• tca300: I understand this is off topic from what you typically teach, but I was wondering if you have run across any information or learned on your own, things that help people grieve over lost loved ones, and or fear of losing others to death? Thank you!

    Ray Peat: It activates the “helplessness” reactions in the body, stress weakening your own life, and I think it can help to get out of that if you think of your life as a continuation of theirs—the same life, though with fewer bodies.

    Rest in Paradise, Raymond Peat  October 12, 1936 - November 24 2022

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copycat

Member
Joined
Mar 17, 2021
Messages
39
Hi! I've made a few posts before but I'd like to keep it short and ask for specific advice. Apologies in advance for my weird English. As you can imagine, it's not my mother tongue, haha.
LATER-EDIT: I guess you can ignore the ''keeping it short'' part.

I'm a 23 year old male, 1,83cm tall, average bodyweight. My health situation is very strange. I suffered from hypothyroidism from a young age(cold feet and hands even in summer) but my overall health was nothing to weep about. I had decent body and facial development, T levels i imagine were also decent(for modern times) , masculine shoulder to hip ratio, decent penis development -well proportioned to the rest of my body.

I'm bringing all of this up not out of any need to brag or receive encouraging words, but because this was my situation before undergoing MtF transgender HRT at age 18. My reasons for this were a mix of desire to self-harm and hoping to become socially well-adjusted, NOT because I ever wished or thought I could be a woman. In fact, my body changing to that of a woman due to HRT was not even my main goal, I wanted to mentally alter my situation, to become mentally more feminine and be able to live my life authentically without worrying about my horrendous family situation and past traumas. Yes, part of it was fetishistic but I must admit I never felt pleasure at the thought of being/becoming a woman. It was more of a matter of becoming desirable and useful to others. I suppose I was trying to convert my repressed sexuality into something more pro-social.

I bought the HRT injections from lena.ev, not knowing at all what I was doing. I got my medical advice from obscure transgender subreddits. To this day I frankly feel ashamed of my lack of discernment and absolute hubris when it comes to what I did. Either way, I injected around a double dose of around 0.2 ml Estradiol Valerate solution ( 40 mg Estradiol Valerate/ml). Don't ask me why I did it. Part of me was hoping it would even kill me. It didn't but instead it undoubtedly did considerable damage to my entire physiology, I even suspect it caused autistic symptoms. I also took around 3 pills of 5 mg finasteride(Proscar) and as some of you may expect, that also affected me. To which extent would be hard to ascertain, as my entire physiology was affected by these poisons, so was my ability to properly self-analyze. I'm sure many here are familiar with post-finasteride syndrome and estrogen's harmful and degenerative effects on the body.

In any case, after these Frankenstein-level experiments I stopped, realizing the stupidity of my actions. I was still mentally ill and held such bizarre conceptions about myself and the world around me...surprised God has left a creature like me the privilege of staying alive. Life is funny in that way.

Suffice to say I hated myself and to this day I struggle with self-acceptance. Around age 22 I met another trans person whom essentially pushed me into trying HRT yet again. This time I added cyproterone acetate(Androcur) and Estrofem pills to my regimen, replacing the EV injections(god knows what was in those vials ). I was aware that cyproterone acetate comes with plenty side effects, makes you infertile and may cause a fair amount of other potential issues alongside brain damage, tumors and liver failure. I won't go into detail here but I did experience liver pain, a sense of heavenly otherworldliness, concentration issues, emotional imbalances and drooling. Yes, drooling. At times it made me drool from the corners of my mouth. My hips also widened a bit, to my own surprise.

The habit of taking these substances went on and off for about 4 months, + again the same HRT injections administered twice + 2 bicalutamide pills. I did 0 blood analyses and consulted no doctor. I live in eastern Europe, and the second phase of my HRT treatment took place in a western European country that is not so close-minded in regards to mental illness and sexuality. Sadly this didn't matter. I met the wrong people who took advantage of me and only aided me on this dark, ignorant path. But life's a journey, I suppose...and in a way I was looking for these sorts of disgusting, strange, ****88-up situations that I put myself in.

The advice I'm looking for, as I promised, is quite specific. I'm working towards a decent diet(aspirin, carrot salad, taking care of inflammation, gut biome, calcium-phosphate ratio, coconut oil, offal, mushrooms, gelatin. etc) . Progesterone supplementation has helped with mental acuity and overall energy levels( but I think the brand I'm using isn't excatly contaminant-free. ) and I've noticed some beard regrowth and body-fat readjustment.

As far as further supplementation goes, what would you guys honestly recommend? I'm quite poor but I'm willing to spend the money to be able to function properly and continue breaking out of this ''learned helplessness'' prison I've been inside. If not for my own sake, at least for the sake of those that I love.

My priorities are continuing to use a good-quality progesterone supplement(suggestions welcome) and adding in one or two of Haidut's supplements. I'm not happy with relying on supplementation, for financial and common-sense reasons YET I believe my body could strongly benefit from a few basic daily/weekly supplements. Estro-ban, Sol-Ban, and Stress-Non, possibly even Energin have been considered. When I have the budget I'll also try to do some proper blood-work and consider taking T3 after I talk to an endocrinologist.

To whomever has taken the time to read this post, thank you!
Feel free to ask any sort of question and I'll try to answer to the best of my ability!
 
Last edited:

Sugartits

Member
Joined
Nov 18, 2020
Messages
63
You are still young, and you have found a good place to learn how to reverse as much of the damage as possible. I am sorry you got off track, but you will be OK.

I tried to pass as a boy my whole childhood, which got difficult once I grew boobies. I was straight, I liked boys, but I was just really uncomfortable with being myself, as many kids are at that age, and I was trying to project a false self that I felt others would like more than the real me.

My mom never taught me how to be feminine, she only told me I could do anything men could do, which made me feel like womanhood was not as valuable as manhood. It was a rough time, and I am so glad that I did not have internet access back then, or else I would have ended up looking for understanding online, and there being led to believe that the "real me" was male. So many girls end up having their breasts removed, and their voices lowered permanently after following such advice.

I was fortunate to spend a year in the South with my uncle's family, where I learned the basics of being a girl from his daughters who were my age. I grew my hair out, learned how to wear a skirt, and shave my legs and such. I just needed some time to feel comfortable with those things, that's all. There was nothing wrong with me, and there is nothing wrong with you. Good luck, buddy. You can still have a good life, and you will.
 

Jonnie

Member
Joined
Jan 4, 2021
Messages
364
Hi! I've made a few posts before but I'd like to keep it short and ask for specific advice. Apologies in advance for my weird English. As you can imagine, it's not my mother tongue, haha.
LATER-EDIT: I guess you can ignore the ''keeping it short'' part.

I'm a 23 year old male, 1,83cm tall, average bodyweight. My health situation is very strange. I suffered from hypothyroidism from a young age(cold feet and hands even in summer) but my overall health was nothing to weep about. I had decent body and facial development, T levels i imagine were also decent(for modern times) , masculine shoulder to hip ratio, decent penis development -well proportioned to the rest of my body.

I'm bringing all of this up not out of any need to brag or receive encouraging words, but because this was my situation before undergoing MtF transgender HRT at age 18. My reasons for this were a mix of desire to self-harm and hoping to become socially well-adjusted, NOT because I ever wished or thought I could be a woman. In fact, my body changing to that of a woman due to HRT was not even my main goal, I wanted to mentally alter my situation, to become mentally more feminine and be able to live my life authentically without worrying about my horrendous family situation and past traumas. Yes, part of it was fetishistic but I must admit I never felt pleasure at the thought of being/becoming a woman. It was more of a matter of becoming desirable and useful to others. I suppose I was trying to convert my repressed sexuality into something more pro-social.

I bought the HRT injections from lena.ev, not knowing at all what I was doing. I got my medical advice from obscure transgender subreddits. To this day I frankly feel ashamed of my lack of discernment and absolute hubris when it comes to what I did. Either way, I injected around a double dose of around 0.2 ml Estradiol Valerate solution ( 40 mg Estradiol Valerate/ml). Don't ask me why I did it. Part of me was hoping it would even kill me. It didn't but instead it undoubtedly did considerable damage to my entire physiology, I even suspect it caused autistic symptoms. I also took around 3 pills of 5 mg finasteride(Proscar) and as some of you may expect, that also affected me. To which extent would be hard to ascertain, as my entire physiology was affected by these poisons, so was my ability to properly self-analyze. I'm sure many here are familiar with post-finasteride syndrome and estrogen's harmful and degenerative effects on the body.

In any case, after these Frankenstein-level experiments I stopped, realizing the stupidity of my actions. I was still mentally ill and held such bizarre conceptions about myself and the world around me...surprised God has left a creature like me the privilege of staying alive. Life is funny in that way.

Suffice to say I hated myself and to this day I struggle with self-acceptance. Around age 22 I met another trans person whom essentially pushed me into trying HRT yet again. This time I added cyproterone acetate(Androcur) and Estrofem pills to my regimen, replacing the EV injections(god knows what was in those vials ). I was aware that cyproterone acetate comes with plenty side effects, makes you infertile and may cause a fair amount of other potential issues alongside brain damage, tumors and liver failure. I won't go into detail here but I did experience liver pain, a sense of heavenly otherworldliness, concentration issues, emotional imbalances and drooling. Yes, drooling. At times it made me drool from the corners of my mouth. My hips also widened a bit, to my own surprise.

The habit of taking these substances went on and off for about 4 months, + again the same HRT injections administered twice + 2 bicalutamide pills. I did 0 blood analyses and consulted no doctor. I live in eastern Europe, and the second phase of my HRT treatment took place in a western European country that is not so close-minded in regards to mental illness and sexuality. Sadly this didn't matter. I met the wrong people who took advantage of me and only aided me on this dark, ignorant path. But life's a journey, I suppose...and in a way I was looking for these sorts of disgusting, strange, ****88-up situations that I put myself in.

The advice I'm looking for, as I promised, is quite specific. I'm working towards a decent diet(aspirin, carrot salad, taking care of inflammation, gut biome, calcium-phosphate ratio, coconut oil, offal, mushrooms, gelatin. etc) . Progesterone supplementation has helped with mental acuity and overall energy levels( but I think the brand I'm using isn't excatly contaminant-free. ) and I've noticed some beard regrowth and body-fat readjustment.

As far as further supplementation goes, what would you guys honestly recommend? I'm quite poor but I'm willing to spend the money to be able to function properly and continue breaking out of this ''learned helplessness'' prison I've been inside. If not for my own sake, at least for the sake of those that I love.

My priorities are continuing to use a good-quality progesterone supplement(suggestions welcome) and adding in one or two of Haidut's supplements. I'm not happy with relying on supplementation, for financial and common-sense reasons YET I believe my body could strongly benefit from a few basic daily/weekly supplements. Estro-ban, Sol-Ban, and Stress-Non, possibly even Energin have been considered. When I have the budget I'll also try to do some proper blood-work and consider taking T3 after I talk to an endocrinologist.

To whomever has taken the time to read this post, thank you!
Feel free to ask any sort of question and I'll try to answer to the best of my ability!
Hi. Is this a larp?

I commend you for hopping on these metabolic practices and getting on good supplements.

But why the **** would you hesitate taking thyroid hormone at this stage? You’ve done absolutely batshit crazy stuff before to your hormones.

I would start microdosing Testosterone base, orally and transdermally on top of all the other practices.
 

copycat

Member
Thread starter
Joined
Mar 17, 2021
Messages
39
Hi. Is this a larp?

I commend you for hopping on these metabolic practices and getting on good supplements.

But why the **** would you hesitate taking thyroid hormone at this stage? You’ve done absolutely batshit crazy stuff before to your hormones.

I would start microdosing Testosterone base, orally and transdermally on top of all the other practices.
well, i'm quite poor, meaing i can only experiment with one supplement/substance at a time and i'm not exactly sure where to start with T3. My mental health isn't exactly on point either which makes having a const peat-y home-cooked diet a tad bit hard. I'm making improvements. I've noticed that bowel movemet tends to be very correlated to my mental state for example. I've yet to find something that keeps my bowel movements constant besides tobacco, meanin ciggarettes, lmao. So, i'm looking into cascara sagrada atm.
 
Last edited:

Jonnie

Member
Joined
Jan 4, 2021
Messages
364
well, i'm quite poor, meaing i can only experiment with one supplement/substance at a time and i'm not exactly sure where to start with T3. My mental health isn't exactly on point either which makes having a const peat-y home-cooked diet a tad bit hard. I'm making improvements. I've noticed that bowel movemet tends to be very correlated to my mental state for example. I've yet to find something that keeps my bowel movements constant besides tobacco, meanin ciggarettes, lmao. So, i'm looking into cascara sagrada atm.
Yeah it can hard to eat well every day.
You can get good quality years worth of Test for only $100.
I don’t know what your goal is but might be better to start with thyroid, prog and just good healing foods first before testosterone (and always low dosages)
 

copycat

Member
Thread starter
Joined
Mar 17, 2021
Messages
39
Yeah it can hard to eat well every day.
You can get good quality years worth of Test for only $100.
I don’t know what your goal is but might be better to start with thyroid, prog and just good healing foods first before testosterone (and always low dosages)
What you're suggesting is a very level-headed approach so thank you! And I fully agree. The goal isn't to focus on testosterone first, other things later but basically deal with other issues first and once I'm in a good/decent place in life see what can be done about my test. Personally I'd say that the worst thing about having low T(did not begin as an isolated issue,of course, yet point still stands) are not the sexual aspects but the lack of 'manly' calmness and ability to concentrare on apparently mundane yet usesful tasks for longer periods of time. There definitely seems to be a correlation between high T and a certain predispostion towards the dopaminergic lifestyle, where the individual just gets task after task done in a very 'flow-state'' kind of way and the motivation to continue doing so keeps bouncing around for the whole day. Low T will definitely make one melancholic, which might just brand me as ''spiritually low-T'' because I find melancholia to be a high-energy state that gives insight into degeneration, perhaps. It's hard to define but melancholia gives a certain outside-the-box view of one's past, it helps paint dark or gloomy memories into something enjoyable and motivating amor-fati ). It definitely gives that ''anime-feeling'' to your life, lmao.

You can get good quality years worth of Test for only $100.
That seriously sounds too good to be true so please go on...
I'd personally be much more interested in years worth of Prog because I'm looking to do my own 'progest-e'like solution from micronused P powder at the moment.

Anyways, sorry for the long post. I actually happen to have a connection to someone who sells quality T3 here in my country(under the counter) . Do you happen to have any guides about dosing T3 for begginers or any interestng Peat articles on T3 specifically? I'm sure my thyroid and brain are ****88 (from finasteride) in some way that relates to memory and dopamine. I've read a promising study about levothyroxine managing to rebalance out 5-alpha reductase enzymes and reverse hypothyroidism in post-finasteride symptom suffering patients. Seeing as Ray Peat himself has been quite outspoken on the harms of supplementing synthetic T4, i'll stick to T3.
 

Jonnie

Member
Joined
Jan 4, 2021
Messages
364
What you're suggesting is a very level-headed approach so thank you! And I fully agree. The goal isn't to focus on testosterone first, other things later but basically deal with other issues first and once I'm in a good/decent place in life see what can be done about my test. Personally I'd say that the worst thing about having low T(did not begin as an isolated issue,of course, yet point still stands) are not the sexual aspects but the lack of 'manly' calmness and ability to concentrare on apparently mundane yet usesful tasks for longer periods of time. There definitely seems to be a correlation between high T and a certain predispostion towards the dopaminergic lifestyle, where the individual just gets task after task done in a very 'flow-state'' kind of way and the motivation to continue doing so keeps bouncing around for the whole day. Low T will definitely make one melancholic, which might just brand me as ''spiritually low-T'' because I find melancholia to be a high-energy state that gives insight into degeneration, perhaps. It's hard to define but melancholia gives a certain outside-the-box view of one's past, it helps paint dark or gloomy memories into something enjoyable and motivating amor-fati ). It definitely gives that ''anime-feeling'' to your life, lmao.


That seriously sounds too good to be true so please go on...
I'd personally be much more interested in years worth of Prog because I'm looking to do my own 'progest-e'like solution from micronused P powder at the moment.

Anyways, sorry for the long post. I actually happen to have a connection to someone who sells quality T3 here in my country(under the counter) . Do you happen to have any guides about dosing T3 for begginers or any interestng Peat articles on T3 specifically? I'm sure my thyroid and brain are ****88 (from finasteride) in some way that relates to memory and dopamine. I've read a promising study about levothyroxine managing to rebalance out 5-alpha reductase enzymes and reverse hypothyroidism in post-finasteride symptom suffering patients. Seeing as Ray Peat himself has been quite outspoken on the harms of supplementing synthetic T4, i'll stick to T3.
No it’s actually quite clear that this melancholic state is giving you some helpful insight/perspective on things. Definitely seems like you’re well on your way to healing.

The micronized base T I got was 160 grams for like 200 bucks, from purplepandalabs. I split it with a fren.

I think Ray only spoke about the dangers of T4 if taken without T3? I have Georgi’s tyromax and tyromix. I like tyromax a lot, it’s natural and not as strong.
 

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