How to win the war of life ?

[ValeryZeSpanich]

Hello, I am an 18 year old man, excuse me in advance if my message is confusing enough, I do not really know how to properly write my thought, especially since I am not an English speaker, I think it is the whole that counts but good.
Something's wrong with me.
I am apathetic, I rationally see no point in facing the problems and stresses of life when you can just be dead, and not suffer from absolutely nothing. In fact the only things that keep me from committing suicide are mainly the fear of hurting my family and the pain, my life comes down to constantly brooding while walking and listening to music, playing sports, and possibly revising my run if the laziness is not too great.
I think I have asperger's syndrome, I literally have all the syndromes, to which we can add some neuroses due to my shitty life. Not only have I never been able to have a friend and even less a girl friend (never kissed a girl, if only on the cheek, outside the family) and as a general rule to create links with whoever it is. if not possibly my parents. (especially my mother)
My childhood, from elementary school to the beginning of high school, was literally constant stress / anxiety with, sometimes for a change, huge spikes of stress / anxiety, humiliations from entering primary school , separation from my parents which took place so that I had cried to the point of bleeding from the nose, permanent loneliness in college (in fact no, I had "friends" who were unbearable and whom I frequented so as not to being alone, I had no friends), regularly seeing my mother cry for whatever reasons, stress from school, girls making lists of boys where I was last because of my weight, etc. etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc
The only comforting moments were when I was at my house and there was nothing I could do except wallow in the couch and fatten myself up on the computer.
It didn't last because I lost a lot of weight (and I'm still very thin now), but I developed eating disorders in high school, I went to the gym 6 times a week, eating at most 2000: 2500kcal per day to "not gain weight", I ended up becoming thin and I had binge eating attacks, which lasted several months. Even today I probably do not eat enough calories because of the lack of time and money.
All this to say that if my situation has drastically improved on the surface, I have the impression of being inside more "rotten" than I have ever been.
I put this message on this forum because I like it although it is frequented by VERY intelligent people, I just want to know if some of you would have had similar experiences, or simply have leads in general (experiences , books). I'm starting to get quite desperate to be faced with learned helplessness.
I tried to consume more calories but it is a cost and it mostly seems to give me benefits of gas, increase my brain fog.
I add that many members of my family have had similar problems or even worse, besides my father seems quite hypothyroid and low in testerosterone, mother has hashimoto. The problem is probably partly genetic (unfortunately)
Thanks for reading.

 

[LLight]

Hi,

My advice would be to follow the idea presented in this publication : Intermittent drinking, oxytocin and human health - PubMed

Our hypothesis; regulating drinking behaviour through intermittent bulk drinking could increase oxytocin signalling, recover human trust and increase health by down-regulation of stress axis activity and inflammatory activity of the immune system. Intermittent bulk drinking should be defined as water (including tea and coffee) drinking up to a feeling of satiety and regulated by a mild feeling of thirst.

I'm wondering if oxytocin (which tends to be rather badly regarded on this forum) could help you.

Also, you might want to try to eat a bit more (hard if it's a money issue but maybe you can decrease cost by preparing your food if it's not already the case)

 

[ValeryZeSpanich]

Salut,

Mon conseil serait de suivre l'idée présentée dans cette publication : Consommation intermittente, ocytocine et santé humaine - PubMed



Je me demande si l'ocytocine (qui a tendance à être plutôt mal vue sur ce forum) pourrait vous aider.

Aussi, vous voudrez peut-être essayer de manger un peu plus (difficile si c'est un problème d'argent mais peut-être que vous pouvez réduire les coûts en préparant votre nourriture si ce n'est pas déjà le cas)

Merci pour votre réponse, l'alcool n'est-il pas censé être hautement œstrogénique ? Cela ne risque-t-il pas d'aggraver mon problème de manière chronique ? C'est aussi neurotoxique... a priori, je préfère le chocolat pour l'ocytocyne ah ah

 

[lampofred]

The problem with apathy is that that you don't know what you're missing out on. Death seems painless on the surface but it is painful in the sense that you might've missed out on mind-blowing amazing experiences if you had just pushed through the stressful situation you're dealing with at present. In other words I think you can say it's short-sighted.

Sometimes I feel like humans are not at all the same and that there are very large differences in how our brains/bodies work even though we all look similar on the outside... there is a certain "quality" to posts like yours which makes me think some groups of humans have a completely different architecture than others... I don't know if that made sense.

Anyway I would recommend starting off by avoiding PUFA, keeping a very high calcium to phosphate ratio, and drinking coffee and taking aspirin, and liberally using salt (a clean salt with no iodine or aluminum, like Morton's Canning & Pickling). All of these things will raise CO2 and deplete phosphate, which can be responsible for weird sexuality (along with endotoxin). Maybe that's too broad to be helpful... but many things affect phosphate, anything that raises body temperature/pulse or decreases rumination/hyperventilation will lower phosphate. I think sleep deprivation also helps to lower phosphate.

Also I think oxytocin is essentially the opposite of progesterone, so I would be very careful and do a lot of research before experimenting with it. I think the effect of oxytocin is sometimes confused with the effect of dopamine, which is the real anti-stress, pro-social hormone. I think sugar is one of the best substances for raising dopamine.

 

[LLight]

Merci pour votre réponse, l'alcool n'est-il pas censé être hautement œstrogénique ? Cela ne risque-t-il pas d'aggraver mon problème de manière chronique ? C'est aussi neurotoxique... a priori, je préfère le chocolat pour l'ocytocyne ah ah

Spoiler: French answer

En fait, l'auteur de l'étude parle de la consommation de tout liquide, pas seulement de l'alcool en particulier, même si effectivement le terme "drinking" en anglais fait penser à la consommation d'alcool ?

L'idée est de passer de plutôt longs moments sans boire afin d'atteindre un léger état de déshydratation de manière à faire paradoxalement baisser le stress et entraîner la sécrétion d'ocytocine.

Notez que cette publication est publiée dans une revue qui référence des hypothèses et non des études cliniques mais je la trouve intéressante quand même.

 

[ValeryZeSpanich]

Spoiler: French answer

En fait, l'auteur de l'étude parle de la consommation de tout liquide, pas seulement de l'alcool en particulier, même si effectivement le terme "drinking" en anglais fait penser à la consommation d'alcool ??

L'est de passer de manière plutôt longs moments sans boire afin d'atteindre un léger état de déshydratation de manière à faire paradoxalement réduire le stress et provoquer la production d'ocytocine.

Notez que cette publication est publiée dans une revue qui référence des hypothèses et non des études cliniques, mais je trouve le même choix intéressant.
[/DIVULGACHER]
[/DIVULGACHER]

I'll think about it, but in fact it's more or less what I'm already doing without doing it on purpose. As a rule, I rarely feel like drinking, even when I exercise. When I drink more it makes me go to the bathroom very, very quickly. I don't think I hold water well, but that's another topic.

 

[LLight]

Also I think oxytocin is essentially the opposite of progesterone, so I would be very careful and do a lot of research before experimenting with it. I think the effect of oxytocin is sometimes confused with the effect of dopamine, which is the real anti-stress, pro-social hormone. I think sugar is one of the best substances for raising dopamine.

Interestingly, the method proposed in the publication I posted might help with dopamine too.

Here is a link between osmotic stress ("dehydration") and dopamine :

NFAT5 (also known as TonEBP), however, differs from the other family members, as it does not have the calcineurin-binding domain.64, 65 It has been involved in regulating response to osmotic stress and hypertonicity in several cell types, including T cells, kidney and neurons, and its activation also upregulates its own transcription.64, 66, 67, 68, 69 It is highly expressed in the brain at embryonic stages, but little is known about its function in the brain.66, 70 Interestingly, a recent study suggests that NFAT5 could participate in DA synthesis and secretion in renal proximal tubule cells.71 If NFAT5 is involved in DA neurotransmission in the brain, genetic variants within this gene may predispose to cocaine dependence through changes in DA activity. This would be in agreement with ‘the reward deficiency syndrome’ hypothesis, which postulates that hypodopaminergic activity predisposes to cocaine addiction.72 Considering all these data, NFAT5, a transcription factor, could be an important mediator of cocaine’s effects by activating NFAT-dependent transcription as well as dopaminergic activity. Cocaine might activate NFAT5 nuclear translocation, as it was shown for another member of the NFAT family,63 being responsible for cocaine-induced changes in gene expression, including its own upregulation. It is thus tempting to speculate that genetic variants impacting NFAT5 will cause an effect on the expression of relevant downstream genes and on DA activity, which could eventually contribute to cocaine dependence phenotypes.

Transcriptomic and genetic studies identify NFAT5 as a candidate gene for cocaine dependence - Translational Psychiatry

Cocaine reward and reinforcing effects are mediated mainly by dopaminergic neurotransmission. In this study, we aimed at evaluating gene expression changes induced by acute cocaine exposure on SH-SY5Y-differentiated cells, which have been widely used as a dopaminergic neuronal model. Expression...

www.nature.com

Note that this has not been verified in all studies of the link between NFAT5 and dopamine.

In practice, in rats, ramadan fasting could increase dopamine more than others catecholamines:

The dopamine (DA), adrenaline (ADR) and noradrenaline (NA) blood and urine concentrations were found to be higher in the fasting group compared to the control group, but the difference was statistically significant only for the blood DA levels (p < 0.05). In the fasting group, the blood values of ADR and NA correlated with each other but not with the DA levels, whereas there was correlation among the urine levels of DA, ADR and NA. In the control group, the blood and urine values of DA, ADR and NA correlated with each other. The differences observed in the blood and urine CAs indicate a specific regulation of CAs in Ramadan-type fasting, which needs to be investigated thoroughly in future studies.

(PDF) Catecholamine levels in a Ramadan fasting model in rats: a case control study

PDF | Eating habits as well as physical exercise are very important for a healthy lifespan. Ramadan-type fasting, which is food and water avoidance... | Find, read and cite all the research you need on ResearchGate

www.researchgate.net

 

[LLight]

I'll think about it, but in fact it's more or less what I'm already doing without doing it on purpose. As a rule, I rarely feel like drinking, even when I exercise. When I drink more it makes me go to the bathroom very, very quickly. I don't think I hold water well, but that's another topic.

Maybe you need to up your salt consumption.
But I believe not holding water might be at the heart of your health issues.

 

[ValeryZeSpanich]

Fait intéressant, la méthode proposée dans la publication que j'ai publiée pourrait également aider avec la dopamine.

Voici un lien entre le stress osmotique ("déshydratation") et la dopamine :

Transcriptomic and genetic studies identify NFAT5 as a candidate gene for cocaine dependence - Translational Psychiatry

Cocaine reward and reinforcing effects are mediated mainly by dopaminergic neurotransmission. In this study, we aimed at evaluating gene expression changes induced by acute cocaine exposure on SH-SY5Y-differentiated cells, which have been widely used as a dopaminergic neuronal model. Expression...

www.nature.com

A noter que cela n'a pas été vérifié dans toutes les études du lien entre NFAT5 et dopamine.

En pratique, chez le rat, le jeûne du ramadan pourrait augmenter plus la dopamine que les autres catécholamines :

(PDF) Catecholamine levels in a Ramadan fasting model in rats: a case control study

PDF | Eating habits as well as physical exercise are very important for a healthy lifespan. Ramadan-type fasting, which is food and water avoidance... | Find, read and cite all the research you need on ResearchGate

www.researchgate.net

Et le GABA ? Je me sens généralement très bien après avoir pris du benzo ou une anesthésie générale (moins tourbé car sérétonine, bien sûr)

 

[danishstargazer]

Dude. I don't even know where to start with your post but here goes. The first thing you wrote that hit me the hardest was " a bit like some fat person who will systematically choose dairy flavors / caramel against fragrances for sweet and fruity, because it is "more pleasing" when you compared food to sex and I think it speaks volumes. First of all, you are very young. You might not think you are and are expecting yourself to be all grow up and be a man, but at 18 years old and being male, you are young and still actually developing. If you studied Ray Peat at all, you would know why people crave dairy. It is because their actual bodies crave/need it, (calcium ), and having some kind of diet culture " fat people " idea that fruit is better to eat is one of the best reasons to work on your eating disorder by looking up just about every article ever written by Dr. Peat regarding nutrition and hormones and food. You are on the Ray Peat Forum after all. You sound to me like you are very Vitamin D deficient, calorie deficient, definitely sugar and salt deficient, and probably need some saturated fats to have your hormones healthy. If I were 18 and miserable, and on a Ray Peat Forum asking for help, I would listen carefully to every suggestion here - there are some world-class thinkers here and you have a lot to learn and unlearn about your body and nutrition and lifestyle and it takes a lot of effort and study and self-experimentation and having a full set of blood labs is the first place to start. In order to even make the effort to really heal your body and mind etc, you have to start by on some level of self-love and ditch the self-loathing spiral job one. I would wager to say that starting with Vit D supplementation and sun, and calories is the best start. As for money? I would suggest that you go work in the foodservice industry so you will always be around food. Not sure if you are working but working hard around food would solve a few things. Study everything that Ray Peat has ever written and listen to his interviews. It might take years to understand it all but it will change your life. Take control.

 

[X3CyO]

Hello, I am an 18 year old man, excuse me in advance if my message is confusing enough, I do not really know how to properly write my thought, especially since I am not an English speaker, I think it is the whole that counts but good.
Something's wrong with me, and probably always has been. Like an hour ago, I got ready to have sex with a transexual, of course me as a submissive (I won't give details). In the end, I chickened out after masturbating, but this is not the only extreme paraphilia that I have developed (others like incest fantasies for example).
I am not normally anything other than purely heterosexual but I am systematically led to go to the extreme, to the most forbidden practices, to have more dopamine / pleasure, a bit like some fat person who will systematically choose dairy flavors / caramel against fragrances for sweet and fruity, because it is "more pleasing" I myself had this tendency during my youth.
I am also apathetic, I rationally see no point in facing the problems and stresses of life when you can just be dead, and not suffer from absolutely nothing. In fact the only things that keep me from committing suicide are mainly the fear of hurting my family and the pain, my life comes down to constantly brooding while walking and listening to music, playing sports, and possibly revising my run if the laziness is not too great.
I think I have asperger's syndrome, I literally have all the syndromes, to which we can add some neuroses due to my shitty life. Not only have I never been able to have a friend and even less a girl friend (never kissed a girl, if only on the cheek, outside the family) and as a general rule to create links with whoever it is. if not possibly my parents. (especially my mother)
My childhood, from elementary school to the beginning of high school, was literally constant stress / anxiety with, sometimes for a change, huge spikes of stress / anxiety, humiliations from entering primary school , separation from my parents which took place so that I had cried to the point of bleeding from the nose, permanent loneliness in college (in fact no, I had "friends" who were unbearable and whom I frequented so as not to being alone, I had no friends), regularly seeing my mother cry for whatever reasons, stress from school, girls making lists of boys where I was last because of my weight, etc. etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc
The only comforting moments were when I was at my house and there was nothing I could do except wallow in the couch and fatten myself up on the computer.
It didn't last because I lost a lot of weight (and I'm still very thin now), but I developed eating disorders in high school, I went to the gym 6 times a week, eating at most 2000: 2500kcal per day to "not gain weight", I ended up becoming thin and I had binge eating attacks, which lasted several months. Even today I probably do not eat enough calories because of the lack of time and money.
All this to say that if my situation has drastically improved on the surface, I have the impression of being inside more "rotten" than I have ever been.
I put this message on this forum because I like it although it is frequented by VERY intelligent people, I just want to know if some of you would have had similar experiences, or simply have leads in general (experiences , books). I'm starting to get quite desperate to be faced with learned helplessness.
I tried to consume more calories but it is a cost and it mostly seems to give me benefits of gas, increase my brain fog.
I add that many members of my family have had similar problems or even worse, besides my father seems quite hypothyroid and low in testerosterone, mother has hashimoto. The problem is probably partly genetic (unfortunately)
Thanks for reading.

Looks typical to me. I can't say it's exactly my life, but we are similar. I'm not suicidal though. I'm happy you've posted.

I don't have an official diagnosis of Aspergers, ADHD, or auditory processing disorder, but I've dealt with all the symptoms my whole life and spent a large chunk figuring it out on my own to be okay with myself as well. How can you tell people that you want them to be around, but just don't want to hang out?

I found release in working out, Peat, and creating genuine connections with people helping them to progress in life.


Life sucks, nobody cares, and everything is conditional for people to be interested in you. We develop addictions and disorders to escape our reality which is that we have no control over what's going on, and are slaves to society. It's hard when those addictions stem from our youth and become harder to break with time. We are being poisoned by corporations because it's cheaper than to actually care for people, and a lack of actual vocational knowledge is being provided to help guide the people away from poverty. The world is evil. People force us into a dog-eat-dog world, when the reality is, is that we work better in teams, competing to create something.


I think part of the issue is that the world, as a whole, is very dangerous, and always has been. Knowledge can make people recluse, and want less to do with the dangers outside and to instead understand why it is the way that it is. We numb ourselves with social media, tv, and other distractions, and life just slips away. We exist to fix that. People like you are a blessing in disguise because it's your job to solve those problems, and to help others solve that problem as well. It's my job too.


We're all damaged, and becoming more damaged, perpetuating damage as time goes on due to the pursuit of profit rather than what benefits humanity, and wellbeing. That's why we are where we are now, dealing with the number of mental disorders, degenerative diseases, and interpersonal abuses we experience or afflict on others: Not usually because of others either, but because the rules suck, and keep us poor, sick, and unable to adapt without turning evil too. Why play a game if it's not fair? How do you healthfully adapt to a game if it's not fair?


It's easy to lose hope, but that's the first battle. You can't ever lose faith in yourself. You just have to keep making mistakes until you are free to stop making them. They aren't even mistakes. It's just adaptation to survive. Understand yourself when you have the time, and learn to adapt through biology. Heal your body through the prevention of irritants, and promote healing through things like gelatin. Try very small amounts of things like pregnenolone and thyroid. Avoid PUFA, etc.



This is why I promote the use of BSV on another thread so heavily, is because we need honesty and transparency in this system for all of us to survive. Or else we will continue to be enslaved but in a much more overt way. It's our job to stand up, and stand out to support our fellow people who are just looking to benefit the world. We can't hide much from what we know as individuals any longer to have an edge. Promoting awareness will always be the best policy.

 

[ValeryZeSpanich]

Mec. Je ne sais même pas par où commencer avec votre message mais voilà. La première chose que tu as écrite qui m'a le plus touché c'est "un peu comme une grosse personne qui va systématiquement choisir les arômes lactés/caramel contre les parfums pour le sucré et le fruité, car c'est "plus agréable" quand on compare la nourriture au sexe et je le pense en dit long. Tout d'abord, vous êtes très jeune. Vous ne pensez peut-être pas que vous l'êtes et que vous vous attendez à ce que vous grandissiez et soyez un homme, mais à 18 ans et étant un homme, vous êtes jeune et vous êtes encore en train de vous développer. Si vous avez étudié Ray Peat, vous sauriez pourquoi les gens ont soif de produits laitiers. L'idée qu'il est préférable de manger des fruits est l'une des meilleures raisons de travailler sur votre trouble de l'alimentation en consultant à peu près tous les articles jamais écrits par le Dr Peat concernant la nutrition, les hormones et l'alimentation. Vous êtes sur le Ray Peat Forum après tout. Vous me semblez être très carencé en vitamine D, en calories, certainement en sucre et en sel, et vous avez probablement besoin de graisses saturées pour que vos hormones soient saines. Si j'avais 18 ans et que j'étais malheureux et que je demandais de l'aide sur un forum Ray Peat, j'écouterais attentivement chaque suggestion ici - il y a des penseurs de classe mondiale ici et vous avez beaucoup à apprendre et à désapprendre sur votre corps, votre nutrition et votre mode de vie. et cela demande beaucoup d'efforts, d'études et d'auto-expérimentation et disposer d'un ensemble complet de laboratoires de sang est le premier point de départ. Afin de faire l'effort de vraiment guérir votre corps et votre esprit, etc., vous devez commencer par un certain niveau d'amour-propre et abandonner le travail en spirale de dégoût de soi. Je parierais pour dire que commencer par une supplémentation en vitamine D et du soleil et des calories est le meilleur début. Quant à l'argent ? Je suggérerais que vous alliez travailler dans l'industrie de la restauration afin que vous soyez toujours à proximité de la nourriture. Je ne sais pas si vous travaillez, mais travailler dur autour de la nourriture résoudrait quelques problèmes. Étudiez tout ce que Ray Peat a écrit et écoutez ses interviews. Cela peut prendre des années pour tout comprendre, mais cela changera votre vie. Prendre le contrôle. Quant à l'argent ? Je suggérerais que vous alliez travailler dans l'industrie de la restauration afin que vous soyez toujours à proximité de la nourriture. Je ne sais pas si vous travaillez, mais travailler dur autour de la nourriture résoudrait quelques problèmes. Étudiez tout ce que Ray Peat a écrit et écoutez ses interviews. Cela peut prendre des années pour tout comprendre, mais cela changera votre vie. Prendre le contrôle. Quant à l'argent ? Je suggérerais que vous alliez travailler dans l'industrie de la restauration afin que vous soyez toujours à proximité de la nourriture. Je ne sais pas si vous travaillez, mais travailler dur autour de la nourriture résoudrait quelques problèmes. Étudiez tout ce que Ray Peat a écrit et écoutez ses interviews. Cela peut prendre des années pour tout comprendre, mais cela changera votre vie. Prendre le contrôle.

Thank you for taking the time to give a long answer like this. When it comes to food, my main problem is that a lot of peaty foods don't cause a problem or just aren't appetizing.

I don't like sugar very much, unless it is mixed with something bitter (coffee or cocoa) or diluted (watery and / or not very sweet fruits like lack, orange and especially bananas, are very starchy).

Sweeteners predominantly in fructose (acasia honey or very liquid mield as a rule, agave syrup, fructose powder ...) are very bad and disgusting to the taste.

Orange juice and milk are the two drinks that give me the most mucus, especially orange juice, a tall glass and I have to go to the sink to spit out big glaviots full of mucus.

I also seem to have seen in several studies that milk increases the blood levels of estrogen, finally it tends to give me diarrhea.

Massa harina cannot be found in France, oysters are too expensive, the liver tastes unbearable ...

My perfect dish would usually be a large bowl of pasta or rice with leafy greens and very fatty meat. The animal fat is satisfactory and without respecting any nutritional rules I would have no problem consuming it raw, without anything else, beef tallow, or pork rind ...

Anyway, going back to what you were saying at the beginning, I don't understand how comparing sex to food is "telling", I just want to say that both are pleasures (although I m 'mad about eating or not) and that they can be alienated and sidetracked by third party issues and have the new goal of getting as much dopamine as possible in an instant. Yes honestly I remember healthy people in school naturally going for fruit while fat / life victims (without nastiness) tended to turn to more calorie dense sources. I also see it in a number of people around me with the same problems (overweight, fatigue ...)

I don't know what makes you say that I am specifically vitamin D deficient, especially since I often walk outside, but you must surely know more than me to make it jump out at you like this.

Finally, I prefer to avoid spending money on laboratory tests (without prescription, therefore not reimbursed, especially since I do not have doctors because I have just moved to a new city), I had however a balance sheet about a year ago which had not indicated anything in particular, apart from rather weak platelets.

 

[Peatful]

@mariantos

 

[Peatful]

Hello, I am an 18 year old man, excuse me in advance if my message is confusing enough, I do not really know how to properly write my thought, especially since I am not an English speaker, I think it is the whole that counts but good.
Something's wrong with me, and probably always has been. Like an hour ago, I got ready to have sex with a transexual, of course me as a submissive (I won't give details). In the end, I chickened out after masturbating, but this is not the only extreme paraphilia that I have developed (others like incest fantasies for example).
I am not normally anything other than purely heterosexual but I am systematically led to go to the extreme, to the most forbidden practices, to have more dopamine / pleasure, a bit like some fat person who will systematically choose dairy flavors / caramel against fragrances for sweet and fruity, because it is "more pleasing" I myself had this tendency during my youth.
I am also apathetic, I rationally see no point in facing the problems and stresses of life when you can just be dead, and not suffer from absolutely nothing. In fact the only things that keep me from committing suicide are mainly the fear of hurting my family and the pain, my life comes down to constantly brooding while walking and listening to music, playing sports, and possibly revising my run if the laziness is not too great.
I think I have asperger's syndrome, I literally have all the syndromes, to which we can add some neuroses due to my shitty life. Not only have I never been able to have a friend and even less a girl friend (never kissed a girl, if only on the cheek, outside the family) and as a general rule to create links with whoever it is. if not possibly my parents. (especially my mother)
My childhood, from elementary school to the beginning of high school, was literally constant stress / anxiety with, sometimes for a change, huge spikes of stress / anxiety, humiliations from entering primary school , separation from my parents which took place so that I had cried to the point of bleeding from the nose, permanent loneliness in college (in fact no, I had "friends" who were unbearable and whom I frequented so as not to being alone, I had no friends), regularly seeing my mother cry for whatever reasons, stress from school, girls making lists of boys where I was last because of my weight, etc. etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc
The only comforting moments were when I was at my house and there was nothing I could do except wallow in the couch and fatten myself up on the computer.
It didn't last because I lost a lot of weight (and I'm still very thin now), but I developed eating disorders in high school, I went to the gym 6 times a week, eating at most 2000: 2500kcal per day to "not gain weight", I ended up becoming thin and I had binge eating attacks, which lasted several months. Even today I probably do not eat enough calories because of the lack of time and money.
All this to say that if my situation has drastically improved on the surface, I have the impression of being inside more "rotten" than I have ever been.
I put this message on this forum because I like it although it is frequented by VERY intelligent people, I just want to know if some of you would have had similar experiences, or simply have leads in general (experiences , books). I'm starting to get quite desperate to be faced with learned helplessness.
I tried to consume more calories but it is a cost and it mostly seems to give me benefits of gas, increase my brain fog.
I add that many members of my family have had similar problems or even worse, besides my father seems quite hypothyroid and low in testerosterone, mother has hashimoto. The problem is probably partly genetic (unfortunately)
Thanks for reading.

@BiduleMachin

my precious boy.

Im a mom and how my heart breaks for you.
you are not a man. You are an innocent and broken child.

I want to take you in.
Accept you. Love you. And make you whole again.

I cannot.
Yet God can. He can heal you at every level. In every way.

if not now- you will know the right time to cry out for Him.

thank you for reaching out. and please know you are not alone in this world. You belong.

 

[LLight]

Et le GABA ? Je me sens généralement très bien après avoir pris du benzo ou une anesthésie générale (moins tourbé car sérétonine, bien sûr)

It seems like there could be a link: GABA Not Only a Neurotransmitter: Osmotic Regulation by GABAAR Signaling

 

[Inaut]

Faith in Christ can heal all. It’s taken me my life time to come around to this notion. The more you pray for others, the more the Lord will bless you. Things will get better @BiduleMachin just have some faith

 

[ValeryZeSpanich]

Looks typical to me. I can't say it's exactly my life, but we are similar. I'm not suicidal though. I'm happy you've posted.

I don't have an official diagnosis of Aspergers, ADHD, or auditory processing disorder, but I've dealt with all the symptoms my whole life and spent a large chunk figuring it out on my own to be okay with myself as well. How can you tell people that you want them to be around, but just don't want to hang out?

I found release in working out, Peat, and creating genuine connections with people helping them to progress in life.


Life sucks, nobody cares, and everything is conditional for people to be interested in you. We develop addictions and disorders to escape our reality which is that we have no control over what's going on, and are slaves to society. It's hard when those addictions stem from our youth and become harder to break with time. We are being poisoned by corporations because it's cheaper than to actually care for people, and a lack of actual vocational knowledge is being provided to help guide the people away from poverty. The world is evil. People force us into a dog-eat-dog world, when the reality is, is that we work better in teams, competing to create something.


I think part of the issue is that the world, as a whole, is very dangerous, and always has been. Knowledge can make people recluse, and want less to do with the dangers outside and to instead understand why it is the way that it is. We numb ourselves with social media, tv, and other distractions, and life just slips away. We exist to fix that. People like you are a blessing in disguise because it's your job to solve those problems, and to help others solve that problem as well. It's my job too.


We're all damaged, and becoming more damaged, perpetuating damage as time goes on due to the pursuit of profit rather than what benefits humanity, and wellbeing. That's why we are where we are now, dealing with the number of mental disorders, degenerative diseases, and interpersonal abuses we experience or afflict on others: Not usually because of others either, but because the rules suck, and keep us poor, sick, and unable to adapt without turning evil too. Why play a game if it's not fair? How do you healthfully adapt to a game if it's not fair?


It's easy to lose hope, but that's the first battle. You can't ever lose faith in yourself. You just have to keep making mistakes until you are free to stop making them. They aren't even mistakes. It's just adaptation to survive. Understand yourself when you have the time, and learn to adapt through biology. Heal your body through the prevention of irritants, and promote healing through things like gelatin. Try very small amounts of things like pregnenolone and thyroid. Avoid PUFA, etc.



This is why I promote the use of BSV on another thread so heavily, is because we need honesty and transparency in this system for all of us to survive. Or else we will continue to be enslaved but in a much more overt way. It's our job to stand up, and stand out to support our fellow people who are just looking to benefit the world. We can't hide much from what we know as individuals any longer to have an edge. Promoting awareness will always be the best policy.

"How can you tell people that you want them to be around, but just don't want to hang out?"
I understand ah ah, even if I personally have rather the opposite problem, I want to get out but I can not create links, I do not know what to talk about or how to have a feealing with people, or I feel like I'm pretending.
It's like being vinegar or fat in water, no matter how hard we mix it, it always ends up dissociating, in one way or another (the way being what separates us if I have understood your message correctly)

Otherwise, I approve the rest of your post, it reminds me of when I was small and naive, I wanted to be engineers and I said to myself, I imagined (daydreaming all my life, today rumination has taken its place, at least in large part) that when I grew up everything would improve, that I would have a large salary etc. thanks to my precocity, that justified my deeply liberal political ideologies (at 10/12 years old yes).
I have always had an important material comfort, yet I realized, by dint of ruminating on life, that it never made me happy, then that I am put to question almost everything that seemed to me to have material origin importance.
We try hard to resist, and not to do creepy things like I was going to do serious as that, I was talking for example of the trans or other weird stuff), but it's hard when you have no support, which is more in a world more and more selfish. In my high school, I quickly got a reputation as a "fascist" because I don't want to let other people die / degenerate. I remember an English class where we had to applaud a trans who made her comming out, she had already spoken the year before about taking testosterone. But yes it's me, the guy who doesn't talk at the back of the class, the "bad guy" because I don't wish someone to go crazy by destroying their hormonal system.
It is only one anectode among other

 

[ValeryZeSpanich]

Faith in Christ can heal all. It’s taken me my life time to come around to this notion. The more you pray for others, the more the Lord will bless you. Things will get better @BiduleMachin just have some faith

Christianity, like other Abrahamic religions, is not rational.
In fact "spirituality" as a rule seems to be a way of creating a delirium to escape the reality of life, I tried to be interested in religion (Christianity, paganism ...) but after 10 minutes I say to myself "blah, I'm just looking for a meaning in life, but I don't actually believe it, it's even ******* stupid"
In short I am a pure existential nihilist, it is just the most rational view of life, things happen because they have to happen in accordance with the principle of cause and effect, nothing else.
The last time I philosophized on this subject, I imagined that it is very likely that life is just some sort of organization of matter conserved by "natural selection" of matter, like an organization of molecules. more stable which makes it possible to escape more which ends up being propagated in one way or another etc etc until giving, after a certain time, this thing which one calls the life.

 

[ValeryZeSpanich]

It seems like there could be a link: GABA Not Only a Neurotransmitter: Osmotic Regulation by GABAAR Signaling

yes I tend to feel in constant insecurity, which the gaba is supposed to regulate if I understood correctly

 

[ValeryZeSpanich]

@BiduleMachin

mon cher garçon.

Je suis maman et comme mon cœur se brise pour toi.
tu n'es pas un homme. Tu es un enfant précieux, innocent et brisé.

comment je veux te prendre.
Vous accepter. Je t'aime. Et vous rendre entier à nouveau.

mais je ne peux pas.
Pourtant, Dieu le peut. Il peut vous guérir à tous les niveaux. Dans tous les sens.

sinon maintenant, vous saurez le bon moment pour crier pour Lui.

merci d'avoir tendu la main. et sachez que vous n'êtes pas seul au monde. Tu appartiens.

Second Christian SCAM of my topic. No, seriously it's nice but I can't force myself to believe in an imaginary friend, it looks like a last resort.