struggling 24 year old male

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i'm going to try to keep this short, but at the same time provide all the information i can that i believe to be relevant.

i grew up having a pretty normal childhood. i had a group of close friends and was pretty smart. i had certain issues with some social anxiety, but nothing that was too problematic. other than my fear of the opposite sex, life was pretty good. i jerked off constantly, so i never felt the need to interact with women. i moved on to college and struggled at first to make friends, but eventually was able to figure things out, however, it was extremely difficult for me. i almost transferred. although i was eventually able to find my niche and life wasn't too bad from what i remember. i always have had a way of making people laugh once i am comfortable around them. kind of like robin williams. sometimes, i felt like i was on another level but i would hit these lows that were pretty scary. i had depression and took prozac, but it was not severe depression. i began smoking weed and got addicted. it allowed me to meet new people and it felt incredible. it relieved me of my anxiety. i spent a year and half smoking weed almost every day, sometimes multiple times a day, until eventually it gave me extreme paranoia and depression. i experienced panic attacks and realized that it just didn't give me the same euphoric feeling it used to. so i stopped and got into bodybuilding. i became obsessed with bodybuilding, working out 6 days a week. it made me feel pretty good about myself, b/c i had always been insecure about my appearance. i felt that if i could become content with my body i would have the confidence to pursue relationships with women. it didn't but once again, life wasn't too bad for me just yet. i still had my friends and was enjoying college for the most part. i still took antidepressants on and off, but eventually decided to stop because of all the bad things i had read online. i felt healthy enough to work out and be with friends.

so then at 21 years old i find out i had eppstein barr virus while in italy and i began to feel extremely tired and certainly not myself. my memory began to fade and i slipped into a deep depression. i felt cold tired weak and scared. this is what led me to ray peat. i experimented with vegan, paleo, etc. but then at 22 years old i found ray peat's work and have been committed ever since.

to this day, i have only seen minimal improvement and i am almost 25. i work out and appear to be very fit, i have a full head of hair, clear skin with some acne here and there, but i am still cold, weak, tired, anxious, fearful, etc. my memory is poor and i am not as intelligent as i once was. i am not eccentric like i used to be and find social situations even with friends and family to be very uncomfortable. i have a constant flat mood and now consider myself to have serious depression. ever since i got mono i have not been the same. i have trouble formulating thoughts and learning no things. i am writing this in hopes of getting help so i can be myself again. before mono i was not perfect, but i felt pretty good. i feel hopeless and don't know what to do.

on top of all of this, i have been a chronic masturbator for about 8 years. i masturbated almost everyday for 8 years and believe this is a major contributor to my social anxiety. today marks 30 days since i have masturbated and i believe this to be a major factor in my poor health. i don't plan on masturbating ever again. i have yet to see improvements from this, but i am confident that it should help by the 90 day mark. i believe i never had any interest in interacting with women because i always had porn as a back up plan. it is sad, but true. i also believe that masturbating is incredibly draining and it is depleting to the body. also I'm guessing that my addictions have done some damage to dopamine receptors.

so this is where i stand today. i have painfully cold hands and feet, and no emotion. i always have a flat mood. i have nothing to talk about with people. nothing excites me. i am bored of life. i have no passion. i have been told i look drunk and have been called "sleepy." i am pretty jacked, 6ft tall 165 lbs, full head of hair, decent skin, good bowel movements, but cognitively i feel like i have dementia. its not like i don't have interests, i just dont have the physical energy to engage in them. it is also extremely difficult in school because i just cannot retain info and learn new things without finding it overwhelming.

here is my diet:

eggs, orange juice gelatin
beef, rice
carrot
yogurt, honey, juice
chocolate
cheese, bread, gelatin
ice cream, milk

vitamin a, d, k, zinc, magnesium

pregnenolone (first was great, now seems to do nothing)

cyproheptadine 1-2mg a couple hours before bed, doesn't really do much other than make me tired.

i know its not perfect, but i focus on simple sugars from honey and fruit, get plenty of gelatin and dairy, and certainly enough protein. i am constantly eating throughout the day too.

what am i missing in my life? will my body revert back to normal after some time from not masturbating? am i subconsciously attached to my illness because it gives me an excuse to avoid social situations? in my heart, i truly feel something is wrong and i just don't know what to do anymore.
 

Curt :-)

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Hey man. This is a crappy situation. I really feel for you and I hope we can help somewhat.

Firstly, don't you dare go back to jerking off. It's something I've been struggling with for quite a while. I just ruined a two month abstinence streak all because I felt shitty about an argument I had with someone. Pathetic. Masturbation isn't about libido or orgasm; it's about escape. I only ever feel like it when I'm not "centred". It simply does not cross my mind when I am happy or engaged in my hobbies, hanging with nice people, etc. Don't go back man. I simply can't express how counter productive and not ******* worth it it is.
I have managed to quit porn though. I have no desire for that, even when feeling low. Porn is ruining people, young men in particular. It's so sad. Such a waste of human potential. I'll shut up now!
 

pboy

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man...im gonna be frank for the sake of you, check your intentions and what are your actual goals in life, how do you see the world...think of beyond your own appearance as an interest or girls wanting to suck your ****. How can you actually serve other people and the whole, figure out what you are and what you are doing, or youre never gonna snap out of this and just age the same way as everyone else. Social anxiety is usually because of selfish interests with nothing to contribute...or else youd be contributing and no anxiety. Keep in mind most people are full of ***t, have nothing to contribute themselves, and are simply regurgitated frivolous things, making annoying sounds and chatter, and are only self absorbed also...trying to exude some fake thing to achieve some means of an end. This well never bring you happiness, you have to rise above it and actually have something of higher purpose, value, deeper insight to contribute. People (and girls) will start acting different towards you. If your physical health is already good, then you have a huge leg up already

also to add, don't take it personally. People either come to this realization usually post school or later in life, or never at all. The systems from birth have basically been shutting this part of you down, and attempting to make you a cog in a wheel with anxiety who buys products and uses sex appeal and 'being cool and attention' as the carrot on the stick. This is incongruous with real life and your physical/mental/spiritual self. Once you start feeling what im saying youll realize its way better, feels better, and has a much different and better vibe

be exceptionally open hearted
 

charlie

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Lisuride makes me feel good and its connected to dopamine somehow. Are you tracking your temps and pulse?
 
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no i haven't been tracking temps and pulse.

I'm wondering if i should take thyroid, but really do not want to. i think I'm gonna up my pregnenolone, up my calories and hope that the combination of nofap, more food, and pregnenolone help me get my life back.

any recommendations would be greatly appreciated.
 

mt_dreams

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Many people in their 20's experience this so don't fret. Seems like the division b/w desire & perceived reality is just too much for people to process. If I wrote my past it would sound almost identical to yours subbing your virus & depression meds for my auto immune virtiligo.

Before taking thyroid, I would get your levels tested. And depending on your financial state, test your vitamin & mineral levels if possible. All that ejaculating may have depleted some of your minerals.

your height & weight suggest that you could probably use a break from exercising. By this I mean take a break from running &/or lifting weights, and just use the energy to move &/or dance. Your adrenals may be shot with all that exercising you've done. It took 2 years for me to finally get my burnt out adrenals (from overexercising) back in order. Exercising more than once a week is probably overkill for many people, especially if they have adrenal or thyroid issues. I agree it would be wise to increase calories until you start gaining weight.

I had trouble with hand & feet temp before upping my salt intake & removing drinking water. Now my liquids come from dairy, coffee & fruit, and unless I'm in the sun or exercising, I don't drink water. I use my stools as an indicator for needing more liquid. As you probably know, low thyroid also causes this issue.

Regarding my fear of the opposite sex during my teens, I boiled it down to 2 fundamental issues that took work to fix.
1) I was not getting touched enough by females. Whenever I was getting touched, my anixety re the opposite sex was minimal. I fixed this problem by getting a 'regular' massage if I had gone long enough without dancing or sexual encounters with females.
2) My mom being a strict old school teacher, was very judging of me growing up. So I grew up believing I was not good enough, which created a fear of failure. This hampered my interactions with females, as I would always be concerned that they were judging me, and I was not good enough. This made approaching girls impossible. Thankfully I had enough girls approaching me, which without, I probably would have slipped into a depression. It wasn't until I stopped caring about what other people thought of me that I found freedom in interactions. Treat life as a game. don't give other people the power over your emotions, take back your power. I now take humor in catching myself worrying about how an interaction is going.

The problem of premature ejaculation (not to mention sleep ejaculation) was always too much of a problem for me to stop masturbating altogether. So I've sort of fine tuned my methods. 10% of the time I allow porn, but limit the viewing to 1 pornstar (finding scenes with a buildup is also important, as most real life sexual interaction include a buildup). I usually masturbate twice a week. Here's the kicker ... I don't ejaculate (other then the rare occasion). Masturbating for me has now become more about playing with the energy from my base chakra, and sending it to different parts of the body. Two advantages to this is you strengthen your inner pelvic muscles which give you total control over ejac, and your sex drive will go up. There lots of eastern literature on the subject.

You have nothing to talk about????? No Way! Just from your post, I can find topics in the fields of health & exercise, life/passion/calling, etc. Perhaps it more about you not wanting to converse, than the quality of material ... which would indicate you may be an introvert. I have friends who talk mainly about things that are happening in their life. I don't find this type of convo engaging, so I usually just listen when life stuff is being discussed. I'm more of a big idea & observationalist, so those are the kinds of convos where I'm more extroverted/passionate. So do you avoid social situations b/c you feel you are not good at them, or b/c you do not enjoy them/would rather be somewhere else (difference being, I am not good at volleyball, but I enjoy playing the game even though most my friends are better at it than me. compared with the decision I make not to go to bars with friends, when watching a sporting event is the main thing being done, b/c i don't enjoy the experience much.

You're diet looks fine, though you wont know for sure without testing. I was massively deficient in vitamin D & folate even though I was eating foods rich in both those vitamins.

How much sleep do you get? If you look drunk, it may be from sleep debt. Some people need up to 10 hours a day to be free of sleep debt. I posted an dan pardi article regarding this yesterday.

What are you missing? maybe meaning? A good place to start may be to read 'man's search for meaning' ... “Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of his life is, but rather he must recognize that it is he who is asked. In a word, each man is questioned by life; and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life he can only respond by being responsible.”
 

arinryan

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Isn't it possible to masturbate without porn?? (yes) I don't see anything so terrible about masturbating every day--I did it in my 20s too. Porn is another story...I'm sure for guys its much more of a siren song, but-- maybe mt_dreams method is something to try. To me, not letting yourself have physical pleasure at all seems like a form of self-loathing. You can't treat your desire like something to be held down and suffocated.

This could be a reason for getting depressed, too: if your mental/soul desires, not just physical desires, are getting suffocated as well. What is your family like? Is it strict/ religious?
 

natedawggh

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Hey Bud,

Sorry to hear you don't feel well. Hang in there.

JACKING OFF:
Masturbation couldn't be further from your problem. Just like drinking, smoking, laughing, playing, sleeping—sex and masturbation result in the release of feel-good hormones, even if temporary, and the urge to do it frequently is merely the sign that your body is under a great deal of stress. It intuitively knows that masturbating will help release dopamine and that will at least temporarily relieve your suffering. There is absolutely no scientific basis for thinking this is a harmful behavior—IN ANY WAY.

Even the short burst of Parathyroid hormone following ejaculation is meant to refill your seminal fluid, and is totally fine and helpful and the way your body is supposed to work. Also, the feelings of vulnerability after ejaculation are meant to elicit bonding with yourself or the person you are intimate with, and it is easy for anyone with feelings of shame or guilt to misinterpret that sensitivity as something negative.

LOW VITALITY:
Now as for actual health and hormones—you should add progesterone and vitamin e to your regimen. Long Natural Health online carries Progest-e. I take about five drops morning and night. In addition to pregnenolone for a male, Progesterone will help depress estrogen and help release thyroid. After a week on progesterone you may experience a gentle fever around 101, this is your thyroid dumping the stored T3 in your body and will help to reduce the levels of Polyunsaturated fat and Iron in your tissues. The heat will slowly dissipate after a few days and you will start to have feelings of vitality. In combination with a peat friendly diet (WHICH DOES NOT INCLUDE BREAD OR GRAINS OF ANY KIND), your body will recover the ability to be healthy on its own. Vitamin E is an estrogen antagonist, as well has having many beneficial properties. Make sure the Vitamin E you get is from non-GMO sunflowers (because there are synthetics and soy based versions), and that there are no other toxic additives.

Progesterone gives me a raging libido (taken with Pregnenolone for men), and completely relieved my depression. After using it for a few months many other health issues resolved themselves as well such as eczema, chronic cough and mental clarity. Vitamin E also increases oxygenation of the reproductive organs, improving fertility and hormone balance. Take pregnenolone in the middle of the day when your temperature and metabolism are at its peak, that will help keep it from converting to estrogen.

The opposite of depression is not happiness, but vitality.

Also, beef is not really ideal, especially since it's high in iron. Focus on keeping the majority of your protein intake from milk, potatoes, gelatin, fruit, and stock reductions if you have the ability to do so.
 
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i see your point regarding jacking off, however, in my case i think it is best i go without it. and its worth a shot because nothing else has seemed to work.

i've been taking pregnenolone about 50-100mg a day. at first it gave me this euphoria (maybe because i thought i was free of my issues), but i felt incredible and had a ***t load of energy. that quickly went away and i feel like ***t again.

and if funds are tight do i really need the progesterone as well as the pregnenolone?

so i do not need to take thyroid medication?
 

mt_dreams

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lookingforanswers said:
and if funds are tight do i really need the progesterone as well as the pregnenolone?
so i do not need to take thyroid medication?

Men don't normally need progesterone, so you can save your money there.

There's two categories of low thyroid. People who are normally low in thyroid which the treatment is usually taking thyroid for life. Then there are the people who are low in it due to fixable health reasons. Here you can supplement thyroid short term, or attempt to fix your health via food, light, & rest, hoping this will charge up your thyroid back to full function.

If you're quick to supplement, then I would say to give the thyroid supp a try (like preg, start slowly as it causes body chaos for some people). If, like me, you would prefer to try fix the issue naturally first, I would suggest try upping sugar & protein, sleeping a couple of more hours a night, using powerful light therapy, allow the body to properly recover from exercise, etc.

If you are not eating liver, I would suggest giving it a go (even if you can only tolerate chicken liver), as the B vitamins are huge for energy. For mental lag, herbs like turmeric, ginkgo biloba, ginseng, & ginger all work well, are relatively cheap, and are harmless. Not sure if you drink coffee, some days I'm quite aloof until I get my caffeine

On the subject of weed; You may have done some damage depending on the strain. I know a couple of friends who appear to be running at a slower mental/reaction rate than they use to. Back in college, these were the friends who were always looking for high THC/funky sprayed crops due to the fact it sent them into the clouds. It's a shame there's no formal education on weed, as almost all the health benefits are from the CBD. While high THC is known to cause psychological issues.
 
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yea I'm hesitant to take the thyroid meds b/c theres absolutely no history of needing it in my family. my parents are never cold and never tired like me.
 

natedawggh

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lookingforanswers said:
i see your point regarding jacking off, however, in my case i think it is best i go without it. and its worth a shot because nothing else has seemed to work.

This won't hurt or help you either way, so go for it. There's no rational basis for this idea, absolutely no medical/scientific basis and definitely no Ray Peat basis. Even the trivial rise in post-orgasm prolactin can be nearly eliminated by vitamin E. There is a much greater rise in prolactin just during the nighttime hours.

lookingforanswers said:
i've been taking pregnenolone about 50-100mg a day. at first it gave me this euphoria (maybe because i thought i was free of my issues), but i felt incredible and had a s*** load of energy. that quickly went away and i feel like s*** again.

This is probably because there's something in your diet or something happening in your body that didn't get fixed. Do you drink alcohol? Beef, rice, and yogurt are NOT at all Peat friendly, and could be causing pregnenolone to convert to estrogen and/or cortisol. Adding a little progesterone would make sure to eliminate or greatly reduce estrogen, but most importantly it would increase CO2 concentrations in the body, which in turn would prevent rises in estrogen, serotonin, and other stress hormones. None of these can make up for a deficient diet, however, and you shouldn't try anything else until you've fixed your eating habits.

lookingforanswers said:
and if funds are tight do i really need the progesterone as well as the pregnenolone?
Progest-E is only $35 and for a male would last six months. You just need one-two drops twice a day. You could just use pregnenolone if you can increase your CO2 levels somehow and keep them up, maybe by bag breathing regularly while using carbonated beverages, or using thyroid or vitamin E (natural, from sunflower oil, with no toxic additives).

lookingforanswers said:
so i do not need to take thyroid medication?

You may in fact need to, but if you take thyroid your own thyroid doesn't produce much while you're on it (it will come back shortly) and it's always better to coax your own thyroid to work properly. Progesterone should do that. If it does not you should go on thyroid.
 

tara

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lookingforanswers said:
today marks 30 days since i have masturbated and i believe this to be a major factor in my poor health. i don't plan on masturbating ever again.
Congratulations. Keep it up. I'm not sure about what direct effect this has on physical health - my guess is it could be a minor factor, but probably not the main. But I think stopping is likely to improve your future relationships with women, both for them and for you.
 
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natedawggh said:
lookingforanswers said:
i see your point regarding jacking off, however, in my case i think it is best i go without it. and its worth a shot because nothing else has seemed to work.

This won't hurt or help you either way, so go for it. There's no rational basis for this idea, absolutely no medical/scientific basis and definitely no Ray Peat basis. Even the trivial rise in post-orgasm prolactin can be nearly eliminated by vitamin E. There is a much greater rise in prolactin just during the nighttime hours.

lookingforanswers said:
i've been taking pregnenolone about 50-100mg a day. at first it gave me this euphoria (maybe because i thought i was free of my issues), but i felt incredible and had a s*** load of energy. that quickly went away and i feel like s*** again.

This is probably because there's something in your diet or something happening in your body that didn't get fixed. Do you drink alcohol? Beef, rice, and yogurt are NOT at all Peat friendly, and could be causing pregnenolone to convert to estrogen and/or cortisol. Adding a little progesterone would make sure to eliminate or greatly reduce estrogen, but most importantly it would increase CO2 concentrations in the body, which in turn would prevent rises in estrogen, serotonin, and other stress hormones. None of these can make up for a deficient diet, however, and you shouldn't try anything else until you've fixed your eating habits.

lookingforanswers said:
and if funds are tight do i really need the progesterone as well as the pregnenolone?
Progest-E is only $35 and for a male would last six months. You just need one-two drops twice a day. You could just use pregnenolone if you can increase your CO2 levels somehow and keep them up, maybe by bag breathing regularly while using carbonated beverages, or using thyroid or vitamin E (natural, from sunflower oil, with no toxic additives).

lookingforanswers said:
so i do not need to take thyroid medication?

You may in fact need to, but if you take thyroid your own thyroid doesn't produce much while you're on it (it will come back shortly) and it's always better to coax your own thyroid to work properly. Progesterone should do that. If it does not you should go on thyroid.

if you believe my problem is estrogen, why haven't all the other measures i've taken helped? I eat 1-2 carrots a day, take cyproheptadine about every other night, and take aspirin each day. also take lot of gelatin.

and what about the frequent urination/sensitivity to liquids? how can i resolve that? please don't tell me i need more salt, i ******* parachute salt, i get plenty.
 

Curt :-)

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Strongly disagree with Natedawggh about masturbation. No fap is not a cure-all, but it's a significant piece of the puzzle for so many men. There's thousands of guys on-line singing praise for it. Who cares if there's no evidence for it? There's "no evidence" for a lot of things that clearly work. Obviously you need to keep working on your physiology, but in the meantime, abstain.

My 2 cents :):
 
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ill be honest, i gave in today to masturbating however, going 34 days was tough and I'm proud of myself. i have been studying for an exam and i just needed to do it or my head was gonna explode. i'm certainly not going to slip back into my old ways and am going to beat my record because i do think excessive masturbation can be a stress on the body.

also, i experimented with high doses of aspirin and its amazing, some of my issues are going away. i am less stressed and no longer frequently urinate. my mood is so much better. today was the first day in a while that i did not have to nap. incredible. I'm not icy cold either. nothing seemed to work for me, but now i feel like i made big progress. still going to get the progest-e
 

mt_dreams

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It might be wise to log your energy value daily from a score of 1-10. After doing so for a couple of months I noticed that (aside from stress drain, & sleep debt) during each month my energy was highest 3-5 days before & after the full moon.

I jumped out of my bed today ... Gotta love the full moons.

And for me, to resist releasing semen at some point b/w 3 days before to 3 days after a full moon will result in either a wet dream, or the uncontrollable urge to hump things ... Maybe I'm part werewolf.

oh and good to hear, for at least the time being, that you fixed ur excessive urination issue. I hated always having to go relieve myself.
 

arinryan

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lookingforanswers said:
ill be honest, i gave in today to masturbating however, going 34 days was tough and I'm proud of myself...

Yay!! :cool:

I love a man who masturbates
:2cents
(yes I am totally serious). Hope you find something else to be proud of yourself for, then you can masturbate to your hearts content :cool:
 

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