answersfound
Member
- Joined
- Jan 12, 2014
- Messages
- 991
- Age
- 31
i'm going to try to keep this short, but at the same time provide all the information i can that i believe to be relevant.
i grew up having a pretty normal childhood. i had a group of close friends and was pretty smart. i had certain issues with some social anxiety, but nothing that was too problematic. other than my fear of the opposite sex, life was pretty good. i jerked off constantly, so i never felt the need to interact with women. i moved on to college and struggled at first to make friends, but eventually was able to figure things out, however, it was extremely difficult for me. i almost transferred. although i was eventually able to find my niche and life wasn't too bad from what i remember. i always have had a way of making people laugh once i am comfortable around them. kind of like robin williams. sometimes, i felt like i was on another level but i would hit these lows that were pretty scary. i had depression and took prozac, but it was not severe depression. i began smoking weed and got addicted. it allowed me to meet new people and it felt incredible. it relieved me of my anxiety. i spent a year and half smoking weed almost every day, sometimes multiple times a day, until eventually it gave me extreme paranoia and depression. i experienced panic attacks and realized that it just didn't give me the same euphoric feeling it used to. so i stopped and got into bodybuilding. i became obsessed with bodybuilding, working out 6 days a week. it made me feel pretty good about myself, b/c i had always been insecure about my appearance. i felt that if i could become content with my body i would have the confidence to pursue relationships with women. it didn't but once again, life wasn't too bad for me just yet. i still had my friends and was enjoying college for the most part. i still took antidepressants on and off, but eventually decided to stop because of all the bad things i had read online. i felt healthy enough to work out and be with friends.
so then at 21 years old i find out i had eppstein barr virus while in italy and i began to feel extremely tired and certainly not myself. my memory began to fade and i slipped into a deep depression. i felt cold tired weak and scared. this is what led me to ray peat. i experimented with vegan, paleo, etc. but then at 22 years old i found ray peat's work and have been committed ever since.
to this day, i have only seen minimal improvement and i am almost 25. i work out and appear to be very fit, i have a full head of hair, clear skin with some acne here and there, but i am still cold, weak, tired, anxious, fearful, etc. my memory is poor and i am not as intelligent as i once was. i am not eccentric like i used to be and find social situations even with friends and family to be very uncomfortable. i have a constant flat mood and now consider myself to have serious depression. ever since i got mono i have not been the same. i have trouble formulating thoughts and learning no things. i am writing this in hopes of getting help so i can be myself again. before mono i was not perfect, but i felt pretty good. i feel hopeless and don't know what to do.
on top of all of this, i have been a chronic masturbator for about 8 years. i masturbated almost everyday for 8 years and believe this is a major contributor to my social anxiety. today marks 30 days since i have masturbated and i believe this to be a major factor in my poor health. i don't plan on masturbating ever again. i have yet to see improvements from this, but i am confident that it should help by the 90 day mark. i believe i never had any interest in interacting with women because i always had porn as a back up plan. it is sad, but true. i also believe that masturbating is incredibly draining and it is depleting to the body. also I'm guessing that my addictions have done some damage to dopamine receptors.
so this is where i stand today. i have painfully cold hands and feet, and no emotion. i always have a flat mood. i have nothing to talk about with people. nothing excites me. i am bored of life. i have no passion. i have been told i look drunk and have been called "sleepy." i am pretty jacked, 6ft tall 165 lbs, full head of hair, decent skin, good bowel movements, but cognitively i feel like i have dementia. its not like i don't have interests, i just dont have the physical energy to engage in them. it is also extremely difficult in school because i just cannot retain info and learn new things without finding it overwhelming.
here is my diet:
eggs, orange juice gelatin
beef, rice
carrot
yogurt, honey, juice
chocolate
cheese, bread, gelatin
ice cream, milk
vitamin a, d, k, zinc, magnesium
pregnenolone (first was great, now seems to do nothing)
cyproheptadine 1-2mg a couple hours before bed, doesn't really do much other than make me tired.
i know its not perfect, but i focus on simple sugars from honey and fruit, get plenty of gelatin and dairy, and certainly enough protein. i am constantly eating throughout the day too.
what am i missing in my life? will my body revert back to normal after some time from not masturbating? am i subconsciously attached to my illness because it gives me an excuse to avoid social situations? in my heart, i truly feel something is wrong and i just don't know what to do anymore.
i grew up having a pretty normal childhood. i had a group of close friends and was pretty smart. i had certain issues with some social anxiety, but nothing that was too problematic. other than my fear of the opposite sex, life was pretty good. i jerked off constantly, so i never felt the need to interact with women. i moved on to college and struggled at first to make friends, but eventually was able to figure things out, however, it was extremely difficult for me. i almost transferred. although i was eventually able to find my niche and life wasn't too bad from what i remember. i always have had a way of making people laugh once i am comfortable around them. kind of like robin williams. sometimes, i felt like i was on another level but i would hit these lows that were pretty scary. i had depression and took prozac, but it was not severe depression. i began smoking weed and got addicted. it allowed me to meet new people and it felt incredible. it relieved me of my anxiety. i spent a year and half smoking weed almost every day, sometimes multiple times a day, until eventually it gave me extreme paranoia and depression. i experienced panic attacks and realized that it just didn't give me the same euphoric feeling it used to. so i stopped and got into bodybuilding. i became obsessed with bodybuilding, working out 6 days a week. it made me feel pretty good about myself, b/c i had always been insecure about my appearance. i felt that if i could become content with my body i would have the confidence to pursue relationships with women. it didn't but once again, life wasn't too bad for me just yet. i still had my friends and was enjoying college for the most part. i still took antidepressants on and off, but eventually decided to stop because of all the bad things i had read online. i felt healthy enough to work out and be with friends.
so then at 21 years old i find out i had eppstein barr virus while in italy and i began to feel extremely tired and certainly not myself. my memory began to fade and i slipped into a deep depression. i felt cold tired weak and scared. this is what led me to ray peat. i experimented with vegan, paleo, etc. but then at 22 years old i found ray peat's work and have been committed ever since.
to this day, i have only seen minimal improvement and i am almost 25. i work out and appear to be very fit, i have a full head of hair, clear skin with some acne here and there, but i am still cold, weak, tired, anxious, fearful, etc. my memory is poor and i am not as intelligent as i once was. i am not eccentric like i used to be and find social situations even with friends and family to be very uncomfortable. i have a constant flat mood and now consider myself to have serious depression. ever since i got mono i have not been the same. i have trouble formulating thoughts and learning no things. i am writing this in hopes of getting help so i can be myself again. before mono i was not perfect, but i felt pretty good. i feel hopeless and don't know what to do.
on top of all of this, i have been a chronic masturbator for about 8 years. i masturbated almost everyday for 8 years and believe this is a major contributor to my social anxiety. today marks 30 days since i have masturbated and i believe this to be a major factor in my poor health. i don't plan on masturbating ever again. i have yet to see improvements from this, but i am confident that it should help by the 90 day mark. i believe i never had any interest in interacting with women because i always had porn as a back up plan. it is sad, but true. i also believe that masturbating is incredibly draining and it is depleting to the body. also I'm guessing that my addictions have done some damage to dopamine receptors.
so this is where i stand today. i have painfully cold hands and feet, and no emotion. i always have a flat mood. i have nothing to talk about with people. nothing excites me. i am bored of life. i have no passion. i have been told i look drunk and have been called "sleepy." i am pretty jacked, 6ft tall 165 lbs, full head of hair, decent skin, good bowel movements, but cognitively i feel like i have dementia. its not like i don't have interests, i just dont have the physical energy to engage in them. it is also extremely difficult in school because i just cannot retain info and learn new things without finding it overwhelming.
here is my diet:
eggs, orange juice gelatin
beef, rice
carrot
yogurt, honey, juice
chocolate
cheese, bread, gelatin
ice cream, milk
vitamin a, d, k, zinc, magnesium
pregnenolone (first was great, now seems to do nothing)
cyproheptadine 1-2mg a couple hours before bed, doesn't really do much other than make me tired.
i know its not perfect, but i focus on simple sugars from honey and fruit, get plenty of gelatin and dairy, and certainly enough protein. i am constantly eating throughout the day too.
what am i missing in my life? will my body revert back to normal after some time from not masturbating? am i subconsciously attached to my illness because it gives me an excuse to avoid social situations? in my heart, i truly feel something is wrong and i just don't know what to do anymore.