Deeply Depressed

[Nstocks]

Hmmmm.

Looking back to the past 5 years, I think I can assume I have some form of depression.

Trying to keep this short, I studied Architecture which took around 7 years and some those years were on the brink of suicidal. (most students felt depressed in my studio)

After graduating, it has taken 3 years to gain employment due to industry/financial/location etc. I have been in a job for 4 months (previous job was 8 years in retail) and I cannot stand being there.

From the outset, the office (myself, the boss and someone else) is extremely quiet, dull, cluttered and down right depressing. No music, conversations are limited to Monday mornings and Friday evening (talking about the weekend) and between that there's barley a conversation to be had. I feel incredibly dumb in this job, which is understandable since it's new, but the things I'm doing wrong are things I can absolutely do. In my own environment... Boss frequently watches over me, sniggers when I ask for help and in general gives the impression that I'm not doing my job, though that's never been said so paranoia is on my part.

I'm already considering changing jobs to another office, but if that doesn't happen I'm stuck.

I often wonder "Why the hell am I choosing this 9-6 office job, no excitement within the environment, miserable cold days, when I could be anywhere I wanted in the world!".

Well, not quite since it takes money.

Job aside, I have a hobby of reef keeping which I adore. I think about what life would be like living in Indonesia or Hawaii or Australia in a job away from computers, technology and deadlines. Something like a maintenance worker for gardens, or something to do with tropical life.

It like there's no end in sight and it all comes down to job/money at this point. Before having a full time job, sure I'd be stuck at home, but I was free to do whatever I wanted and I think now, having to abide by the 9-6 routine, waiting for an exhausted weekend is making things worse. I'm all for living in the moment, but in 40, 50 years time what would I be doing if I haven't made savings, or contributed to the world as much as I wanted to?

I don't know. I probably expected a full time 'dream job' to make me happy, which is doesn't and I wonder why I can't just let go of this lifestyle and do something completely difference, in a warm climate. (Winter here, so SAD is making things even worse!)

 

[marsaday]

Get out and do it, don't talk about it. I think like most younger people you just need to grow into yourself and understand what you want out of life.

Do the outdoor job, it is great working outside BUT you also have negative aspects to that as well. Cold in the winter depending where in the world.

A job will not make you happy. You make yourself happy. You can have a crap job like lots of people do, but a fulfilled life.

What would happen if you won $10m dollars tomorrow. You would have a few holidays i am sure, but long term you would focus on doing something you enjoy.

 

[Nstocks]

The thing is, I LOVED doing what I did before gaining employment in the field. It was because I was in my own environment, could focus, knew exactly what I needed to do and how I can do it. I still like the idea of staying within the industry, but I can't see myself thriving in the office I'm currently in. (We all sit in our own corners. Literally)

people I work with both have families and a 'life' and part of my problem is I don't! (I don't want children anyway). It's probably easier for them to detach from work and not constantly think about it like I have been doing. It is up to myself and only myself to do things outside of the office but if 70% of my week is working, I have to be happy there too.

I can totally see why some people don't take their job as their life, meaning a job is just that, there are external things that can be fulfilling.

For whatever reason, I just lost all confidence in my abilities after a few weeks and I've become fed up of the work, the environment and how my boss talks to me ("Don't park in my space, make me coffee, ring this person blah, blah")

People who know me outside my current work space know me as a bright, intelligent, happy, fun young guy. This new environment has changed everything about me and I can't see it changing back,beyond a few minutes in the parking lot with my other colleague where we can actually speak! (the company do not welcome changes... to anything, let alone being able to speak during the work day)

 

[Rand56]

Doesn't sound like you have a good boss. You all not being able to speak during the work day is insane. I would dread working in that kind of office environment, so I don't blame you for feeling stressed in that type of situation.

During your breaks, have you talked to your other co-workers about your work conditions? I would bet they feel the same as you, even though you say they have a "life" and you might think they are more content about the work conditions. Also, I think your boss is looking at things bass ackwards.. If he/she lightened things up some, I bet all of your productivity would increase. But bosses can be bosses, and I have worked for a couple doozies myself in the past.

Your heart obviously isn't in it. If I were you, I'd be looking for another job, Hang in there, you will eventually do what is best for yourself.