DDRB
Member
I've had a lot of problems in my life, problems but the one that concerns me right now is social maladjustment.
In fact the main problem is the 'cocktail effect', I see a lot of people who are even more maladjusted but who have friends because they seem basically "normal", I also have crazy friends who have girlfriends and friends because they're socially adept, I'm basically a mix of both issues and it seems pretty devastating.
I never had any friends (a few or at most) and never had a girlfriend.
For example, a few days ago I found a pretty and above all a priori compatible girl on the train, I told her at the exit of the station and she gave me her number, however last night she ended up ghosting after a dozen messages probably because I made too many communication errors. (I'm not ugly, I'm well maintained, I play sports etc + she agreed to give me her number so the problem is obviously not physical, I specify).
It's not very serious in itself but it still broke my mood and very strongly revived my learned helplessness, I feel like I've been stuck in a loop since my existence.
I'm not a fundamentally shy person, I actually think I have a lot of sexual energy, I like to dance (even though I can't dance that I haven't done it in public since kindergarten by lmao inhibition), I speak quickly and loudly, I have a high libido, I would very much like to have a girlfriend since I was little etc etc.
But I can't do any of that, I'm broke and with each passing day I'm getting more nihilistic, hateful and aggressive.
I'm currently feeling EXTREMELY aggressive and frustrated, I wouldn't mind putting myself in a mental hospital for a few days, or taking a benzodiazepine or something before decapitating someone with a chainsaw, but I can't.
I tried a heavy dose of LSD thinking it would help me get enlightenment/reflect life on me etc but it didn't change me at all and I believe it downregulates or on the rise some neurotransmitters because I am definitely more aggressive and nasty the following days after taking them, I also have less dilated pupils.
I also tried a tryptamine but it was worse, I saw horrible images and I saw the devil (a kind of demonic joker like in card games).
In addition, those who have already tried high doses of psychedelics will understand, each time it broke my mental "cocoon" which allows me to not go crazy every day, to find myself in the "empty", it's literally like being out out of bed by force when you are already very sick and in the end I spent the end of my last trip ruminating that life had no meaning, that I was deluding myself...
I tried a "peaty" diet but it didn't change anything, I tried testosterone when I was doing more intense bodybuilding two years ago it didn't change anything, I tried psychedelics that nothing has changed, nothing has been helpful and the problem seems to be only mental.
But how do you change the mind when you can't change the circumstances...
In fact the main problem is the 'cocktail effect', I see a lot of people who are even more maladjusted but who have friends because they seem basically "normal", I also have crazy friends who have girlfriends and friends because they're socially adept, I'm basically a mix of both issues and it seems pretty devastating.
I never had any friends (a few or at most) and never had a girlfriend.
For example, a few days ago I found a pretty and above all a priori compatible girl on the train, I told her at the exit of the station and she gave me her number, however last night she ended up ghosting after a dozen messages probably because I made too many communication errors. (I'm not ugly, I'm well maintained, I play sports etc + she agreed to give me her number so the problem is obviously not physical, I specify).
It's not very serious in itself but it still broke my mood and very strongly revived my learned helplessness, I feel like I've been stuck in a loop since my existence.
I'm not a fundamentally shy person, I actually think I have a lot of sexual energy, I like to dance (even though I can't dance that I haven't done it in public since kindergarten by lmao inhibition), I speak quickly and loudly, I have a high libido, I would very much like to have a girlfriend since I was little etc etc.
But I can't do any of that, I'm broke and with each passing day I'm getting more nihilistic, hateful and aggressive.
I'm currently feeling EXTREMELY aggressive and frustrated, I wouldn't mind putting myself in a mental hospital for a few days, or taking a benzodiazepine or something before decapitating someone with a chainsaw, but I can't.
I tried a heavy dose of LSD thinking it would help me get enlightenment/reflect life on me etc but it didn't change me at all and I believe it downregulates or on the rise some neurotransmitters because I am definitely more aggressive and nasty the following days after taking them, I also have less dilated pupils.
I also tried a tryptamine but it was worse, I saw horrible images and I saw the devil (a kind of demonic joker like in card games).
In addition, those who have already tried high doses of psychedelics will understand, each time it broke my mental "cocoon" which allows me to not go crazy every day, to find myself in the "empty", it's literally like being out out of bed by force when you are already very sick and in the end I spent the end of my last trip ruminating that life had no meaning, that I was deluding myself...
I tried a "peaty" diet but it didn't change anything, I tried testosterone when I was doing more intense bodybuilding two years ago it didn't change anything, I tried psychedelics that nothing has changed, nothing has been helpful and the problem seems to be only mental.
But how do you change the mind when you can't change the circumstances...