern and filter auditory signals and „embed“ them in the whole spectrum of sound signals the ear perceives. There might be a particular sensitivity in how your ear picks up signals, and that can be corrected. Simply put, if you hear a recording of classical music and the violins come across as unproportionally loud and screechy, that music is not enjoyable. If the frequency of the violin is toned down in relation to all the other instruments, the violin has its part within the whole. The Tomatis method is available in your country but it is costly.
Avoiding noise is not the solution but will more likely augment the sensitivity as you seem to already have noticed. Good luck.

 

[Peatress]

This is so common in big cities. I’m convinced noise is being weaponised – what else explains the large number of poor sound proofed homes? I know a number of people who’ve been through hell because of this – one woman left London.

It’s good that you are in better accommodation now. It will take time for your mind to trust that you are no longer in danger, at least not from noise. I am not even going to say practice relaxation because I’m not convinced you can force relaxation. What will be very helpful is to build happy memories in your new home. Do fun things with people you care about.

I think anything you can do to improve your metabolism will help.

Magnesium is really important, so are the B vitamins

Magnesium and stress - Magnesium in the Central Nervous System - NCBI Bookshelf

Wishing you the best - this problem is underestimated.

 

[EustaceBagge]

Ear plugs? Use stronger disposable ones. I can still wake up to my alarm sounds no problem. Otherwise it is an issue of calming down and whether that is distracting yourself through other means or achieving inner peace depends on you.

 

[stoic]

I'm also very sensitive to noise. I don't think it's being weaponised though - if anything, older buildings are generally much worse.

All my recent flats have been new builds, and they've been so quiet and comfortable that I'd never want to move into an old flat again.

 

[Explorer]

Finally someone who I can relate to - I have had a similar issue of dog barks and other triggers or even my parents walking around house and opening doors and putting items against table etc.

I feel the best most relaxed when I'm in a constant flow sensory wise either full constant silence or full constant usable to not too loud sounds e.g. wind, cars etc. in a mild volume don't bother me only sounds that appear suddenly in a higher pitch/volume and disappear or ones that are unpredictable without a pattern e.g. barking, snoring etc.

I had/have a similar issue with the anxiety of anticipation of a stressor trigger before it has even happened

For example when I go out I often tense up before dogs have even started barking as I can't ever know if I can fully relax and enjoy the natural sound ambience or I'll be exposed again to their irritating barks so as a defensive reaction my body tenses up in an autonomic sympathetic mode

For sleep I found binaural beats on earphones before sleep and removing them when you almost fall asleep does the trick as by the time you remove them you are already sleepy enough usually to notice sounds less so the transition is smooth

 

[dukesbobby777]

This is so common in big cities. I’m convinced noise is being weaponised – what else explains the large number of poor sound proofed homes? I know a number of people who’ve been through hell because of this – one woman left London.

It’s good that you are in better accommodation now. It will take time for your mind to trust that you are no longer in danger, at least not from noise. I am not even going to say practice relaxation because I’m not convinced you can force relaxation. What will be very helpful is to build happy memories in your new home. Do fun things with people you care about.

I think anything you can do to improve your metabolism will help.

Magnesium is really important, so are the B vitamins

Magnesium and stress - Magnesium in the Central Nervous System - NCBI Bookshelf

Wishing you the best - this problem is underestimated.

Who is employing these bottom feeding sh!t munchers, that sit behind their computer screens, directing a weaponised attack against the common Joe in their own homes? These sad, lowlives, that give hours of their time each day, and for what outcome? To cause a person distress lol

The whole point of that is what exactly? Or do we actually live in a world where the elite actually don't care at all about the peasants below them. Not to the extent where they would put a whole @ss operation like that in place anyway lol

 

[EustaceBagge]

Who is employing these bottom feeding sh!t munchers, that sit behind their computer screens, directing a weaponised attack against the common Joe in their own homes? These sad, lowlives, that give hours of their time each day, and for what outcome? To cause a person distress lol

The whole point of that is what exactly? Or do we actually live in a world where the elite actually don't care at all about the peasants below them. Not to the extent where they would put a whole @ss operation like that in place anyway lol

This is derailing the thread, but in a big population small changes mean a lot. Hence the constant negative news and demoralization. The answer to politics and economical issues seem so simple, yet so unachievable. Billions of taxpayer dollars get wasted or sent abroad, yet the population has to deal with increasing food prices, for example. All these things add up after a while. And it's all so simple that it doesn't seem deliberate, actually. It makes you second guess yourself: "Maybe I am wrong and maybe they do want the best of me?", Gaslighting + stockholm syndrome. Many people have it, go strike up conversations about these issues to see what I mean.

 

[Peatress]

Who is employing these bottom feeding sh!t munchers, that sit behind their computer screens, directing a weaponised attack against the common Joe in their own homes? These sad, lowlives, that give hours of their time each day, and for what outcome? To cause a person distress lol

The whole point of that is what exactly? Or do we actually live in a world where the elite actually don't care at all about the peasants below them. Not to the extent where they would put a whole @ss operation like that in place anyway lol

You've made so many assumptions about the meaning of the word weaponise in my post - I'll leave you to your imagination.

 

[FrostedShores]

Limbic system retraining might be beneficial. There are plenty of free resources online about it.

 

[Peatress]

The Guardian is paying attention

Tell us: has your wellbeing been affected by noise?

We would like to hear from people whose wellbeing has been affected by noise disturbances

www.theguardian.com

 

[EustaceBagge]

The Guardian is paying attention

Tell us: has your wellbeing been affected by noise?

We would like to hear from people whose wellbeing has been affected by noise disturbances

www.theguardian.com

They know what they're doing. Either they are very incompetent, or they deliberately destabilize major cities. The less meaningful choices you have, the unhealthier you are.

 

[Mossy]

Based on all the replies, I could guess that your sensitivities are not as uncommon as you think. I too have dealt with this. I've lived in close quarters, like you—neighbors on several sides, as well as stand along houses. Rarely is either case noise-free: if it's not coming from the outside, it's coming from a family member inside. I've found that countering noise with noise, to a point, can be beneficial. As I go to sleep, I'll play music I prefer to counter music or noise. For quite a long time I wore ear plugs, but I felt like they started to negatively affect my ears and lymph nodes. I now only wear them in the worst case scenarios. I also own a cheap set of ear muffs, that go over the ears, but I can't wear them for extended periods of time. I hear the more expensive ones are so comfortable that you can wear them for hours. And as has been mentioned, fans and air filters really help, And, as cliche, or futile, it may seem—think good thoughts.

 

[animalcule]

L-theanine has helped somewhat with anxiety. Taken consistently, not overnight change.

 

[Pete Rey]

I'm pretty noise sensitive and even more so smell sensitive so I can relate to this. I know this doesn't help this time of year, but in the warm months, I have found going camping or otherwise sleeping outside in nature away from any noise pollution to be incredibly therapeutic. I've lived city apartment life, road life in hotels, and even ship life. It's clearly a source of traumatic stress. I currently live in the burbs, and I would like to eventually move out to the sticks...the ultimate therapy. For now, like most, economic reasons keep me tethered.

 

[Richiebogie]

The sound of waves crashing at the beach can be loud and unpredictable, but we tend to consider this natural and relaxing.

Our point of view affects us more than the trigger.

I would not be relaxed if I were the only human left on earth.

I would find this scary and inconvenient!

So why not consider human and dog noise reassuring as a sign that I am not alone?

Human noise can be loud and unpredictable, but I can choose to consider this a comfort and something to be grateful for.

I can choose to appreciate the noise.

 

[Rinse & rePeat]

The sound of waves crashing at the beach can be loud and unpredictable, but we tend to consider this natural and relaxing.

Our point of view affects us more than the trigger.

I would not be relaxed if I were the only human left on earth.

I would find this scary and inconvenient!

So why not consider human and dog noise reassuring as a sign that I am not alone?

Human noise can be loud and unpredictable, but I can choose to consider this a comfort and something to be grateful for.

I can choose to appreciate the noise.

Exactly, like your baby crying. Yeah they keep us awake, but then we’re stressed when they are too quiet. I can’t take those sound machines. I end up focusing on the patterns of the waves like you said, or the occasional bigger big drop of water on the “rain” mode.

 

[Zoltanman]

Hi @Bounce

I have found for myself that brainspotting (with a therapist) is an amazing way to down-tune stress responses. If that's currently out of reach, look into Tapping while talking through a script about your reactivity. Nick Ortner and thetappingsolution are a good place to start researching this method. I follow the person who runs Tapping w/ T on insta and she's pure gold for help with stuff like this, too

 

[Pete Rey]

The sound of waves crashing at the beach can be loud and unpredictable, but we tend to consider this natural and relaxing.

Our point of view affects us more than the trigger.

I would not be relaxed if I were the only human left on earth.

I would find this scary and inconvenient!

So why not consider human and dog noise reassuring as a sign that I am not alone?

Human noise can be loud and unpredictable, but I can choose to consider this a comfort and something to be grateful for.

I can choose to appreciate the noise.

I doubt anyone will argue with you that being alone is not ideal or desirable. Man was meant to live in tribes, not cities. A bunch of random people living in close proximity is unnatural. The random people I live around are certainly no comfort to me. In fact, after living through a recent mass psychosis I now realize how much of a liability they are. Moving away from a source of trauma doesn't have to mean becoming a hermit.

I'm sure if she could just choose to reframe her PTSD away she would. Unfortunately it's a physical reflex occurring deep in the brain stem where logic does not apply. Several modalities that try to address that have been recommended here already. Could add EMDR and somatic experiencing to the list. There is a ton of positive academic research on EMDR for those who value that.