Integral Moves Forward: Lose Fat, Lift More, Worry Less.

[tara]

Congratulations on your degree.
Do you need to be living with your family now?
If you are still being subjected to the same stresses as got you into trouble in the first place, that can make it harder to recover.
(Insulting your family probably won't improve your relationships with them, even if they also do it to you.)

 

[Integral]

Congratulations on your degree.
Do you need to be living with your family now?
If you are still being subjected to the same stresses as got you into trouble in the first place, that can make it harder to recover.
(Insulting your family probably won't improve your relationships with them, even if they also do it to you.)

Thanks Tara!

I wrote that when deeply gripped in the flight or flight response last night at around 12:30AM. I was in that state where thoughts are basically just rushing through your head, it's awful. I woke up today absolutely exhausted and still a little in the stress response. I don't think I'll train today I'll have to recover from yesterday's stress, I'll train tomorrow instead. Did some deep breathing and visualisations now feeling much better.

I had a long discussion with my brother and Mum begging to get them to understand what is going on. I was on the verge of tears, was v. choked up could barely speak. They kept telling me I am making it all up etc but I eventually got through to my Mum. Brother of course being him just dismissed everything I said and said he is not interested.

I finally got through to my Mum! She is now on board.

I don't want to leave this house, I have lived with other people my age before, I spent 3 years at University living in dorms and then a rented student house. It was an awesome ride but it was also very unhealthy in terms of some of the stupid stuff we got up to, drinking to excess 3 times a week, partying a lot, even drugs which now I can't believe I did but yeah I was a bit crazy back then lol. I have a plan going forward into life but I need to be here right now until I've kicked this anxiety's ****. Plus I am broke so I would literally be homeless if I left lol!

My house is a very nice environment. While my Dad is very old school and an extreme workaholic, he has provided us with a comfortable life, he is however very closed minded and despite his extremely stress-filled life nearly killing him last year when he has a transient ischemic attack, he will never change which is sad because I respect him. My Mum is a house wife, equally old school but has a heart of gold. When I became ill for the first time she was so understanding and helped me beyond words can describe. She is a big worrier though....lol. She has suffered with ulcerative colitis for 30 years, struggles with it day to day so understands how it is to be unwell, but despite this she puts her heart and soul into helping others, not just within my family but tbh everyone she meets, she is so kind. I love my parents to death truly, I cherish them so much. I tell my Mum I love her everyday I think, have done for as long as I can remember.

My brother, while we have a good relationship, is basically a shitty human being which breaks my heart because I do love him too and I have honestly given so much time and effort to him when he was growing up. It saddens me to see how he turned out. He is the epitome of an closed minded, egotistical fool tbh. Flunked out of everything, has 0 accomplishments and 0 qualifications in his 19 years of life, but is working an entry level position in a cinema atm for minimum wage which is better than nothing. He basically gives no shits about anyone or anything tbh, when my Dad nearly died he spent the day chilling watching netflix as I rushed around for three days taking my Dad to hospital etc stressed out my mind. He is absolutely unaware of his behaviour. It's ****88 up some people are like that....

You're right in everything you're saying anyway Tara of course I agree. Stress is the opposite of what you need to heal tbh lol. Taking stock now, the environment itself is not that stressful, it's more the underlying anxiety that is the problem.

This is just a bump in the road in the grand scheme. I've been so unwell I couldn't even lift myself out of bed, this is painful as **** right now but it's nothing. I have made huge progress. All that insomnia, major depressive disorder, cognitive dysfunction, digestive stress etc is honestly gone. I am dealing with some anxiety now. Anxiety in my opinion is a stupid, inappropriate disorder and I don't give my anxiety any respect. It is an unwelcome guest in my mind and I'm going to get this fool to leave. I am just going to keep pushing forward with the Linden method. It is not an easy journey doing this method to say the least, it is different for everyone I hear but it has been very trudging and slow for me to be honest. Despite this, the most painful aspects of the anxiety have been hammered by the method, so all I can do is keep putting one foot in front of the other until I am over this hump and onto the next chapter in life. I am not giving up on the Linden method, thousands of people have recovered with this, I have personally spoken to such people. I have had a friggin rough 7 years by anyone's standards, as many of us on this forum have, but one thing I thank God for is that I was born a fighter and will never give in until the end of my days....

Life is no rose garden it is challenging, there are triumphant ups and bitter, heart breaking downs. This is the essence of humanity.

Rav.

 

[Integral]

I trained today. Diet going well too, been a good consistent day for eating tbh.

I am now not going to talk about the 'A' word (anxiety) until I've kicked it's **** completely. I put my family straight today, I told them the blunt facts. We had a 3 hour talk and got it all in the open. It's still hard for them to understand but I don't care I'm moving forwards. They cried and apologised....I forgive them but as they say it's always darkest before the dawn and the past few days were dark to say the least. Now begins the dawn of my life where I will realise my potential and strength.

25.01.15
*Pre-Activation
A) Flat BB: 75kg 3 x 8 (Last 3 paused)
B) Band Assisted Dips (Blue Band): 8/3/3 (Was fine but latter sets I purposely wanted to keep it easy. You know why)
C) DB Constant Tension Lateral Raises: 2.5kg 13/12/8 (The dips were a bit of a shoulder drainer but this movement rocks anyway, you don't ever need heavy weight for it, I'd eventually like to do this small 5lb db for sets of 30-40).
D) Rope Pushdowns: 18kg 15/13/11
E) Structural Balance Work: Double Band Facepulls 3 x 12 - Blackburns on Floor (Y-W-T-I) x 3 - Lying Band Pullaparts 3 x 25.

I am now going to fill my day with meaningful activity. I think I will print off the application work for volunteer work at the local hospital today. I will not do any admin but if they let me work with PEOPLE, I will happily do it.

Regards,
Rav.

 

[Integral]

26.01.16 - Pull

I forgot my log book today. I remembered the weight for deadlifts but the rest I just did on the fly tbh. I kept the correct rep range though.

A) Deadlift: 130kg 3 x 3
B) Hammer Strength Horizontal Row: 60kg 3 x 12
C) Lat Pulldown: 60kg 2 x 12
D) DB Row: 15kg 3 x 12
E) Structural Balance Work: Safety Squat Bar Goodmorning: 3 x 12.

Cheers,
Rav.

 

[Integral]

Another quick share from my late night ramblings on facebook. I wanted to get into something interesting but it's nearly 1am here and I'm tired so this will have to do lol

"Bit deep but I need to get some thoughts out, might as well write them here..why not….Isn't it weird that the further you go through life the more you can see that things had to happen for you to be where you are and for you to get where you need to get? It's like this for everyone I'm certain, whether you see it right now or not. I think back to the infamous commencement speech Steve Jobs did where he told Stanford students, people attending one of the most prestigious, competitive and respected Universities of the world, that they needed to drop out if they wanted to succeed, that they should follow their bliss and let the dots connect themselves in hindsight. I'm 24 now and it's happened to me so often it's just weird. It has felt at times as if there has been some sort of invisible hand guiding me my whole life (*remember this part). I completed my studies not too long ago (bagged a sweet 2:1 woo hoo) but there was a time I was in no condition to study to say the least let alone get the grades I wanted...Now I am here and very proud of overcoming the obstacles I faced which I was told were 'very, very serious' by doctors. I was written off by many fools, I was literally told verbatim: 'You need to accept you will never be well. Just accept that and get through life'. Being the hard-headed **** I am, the words didn't even register with me honestly I didn't even understand them, it was like the dude was talking Japanese or something. I had guardian angels - my parents and bro, and that was all I ever needed tbh. Recovery was never a mere possibility, it was just a matter of time. I truly had 0 doubt, I don't know if this was a good idea but I aggressively attacked healing and just KNEW I'd do it with absolute ease. I sound like a weirdo when I say that but it's true lol. All that I faced did nothing but make me stronger and you're never given anything in this world you can't take. I am not the cleverest by any stretch and though I can hold my own they won't be giving me any prizes anytime soon let me tell you that lol. Notwithstanding, I know that the Universe is a weird, weird place. What you BELIEVE in this life, you pretty much get. I can't explain the weirdness of the past 24 years any other way. The awesome Dr. Bruce Lipton PhD calls it the biology of belief. Of course adjust expectations where you need to, you might not be the person who needs to walk on the moon or whatever, but you're here for a reason (though many never discover that and if they do I doubt it's ever that glamorous to others)...Anyway it's all interconnected from one end of the cosmos to the other, from the level of the cell where structure and function are interdependent and "life supports life, function builds structure, and structure produces function" (Szent-Gyorgi) to this macro-scale segment of the electro-magnetic spectrum we call reality. I first found out about the observer effect from my wonderful scientist friend Ross. How that conversation would go on to change my perspective forever….I was scared when he explained it tbh, it left me feeling cold, but I continued to research it anyway. The EPR Paradox as I understand was created as a sort of reductio ad absurdum to basically show the observer effect of the Copehagen Interpretation to be madness. Yet, John Bell firstly proved this tongue in cheek hypothetical situation to be real, and then in 1981 Alain Aspect created a real-world experiment which proved Bell to be right and the workings of the Universe appeared to get increasingly obscure as it appears as if particles can be 'entangled'. I think they've used genetic material from human mouth scapings to demonstrate entanglement not too long ago. Anyway, now years later I'm sat reading Professor Amit Goswami's Self-Aware Universe where he's saying the Universe is self-aware and consciousness influences reality (consciousness is not understood in this sense to be the same as 'mind' AFAIK…). In many ways it seems that consciousness is the invisible hand that connects the dots in hindsight that Steve Jobs was talking about and though we're a species of bickering dickheads I don't think it needs to always be that way….Peace."

 

[Integral]

Had a good chilled out day today was busy and then at around 8PM my buddy came down and we kicked back and drank some beers. Have not drank in ages so was fun. Feeling pretty tired now tho lol

 

[Integral]

Trained legs which went great. My days are getting more and more full and fun. I have put in an application yesterday to do volunteer work at the local hospital, just pushing wheelchairs and giving directions around that huge place. To serve is to nourish the soul.

I get up at 6:30 now regardless of when I went to bed and it allows me to get more out of the day.

29.01.16 - Legs
A) Squat: 75kg 3 x 8
B) Unilateral Leg Press: 100kg 2 x 12 (I did actually do 3 sets but won't count the first as it was with only 80kg)
C) Gironda Leg Curl: 15kg 3 x 12
D) Structural Balance Work: Didn't do as was not feeling it tbh, lol.

Cheers,
Rav.

 

[Integral]

Went for a run yesterday (Sat 30th Jan) and surprisingly I held up just great. I enjoyed it to be honest.

 

[Integral]

Felt SO tired today like an actual zombie.

I am trying to join the 5AM club (wake up at 5am) so since the 30th I set my alarm at 5am and felt great the saturday and got so much done. Next day, I felt so awful, my body literally screamed for mercy. You've heard of the voice in the head which tells you to go back to sleep? Well this was a legion of voices and they weren't very subtle let me tell you.

It is too early to conclude what it was. Was it getting up earlier or was it the run, as I can see both being stressful in their own right.

I am going to continue for another four days and try and spot a pattern.

Cheers,Rav

 

[Integral]

Scratch that I posted in ray peat inspired on facebook and the good community there let me know it's most likely the running and it's the wise choice to listen to the body rather than experiment right now. No more running lol

 

[Integral]

It's 9:54AM Monday morning and I feel fine. No tiredness like yesterday and I've been up since 5am which is just going to have to become my normal awakening hour. Got some good stuff done. I read for 1.5 hours and took notes. Then I will admit I got a bit distracted but it was in a positive way, I deleted all social media apart from facebook which I sort of like. On facebook I deleted loads of people who were listed as friends on my profile and blocked a few negative people.
I can see why people call it 'Fakebook'....I was myself lost, utterly lost, posting things about how great my life was when I was DYING inside. Out of the chaos and disorder of that period of my life came the growth and positivity of this new chapter of my life. It's still hard and I still have that negative voice in my head but now I try not to listen to it....

Anyone who reads my log is welcome to add me on facebook. I am here to serve others. Without being compassionate and loving I would be nothing.

https://www.facebook.com/rav.sandhu.942?=743264506

That's me, Rav Sandhu.

Will be going to the gym soon.

Thanks,
Rav.

 

[Integral]

Just got back from lifting, was good.

Push
A) Bench: 77kg 3 x 8 (Last 3 reps paused)
B) Band Assisted Dips: Blue Band 8/4/4
C) DB Constant Tension Laterals: 2.5kg 15/12/Lost count but was pretty decent
D) Rope Pushdowns: 18kg 3 x 15
E) Structural Balance Work: Prone Y-Raise Iso Holds 3 x 12 secs/ Prone T-Iso Hold 3 x 12 secs/ Double Band Facepulls 3 x 20/ Lying Facepulls 3 x 25.

 

[Integral]

Productive and doing great.

03.02.16 Pull
A) Deadlift: 135kg 3 x 3
B) Chest Supported Row: 7.5kg 12/10/12 (changed grip on last set) - All reps done with good contraction at top
C) Lat Pulldown: 70kg 2 x 12
D) Smith Machine Row: 30kg 12/8/6
E) Structural Balance Work: Safety Squat Bar Goodmornings 3 x 12 / Back Extension 12/10/-

Cheers,
Rav.

 

[Integral]

I'm not going to be a user of this forum any more. I have grown a lot and my perspective has changed. Very grateful for this.

Thanks for those who helped me grow, there are a lot of good people here. I was able to use this log to cement some good new habits but now I am ready to rock and roll. I will now make enormous progress in my life and actualize my dreams.

Choose to aggressively step into growth. The world has enough negativity. Choose to be positive, respectful, compassionate and understand that the Universe deeply wants you to succeed. Pain is nothing more than a lesson at some level, and the Universe weeps when you do not learn.

You can always add me on facebook if you want to see what I get up to.

Peace,
Rav.

 

[Blossom]

Peace Rav.

 

[zooma]

I've enjoyed your posts on training, given me a few new ideas to explore. Glad things are working out for you.

Good luck Rav

 

[tara]

Good luck.