copycat
Member
- Joined
- Mar 17, 2021
- Messages
- 41
Hi! I've made a few posts before but I'd like to keep it short and ask for specific advice. Apologies in advance for my weird English. As you can imagine, it's not my mother tongue, haha.
LATER-EDIT: I guess you can ignore the ''keeping it short'' part.
I'm a 23 year old male, 1,83cm tall, average bodyweight. My health situation is very strange. I suffered from hypothyroidism from a young age(cold feet and hands even in summer) but my overall health was nothing to weep about. I had decent body and facial development, T levels i imagine were also decent(for modern times) , masculine shoulder to hip ratio, decent penis development -well proportioned to the rest of my body.
I'm bringing all of this up not out of any need to brag or receive encouraging words, but because this was my situation before undergoing MtF transgender HRT at age 18. My reasons for this were a mix of desire to self-harm and hoping to become socially well-adjusted, NOT because I ever wished or thought I could be a woman. In fact, my body changing to that of a woman due to HRT was not even my main goal, I wanted to mentally alter my situation, to become mentally more feminine and be able to live my life authentically without worrying about my horrendous family situation and past traumas. Yes, part of it was fetishistic but I must admit I never felt pleasure at the thought of being/becoming a woman. It was more of a matter of becoming desirable and useful to others. I suppose I was trying to convert my repressed sexuality into something more pro-social.
I bought the HRT injections from lena.ev, not knowing at all what I was doing. I got my medical advice from obscure transgender subreddits. To this day I frankly feel ashamed of my lack of discernment and absolute hubris when it comes to what I did. Either way, I injected around a double dose of around 0.2 ml Estradiol Valerate solution ( 40 mg Estradiol Valerate/ml). Don't ask me why I did it. Part of me was hoping it would even kill me. It didn't but instead it undoubtedly did considerable damage to my entire physiology, I even suspect it caused autistic symptoms. I also took around 3 pills of 5 mg finasteride(Proscar) and as some of you may expect, that also affected me. To which extent would be hard to ascertain, as my entire physiology was affected by these poisons, so was my ability to properly self-analyze. I'm sure many here are familiar with post-finasteride syndrome and estrogen's harmful and degenerative effects on the body.
In any case, after these Frankenstein-level experiments I stopped, realizing the stupidity of my actions. I was still mentally ill and held such bizarre conceptions about myself and the world around me...surprised God has left a creature like me the privilege of staying alive. Life is funny in that way.
Suffice to say I hated myself and to this day I struggle with self-acceptance. Around age 22 I met another trans person whom essentially pushed me into trying HRT yet again. This time I added cyproterone acetate(Androcur) and Estrofem pills to my regimen, replacing the EV injections(god knows what was in those vials ). I was aware that cyproterone acetate comes with plenty side effects, makes you infertile and may cause a fair amount of other potential issues alongside brain damage, tumors and liver failure. I won't go into detail here but I did experience liver pain, a sense of heavenly otherworldliness, concentration issues, emotional imbalances and drooling. Yes, drooling. At times it made me drool from the corners of my mouth. My hips also widened a bit, to my own surprise.
The habit of taking these substances went on and off for about 4 months, + again the same HRT injections administered twice + 2 bicalutamide pills. I did 0 blood analyses and consulted no doctor. I live in eastern Europe, and the second phase of my HRT treatment took place in a western European country that is not so close-minded in regards to mental illness and sexuality. Sadly this didn't matter. I met the wrong people who took advantage of me and only aided me on this dark, ignorant path. But life's a journey, I suppose...and in a way I was looking for these sorts of disgusting, strange, ****88-up situations that I put myself in.
The advice I'm looking for, as I promised, is quite specific. I'm working towards a decent diet(aspirin, carrot salad, taking care of inflammation, gut biome, calcium-phosphate ratio, coconut oil, offal, mushrooms, gelatin. etc) . Progesterone supplementation has helped with mental acuity and overall energy levels( but I think the brand I'm using isn't excatly contaminant-free. ) and I've noticed some beard regrowth and body-fat readjustment.
As far as further supplementation goes, what would you guys honestly recommend? I'm quite poor but I'm willing to spend the money to be able to function properly and continue breaking out of this ''learned helplessness'' prison I've been inside. If not for my own sake, at least for the sake of those that I love.
My priorities are continuing to use a good-quality progesterone supplement(suggestions welcome) and adding in one or two of Haidut's supplements. I'm not happy with relying on supplementation, for financial and common-sense reasons YET I believe my body could strongly benefit from a few basic daily/weekly supplements. Estro-ban, Sol-Ban, and Stress-Non, possibly even Energin have been considered. When I have the budget I'll also try to do some proper blood-work and consider taking T3 after I talk to an endocrinologist.
To whomever has taken the time to read this post, thank you!
Feel free to ask any sort of question and I'll try to answer to the best of my ability!
LATER-EDIT: I guess you can ignore the ''keeping it short'' part.
I'm a 23 year old male, 1,83cm tall, average bodyweight. My health situation is very strange. I suffered from hypothyroidism from a young age(cold feet and hands even in summer) but my overall health was nothing to weep about. I had decent body and facial development, T levels i imagine were also decent(for modern times) , masculine shoulder to hip ratio, decent penis development -well proportioned to the rest of my body.
I'm bringing all of this up not out of any need to brag or receive encouraging words, but because this was my situation before undergoing MtF transgender HRT at age 18. My reasons for this were a mix of desire to self-harm and hoping to become socially well-adjusted, NOT because I ever wished or thought I could be a woman. In fact, my body changing to that of a woman due to HRT was not even my main goal, I wanted to mentally alter my situation, to become mentally more feminine and be able to live my life authentically without worrying about my horrendous family situation and past traumas. Yes, part of it was fetishistic but I must admit I never felt pleasure at the thought of being/becoming a woman. It was more of a matter of becoming desirable and useful to others. I suppose I was trying to convert my repressed sexuality into something more pro-social.
I bought the HRT injections from lena.ev, not knowing at all what I was doing. I got my medical advice from obscure transgender subreddits. To this day I frankly feel ashamed of my lack of discernment and absolute hubris when it comes to what I did. Either way, I injected around a double dose of around 0.2 ml Estradiol Valerate solution ( 40 mg Estradiol Valerate/ml). Don't ask me why I did it. Part of me was hoping it would even kill me. It didn't but instead it undoubtedly did considerable damage to my entire physiology, I even suspect it caused autistic symptoms. I also took around 3 pills of 5 mg finasteride(Proscar) and as some of you may expect, that also affected me. To which extent would be hard to ascertain, as my entire physiology was affected by these poisons, so was my ability to properly self-analyze. I'm sure many here are familiar with post-finasteride syndrome and estrogen's harmful and degenerative effects on the body.
In any case, after these Frankenstein-level experiments I stopped, realizing the stupidity of my actions. I was still mentally ill and held such bizarre conceptions about myself and the world around me...surprised God has left a creature like me the privilege of staying alive. Life is funny in that way.
Suffice to say I hated myself and to this day I struggle with self-acceptance. Around age 22 I met another trans person whom essentially pushed me into trying HRT yet again. This time I added cyproterone acetate(Androcur) and Estrofem pills to my regimen, replacing the EV injections(god knows what was in those vials ). I was aware that cyproterone acetate comes with plenty side effects, makes you infertile and may cause a fair amount of other potential issues alongside brain damage, tumors and liver failure. I won't go into detail here but I did experience liver pain, a sense of heavenly otherworldliness, concentration issues, emotional imbalances and drooling. Yes, drooling. At times it made me drool from the corners of my mouth. My hips also widened a bit, to my own surprise.
The habit of taking these substances went on and off for about 4 months, + again the same HRT injections administered twice + 2 bicalutamide pills. I did 0 blood analyses and consulted no doctor. I live in eastern Europe, and the second phase of my HRT treatment took place in a western European country that is not so close-minded in regards to mental illness and sexuality. Sadly this didn't matter. I met the wrong people who took advantage of me and only aided me on this dark, ignorant path. But life's a journey, I suppose...and in a way I was looking for these sorts of disgusting, strange, ****88-up situations that I put myself in.
The advice I'm looking for, as I promised, is quite specific. I'm working towards a decent diet(aspirin, carrot salad, taking care of inflammation, gut biome, calcium-phosphate ratio, coconut oil, offal, mushrooms, gelatin. etc) . Progesterone supplementation has helped with mental acuity and overall energy levels( but I think the brand I'm using isn't excatly contaminant-free. ) and I've noticed some beard regrowth and body-fat readjustment.
As far as further supplementation goes, what would you guys honestly recommend? I'm quite poor but I'm willing to spend the money to be able to function properly and continue breaking out of this ''learned helplessness'' prison I've been inside. If not for my own sake, at least for the sake of those that I love.
My priorities are continuing to use a good-quality progesterone supplement(suggestions welcome) and adding in one or two of Haidut's supplements. I'm not happy with relying on supplementation, for financial and common-sense reasons YET I believe my body could strongly benefit from a few basic daily/weekly supplements. Estro-ban, Sol-Ban, and Stress-Non, possibly even Energin have been considered. When I have the budget I'll also try to do some proper blood-work and consider taking T3 after I talk to an endocrinologist.
To whomever has taken the time to read this post, thank you!
Feel free to ask any sort of question and I'll try to answer to the best of my ability!
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