Darius Jenkins
Member
- Joined
- Jan 21, 2019
- Messages
- 25
Hello guys, so my life has been very tough and challenging. I really think i have a brain disorder. I struggle with ocd and anxiety and sometimes mild depression. I feel hopeless at times and ruminate alot. I dont know where this came from but i do have an idea on how it came about. Last year i struggled with suicidal thoughts because i felt alone and i had no friends at that time. School was stressing me out. I had struggled with pornography addiction and wanted to talk to this girl i had a crush on, but i didnt have the confidence. I kept on obsessing about her and that drove me crazy. I thoguht i was really a lame guy and wouldnt stand a chance with her. I kept this same thought pattern. I was getting mad and jealous of all the couples in my high school. School was also stressing me out at the time as i wasnt making good grades. I was molested and emotionally abused as a teen and that was on my mind alot. I had felt different from other guys. I felt like a failure and loser. This drove me to the point of wanting to end it all. So one day i went outside and i had a knife with me. I remeber i started cutting the side of my face. I cut some but not deep. The scars didnt seem noticeable. The next thing i did was bang my head on a pavement. I dont remember how many times i did it but it was probably 5-6 times. I was trying to break my skull. I banged it semi-hard but not hard enough to break or fracture anything. I really regret doing this and i think this is the reason why i have these problems. I feel like im a stupid person and have average intelligence. I feel slow at times. When i have a conversation with people i sometimes say stupid stuff or act weird. It takes me along time to respond to some things they say to me as well. I also cant pick up on soical cues. I dont know who else can relate to this. I have poor judegement moments too.
I had looked up symptoms of cte and i have some of them. I have memory loss, confusion, poor judgement , anxiety and depression and headaches.
I am so scared for my life right now i dont know what to do im trying so hard to hang in there and keep on living life. I dont wanna kill myself because of the effect it would have on my family.
I just have bad ocd and ruminate alot.
The mental scars from my past trauma is still with me. I just feel a lot of anger and agression. Ive had testicular surgery in the past and went through depression and had to take antidepressants.
I had looked up symptoms of cte and i have some of them. I have memory loss, confusion, poor judgement , anxiety and depression and headaches.
I am so scared for my life right now i dont know what to do im trying so hard to hang in there and keep on living life. I dont wanna kill myself because of the effect it would have on my family.
I just have bad ocd and ruminate alot.
The mental scars from my past trauma is still with me. I just feel a lot of anger and agression. Ive had testicular surgery in the past and went through depression and had to take antidepressants.