low estrogen + amenorrhea

[lindsay]

Hi Purelaur.

I just want to chime in to this and tell you that you don't have to be defined by your eating disorder - that is your choice.

I developed Anorexia at the age of 13 and struggled with it on and off until I was about 30 - when my health spiraled downward. Most of my adult life was spent worrying about what I put in my mouth (both because of weight and digestive problems - which led to me being bulimic as well). I felt very ashamed of my "condition" - modern medicine doesn't know how to deal with eating disorder patients, and neither do most psychologists. In my opinion, the trouble with an eating disorder is best understood biologically - once I realized what was going on IN my body (high stress hormones, which made me feel manic and at times euphoric, and eventually led to complete system malfunction), then I felt like I had the ability to positively affect my health.

It's been a VERY slow recovery from where I began - I still have amenorrhea, digestive issues and endocrine disrupt, but I feel more balanced now and I can evaluate my health from a healthy mindset instead of freaking out about it. You are ten years younger than me, which means you now have the ability to learn and gain control at a younger age, which is very important.

Once you empower yourself in your health endeavors, you will start to see the difference.

 

[purelaur]

My doctors are so ignorant to how my thyroid condition is my pre-existing condition. It's so difficult to be faced with "ok, now you're underweight, and you have to challenge literally everything every doctor has ever told you since you were 3 years old because they shamed you as an overweight child. Also, we're not going to give you thyroid medication, so you need to be scarred by your PTSD and absolute terror of regaining all of the weight you lost. Every time you complain of thyroid symptoms, we are just going to blame it on your eating disorder."

I really am ready to be better. I want to make peace with my past. I want to feel empowered and I'm sure you know what it's like to feel like you're cowering in a pathetic ball beside your own potential. I am capable of doing so much more than this, but I guess I'm just scared.

anyway, I took my first dose of cytomel this morning. It was kind of late because I didn't sleep well last night but I haven't noticed any changes. I guess my head feels a little clearer but that might just be a placebo effect. I had milk and coffee and yogurt because I was starving by the time I waited 2 hours after taking it. I think I'll set an alarm in the future and take it at 4am (usually when I get up to pee in the night anyway) that way I can have dairy with breakfast without interfering with absorption.

 

[lindsay]

My doctors are so ignorant to how my thyroid condition is my pre-existing condition. It's so difficult to be faced with "ok, now you're underweight, and you have to challenge literally everything every doctor has ever told you since you were 3 years old because they shamed you as an overweight child. Also, we're not going to give you thyroid medication, so you need to be scarred by your PTSD and absolute terror of regaining all of the weight you lost. Every time you complain of thyroid symptoms, we are just going to blame it on your eating disorder."

I really am ready to be better. I want to make peace with my past. I want to feel empowered and I'm sure you know what it's like to feel like you're cowering in a pathetic ball beside your own potential. I am capable of doing so much more than this, but I guess I'm just scared.

anyway, I took my first dose of cytomel this morning. It was kind of late because I didn't sleep well last night but I haven't noticed any changes. I guess my head feels a little clearer but that might just be a placebo effect. I had milk and coffee and yogurt because I was starving by the time I waited 2 hours after taking it. I think I'll set an alarm in the future and take it at 4am (usually when I get up to pee in the night anyway) that way I can have dairy with breakfast without interfering with absorption.

I totally understand - last year my gynecologist was saying I had gained weight (as if it was a negative thing) and then when he found out I was taking thyroid and has lost some weight (which was after I had been really really sick), he was getting all patronizing. I am still a healthy weight, so what does it matter??

Anyhow, for myself, it took a huge health issue to "wake" me up (so to speak) to the realities of my eating habits, but it's not been easy. I gained a lot of weight when I first changed my diet, and this makes me feel out of my skin, but my mental stability is so good, that I just don't care about the weight. I've had to make huge lifestyle changes too - letting myself not get too stressed out and changing exercise habits. Now I walk outside and do yoga. I think exercise is very important, so long as it's the right kind of exercise. Also, I think that if you shift your focus away from food and eating and all that, that you will find better health - maybe take up a hobby or something.

Getting your mind off the issue is very beneficial. I went from obsessing about food all my waking hours to not even really caring much about it anymore. I still love to eat, but it doesn't consume my every waking moment (unless I'm really craving something, in which case I let myself have it).

Also, note how you feel with cytomel. I didn't like it at all and opted for Cynoplus - the adrenaline reactions I had to cytomel were kind of not good. But if you handle it well, it's probably better than getting too much T4.

You might want to engage in something really calming too - like yoga or meditation. I hated yoga at first (because my brain was always going too fast to calm down), but now I love it. There is something really great about tuning in to how I am breathing and to slowing myself down while doing a beneficial activity.

 

[Blossom]

In addition to all of the wonderful replies in this thread I just wanted to say that I'm sorry you have experienced such treatment at the hands of medical authorities. No child or adult for that matter deserves that type of treatment and I'm sure they were being paid to treat you that way. Now that you are an adult it may help you to reframe that experience for the malpractice that it actually was. As children we are highly impressionable to what others say, especially adult authority figures, and that can leave a lasting and negative impact until we truly see the situation in a different light. Now you are being blamed once again because you are underweight and that is just sick. It sounds like your ED was triggered by medicine in the first place. Please do not blame yourself anymore and instead see the treatment you have received for what it actually is- unacceptable and counterproductive to meeting your goals. Sorry for the rant but I wanted you to know that you deserve better. I hope you find the forum to be a helpful and supportive community.

 

[tara]

anyway, I took my first dose of cytomel this morning. It was kind of late because I didn't sleep well last night but I haven't noticed any changes. I guess my head feels a little clearer but that might just be a placebo effect. I had milk and coffee and yogurt because I was starving by the time I waited 2 hours after taking it. I think I'll set an alarm in the future and take it at 4am (usually when I get up to pee in the night anyway) that way I can have dairy with breakfast without interfering with absorption.

Hi purelaur, Are you saying you took cytomel before breaking fast in the morning, and then didn't eat for another 2 hrs? No wonder you were hungry. I don't have experience with cytomel, but I don't think I've read of others doing it this way - in fact I'm pretty sure quite a few have said it's important to have sugar with it, if not a more balanced intake. What made you try it this way?

Stress hormones are often high when we wake up, and lots of people here try to get them down quickly by eating soon after rising. If the cytomel is working, it will increase the rate you burn through fuel. Not supplying fuel for it to burn seems likely to increase stress hormones even more, which is likely counterproductive to recovering health. Peat has suggested that T3 is usually best taken in very small doses throughout the day. Eg ~1-2mcg every couple of hours, though I gather it's hard to break the tablets down that small with any accuracy. He talks about nibbling a little of the tablet every hour or two. T3 has a half life of a few hours, and a healthy body makes ~3-4mcg/hr. Giving it a lot more thatn that it one go can potentially cause issues.

 

[purelaur]

interesting, my doctor and the pharmacy label said to take it on an empty stomach 2 hours before eating.

 

[Spondive]

I found that taking t3 with food or supplements had no decreasing effect on blood levels. So I don't think it matters. I think it matters more with T4 but I don't know why

 

[purelaur]

today I only waited 30 minutes before eating. Judging by pulse rate, my normal bpm is 55-60 (low I know) and cytomel has bumped it up to 65-70. My doctor only has me one 5mcg dose so far, more bloodwork in 3 weeks, and then I think she'll introduce a second dose in the afternoon. Yesterday was kind of an off day for me because I had to take a final for an online class so I was exceptionally stressed and underslept, which may have accounted for the "crash" I felt in the afternoon, but I checked my pulse again and it had fallen back to around 60. I'll make a better note of it today.

I don't feel any adrenaline symptoms (so far)... and I am VERY prone to panic attacks (usually because of caffeine) but I feel like my brain and body are up to speed, whereas with just caffeine I feel like my body is energized but my brain is lagging and that causes me to panic.

I also kind of had a revelation yesterday. I have managed to put on a couple pounds since I started peating (well mostly because my birthday was last week and I've been eating a lot of ice cream) but I'm not underweight by medical standards, just a little under what I usually am... though I really don't know my "set point" since I developed hashimoto's as a child.

 

[purelaur]

ok, I take that back -- I just had a strange symptom. I was in target and all of a sudden I just felt really "spacey". Like I was all there but I wasn't all there. I felt like I couldn't really feel my limbs and I started to panic (but also keep it together). This was about 5 hours after I had taken the dose, I did have coffee with milk, sugar and collagen about half an hour before this though. Was it the caffeine? My own neuroticism?

 

[HDD]

Coffee can throw me off if I haven't eaten enough. It can cause blood sugar issues for me.

 

[HDD]

Hi Purelaur.

I just want to chime in to this and tell you that you don't have to be defined by your eating disorder - that is your choice.

I developed Anorexia at the age of 13 and struggled with it on and off until I was about 30 - when my health spiraled downward. Most of my adult life was spent worrying about what I put in my mouth (both because of weight and digestive problems - which led to me being bulimic as well). I felt very ashamed of my "condition" - modern medicine doesn't know how to deal with eating disorder patients, and neither do most psychologists. In my opinion, the trouble with an eating disorder is best understood biologically - once I realized what was going on IN my body (high stress hormones, which made me feel manic and at times euphoric, and eventually led to complete system malfunction), then I felt like I had the ability to positively affect my health.

It's been a VERY slow recovery from where I began - I still have amenorrhea, digestive issues and endocrine disrupt, but I feel more balanced now and I can evaluate my health from a healthy mindset instead of freaking out about it. You are ten years younger than me, which means you now have the ability to learn and gain control at a younger age, which is very important.

Once you empower yourself in your health endeavors, you will start to see the difference.

Thank you for sharing this, Lindsay. My daughter is currently dealing with an eating disorder that she thinks started when she was 19 or 20 after chemotherapy treatment for lymphoma. She is 26 now and a friend (psychology student) referred her to a psychologist who did an evaluation. The psychologist has recommended a full time treatment center. This has been overwhelming for her. Her shame in others finding out is such a huge stress. The high cost of treatment and the interruption of her life being the other major stressors.

I don't know if the treatment would be beneficial. My thoughts are if she is instructed on eating enough and is willing that this alone would be beneficial. It is $7,000 out of pocket and she will have to borrow $ to do this. She is already in debt from an emergency room visit for a kidney stone last year. Her desire was to go to school this year which will be another debt and would have to wait until she is done with treatment. Treatment is 7 days a week for one, possibly two months.

I have not talked to her about her ED being connected to low thyroid. I sent her Progest-e when she missed a period around the time of her kidney stone but she has not used it. I have talked to her about how not eating enough can affect her skin, hair, and ability to have children, etc. It s a very touchy situation and very emotionally charged. Her sister and friends think she needs the treatment and I agree if she is unable to change on her own.

I suppose my hope is that she would read your story and others on the forum and it would help her to understand why. And somehow she would be able to overcome this without the treatment center.

 

[lindsay]

Thank you for sharing this, Lindsay. My daughter is currently dealing with an eating disorder that she thinks started when she was 19 or 20 after chemotherapy treatment for lymphoma. She is 26 now and a friend (psychology student) referred her to a psychologist who did an evaluation. The psychologist has recommended a full time treatment center. This has been overwhelming for her. Her shame in others finding out is such a huge stress. The high cost of treatment and the interruption of her life being the other major stressors.

I don't know if the treatment would be beneficial. My thoughts are if she is instructed on eating enough and is willing that this alone would be beneficial. It is $7,000 out of pocket and she will have to borrow $ to do this. She is already in debt from an emergency room visit for a kidney stone last year. Her desire was to go to school this year which will be another debt and would have to wait until she is done with treatment. Treatment is 7 days a week for one, possibly two months.

I have not talked to her about her ED being connected to low thyroid. I sent her Progest-e when she missed a period around the time of her kidney stone but she has not used it. I have talked to her about how not eating enough can affect her skin, hair, and ability to have children, etc. It s a very touchy situation and very emotionally charged. Her sister and friends think she needs the treatment and I agree if she is unable to change on her own.

I suppose my hope is that she would read your story and others on the forum and it would help her to understand why. And somehow she would be able to overcome this without the treatment center.

I'm sorry to hear about your daughter HDD - it is a very difficult thing. I know my parents had a really hard time with me as a teenager - especially my father. They would be horrified if they ever found out about my becoming bulimic in later years (I was married at the time and kept it between me and my spouse). The thing about it is, I really think something does trigger it - in your daughter's case, it could definitely have been the chemotherapy. In my case, it was a scary incident with someone I cared deeply about - I lost my appetite and then realized I felt "euphoric" when I controlled/restricted my eating. A lot of psychologists say an eating disorder is about control, and while I agree that it is possibly part of it, I think it is more a PTSD thing than a control thing. There are so many stress hormones at work in the body, I think that is the biological reason why people have trouble letting go - it would be like telling a runner to stop running and take up yoga, because you get addicted to the stress hormones that make you feel so good. I kept having my relapses after something upset me (like a bad break-up) or when I was under stress. This is very common and one of the many reasons very "bright" females are susceptible - because they tend to feel under stress.

It might be that professional help would benefit your daughter, but in my opinion, it will never help her to overcome the disorder unless she realizes what it is doing to her and how it is harming her body - I also think reducing stress is a HUGE part of getting past it because that stress cycle needs to be broken for a person to see clearly - perhaps a professional facility would be helpful, but it really depends on the care. I decided to make changes after developing an ovarian tumor and later finding out I was in early menopause (which I'm hoping to reverse). Discovering RP's work was crucial in me getting past my bulimia and over-exercise so that my body can heal. I still have occasional relapses, but I've learned to move past them and not bully myself if I falter. I also had to stop eating foods that tempted me to purge.

I decidedly never wanted help - I've always been a figure things out for myself the hard way, so I don't know what might have happened if I had looked for help. It might be beneficial for her, but I think other things could be just as beneficial - like working with a nutritionist (one who aligns with RP would be particularly helpful). Also, I'd rather spend that money on engaging in other activities that would help her to reduce her stress. This is so important - I didn't understand the importance of this until I truly changed my habits. There is a nutritionist I spoke with when I had just had my tumor removed - her name is Kate and I don't know if she is still doing private consultations, but if not, I'm sure she could recommend someone else. She's Australian: http://www.nutritionbynature.com.au/nut ... ching.html

She's how I discovered Ray Peat in the first place. I wish your daughter the very best!! Feel free to message me if you need. I still struggle, but I've been on a better path the past few years and the mental change that has happened is quite phenomenal. I can think rationally again :)

 

[HDD]

Thank you so much, Lindsay. Every time you post, I gain more insight. The nutritionist you linked is an excellent idea that possibly could help in the interim while she is trying to decide what to do. The woman linked to raypeat.com might also be an option. I will email both to see what they have to offer.

 

[tara]

Thank you for sharing this, Lindsay. My daughter is currently dealing with an eating disorder that she thinks started when she was 19 or 20 after chemotherapy treatment for lymphoma. She is 26 now and a friend (psychology student) referred her to a psychologist who did an evaluation. The psychologist has recommended a full time treatment center. This has been overwhelming for her. Her shame in others finding out is such a huge stress. The high cost of treatment and the interruption of her life being the other major stressors.

I don't know if the treatment would be beneficial. My thoughts are if she is instructed on eating enough and is willing that this alone would be beneficial. It is $7,000 out of pocket and she will have to borrow $ to do this. She is already in debt from an emergency room visit for a kidney stone last year. Her desire was to go to school this year which will be another debt and would have to wait until she is done with treatment. Treatment is 7 days a week for one, possibly two months.

I have not talked to her about her ED being connected to low thyroid. I sent her Progest-e when she missed a period around the time of her kidney stone but she has not used it. I have talked to her about how not eating enough can affect her skin, hair, and ability to have children, etc. It s a very touchy situation and very emotionally charged. Her sister and friends think she needs the treatment and I agree if she is unable to change on her own.

I suppose my hope is that she would read your story and others on the forum and it would help her to understand why. And somehow she would be able to overcome this without the treatment center.

Hi HDD,
Good on your daughter's friend for caring about her. Depending on what state your daughter is in, she may well be able to recover without going into an institution, if she can get some relevant support and make recovery a priority a while. For people who are seriously underweight, or have been severely undereating, the recovery period seems to usually include a period of needing a lot of rest.

I imagine you've seen the related thread here: viewtopic.php?f=11&t=4028&hilit=youreatopia

If you haven't yet taken a good look at http://www.youreatopia.com/new, I'd strongly recommend it.
It is written for people who want to recover from restrictive eating disorders, people who are wondering if they want to, people supporting them, etc. IIRC, author Gwyneth Olwyn has devised the Mini-Maud approach to recovery for adults, in part based on the most evidenced-based care available for children

It is full of factual information about the physical effects of undereating (many), what is needed for recovery (minimum calorie guidelines, sometimes a lot more; limited exercise), common predictable phases of recovery (bloating, repair, insulation, rebuilding, redistribution of fat, remission), the risks (eg refeeding syndrome), the pitfalls that some treatment centres and treatment providers fall into (eg underfeeding and fear of food), etc. She talks about psychological aspects, societal pressures and misinformation (eg BMI myths). It provides lots of support for people figuring out how to recover outside of live-in treatment, but also has ideas for people in live-in institutions. She recommends having a support team including a relevantly informed dr and psychologist or similar, and also has references for reading that can help with psychological aspects.
There is also a forum for people considering or using her Mini-Maud approach to recovery.

Her articles are complex and demanding. I have found them immensely informative and rewarding.
If you take a look at it you could see if you think it is worth recommending to your daughter, as a part of figuring out what she wants to do and what other support she needs.

I would think it makes sense to take Peat's ideas about supportive foods into account, and not follow Gwyneth's suggestions about eating lots of nuts etc, but there is probably also a place for recognising that in cases of severe undereating, eating is more important than eating perfectly.

Take care.

 

[Jennifer]

I'm sorry to hear about your daughter HDD - it is a very difficult thing. I know my parents had a really hard time with me as a teenager - especially my father. They would be horrified if they ever found out about my becoming bulimic in later years (I was married at the time and kept it between me and my spouse). The thing about it is, I really think something does trigger it - in your daughter's case, it could definitely have been the chemotherapy. In my case, it was a scary incident with someone I cared deeply about - I lost my appetite and then realized I felt "euphoric" when I controlled/restricted my eating. A lot of psychologists say an eating disorder is about control, and while I agree that it is possibly part of it, I think it is more a PTSD thing than a control thing. There are so many stress hormones at work in the body, I think that is the biological reason why people have trouble letting go - it would be like telling a runner to stop running and take up yoga, because you get addicted to the stress hormones that make you feel so good. I kept having my relapses after something upset me (like a bad break-up) or when I was under stress. This is very common and one of the many reasons very "bright" females are susceptible - because they tend to feel under stress.

Lindsay's whole post was beautifully written, but I feel strongly about this particular paragraph.

I had an eating disorder develop when I was 12. Looking back, that's around the time I was really starting to develop physically and being faced with my own sexuality. Having been sexually abused as a little girl, I was terrified with the attention from boys I was receiving and I started controlling my food in order to shrink my breasts ect. so they wouldn't notice me. I know this may sound crazy, but I wanted to become invisible. So past trauma was the motivating factor and focusing on my food was a way for me to gain control when I felt that same powerlessness I felt when I was being molested.

People told me of the repercussions of becoming too thin and I heard their words, but it never registered for me at the time, though that's part of the reason why I'm highly insecure/fearful about being small now. Anyhow, had someone been able to help me understand why I was doing what I was doing, that would of helped me to stop. Of course, I never told anyone about the sexual abuse till I was in my late 20's after I fractured. I was too ashamed. And that's the thing. Shame. No one should feel ashamed for being human and adopting ways of coping. We're perfectly imperfect and it's okay, but once you get yourself into a pickle, there's this heightened sense of shame. We already feel shame for how we choose to cope and to have others point out what we already know, even though it's out of love and concern, just adds more salt to the wounds. It's a hard cycle for both the sufferer and their loved ones.

I'm of course worried for your daughter's health "diet wise," Diane, but I'm actually even more concerned for her feelings/emotions/heart, if that makes sense? I would think that what she went through with the lymphoma must of terrified her and that has lasting impact. Was she/is she terrified of feeling that powerlessness she may of felt during chemo that she took to food as a way of gaining control, no matter how illogical it may seem to others who haven't been through what she has? Sorry, I could be way off here, but I think past experiences really do affect our biology. If she is controlling her food due to her past trauma, I wonder if getting her to change her perspective would help. That eating is empowering her by creating a healthy and powerful body?

 

[purelaur]

HDD, just to clarify, my thyroid condition didn't cause my eating disorder, it's the fact that I had an autoimmune thyroid disease my entire life and instead of doctors questioning my weight gain and fatigue and anxiety, they gave me unsolicited advice on not eating junk food and telling me to lose weight. I would strongly recommend therapy for your friend's daughter. And she ultimately has to be in a place of "wanting" to get better. When I first started treatment (psychologist, dietician and psychiatrist), I kind of went through the motions without really wanting it, and relapsed a few times until I ultimately decided I had had enough. Then I got myself in to this boat and I'm wondering if I have to go through it all over again.

My one criticism for MM is that it doesn't take into account the psychological aspect of eating disorders. Sure they're effective for chronic dieters who have killed their metabolisms-- but real eating disorders, where the root of the problem is pain and suffering and coping with anxiety -- and I also question its validity, but I have to do more research.

 

[Jennifer]

My one criticism for MM is that it doesn't take into account the psychological aspect of eating disorders. Sure they're effective for chronic dieters who have killed their metabolisms-- but real eating disorders, where the root of the problem is pain and suffering and coping with anxiety -- and I also question its validity, but I have to do more research.

I completely agree, purelaur. That was my one criticism for MM also. It almost devaluates our feelings and history and how they've impacted us. It's like telling someone who is drepressed from losing a family member that "it's all in your head. Eat up and you'll get happy." People's feelings and fears need to be validated and not brushed aside as if they were nothing more than metabolic disorders. There is also the spirit component to our whole, not just the body.

 

[lindsay]

My one criticism for MM is that it doesn't take into account the psychological aspect of eating disorders. Sure they're effective for chronic dieters who have killed their metabolisms-- but real eating disorders, where the root of the problem is pain and suffering and coping with anxiety -- and I also question its validity, but I have to do more research.

I completely agree, purelaur. That was my one criticism for MM also. It almost devaluates our feelings and history and how they've impacted us. It's like telling someone who is drepressed from losing a family member that "it's all in your head. Eat up and you'll get happy." People's feelings and fears need to be validated and not brushed aside as if they were nothing more than metabolic disorders. There is also the spirit component to our whole, not just the body.

I think that the psychological importance of understanding an ED IS very important (it's part of the process of realizing the route cause), but it's not how to control it, IMO. I can completely throw myself back into a bad place by not taking my thyroid or progesterone (these have really really helped me, I cannot tell you how much), isolating myself and commiserating alone about emotional moments in my life. That would put me in a bad place for sure. Doing that with a good girlfriend - well that would be different, because I can talk through it with her (and in fact I've done this before with my best friend and actually learned that she had also suffered from Anorexia/bulimia). I tend to shy away from the psychology of things because I grew up in a household constantly focused on psychology of everything - it was always, well this person is that way because of this that and the other thing. This is true, but biology and circumstances effects psychology more than people tend to realize. But I say that now completely understanding that I'm in a different place now than I was as a teenager - it could have been that nothing would have helped me at that point, I don't know.

I went to a psychologist who specialized in Eating disorders when I was 15 or 16 - my parents made me. I think it can be helpful, but you really have to be in a strong place and want to get better. People kept telling me I had to eat and get over the disorder, without ever explaining why (when the body is in survival mode, it's important to explain that it's not necessary to be in that mode - fight or flight is a very real part of it). And my fear about psychologists is that most of them will look at you and say you need to be on an antidepressant (mine prescribed me paxil and I quit taking it because it made me manic). I get the feeling that treatment centers are just going to be loaded with drugs to take and force-feeding.

Personally, I think the hump to get over is the stress - get the body out of stress and the mind can better process the psychological issues. In fact, for me, that's pretty much when I put the ED in the past. I knew all along its root cause, but it never helped me get past it. Because being able to think rationally about it is very important. For years it had been a spiritual and emotional struggle and the fact that I felt I needed to understand it and get over it stressed me out - it wasn't until I felt I needed to take care of my body that I was able to see other things fall into place. Also, the hormonal imbalance caused by an Eating disorder is really really important to consider - I would regularly get into fights with my spouse and good friends over stupid little things because of anxiety (again, stress). Taking progesterone was actually the first big step for me, because I was so deficient - I could actually feel the hormonal change in my body. Little things that used to cause me to go crazy mad just no longer mattered to me.

 

[lindsay]

Thank you so much, Lindsay. Every time you post, I gain more insight. The nutritionist you linked is an excellent idea that possibly could help in the interim while she is trying to decide what to do. The woman linked to raypeat.com might also be an option. I will email both to see what they have to offer.

I wish the very best for your daughter!! One other resource I forgot to mention - I'd have to watch it again because it's been years since I watched it, but there is a documentary called "Thin" that is about 4 patients with eating disorders - I believe they were in a clinic. We own it - I should watch it again. It might be interesting for you: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0492496/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

 

[lindsay]

I had an eating disorder develop when I was 12. Looking back, that's around the time I was really starting to develop physically and being faced with my own sexuality. Having been sexually abused as a little girl, I was terrified with the attention from boys I was receiving and I started controlling my food in order to shrink my breasts ect. so they wouldn't notice me. I know this may sound crazy, but I wanted to become invisible. So past trauma was the motivating factor and focusing on my food was a way for me to gain control when I felt that same powerlessness I felt when I was being molested.

People told me of the repercussions of becoming too thin and I heard their words, but it never registered for me at the time, though that's part of the reason why I'm highly insecure/fearful about being small now. Anyhow, had someone been able to help me understand why I was doing what I was doing, that would of helped me to stop. Of course, I never told anyone about the sexual abuse till I was in my late 20's after I fractured. I was too ashamed. And that's the thing. Shame. No one should feel ashamed for being human and adopting ways of coping. We're perfectly imperfect and it's okay, but once you get yourself into a pickle, there's this heightened sense of shame. We already feel shame for how we choose to cope and to have others point out what we already know, even though it's out of love and concern, just adds more salt to the wounds. It's a hard cycle for both the sufferer and their loved ones.

I'm of course worried for your daughter's health "diet wise," Diane, but I'm actually even more concerned for her feelings/emotions/heart, if that makes sense? I would think that what she went through with the lymphoma must of terrified her and that has lasting impact. Was she/is she terrified of feeling that powerlessness she may of felt during chemo that she took to food as a way of gaining control, no matter how illogical it may seem to others who haven't been through what she has? Sorry, I could be way off here, but I think past experiences really do affect our biology. If she is controlling her food due to her past trauma, I wonder if getting her to change her perspective would help. That eating is empowering her by creating a healthy and powerful body?

I love how open you are about your history and health issues Jennifer! It's very encouraging and I'm amazed at the progress you've made!! Even when we have different vantage points, it's good to see so many takes on the eating disorder spectrum. Thank you for sharing :)