Hi all,
I've done my best to catch up with all of you in private messages where possible, to show my gratitude.
I want to say a huge thank you here once again. But also, I want to apologize.
I used the terms eunuch, hermaphodrite, and soy boy to describe what I thought I would turn into if I had to have my testicles removed / no longer had working glands.
Whilst eunuch was possibly a "correct" term at some point, it is still pretty offensive. And the other two terms were simply inaccurate, and pretty stupid. I wasn't thinking clearly, and was talking out of fear / catastrophizing. I was putting *myself* down, and certainly wasn't aiming to direct an insult at others - still, this was untactful. There I was whining about fertility, hormonal profile and my masculinity, when there were other people out there who were having to face these kinds of troubles already.
...
I have written an account of exactly what happened (a "timeline" if you will) from Monday a.m. to Wednesday p.m. - it is c. 7000 words, and a 20 minute read. I found writing it to be very therapeutic in processing the events. I was going to post it here to "close the book". It is quite personal, but possibly it will give people some tips if they go through similar struggles in the future (a lesson in what NOT to do), and also be an entertaining read. Perhaps I will do so if there is interest. A quick summary though:
SUMMARY
- I had an invasive, largely unnecessary, exploratory testicular surgery to check for torsion. With the information available at the time, it seemed like the only option - better safe than sorry.
- I was told that "growth/s" were found. When I inquired where the growths were located (tubes / epididymis Vs. the testis), I was told it was on the testis – this was factually incorrect.
- This led me towards being virtually convinced that I had testicular cancer, an idea that was further ingrained into me through conversations with the nurses.
- I was fully preparing for that outcome, told my family, told two friends, told this forum etc. etc. and got worked up into a pretty bad state.
- After another day’s wait, and finally getting the ultrasound, the doctor reveals that the “growth” was indeed on the tubes, not the testis, and was definitely non-cancerous. It couldn't really be called a "growth" at all.
WHAT LIKELY HAPPENED
- Pressure in the area may have caused a compromise to the wall of the tube, creating a pocket on the epididymis (like a bubble) – often called an epididymal cyst, or spermatocele.
- This could possibly have occurred through lying on my side with my legs tight together in bed (excess tension), possibly through lifting something / moving through space too quickly, or possibly just random bad luck.
- The pain / discomfort was likely because it had only just happened, and hadn't "healed" / stabilized.
LESSONS I HAVE LEARNED
- I need to learn how to control my emotions better. Notably, this lack-of-control only really occurs in matters of health – I *hate* knowing that there is something wrong with me, and I find even the slightest of health issues to be very distressing. I am generally much more level-headed / clear-thinking in any other situation of strife.
- Do not rely on the words of doctors or nurses without direct test confirmation as evidence. I am not assuming any malicious intent, but 99% of the panic would have been avoided had I been provided with accurate information.
- Do not be so ready to share my burden with other loved ones too soon, especially when they are unable to help. I *wish* my family had not come to visit me when they did, at my lowest point … I would have been no worse off, and no more scared if they weren't there – there was nothing they could do… the things I said to them. I didn't need a "shoulder to cry on", I needed an action plan...
- I need to find a safe and healthy way to bring down my estrogen and prolactin ASAP. Perhaps with a better hormonal profile, none of this would have happened. Both in terms of the physical problem, and in terms of the subsequent panic and catastrophizing.
Cheers all.
I've done my best to catch up with all of you in private messages where possible, to show my gratitude.
I want to say a huge thank you here once again. But also, I want to apologize.
I used the terms eunuch, hermaphodrite, and soy boy to describe what I thought I would turn into if I had to have my testicles removed / no longer had working glands.
Whilst eunuch was possibly a "correct" term at some point, it is still pretty offensive. And the other two terms were simply inaccurate, and pretty stupid. I wasn't thinking clearly, and was talking out of fear / catastrophizing. I was putting *myself* down, and certainly wasn't aiming to direct an insult at others - still, this was untactful. There I was whining about fertility, hormonal profile and my masculinity, when there were other people out there who were having to face these kinds of troubles already.
...
I have written an account of exactly what happened (a "timeline" if you will) from Monday a.m. to Wednesday p.m. - it is c. 7000 words, and a 20 minute read. I found writing it to be very therapeutic in processing the events. I was going to post it here to "close the book". It is quite personal, but possibly it will give people some tips if they go through similar struggles in the future (a lesson in what NOT to do), and also be an entertaining read. Perhaps I will do so if there is interest. A quick summary though:
SUMMARY
- I had an invasive, largely unnecessary, exploratory testicular surgery to check for torsion. With the information available at the time, it seemed like the only option - better safe than sorry.
- I was told that "growth/s" were found. When I inquired where the growths were located (tubes / epididymis Vs. the testis), I was told it was on the testis – this was factually incorrect.
- This led me towards being virtually convinced that I had testicular cancer, an idea that was further ingrained into me through conversations with the nurses.
- I was fully preparing for that outcome, told my family, told two friends, told this forum etc. etc. and got worked up into a pretty bad state.
- After another day’s wait, and finally getting the ultrasound, the doctor reveals that the “growth” was indeed on the tubes, not the testis, and was definitely non-cancerous. It couldn't really be called a "growth" at all.
WHAT LIKELY HAPPENED
- Pressure in the area may have caused a compromise to the wall of the tube, creating a pocket on the epididymis (like a bubble) – often called an epididymal cyst, or spermatocele.
- This could possibly have occurred through lying on my side with my legs tight together in bed (excess tension), possibly through lifting something / moving through space too quickly, or possibly just random bad luck.
- The pain / discomfort was likely because it had only just happened, and hadn't "healed" / stabilized.
LESSONS I HAVE LEARNED
- I need to learn how to control my emotions better. Notably, this lack-of-control only really occurs in matters of health – I *hate* knowing that there is something wrong with me, and I find even the slightest of health issues to be very distressing. I am generally much more level-headed / clear-thinking in any other situation of strife.
- Do not rely on the words of doctors or nurses without direct test confirmation as evidence. I am not assuming any malicious intent, but 99% of the panic would have been avoided had I been provided with accurate information.
- Do not be so ready to share my burden with other loved ones too soon, especially when they are unable to help. I *wish* my family had not come to visit me when they did, at my lowest point … I would have been no worse off, and no more scared if they weren't there – there was nothing they could do… the things I said to them. I didn't need a "shoulder to cry on", I needed an action plan...
- I need to find a safe and healthy way to bring down my estrogen and prolactin ASAP. Perhaps with a better hormonal profile, none of this would have happened. Both in terms of the physical problem, and in terms of the subsequent panic and catastrophizing.
Cheers all.
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