How can i help myself with cptsd

[Bounce]

Hey dear people,

I'm trying to keep irrelevant information out of this post and also, if I'm personally someone who is emotionally texting, I'll stick to bullet points to increase the chance that someone has a tip that will help me.

My problems over the last few years:
- overly in Fight or Flight or Freeze mode.
- internal contraction (tight in throat, tight in chest), constipation
- Worst case scenario thoughts or constant ruminating on free time.
- Sometimes gratuitous anger at my partner and tension in the body during intimate contact (without access to where this tension comes from)

Childhood:
- Violent mother (physical by hitting, cold shower as punishment, not talking to me for days, constantly alternating between love and repulsion).
- Psychotic brother who uses drugs and is crazy
- Constant drama
- Bullying

Personally I have:
- Read hundreds of books on PTSD the last few years.
- attended a few trauma courses
- tried all kinds of methods
- spent a long time with a Somatic Experiencing and Narm therapist

And tried the following supplements:
- Taurine (got a little numb from it, libido went down)
- Thiamine (worked great in the beginning, then not anymore)
- Magnesium (I only tolerate Sango coral, everything else had a bad effect)
- B Complex (unfortunately without result)
- Ashwagangha (I did not feel good with it)
and many more

What has helped so far:
- Maybe some here think he is a quack, but Joe Dispenza's work has helped me a lot. Especially increasing the alpha waves in the brain brings me a lot. As well as to strengthen the HRV.
- A few techniques from Neville Goddard
- Nervous System Regulation Techniques

What I would like to see:
- To be internally regulated
- To feel spaciousness in the body
- to be able to relax with my girlfriend or to be more relaxed in general in social contexts
- to live instead of circling around myself every day because my body is constantly sending me signals

By the way, I am 35 years old and weigh 93 kg.
__

I often notice how my relationship with my mother still weighs on me. She is now 70 years old and two parts live in myself. One wants to break off contact with her and one part can forgive her. But I have strong blocks to answer her on Whatsapp or to call her. It feels as if there is a childish conflict in me that has not yet been resolved. A conversation with her about the things that happened back then, she would consistently block due to immense guilt. Honestly, the conflict or thoughts of my mother is constantly present.
It's just that sometimes I can't believe the conflict as much, because as soon as I manage to change my emotional state (which is super hard at times), I don't think about it as much. This thesis is also underlined by Joe Dispenza in his work. That thoughts are closely linked to the emotional state and they change as soon as you feel different.

And even if this all sounds dramatic, a lot of things are good in my life right now. I have a great apartment and a great girlfriend. It just hurts me a lot how little I can enjoy all this sometimes, because my body (and also my mind) sometimes get stuck in the past.

I wanted to share all of this and am open to anything that comes from you.

Since I think this is all about pathways in the brain, I hardly think supplements can help, but I'm open! :)

I did also some bloodwork recently!

Regards from Berlin
Bounce

 

[Jonk]

If I remember correctly haidut knows a few people being helped with high doses cyproheptadine. I've had pretty bad panic and anxiety, where someone could slam a table really hard and it would trigger a panic attack. Generally what's worked best for me is keeping metabolic rate high with lots of carbs and paying close attention to digestion. Seems to be permeability/endotoxin related so foods like meat and dairy is currently off the table, while eating lots of starches, sugar, fruits, cooked vegetables and salt. Also laxatives like vitamin c/magnesium is temporarily helpful. If you indeed find it to be gut related, I would maybe try some Cascara Sagrada.

 

[youngsinatra]

You have very high reverse T3, which usually causes hypothyroidism at the cellular level (do you have hypo symptoms?) even with otherwise normal thyroid labs. That’s because rT3 binds to T3-receptors, but only has 1% of the potency of T3, so rT3 acts technically as a metabolic break by preventing T3 to bind to the receptors.

There are so many factors that can raise rT3. It’s usually high because of chronic stress (which is likely the reason for you), an chronic (systemic or gut) infection or sometimes iron deficiency.

Do you eat balanced meals throughout the day to support adrenals/blood sugar balance?
That would be the first thing I‘d do. Eat breakfast, lunch, snack and dinner. (with balanced macros - like 25% fats / 25% protein / 50% carbs)

What do you eat on a daily basis?
How has your sleep been in the last months? Which supplements do you take at this moment?
Do you have hypo symptoms?

 

[ThinPicking]

It's just that sometimes I can't believe the conflict as much, because as soon as I manage to change my emotional state (which is super hard at times), I don't think about it as much. This thesis is also underlined by Joe Dispenza in his work. That thoughts are closely linked to the emotional state and they change as soon as you feel different.

Agreed. And I can almost induce this now for experimental purposes or by... "accident". Although I wouldn't dismiss the idea that it's good to talk, with someone well placed to listen and respond with their heart. It's just not the be and end all in my experience.

Can you tell us in great detail what you're eating, what you're drinking and when. Also how's your sleep and sleep latency. Also do you have any abdominal distension?

 

[Bounce]

First of all, thanks for your kind answers.

cyproheptadine

From what i read, it just a good treatment if you have nightmares. I would be glad if @haidut would write something about it. Thanks for your recommendation about the food.

What do you eat on a daily basis?

Thank you for your detailed message. I appreciate it very much.

I eat on average about 3000 calories.

A typical day looks like this:

Morning:
Kefir
3 eggs with bacon
1 crossaint with strawberry jam
OJ with Maca powder

Lunchtime:
2x carrots as snack
A second Coffee
Sometimes a Coke
Sometimes a piece of cake

Evening:
Steak
Rice
Sometimes vegetables or a salad

I must admit: before breakfast I have already drunk the first coffee (with sugar). So i drink the Coffee very fast after i get out of my bed. And I also wait a relatively long time to eat breakfast. Sometimes I even go to the gym beforehand. But my cortisol looks pretty good, doesn't it?

And im not really hungry. Almost never.

Do you have hypo symptoms?

I definitely have a lot of symptoms of hypofunction:
Weakness in performance
Lack of concentration
Permanent fatigue
increased sensitivity to cold
hair loss
depressive moods
weight gain

How has your sleep been in the last months?

I am always something on the lurk I have the feeling. I sleep, but a part does not really let go, I would say sometimes

Which supplements do you take at this moment?

I take Sango coral powder most mornings.
It contains 600mg calcium and 300mg magnesium.

I also take Thiamine (HCL) 250-500mg.

Sometimes I take zinc in the evening.

And as I said, I'm trying Maca at the moment - I'm actually noticing it a bit in sexual desire.

@Hans told me once to take Aspirin. But I'm a little cautious there. Whereas it would possibly help me with the RT3 value.

Also do you have any abdominal distension?

Sometimes when im drinking milk.

Happy about your responses.

Cheers
Johannes

 

[kaydeegee]

Sending you lots of love and care and understanding. I'm on a similar journey.

Your mention of how different "parts" of yourself have conflicting stances on your relationship with your mother makes me think of Internal Family Systems -- I'm relatively new to it, but even in a short time, this form of therapy/self understanding has been life changing for me.

Looking at my inner world through an IFS lens has helped me more quickly & easily access those feelings of relaxation, spaciousness, and social comfort you describe. Those cozy feelings aren't always front and centre, of course, but this type of therapy has helped me understand (and start to "know," in my body), that they're always there. It's just that sometimes, other "parts" take centre stage because they're trying to "help."

The IFS process is pretty "lucid," in that you feel very conscious and aware as you work through a session (rather than out of body/disassociated/hypnotized), so there's a gentleness to it. But even so, it lights up those pathways in your brain re: love, safety, and belonging, resulting in that neural rewiring we require to really move past these experiences.

Alongside what's already helping you -- and that list sounds so nourishing! Congratulations on those discoveries -- I'd encourage you to explore IFS. You can access multiple books about it for free on the Library Archive (here's a great starting point), and if you have the means, you could try working with a therapist/practitioner who's IFS trained. Flynn Skidmore provides lots of great info for free on his Instagram account, as well. Once you've dipped your toes in, you can just keep reading/listening/exploring in ways that feel expansive to you.

You can build the regulated, spacious, relaxed, fulfilling life you desire! There are challenges along the way, and I'm sorry you've been dealt this hand -- but at the same time, I'm excited for you :)

 

[Jonk]

From what i read, it just a good treatment if you have nightmares. I would be glad if @haidut would write something about it. Thanks for your recommendation about the food.

Some more info here: Serotonin causes the startle response, and likely PTSD as well – To Extract Knowledge from Matter.

We also know that stress damages the intestines and prolonged stress leads to ulcers and gut problems. My current belief is that when we're in this state eating high carb low fat low protein might be a viable option, simply because we need to mitigate the potential damage from undigested food. My thought on it is that things like meat and eggs can probably make a lot of damage if we don't digest and assimilate it, like a high risk/high reward sort of thing. With fat, we know it stimulates bile production, and I can imagine a high bile output might be too irritating to an already irritated/damaged intestine. When the intestines heal I can imagine having to adjust the ratios to more protein and fats again.

This is all purely speculative based on a few weeks of heavily favoring carbs, but so far the results are promising. I also think it might be helpful to try some sort of laxative, like a vitamin C flush, then do something that would normally make you uncomfortable and see if you notice a difference. For me it was an eye opener how much my gut affected my anxiety, and even though laxatives doesn't cure your gut it can provide some valuable insight (at least in my case).

All the best, we have the same name by the way

 

[ThinPicking]

I eat on average about 3000 calories.

A typical day looks like this:

Morning:
Kefir
3 eggs with bacon
1 crossaint with strawberry jam
OJ with Maca powder

Lunchtime:
2x carrots as snack
A second Coffee
Sometimes a Coke
Sometimes a piece of cake

Evening:
Steak
Rice
Sometimes vegetables or a salad

I must admit: before breakfast I have already drunk the first coffee (with sugar). So i drink the Coffee very fast after i get out of my bed. And I also wait a relatively long time to eat breakfast. Sometimes I even go to the gym beforehand. But my cortisol looks pretty good, doesn't it?

And im not really hungry. Almost never.

I definitely have a lot of symptoms of hypofunction:
Weakness in performance
Lack of concentration
Permanent fatigue
increased sensitivity to cold
hair loss
depressive moods
weight gain

I am always something on the lurk I have the feeling. I sleep, but a part does not really let go, I would say sometimes

Interesting.

Do you drink anything other than coffee, orange juice, coke, kefir and milk? If yes, when and how much.

 

[Bounce]

Dear @kaydeegee thanks for your answer. I am a big fan of Richard Schwartz and his technique and have read a lot about it and also worked with my shares. I am thinking about finding an IFS therapist in my city.

@Jonk
Thank you for your answer.

Do you drink anything other than coffee, orange juice, coke, kefir and milk? If yes, when and how much.

Of course i drink water too, but i dont know how much. I would say around 2 liters. When i do sport more.

 

[ThinPicking]

Of course i drink water too, but i dont know how much. I would say around 2 liters. When i do sport more.

How are your stools, regular, voluminous?

 

[Bounce]

How are your stools, regular, voluminous?

Very alternate.

Between great morning emptying and sometimes days of constipation.

 

[mostlylurking]

And tried the following supplements:
- Taurine (got a little numb from it, libido went down)
- Thiamine (worked great in the beginning, then not anymore)

You mentioned also that you are/were taking around 250-500mg thiamine hcl. If you have an issue with thiamine deficiency/functional blockage, this is probably an inadequate dose. Thiamine hcl does not get through the intestinal wall very efficiently.

When I started high dosing thiamine hcl (fall of 2020), I took around 350mg thiamine hcl 2Xday and it helped for around 10 days then I needed more to get the same improvement. I had to increase my dose around every 10-14 days and finally found that the dose I actually needed is 1 gram, 2Xday. This dose has been working very well for me since 2/1/2021 and I continue to take it.

What I would like to see:
- To be internally regulated
- To feel spaciousness in the body
- to be able to relax with my girlfriend or to be more relaxed in general in social contexts
- to live instead of circling around myself every day because my body is constantly sending me signals

Internal stress? Here's a link:

Neurological, Psychiatric, and Biochemical Aspects of Thiamine Deficiency in Children and Adults

Thiamine (vitamin B1) is an essential nutrient that serves as a cofactor for a number of enzymes, mostly with mitochondrial localization. Some thiamine-dependent enzymes are involved in energy metabolism and biosynthesis of nucleic acids whereas others ...

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

I was stuck in a high anxiety state with a circular thinking pattern for many years. After 5 years with the psychotherapist, the guy threw up his hands and yelled at me to STOP CATASTROPHIZING . So I quit going to him for help.

Little did I know at the time that my problem wasn't my clinically depressed mother, my emotionally absent father, my psychotic brother, my abusive psychotic sister, or my psychopathic ex-husband. My problem was heavy metal poisoning (mercury and lead) which resulted in a thiamine deficiency. The thiamine deficiency was causing the stress.

Nervous System Regulation Techniques

Mind over matter? Thiamine deficiency is a real condition. Thiamine is required by the autonomic nervous system.

Dysautonomia and Hypoxia - Hormones Matter

Is thiamine deficiency and the resultant hypoxia involved in the myriad of autonomically controlled systems currently labeled dysautonomia?

www.hormonesmatter.com

Honestly, the conflict or thoughts of my mother is constantly present.

Circular thinking can drive anybody nuts. I found it just disappeared after taking high dose thiamine hcl supplementation.

It just hurts me a lot how little I can enjoy all this sometimes, because my body (and also my mind) sometimes get stuck in the past.

I'm at peace with my past now and I'm able to enjoy the present (high dose thiamine hcl has been a godsend).

Since I think this is all about pathways in the brain, I hardly think supplements can help, but I'm open! :)

I agree that it is probably pathways in the brain. The pathways can't work as intended without adequate energy; thiamine is required to make that energy happen via oxidative metabolism. Brain hypoxia is seriously debilitating and exhausting.

Frontiers | Neurological, Psychiatric, and Biochemical Aspects of Thiamine Deficiency in Children and Adults

Thiamine (vitamin B1) is an essential nutrient that serves as a cofactor for a number of enzymes, mostly with mitochondrial localization. Some thiamine-depen...

www.frontiersin.org

"Thiamine (vitamin B1) is an essential nutrient that serves as a cofactor for a number of enzymes, mostly with mitochondrial localization. Some thiamine-dependent enzymes are involved in energy metabolism and biosynthesis of nucleic acids whereas others are part of the antioxidant machinery. The brain is highly vulnerable to thiamine deficiency due to its heavy reliance on mitochondrial ATP production. This is more evident during rapid growth (i.e., perinatal periods and children) in which thiamine deficiency is commonly associated with either malnutrition or genetic defects. Thiamine deficiency contributes to a number of conditions spanning from mild neurological and psychiatric symptoms (confusion, reduced memory, and sleep disturbances) to severe encephalopathy, ataxia, congestive heart failure, muscle atrophy, and even death."

I hope you find this information useful.
suggested searches:
"Thiamine and Magnesium" (thiamine improves magnesium tolerance).
also
"what blocks thiamine"

suggested knowledge sources:
Dr. Costantini's website
Dr. Lonsdale's articles
Elliot Overton's articles and videos

 

[Omen]

Wow I relate a lot to what you just posted. Even the ages are similar.

I'm looking at moving back to the city in hopes I can rebuild. For my situation, I am half bed-ridden trying to get my health back and I recently discovered my brother has been bringing back stuff from private storage which may have been contaminated with asbestos.

Just because my life wasn't difficult enough already. Problem is I have no support system, only my brother and mother which now I feel like I've just discovered I can't even trust them with my health.

 

[ThinPicking]

Very alternate.

Between great morning emptying and sometimes days of constipation.

Ok Mr Bounce.

I'll be back.

 

[Bounce]

You mentioned also that you are/were taking around 250-500mg thiamine hcl. If you have an issue with thiamine deficiency/functional blockage, this is probably an inadequate dose. Thiamine hcl does not get through the intestinal wall very efficiently.
.....

Wow, that was very interesting to read! Thank you. Sure, it's worth a try in any case. I will take 1g today.

Regarding the "Mind over Matter" thing, that's why I don't think a supplement will help me. Precisely because I have often come out of these "STATES" (through deep meditation, Buteyko breathing, HRV training and cultivating positive feelings). This change should not happen if it is due to a vitamin that I lack. But I'm a little tired of how much I have to do in part to get my State to change. I have to constantly do some kind of exercise or incorporate a morning routine that takes 1-2 hours.

Maybe the truth is in between? As I said, I'm still open to advice on supplements and I'm about to take 1g of thiamine.

Wow I relate a lot to what you just posted. Even the ages are similar.

I'm looking at moving back to the city in hopes I can rebuild. For my situation, I am half bed-ridden trying to get my health back and I recently discovered my brother has been bringing back stuff from private storage which may have been contaminated with asbestos.

Just because my life wasn't difficult enough already. Problem is I have no support system, only my brother and mother which now I feel like I've just discovered I can't even trust them with my health.

I wish for you thanks things will work

It´s a nice Forum. I like it. I feel seen by you guys.

I also want to share that yesterday I wrote to my mom that I don't want any contact for now. It was clear before that I will meet with incomprehension.

I feel sorry for her now and I imagine worst case scenarios that she will become depressed and something will happen. This is the factor that makes me realize that the relationship with her has quite toxic features. I wouldn't feel that way with my father. Setting boundaries for my mother feels extremely threatening to me. The reason for that could be that when I was a child, she told me, "If I die, it's your fault," and so on. When I'm old, I don't want to look back and see how much I was with this woman with my thoughts and feelings, and yet this relationship is constantly an issue in me that I think I need to work on. I would like to have my thoughts now with me and my girlfriend and that I am loved and seen and my bonding system can have new experiences, but I subconsciously always go to "mama". Time for a new therapist.

It felt also good though. I slept very well and feel space within myself and like I was able to set boundaries. And I understand better why I need that.

Contact with my mother automatically brings me to old memories and feelings and I want to put my focus somewhere else now. Namely, where I am nurtured. And that is 2-3 friends, my girlfriend, nature, good food and peace. What I didn't mention is that in the last few years my mother has been having freak outs when I was visiting, where she has been extremely verbally attacking me and trying to blame me. I don't know if she even knows that herself. It's like a switch flips in her. Of course she can't physically threaten me anymore, but she knows exactly which points in me hurt and I feel ashamed when I write this.

Have a nice day everyone.

 

[Bounce]

@mostlylurking I definitely have a paradoxical reaction (have seen many videos of elliot). But actually it's just a strong (relaxed) fatigue that I just get. Am a bit dizzy.

 

[Aspekt]

I would look into Trauma Release Exercises (TRE), it helped me a lot break out of those deeply ingrained nervous system patterns

 

[youngsinatra]

@mostlylurking I definitely have a paradoxical reaction (have seen many videos of elliot). But actually it's just a strong (relaxed) fatigue that I just get. Am a bit dizzy.

I think many are just going too crazy with thiamine in terms of dosing. Some might really need that much, but I think many hurt themselves with that regimen. It’s an important nutrient, but it’s not the end all be all.

I only use 5-10mg of a highly bioavailable form of thiamine (TPP) sublingually per day and it gives me „benefits“, or to put it differently, I get symptoms if I don’t take it for a week.

But when I am taking just a little bit more, like 20mg, it starts to give me weird symptoms like dizziness, floating sensation, increased fatigue, depression, disturbed sleep due high body heat with excessive sweating and high saliva; I personally believe it’s due to B1 being a strong pro-cholinergic compound.

For a while I used 2-3 grams of thiamine HCL and felt better (I think I was deficient and really felt better due to fixing a deficiency) but after a short amount of time I started to feel really bad with that amount.

 

[Bounce]

I think many are just going too crazy with thiamine in terms of dosing. Some might really need that much, but I think many hurt themselves with that regimen. It’s an important nutrient, but it’s not the end all be all.

I only use 5-10mg of a highly bioavailable form of thiamine (TPP) sublingually per day and it gives me „benefits“, or to put it differently, I get symptoms if I don’t take it for a week.

But when I am taking just a little bit more, like 20mg, it starts to give me weird symptoms like dizziness, floating sensation, increased fatigue, depression, disturbed sleep due high body heat with excessive sweating and high saliva; I personally believe it’s due to B1 being a strong pro-cholinergic compound.

For a while I used 2-3 grams of thiamine HCL and felt better (I think I was deficient and really felt better due to fixing a deficiency) but after a short amount of time I started to feel really bad with that amount.

Yes. Right now it feels for me also uncomfortable. I have all the symptoms you described expect increase of salvia. For me it's the opposite.

Edit: i feel more and more dizzy and tired. Dont know if its a paradoxical reaction, but i will not take 1g again.

 

[mostlylurking]

Maybe the truth is in between? As I said, I'm still open to advice on supplements and I'm about to take 1g of thiamine.

Maybe that will be too much? I spent several months (October -January) stair-stepping up to my optimum dose. I also increased my magnesium glycinate several times. Magnesium is needed when high dosing thiamine. I also take around 90mg of riboflavin and also niacinamide 4Xday.

I definitely have a paradoxical reaction (have seen many videos of elliot). But actually it's just a strong (relaxed) fatigue that I just get. Am a bit dizzy.

I think that the "paradoxical reaction" happens more with TTFD than with thiamine hcl. TTFD uses glutathione and if you are deficient in it (like I was) you can feel pretty awful. Elliot recommended taking thiamine hcl for a while because it normalizes glutathione. My level is normal now but I never tried TTFD again after that first pill that gave me a whopping headache that lasted 36 hours. Glutathione can get deficient if you are under a lot of stress; my heavy metal poisoning caused a lot of stress, used up my thiamine stores and my glutathione too.

You might find Dr. Costantini's information about Therapy and also his FAQs helpful; I sure did. He stated that he always assumed a negative reaction was from too high a dose so he would stop treatment for a week, then resume it with half the dose. He said you should never have a negative reaction to thiamine hcl. However, I do think that if you are deficient in magnesium you could have one maybe.

For a while I used 2-3 grams of thiamine HCL and felt better (I think I was deficient and really felt better due to fixing a deficiency) but after a short amount of time I started to feel really bad with that amount.

Perhaps you overdid it? I've read that in addition to taking some magnesium, it's possible that some riboflavin and also some niacinamide would be a good idea; I think that was from Elliot Overton in a more recent video.

Edit: i feel more and more dizzy and tired. Dont know if its a paradoxical reaction, but i will not take 1g again.

It is also possible that the tiredness could be from your adrenaline going down. You might need to slowly work your way up to that dose. Another problem that can happen is that the thiamine is lowering your blood sugar so perhaps drinking a glass of orange juice would help. Thiamine facilitates burning sugar to make ATP so it makes sense that it would lower blood sugar (which can be a good thing so long as it doesn't get too low). Thiamine makes me get hungry. If I forget to take it I tend to forget to eat.