Anxiety, PTSD, Mental Health: General Discussion

[Ukall]

No worries, it's definitely relevant and that's the important thing. It doesn't just have to be about me

Thank you :)

I find very curious how many people have issues that are family related...
I wanted to post, because, in the past, I used to have extremely difficult to talk about subjects like this. But I have talked so many times with different counselors and group therapies that it kinda transformed into a 'coffee conversation topic' (sharing like this has its negative consequences though). Still, I know when a person shares his story, sometimes others feel more comfortable to do it also (if someone feels like to do it).

 

[InChristAlone]

Emotion is a very strong trigger of panic attacks. If someone could trigger me that easily I would avoid them at all costs! Sometimes you have to stand up for yourself and just walk away. No one is worth that kind of stress. I understand that family is hard to deal with though. And they are hard to walk away from.

 

[Ukall]

Emotion is a very strong trigger of panic attacks. If someone could trigger me that easily I would avoid them at all costs! Sometimes you have to stand up for yourself and just walk away. No one is worth that kind of stress. I understand that family is hard to deal with though. And they are hard to walk away from.

Yeah... I mean, it's like if I have met my father at school, he would probably not be my friend. But since he is my father, I have to live with him. And the worst is that I am still not independent (all my psychological issues don't help at all to have success in life). So I have to still rely on my parents.

 

[Ashoka]

I'll answer these questions too.

Do you get angry with them? Can you express your anger? Could they tolerate it? Is it difficult? Do you feel trapped in your current situation?

I feel anger but I don't express it. I don't believe in expressing it they would tolerate it well. I also fear for their wellbeing because they have bad habits of their own and they are at the age where they're beginning to cope with their own health issues and worries. So they are unquestionably part of the cause. But I'm not preoccupied with them, just the situation of isolation and environment in general.

Earlier I wouldn't have felt trapped in this situation. I wasn't panicking when I arrived back to stay with them a couple months ago and I was actually relieved to be with them and have time to myself. But because of health anxiety, which is attached to the idea that no one, including but not exclusive to my parents, can help, I do feel alone quite often. Suffering is tedious, made more so by loneliness. That in my mind is the real issue. A general lack of support rather than anything else. I don't have anyone I can talk to or support me if some ***t goes down.

PS - I should rename this thread so other people can join in

 

[Blossom]

PS - I should rename this thread so other people can join in

What would you like to change it to?

 

[Ashoka]

It seems to have a become a general discussion about Anxiety, PTSD, and Mental Health Issues. So maybe "Anxiety, PTSD, Mental Health: General Discussion"? I'm just hoping it invites a more active participation for people who want to talk about that on this forum.

 

[Blossom]

Anxiety, PTSD, Mental Health: General Discussion)

Done.
PS I'm enjoying the thread!

 

[Jennifer]

Yeah I can relate to feeling anxiety around certain people. Almost as if you can't just be yourself. And of course as we've been talking about not being yourself means a disconnect in communication and thyroid disease. I don't know how to get out of this other than just speaking up for yourself. I have a really hard time with this. It is so important to not be treated like a door mat. One of my inspirations lately is Anita Moorjani. She had a near death experience during a coma from cancer and came back and healed completely within weeks because she understood what love really meant. It's really inspiring to me. She says our only purpose in life is to be OURSELVES. "Love yourself like your life depends on it, because it does."

Oh, great! You know about Anita. I was going to mention her book to you in my previous comment. Have you read it? I found her back in 2011/2012 when I was doing RBTI. A member posted about her in an RBTI Facebook group I was part of and when I looked her story up, I saw she "died" on my birthday. Something about that seemed symbolic to me and I felt a pull to read her book, and it changed my whole perspective on life and death. I saw so many similarities in our stories, it was freaky.

I haven't read through the entire thread yet, but I'll just say that it really is tough trying to navigate life while staying true to ourselves. We're never going to please everyone and there's a good chance we lose loved ones/friends when creating new boundaries (I know I have), but I believe the worst thing would be to lose ourselves. I know that may come off as selfish, but when you almost die because of a lack of love for yourself, you realize that you can't afford to forsake yourself any longer and that your life counts just as much as everyone else's. I suppose the quote "Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." applies here?

 

[SQu]

I'd like to say one or two things, firstly I'm afraid even discussing this will be triggering!
I've had episodes over many years but I've stayed away from diagnoses and conventional treatments, never hearing anything good about them. The episodes can be as much as nearly every day for years, or have long intervals in between, years.
Currently, my mother died, my father got ill, it's bringing up the negatives about those relationships. A good friend says this is mourning. It does not feel like grief, it feels like depression. But I think she could be right.
My daughter is worrying me with her state of mind, she's far away studying. Part of her worry is what she feels is my depression! So I have to try help myself to help her. I spent 6 years in therapy, the negatives about my parents are not news but are hitting me harder than before. I need to not run away from this (bad example to set) but do not have access to therapy now. I have to function.
I do think that low brain energy makes a difference, a few months ago reintroducing magnesium after a break helped a lot. That's unfortunately worn off. Yesterday was bad, today I doubled up on breakfast, feel better already. Sun is crucial. I'll spend at least an hour in it. I'm setting myself a simple goal for the day. I'm seeing the value in basic structure in life (I was the child who had to reinvent every wheel, sigh ...)
Okay not triggering, so far. Do you find sharing like this helpful?

 

[Simonsays]

All posts are relevant and its always good to share, "to get it off your chest". Many people are suffering like this and a lot of it can be due to our relationships with our parents. This can then have knock on effects with our friends work other family,colleagues, partners , friends. life in general etc.

This is such a massive subject and i could on go for years.

Im 51 and still having these issues. Even if your parents are dead , you still carry round their voice in your head the " punitive conscience" I wish i had got into therapy many years ago with the right person, just reassuring me that i wasnt going mad and its those around me that triggering it.

A great book that helped me is , ive recommended it before. Written by a clinical psychologist, this book is head and shoulders above the typical "self help" book because the author really knows what he's talking about and actually uses a combination of studies and clinical experience to back up his assertions.

They F*** You Up: How To Survive Family Life
by Oliver James

This text demonstrates that who we are is largely the result of the way we were cared for during our first six years, rather than our genes and other environmental factors

In it he states " if you have been very stressed (by a variety of factors) before the age of three, then your production levels of cortisol are permanently changed, yes that's right for the rest of your life. " " But you do have the ability to change.

The difficult thing is is the practicalities of life, make it sometimes hard to change.

If someone could trigger me that easily I would avoid them at all costs! Sometimes you have to stand up for yourself and just walk away. No one is worth that kind of stress. I understand that family is hard to deal with though. And they are hard to walk away from.

If youre in a "toxic " ( it makes you unhappy ) relationship with your parents or partner or work or all three, then you have to extricate yourself from it, otherwise you'll never heal, mentally or physically. Easier said than done , i know, i know. Ive just extricated myself from a "codependent" relationship. I was in it because damaged people attract other damaged people. We are much happier arounsd someone who triggers off powerful emotions in us . The famous " chemistry" . I wasnt aware of any of this until i started researching, we never stop learning. The emotional pull can be overwhelming.

I realise now if i meet someone who does this to me, the best thing to do is stay well clear, not jump in !! A happy secure person wouldnt touch them with a barge pole. The same thing of course could be said about me , "stay away!".

I see others do this and i believe a friend of mine who was suddenly dropped for no apparent reason by his partner of nine years, ( he had sold his home and about to move in with her then she told him she never really loved him and its finished), is now repeating it all again i believe with someone else. She decides when they meet up, doesnt want to get too serious, its been nine months, he awaits her call , but shes always busy, doesnt introduce him to her family etc. . Hes used to females treating him badly, because his mother did, but he cant make the connection.

This is not anti female rant btw , as damaged women get drawn into abusive toxic relationships with damaged men. The pull is so strong. I can fix him, he reminds me of my father subconsciously, whom i didnt have a good relationship with and i couldnt fix.

Getting back to anger repression

@Ukall Could you explain a little further what do you mean by these questions?

Do they take on board what you say, or dismissive, invalidating your feelings. Then they have empathy issues, as their needs are what counts, not yours?
You cannot when in this situation, unless they change, most people dont like changing. So " you cant change other people, only yourself" as the saying goes.
Its just its difficult to take from your parents , as they are supposed to love us, but its conditional (very bad), as i love you , if you do as i say , agree with me, dont disagree, argue, get angry with me, ill punish you etc.

Good luck,, it aint easy. As someone said as we become more self aware and gain more insight , its like peeling back layers of a never ending onion, just more and more pain!!

 

[Simonsays]

" when in this situation" should be "win" .

 

[InChristAlone]

Oh, great! You know about Anita. I was going to mention her book to you in my previous comment. Have you read it? I found her back in 2011/2012 when I was doing RBTI. A member posted about her in an RBTI Facebook group I was part of and when I looked her story up, I saw she "died" on my birthday. Something about that seemed symbolic to me and I felt a pull to read her book, and it changed my whole perspective on life and death. I saw so many similarities in our stories, it was freaky.

I haven't read through the entire thread yet, but I'll just say that it really is tough trying to navigate life while staying true to ourselves. We're never going to please everyone and there's a good chance we lose loved ones/friends when creating new boundaries (I know I have), but I believe the worst thing would be to lose ourselves. I know that may come off as selfish, but when you almost die because of a lack of love for yourself, you realize that you can't afford to forsake yourself any longer and that your life counts just as much as everyone else's. I suppose the quote "Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." applies here?

It kinda sounded as if you had heard of her by the way you talk, I think she touches everyone that finds her. I havent read the book, but will be getting her next book. I've heard her story so many times now on YouTube's and podcasts I just never get enough of it! I'm trying to really take what she says to heart though instead of treating her like the next guru. I'm currently having a day where it's hard to see love, my 4 yr old son slapped me today on my leg so hard I almost cried, I can't seem to figure out why he lashes out on me and it's a huge reason for my health problems. I don't let him walk all over me anymore but it continues. It would be one thing if it were a partner that was abusive but it's my young child, and I can't just leave him be or he screams and cries. I guess this is the nature of raising needy children, many end up with serious mental health problems. Anyway not to bring anyone down today, I am also off the cypro and feeling more learned helplessness so I will take it for now.

 

[Ashoka]

So, last night I ended up in the ER. Before going to bed I was noticing usual sensations I normally notice before panic. I particularly have been getting a burning sensation on the middle and back of my head.

This time it felt more like an eruption, and I was terrified. At this hospital I was examined by a doctor but she didn't think I was presenting with something immediately dangerous and thought it was related to anxiety. I was considering an MRI but a nurse said I would have to have a CT scan first, and I wasn't excited about blasting my head with radiation. So I went home after the feeling died down a bit.

I think the panic may have induce chronic inflammation in my head. I still have the sensation now. It seems to help if I close my eyes and stay in a quieter area.

 

[InChristAlone]

So, last night I ended up in the ER. Before going to bed I was noticing usual sensations I normally notice before panic. I particularly have been getting a burning sensation on the middle and back of my head.

This time it felt more like an eruption, and I was terrified. At this hospital I was examined by a doctor but she didn't think I was presenting with something immediately dangerous and thought it was related to anxiety. I was considering an MRI but a nurse said I would have to have a CT scan first, and I wasn't excited about blasting my head with radiation. So I went home after the feeling died down a bit.

I think the panic may have induce chronic inflammation in my head. I still have the sensation now. It seems to help if I close my eyes and stay in a quieter area.

I'm sorry to hear this I've also gone to the ER for a panic attack because my heart rate wasn't coming down it was like 136 when they finally got me back there. But for me it seemed to be related to hyperventilating and low blood sugar. It sounds like you for sure have some inflammation going on. I found this thread over at Phoenix Rising, talks about brain inflammation causing anxiety maybe you will find something useful there. Completely eliminated my severe anxiety symptoms with three supplements!

 

[Jennifer]

Currently, my mother died, my father got ill, it's bringing up the negatives about those relationships. A good friend says this is mourning. It does not feel like grief, it feels like depression. But I think she could be right.
My daughter is worrying me with her state of mind, she's far away studying. Part of her worry is what she feels is my depression! So I have to try help myself to help her. I spent 6 years in therapy, the negatives about my parents are not news but are hitting me harder than before. I need to not run away from this (bad example to set) but do not have access to therapy now. I have to function.

Sending you a big hug. I hope this depressed stage passes very soon for you. There is no shame in not feeling okay so go easy on yourself. This may just be me, but I notice the act of trying to get happy only adds to the depression and keeps it hanging around longer.

Same to you, Ashoka. I hope you find what the source of the attacks is very shortly so you can move on from this.

It kinda sounded as if you had heard of her by the way you talk, I think she touches everyone that finds her. I havent read the book, but will be getting her next book. I've heard her story so many times now on YouTube's and podcasts I just never get enough of it! I'm trying to really take what she says to heart though instead of treating her like the next guru. I'm currently having a day where it's hard to see love, my 4 yr old son slapped me today on my leg so hard I almost cried, I can't seem to figure out why he lashes out on me and it's a huge reason for my health problems. I don't let him walk all over me anymore but it continues. It would be one thing if it were a partner that was abusive but it's my young child, and I can't just leave him be or he screams and cries. I guess this is the nature of raising needy children, many end up with serious mental health problems. Anyway not to bring anyone down today, I am also off the cypro and feeling more learned helplessness so I will take it for now.

Agreed! One thing I like about Anita is she advocates for being our own guru. I wish I would of had the courage to follow that message a lot sooner, but better late than never. I thought about getting her new book, but decided not to because I'm in a really good place now emotionally and feel confident in going it alone. I've been working hard to break my previous habit of looking to external sources to help me feel confident in trusting myself.

I'm really sorry to hear your son slapped you. I can understand the frustration and wanting to cry. I'm not a mom but I've taken care of children since I was little, and was even a nanny for almost a decade, and some of the children, though very much lovable, could be challanging. When you say you can't leave your son be because he screams and cries, does he try to physically harm himself if put in a safe, designated "timeout" spot so he can calm himself down?

 

[Blossom]

@Janelle525, I too am sorry about the situation with your son. I raised a challenging child and like so many people before me have said, If only I could go back and do things differently. Anyway I've been pretty psychologically illiterate for lack of a better term until the last few years but I'm learning and growing along with you all! @Simonsays mentioned this book
Home (LoveBombing) and it looks like it could be helpful. I just wanted to mention it incase you didn't see it.

 

[SQu]

Sending you a big hug. I hope this depressed stage passes very soon for you. There is no shame in not feeling okay so go easy on yourself. This may just be me, but I notice the act of trying to get happy only adds to the depression and keeps it hanging around longer.

Agree. Thank you Jennifer. So glad to hear you're in a good place!

 

[Blossom]

Currently, my mother died, my father got ill, it's bringing up the negatives about those relationships.

My daughter is worrying me with her state of mind, she's far away studying. Part of her worry is what she feels is my depression!

I'm sorry you are going through this Sue. It did help me to read it because I've gone through similar family issues over the past couple years.

I was talking to a friend and we realized that part of the changes that seem to have happen for us around middle-age is that roles and expectations shift. Suddenly one day your parents start getting ill and need you more while your child(ren) or other young adults in your life look to you for continued guidance and stability. In a way it seems like a lot of people look to us in general to be strong and stable because we are old enough to hopefully have some wisdom yet young enough to handle a heavy load which is all fine but it can be a lot of pressure!

You're exactly right that we have to take care of ourselves first if we want to be of any help to others. It's like that analogy of putting on our own oxygen mask first when the plane is going down. It can be tough but I think knowing lots of other people experience what we do can be comforting.

Try not to forget to be compassionate toward yourself!

 

[Peatish Ninja]

I'm going out on a limb here, but my biggest problem in life that I am discovering is the phenomenon of "diagnosis". There is some kind of psychogenic atrophy of the organism that ensues when one is "diagnosed" with a particular disease or disorder. I know this sounds radical but it only came to me quite recently when I had accepted that my past psychotherapists caused more damage (my involvement of accepting their propositions) by ascribing certain labels in order to revive my well-being. Things have gotten worse ever since, until recently when I chose to conduct an experiment of rejecting diagnosis in and of itself.

Maybe there is a negative faith-system that is employed in the mind that takes a bio-energetic hold of the organism which fulfills the "disease" and/or "disorder" being placed by the practitioner. Perhaps the doctor/psychotherapist behaves similar to a messiah or a prophet whereby a belief system is given by the patient to the practitioner in order for the therapy to materialize in reality.

Just my 2 cents.

 

[SarahBeara]

Well, it seems I'm having similar symptoms even in the absence of aspirin now. Following dinner tonight, I got palpitations, mainly just harder heart beat and a feeling of discomfort/nausea, after eating a meal with rice, meat, and OJ. Eating smaller meals earlier in the day isn't as much of a problem.

Not really sure what to do but start eating smaller meals. Maybe rice is a problem too.

Google 'Roemheld Syndrome', sounds a lot like what you have. A low-gas producing diet like fodmaps can help.

Are Your Heart Palpitations and Stomach Bloating Connected?