I gained weight and ACNE while trying to get healthy

[French.cat]

Hey everyone !

_Non-english speaker_


I know there is no opposition between improving someone's health and gaining some pounds but I don't feel well at all. I've started doing some "peating" improvement last month for my symptoms of hypothyroidism and lifelong depression. Milk and orange juice got me hydrated (and still do) and I felt great having around 3000 calories a day. Sometimes, during the day, I almost felt ecstatic and euphoric, using the word of @Jennifer (I say hello to you my dear, you helped me a lot)... until I gained weight and have acne around my jaws...

Even if I feel less depressed, even if my anxiety is better... It's like I am AFRAID to see my body changes.

I am 1 metre 64 and 64 kilos but my weight maintenance is around 60. However, when eating less and being around 60 (while respecting my hunger signal and eating intuitively) I get cold again, feel very vulnerable with my emotions, can't focus and don't sleep as well as when overeating (+ peating).

Yesterday, I started reading a book about Intuitive eating (written by a French doctor) and that made me think about the fact that I still have an emotional relation to food, even if I consider myself "cured" from eating disorders (lasted 15 years...cured since 2020). Now, if I only focus on my hunger signaling, I find myself eating less that 2000 calories a day.

Well, this thread might seem confusing to you, and I am sorry for that... But I need a little support because I don't feel good with my current shape and health.

I am currently sitting in a chair at home and had a bowl of rice cereals with milk. I don't feel hungry anymore but I'm sooo cold
If I force myself with overeating, I'll start experimenting bloating, feel nauseous and depressed. I know my body.

My temperature is around 96.8 and I have circulation problems in my legs (lifelong) so it might be just the leg... Although I know it's not because when I had my 800 calories breakfast I did not feel cold anymore and my feet and legs did not seem so white/purple anymore.

I don't want to gain weight but I truly believe my metabolism is in bad shape after 15 years of eating disorders and overall anxiety, fasting, and insomnia...

I am thinking about listening to my body and eat less just to avoid bloating, weight gain, and acne (maybe due to a raise of my blood sugar level) even if I don't meet my daily "ideal protein intake" (100 gr) nor my daily calories for a faster metabolism.

I guess I just fed up with using strategies instead of listen to my body.

Still, I need support because I feel lonely with my bad health and depression.
What would you suggest ?

Thanks,

Frenchcat

 

[LucH]

Hi,
I feel cold when I don't eat some proteins at breakfast. At least 15 gr proteins. Not 15 gr meat.
I'd take some hazelnut milk with your flakes. I use Alpro. (milk contains hormones => acnee).
Mind polyols added / formed in the process of nut milk (glycemia).
I'd rather take jordan's oat in place of corn or or other cereals. mine comes from Carrefour (Belgium).
I put 1 tbl raisins, without sulfites ! + 2 tbl coconut shredded and 6 half pecan nuts, cut in pieces.

 

[youngsinatra]

I tend to get cold when I eat meals without a significant amount of sodium. A bowl of cereals with milk is a perfect example for this. Milk and orange juice aswell.

Sodium is more easily lost in hypothyroidism, and it goes along with the loss of the other electrolytes magnesium, potassium and calcium.
In the morning, many are more hypothyroid than throughout the day, due to the stress of an overnight „fast“ while sleeping.

I think that’s why some people feel more balanced and warmer eating meat and starch in my estimation, rather than milk and fruit, as it’s easier to add a significant amount of salt to those.

I would really focus on balanced meals of animal protein, saturated fats, cooked starches or cooked fruit, with some wellcooked veggies (fiber) if wanted and add salt to taste.

I like to image the metabolism like a furnace that needs sustained material (like a big piece of wood) to keep up the fire for a significant amount of time, rather than throwing on a bunch of paper (juice, sugar, liquid meal) which gets burned through so much quicker.

That’s just my perspective, but yeah.

 

[animalcule]

You say when you eat intuitively, you eat less than 2000 calories and your weight stays at 60 kg, but you get cold, feel emotionally vulnerable, can't focus, don't sleep well. When you eat 3000 calories, you feel less depressed and almost euphoric, but you gain weight and get acne, bloat, and (?) feel depressed from body changes? Or did you feel better from eating so much originally, but now overeating causes depressive feelings?

From my perspective with the "all in" eating a lot of food strategy to "recover" from dieting... I don't think it's always a good idea. Translating to imperial, you're 5 ft 4 inches and 60 kg = 132 lbs, 64 kg = 141 lbs. Your "intuitive" eating weight of 60 kg is not underweight. So I personally don't see a reason to forced yourself to gain a lot of weight or to eat 3000 calories a day. Especially if it's causing you discomfort, depression, etc. I followed the "all in" advice to eat a lot of food to recover from years of dieting, and I regret it. I gained a lot of weight and it's been difficult to lose. Not to scare you about this -- I think we have quite different body types and struggles. I had been obese since a child, dieted for years to get to a low weight, crashed, and then when I started eating a lot again, to "recover," my weight just went back to where I was before I dieted so much. My innate tendency was to overeat, and I suppressed it for years, but in "recovery" it came back to hurt me. Your innate tendency seems to be to under eat. But still ... force feeding yourself to eat so much when you're not underweight doesn't seem necessary.

If I were in your position, I wouldn't focus on trying to eat 3000 calories a day. I would focus on getting the highest quality foods into my diet, eating at an "intuitive" level or, if you feel too cold at that level, maybe eating 250-500 calories more. Or forgetting calories altogether!! Eat until you feel satisfied and warm. Yes: listen to your body.

What sort of foods do you typically eat? Rice cereal and milk doesn't seem like a warming food, in my opinion. Do you like to cook? What about soups and stews? I just ate a bowl of warm butternut squash soup and felt intensely warm afterwards. A lot of Peaters recommend orange juice, fruit, milk... these don't warm most people. Maybe try real dishes, like a stew with meat and root vegetables.

 

[animalcule]

I tend to get cold when I eat meals without a significant amount of sodium. A bowl of cereals with milk is a perfect example for this. Milk and orange juice aswell.

Sodium is more easily lost in hypothyroidism, and it goes along with the loss of the other electrolytes magnesium, potassium and calcium.
In the morning, many are more hypothyroid than throughout the day, due to the stress of an overnight „fast“ while sleeping.

I think that’s why some people feel more balanced and warmer eating meat and starch in my estimation, rather than milk and fruit, as it’s easier to add a significant amount of salt to those.

I would really focus on balanced meals of animal protein, saturated fats, cooked starches or cooked fruit, with some wellcooked veggies (fiber) if wanted and add salt to taste.

I like to image the metabolism like a furnace that needs sustained material (like a big piece of wood) to keep up the fire for a significant amount of time, rather than throwing on a bunch of paper (juice, sugar, liquid meal) which gets burned through so much quicker.

That’s just my perspective, but yeah.

I agree with this perspective. Starch + meat is very filling and warming, whereas orange juice and milk just isn't. If OP doesn't have issues with starch, this may be the way to go. Nearly every culture has stew meals that are eaten routinely.

 

[Jennifer]

Hey everyone !

_Non-english speaker_


I know there is no opposition between improving someone's health and gaining some pounds but I don't feel well at all. I've started doing some "peating" improvement last month for my symptoms of hypothyroidism and lifelong depression. Milk and orange juice got me hydrated (and still do) and I felt great having around 3000 calories a day. Sometimes, during the day, I almost felt ecstatic and euphoric, using the word of @Jennifer (I say hello to you my dear, you helped me a lot)... until I gained weight and have acne around my jaws...

Even if I feel less depressed, even if my anxiety is better... It's like I am AFRAID to see my body changes.

I am 1 metre 64 and 64 kilos but my weight maintenance is around 60. However, when eating less and being around 60 (while respecting my hunger signal and eating intuitively) I get cold again, feel very vulnerable with my emotions, can't focus and don't sleep as well as when overeating (+ peating).

Yesterday, I started reading a book about Intuitive eating (written by a French doctor) and that made me think about the fact that I still have an emotional relation to food, even if I consider myself "cured" from eating disorders (lasted 15 years...cured since 2020). Now, if I only focus on my hunger signaling, I find myself eating less that 2000 calories a day.

Well, this thread might seem confusing to you, and I am sorry for that... But I need a little support because I don't feel good with my current shape and health.

I am currently sitting in a chair at home and had a bowl of rice cereals with milk. I don't feel hungry anymore but I'm sooo cold
If I force myself with overeating, I'll start experimenting bloating, feel nauseous and depressed. I know my body.

My temperature is around 96.8 and I have circulation problems in my legs (lifelong) so it might be just the leg... Although I know it's not because when I had my 800 calories breakfast I did not feel cold anymore and my feet and legs did not seem so white/purple anymore.

I don't want to gain weight but I truly believe my metabolism is in bad shape after 15 years of eating disorders and overall anxiety, fasting, and insomnia...

I am thinking about listening to my body and eat less just to avoid bloating, weight gain, and acne (maybe due to a raise of my blood sugar level) even if I don't meet my daily "ideal protein intake" (100 gr) nor my daily calories for a faster metabolism.

I guess I just fed up with using strategies instead of listen to my body.

Still, I need support because I feel lonely with my bad health and depression.
What would you suggest ?

Thanks,

Frenchcat

Hi Frenchcat,

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, but know that you are not alone. There can be a few reasons for the acne like a food sensitivity or hormonal shift but in terms of your weight gain, realistically, even people without a history of disordered eating want to feel good in their skin so it would be hypocritical of me to try and convince you not to care about it. The only thing I can suggest that has worked for me as I continue practicing self-love and letting go of control a.k.a fear is to treat yourself like you would your daughter. Would you feed your daughter the amount of food she feels happy and warm consuming, even if it means she weighs more, or would you feed her less, even though it means she feels cold and depressed, because you want her to weigh 60 kg? I find visuals helpful so I keep this picture of me from when I was 2 and speak to her the way I speak to myself, and it has helped me to treat myself better:



In my experience, EDs, just like any other outlet for anxiety/fear, love repeat customers so having that picture as a reminder of who and what I’m fighting for, keeps me from falling back into my old, fearful ways. With any dietary intervention I do, I always check in with myself to see what my motivation is and if it’s based on a love for myself and my life, I know it’s in my best interest. And this is why if you look at my example day of eating on my profile page, you’ll see I list set quantities. I can’t go by hunger cues. I spent so many years avoiding so many foods due to fears instilled in me by so-called experts, and the subsequent pain and food allergies caused by following said experts, that if I didn’t make sure I get my calories in, I would hardly eat at all and waste away. With that said, I don’t believe in force-feeding. I don’t force myself to eat beyond capacity. I did that in the past and it landed me in the hospital.

 

[French.cat]

Hi Frenchcat,

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, but know that you are not alone. There can be a few reasons for the acne like a food sensitivity or hormonal shift but in terms of your weight gain, realistically, even people without a history of disordered eating want to feel good in their skin so it would be hypocritical of me to try and convince you not to care about it. The only thing I can suggest that has worked for me as I continue practicing self-love and letting go of control a.k.a fear is to treat yourself like you would your daughter. Would you feed your daughter the amount of food she feels happy and warm consuming, even if it means she weighs more, or would you feed her less, even though it means she feels cold and depressed, because you want her to weigh 60 kg? I find visuals helpful so I keep this picture of me from when I was 2 and speak to her the way I speak to myself, and it has helped me to treat myself better:



In my experience, EDs, just like any other outlet for anxiety/fear, love repeat customers so having that picture as a reminder of who and what I’m fighting for, keeps me from falling back into my old, fearful ways. With any dietary intervention I do, I always check in with myself to see what my motivation is and if it’s based on a love for myself and my life, I know it’s in my best interest. And this is why if you look at my example day of eating on my profile page, you’ll see I list set quantities. I can’t go by hunger cues. I spent so many years avoiding so many foods due to fears instilled in me by so-called experts, and the subsequent pain and food allergies caused by following said experts, that if I didn’t make sure I get my calories in, I would hardly eat at all and waste away. With that said, I don’t believe in force-feeding. I don’t force myself to eat beyond capacity. I did that in the past and it landed me in the hospital.

Hi Jennifer and thank you for your support and love. You were so cute as a little girl !! What a smile
Sorry for the late, my answer took time because I did not have much time to spend of this forum lately. I'm actually learning how to drive a car !!
Well, I still feel bad because of my acne. I think It might be du to the spike of insulin with OJ, that I sip on during the day (never a lot in a short time).
Today I was (and always am) down so I decided to write a letter to my little-me, trying to picture my 8 YO self. That was rough, I've cried a lot this morning, while trying to address what was inside my heart. I realized I am terrified of being fat, rejected and hated by people, and it's worsening since I developed acne recently, which I NEVER had even as a teenager. I've always under-eat since the age of 13, when my ED's started... I'm now 31.
You see, I don't have a lot of friends, maybe because of my lifelong depression, maybe because of my sensibility, or maybe because it's not my destiny
As long as I stayed at 60 kilos I had the feeling that having love in my life, let a guy enter my heart was possible... But now I wanna hide and I take me almost an hour to get dressed "correctly" not to look too fat.
You're the first person I'm telling that, and it's virtual. Strange impression. But whatever, I like you a lot.

I'm trying to accept the way I feel and where I'm at, even if it requires a LOT of faith, PATIENCE, and SELF-LOVE. Well, I do my best.

For the 3 past days, I've tried to track my calories and macronutrients just to make sure I was getting enough calories, and I realized I can't sleep properly the days I'm under 2000 calories.. I got like 4 hours sleep, and then I'm awake ravenously hangry. In opposite, 3000 calories make me sluggish and nauseous in the morning, and my belly is HUGE all day long. I found that 2500 calories are just what I need to make sure I don't have anxiety, get cold, and that I am actually ABLE to sleep to feel energized the next morning. It's hard for me to feel bad in my skin but thanks to your advice and support, I started to authorized myself to feel that way. It's normal, all processes are not comfortable, and even If I don't force-feed myself till I get sick, I have to admit that If I just follow my hunger signal, I would barely eat 1700 calories, and I won't be able to sleep and feel sooo f*****g frozen ! I think that's the worse, to watch my skin getting purple.

Conclusion : I`m putting on weight, I don't like my body that way and I feel puffy all the time, I hate the sensation of my skin-face, AND I KNOW that every time I eat a large amount of food (2500 cal) I am depression-free, almost anxiety-free, I want to ACTUALLY go to the gym, and I have clear-mind (despite of clear skin haha).

BTW, I took a look on your personal journey and tracking journal, and I found that seems pretty nice to eat ! I'm a huge fan of dairies myself.
I hope that helps with your disease.

Love,

French.cat

 

[French.cat]

@Jennifer

 

[Jennifer]

Hi Jennifer and thank you for your support and love. You were so cute as a little girl !! What a smile
Sorry for the late, my answer took time because I did not have much time to spend of this forum lately. I'm actually learning how to drive a car !!
Well, I still feel bad because of my acne. I think It might be du to the spike of insulin with OJ, that I sip on during the day (never a lot in a short time).
Today I was (and always am) down so I decided to write a letter to my little-me, trying to picture my 8 YO self. That was rough, I've cried a lot this morning, while trying to address what was inside my heart. I realized I am terrified of being fat, rejected and hated by people, and it's worsening since I developed acne recently, which I NEVER had even as a teenager. I've always under-eat since the age of 13, when my ED's started... I'm now 31.
You see, I don't have a lot of friends, maybe because of my lifelong depression, maybe because of my sensibility, or maybe because it's not my destiny
As long as I stayed at 60 kilos I had the feeling that having love in my life, let a guy enter my heart was possible... But now I wanna hide and I take me almost an hour to get dressed "correctly" not to look too fat.
You're the first person I'm telling that, and it's virtual. Strange impression. But whatever, I like you a lot.

I'm trying to accept the way I feel and where I'm at, even if it requires a LOT of faith, PATIENCE, and SELF-LOVE. Well, I do my best.

For the 3 past days, I've tried to track my calories and macronutrients just to make sure I was getting enough calories, and I realized I can't sleep properly the days I'm under 2000 calories.. I got like 4 hours sleep, and then I'm awake ravenously hangry. In opposite, 3000 calories make me sluggish and nauseous in the morning, and my belly is HUGE all day long. I found that 2500 calories are just what I need to make sure I don't have anxiety, get cold, and that I am actually ABLE to sleep to feel energized the next morning. It's hard for me to feel bad in my skin but thanks to your advice and support, I started to authorized myself to feel that way. It's normal, all processes are not comfortable, and even If I don't force-feed myself till I get sick, I have to admit that If I just follow my hunger signal, I would barely eat 1700 calories, and I won't be able to sleep and feel sooo f*****g frozen ! I think that's the worse, to watch my skin getting purple.

Conclusion : I`m putting on weight, I don't like my body that way and I feel puffy all the time, I hate the sensation of my skin-face, AND I KNOW that every time I eat a large amount of food (2500 cal) I am depression-free, almost anxiety-free, I want to ACTUALLY go to the gym, and I have clear-mind (despite of clear skin haha).

BTW, I took a look on your personal journey and tracking journal, and I found that seems pretty nice to eat ! I'm a huge fan of dairies myself.
I hope that helps with your disease.

Love,

French.cat

Hi French kitty :),

Thank you for sharing all of that with me. I feel honored, and I thank you for taking my message to heart. I think you’re doing an amazing job at caring for yourself and moving passed your fears. Going by things you’ve shared in your other threads, it seems that you didn’t get the love you needed and deserved from your mother, but you’re giving it to yourself now and I promise you that all the hard work you’re doing will free you from depending on others to validate your worth and fill your cup. You will have so much unconditional love for yourself that you won’t fear letting a guy enter your heart no matter your weight because you know that if he rejects you, it will hurt but it won’t destroy you because you haven’t rejected yourself, and self-rejection is the worst kind of rejection there is. Same goes for friends. :)

The physical and emotional changes can be brutal while working through a lifetime of starvation—starvation of nutrition, starvation of love, starvation of security and peace of mind—but know that it is only temporary as you and your body find your healthy balance. You are going about your healing wisely. You’re paying attention to what your body truly needs and being reasonable with your nutrition, not force-feeding beyond capacity like I did. lol Regarding the acne, have you tried non-citrus juice like apple or white grape? I’ve noticed that citrus can have that effect on people. I used to get a rash and tiny pustules from it, even when it was from very ripe, freshly pressed oranges.

YAY for learning how to drive! That’s wonderful! There’s so much freedom in your future.

And thank you for your compliment. I bet you were a cute little girl, too. The joy of childhood innocence looks good on us, huh? :)

Much love to you as you continue to show ED who’s boss.

Cue Pink…


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=55m3XoROh10

 

[Birdie]

Dear @French.cat -

My experience with acne happened just after finding Ray Peat. What helped my case was more vitamin A. Ray gave a ratio of A to D somewhere and that was my hint that I did not have enough A. I think the ratio was 5:1.

A couple of months ago, after maybe 9 years without the bumps, I got it again. Sure enough, I'd lowered my vitamin A before this happened. I upped the A again and my skin is slowly improving.

I also gained a lot of weight when I joined the Ray Peat Fans Fb group years ago. It took a year, I think, to even out. This was a long time ago, so I forget the timing but I did lose the weight as I learned more.

I think I was trying so hard to get all the foods in that I just ate more that I imagined. Or there might be a better explanation. I didn't have a short-cut to get rid of the extra weight. So it was difficult and discouraging while I was too fat for my clothes. LuLu Lemon was big back then fortunately with the stretchy clothes.

It's very rough when you put on weight and having patience is impossible. Unfortunately I don't think there is a safe shortcut. Maybe relaxing about all the healthy food intake helped. Just correcting a little at a time instead of the whole menu and all your supplements.