Going Through Divorce, Depressed And Need To Do Something

[Sedonagal]

Hi everyone,

I don't think I've ever posted here if I have it's been once or twice

I am going through a very ugly divorce that is going on two years. I have generally been in good health and eat well and exercise and do not have excess weight. Last year during one of the more ugly parts of the divorce I ended up having a heart attack of the broken heart syndrome kind, not blocked artery kind. I have done all I know to keep my mental and physical health up but this is wearing on me. I am 62 and do not have the constitutional fortitude I used to have. Going through menopause and then having a thyroid condition has taken it's toll as well as age

I am a nurse and worked in ER for years but have not worked since 2005, having stayed home to watch my son while my husband worked I am terrified of going out and starting a new life and do not intend to go back into hospital nursing as it is far too stressful. All of this is taking it's toll on me and I am finally realizing I will probably go to the doctor for an antidepressant

My appointment is this afternoon. I just need to get through all of this and I am not functioning well. I cry a lot and feel hopeless. I need to get the house on the market and I have no motivation to do that either..

I have tried lots of vitamins, minerals, herbs, amino acids, but it just isn't working

Does anyone have any advice or suggestions for me as to what might work without terrible side effects?

 

[XPlus]

Hi everyone,

I don't think I've ever posted here if I have it's been once or twice

I am going through a very ugly divorce that is going on two years. I have generally been in good health and eat well and exercise and do not have excess weight. Last year during one of the more ugly parts of the divorce I ended up having a heart attack of the broken heart syndrome kind, not blocked artery kind. I have done all I know to keep my mental and physical health up but this is wearing on me. I am 62 and do not have the constitutional fortitude I used to have. Going through menopause and then having a thyroid condition has taken it's toll as well as age

I am a nurse and worked in ER for years but have not worked since 2005, having stayed home to watch my son while my husband worked I am terrified of going out and starting a new life and do not intend to go back into hospital nursing as it is far too stressful. All of this is taking it's toll on me and I am finally realizing I will probably go to the doctor for an antidepressant

My appointment is this afternoon. I just need to get through all of this and I am not functioning well. I cry a lot and feel hopeless. I need to get the house on the market and I have no motivation to do that either..

I have tried lots of vitamins, minerals, herbs, amino acids, but it just isn't working

Does anyone have any advice or suggestions for me as to what might work without terrible side effects?

Most women near your age turn into religion.
I think it's the sense of community and belonging that helps.
Hobbies and hobbyist community circles can do the same job.
Genuine involvement in the lives of many people can keep your mind away from getting hung up on the relationship.

When I'm in a bad mood there are few things that help:
Heaps of sugary and fatty foods. Things like chocolate, donuts and ice cream (the clean varieties)
Pregnenolone
Thiamin
Sunlight
Arts, like drawing and cooking.
Exercises. Stretching and walking are effective.
Rest, relax and do not force myself to do things.

 

[Tarmander]

Ahhh, I feel for you. I'm a bit younger then you, so I'm not sure how much real world experience I can offer. However I can tell you about trying to use supplements to overcome heart ache and painful emotions. It does not work that well. You can take things that will alleviate symptoms for awhile, but those feelings of loss crop right back up. I have always had to go through them, sometimes very intensely, to move past them. I'd use an anti depressant only if you are really desperate.

 

[Nina]

When nothing works I make a list. Or lists.
It has to be tasks that are doable (not far away goals). Small tasks, steps that will lead you to the big thing you have to do, or want to do. Or only things that cross your mind. Things you could put in that list: go out and buy feel good food (like ice cream). Call a friend. Have coffee with friend. Take a nice walk (short walk first, then nice long walk). Spend time in the sun daily. Take care of garden for X minutes. When done, strike item. I have a notebook just for that, it keeps me sane.

Things that DON'T go in lists: start a new life, lose weight, start new career, etc.

One day at a time. Can even be one hour at a time.

I don't know a lot about anti-depressants, but it seems that Mirtazapine is not an SSRI (which would be good). My son took it without any side effects.

 

[Sedonagal]

Xplus. Thank you kindly for your concern and suggestions. I do exercise, I do get light, I try to do things that are enjoyable but do not seem to be able to enjoy things lately. I have had to reduce my lifestyle because my husband is strictly limiting my money and I am in the middle of trying to get the house ready to sell so it doesn't leave me open to doing too much else

I wish I were creative but unfortunately I did not get that gene LOL. I would rather read medical studies online and alternative approaches to health which can get quite boring and unfulfilling after a while

I do yoga, Qi gong, as well as positive affirmations. I pray and meditate. It has been two years and yet I still go through these waves of extreme sadness because I thought we would have more than a 20 year marriage, that we would be together for the rest of our lives. I just seem to lack the drive and motivation I did when I was younger to be able to take on new situations no matter how scary they might be

I guess I'll just try to keep on keeping on

 

[HDD]

Pregnenolone? There are studies posted showing the mechanism of action behind Prozac and other ssri's being upregulation of pregnenolone.

Studies are in this post:
viewtopic.php?t=1964

Are you using progest-e and thyroid?

 

[Blinkyrocket]

When nothing works I make a list. Or lists.
It has to be tasks that are doable (not far away goals). Small tasks, steps that will lead you to the big thing you have to do, or want to do. Or only things that cross your mind. Things you could put in that list: go out and buy feel good food (like ice cream). Call a friend. Have coffee with friend. Take a nice walk (short walk first, then nice long walk). Spend time in the sun daily. Take care of garden for X minutes. When done, strike item. I have a notebook just for that, it keeps me sane.

Things that DON'T go in lists: start a new life, lose weight, start new career, etc.

One day at a time. Can even be one hour at a time.

I don't know a lot about anti-depressants, but it seems that Mirtazapine is not an SSRI (which would be good). My son took it without any side effects.

So my goal of moving to a new country, preferably Asian, and forgetting my mother tongue in favor of the local language is a little too far away for now? :P

 

[Theo]

Solidarity with friends .
Talk to friends everyday.

I believe short term therapy is useful at certain times in our lives. Here we have govt sponsored social workers who can listen and offer advise. I don't know what you have available ...but it all helps.

 

[Such_Saturation]

They say that broken heart syndrome could be due to too many catecholamines. Maybe those are what also keeps you in the constant fight-or-flight mode that can perhaps turn into helplessness after a while.

 

[frankfranks]

Cover ground under your own power. Pilgrimage/Hadj/roadtrip. Walk or bicycle a long way from where you are over the course of a couple weeks. Bring a wad of cash and stay at motels. We are a nomadic species built to cover long distances efficiently, more-so than almost any other mammal. When things really suck, whether you realize it or not, what your DNA is telling you is to break out in a brisk walk and keep going.

This is why the cowboy riding "off into the west" works. This is why everybody knew what Forrest Gump meant when he said "I just felt like running."

 

[Peata]

Also, consider something to raise dopamine/lower serotonin. Cyproheptadine has been a popular one on the forum, but there are others.

 

[Sedonagal]

Ahhh, I feel for you. I'm a bit younger then you, so I'm not sure how much real world experience I can offer. However I can tell you about trying to use supplements to overcome heart ache and painful emotions. It does not work that well. You can take things that will alleviate symptoms for awhile, but those feelings of loss crop right back up. I have always had to go through them, sometimes very intensely, to move past them. I'd use an anti depressant only if you are really desperate.

I do know that grief has a purpose and the more we try to suppress that the longer it takes to get through it. This divorce has been going on almost 2 years and I thought I was passed it and then he wanted to reconcile but I realized later it was just to buy him and his partner more time to cook the books in their business so I did not get what I should have out of the settlement. So then I went through grieving all over again. I think it's because I just feel like I am in limbo and cannot move forward because I intend to move out-of-state when this is done

I have been holding my own pretty well throughout even though I have been near paralyzed with depression. But it is getting to the point that I need to do something to keep me from going over the edge. I'm not saying suicide I'm just saying to where I am completely nonfunctional

I know you guys here have experimented with different things such as methylene blue and some other things but I am not really familiar with them and do not know if they would have any effect on depression

Thank you for your words of support they are much appreciated

 

[Sedonagal]

When nothing works I make a list. Or lists.
It has to be tasks that are doable (not far away goals). Small tasks, steps that will lead you to the big thing you have to do, or want to do. Or only things that cross your mind. Things you could put in that list: go out and buy feel good food (like ice cream). Call a friend. Have coffee with friend. Take a nice walk (short walk first, then nice long walk). Spend time in the sun daily. Take care of garden for X minutes. When done, strike item. I have a notebook just for that, it keeps me sane.

Things that DON'T go in lists: start a new life, lose weight, start new career, etc.

One day at a time. Can even be one hour at a time.

I don't know a lot about anti-depressants, but it seems that Mirtazapine is not an SSRI (which would be good). My son took it without any side effects.

Piña, thank you for reminding me to take tiny steps at a time. I think that is why I feel so overwhelmed because I am looking at the big picture of all the separate things that need to be done and it paralyzes me to be able to take any steps at all. I will admit about five minutes before replying to this I had a nice bowl of Häagen-Dazs strawberry ice cream

I did buy a brooder light and one of the bulbs to go in it and I am wondering if that will be helpful. I do suffer from Hashimoto's thyroid problems and I did have a heart attack last year. Otherwise I'm healthy

 

[Sedonagal]

Solidarity with friends .
Talk to friends everyday.

I believe short term therapy is useful at certain times in our lives. Here we have govt sponsored social workers who can listen and offer advise. I don't know what you have available ...but it all helps.

Theo, Totally agree! I do have friends that have been my lifeline. Even though they live in different states it is easy to pick up the phone and talk and vent. Early on in the divorce I went to a couple of counselors but honestly for the prices they charged I did not find them helpful because all they did was sit there and listen to me which my friends will do for free I expected some helpful insight and advice

 

[Sedonagal]

Pregnenolone? There are studies posted showing the mechanism of action behind Prozac and other ssri's being upregulation of pregnenolone.

Studies are in this post:
viewtopic.php?t=1964

Are you using progest-e and thyroid?

HDD: I've tried pregnenolone on and off in the past and have not liked the effects, although I admit to not remembering what they were, just that I was not fond of it

I have also use progesterone and I call it the evil hormone from The seventh level of hell, which I know is probably heresy on a Ray Peat forum. I have tried it six ways from Sunday on and off throughout the years and I find the stuff detestable Gives me anxiety and causes my blood pressure to increase as it is vasoconstrictive. I also found that the mechanism for increasing anxiety is because it attaches to the GABA receptors just as benzodiazepines do and can create an increase in anxiety as it wears off

Yes, I am on thyroid hormone. I am on 50 Mcg of levothyroxin and 5 mg of liothyronine

 

[Sedonagal]

They say that broken heart syndrome could be due to too many catecholamines. Maybe those are what also keeps you in the constant fight-or-flight mode that can perhaps turn into helplessness after a while.

SS, you are correct it is due to sustained release of catecholamines during a high stress period of time or extended period of grief or shock. It happened two weeks after he and my son moved out.
Interestingly enough, having been an ER nurse for many years I always get my lab copies and went over them with a fine tooth comb once I was discharged. I saw that my calcium and magnesium levels were at the very bottom of the range but because doctors are no better than monkeys when it comes to reading labs , they did not catch it. If it doesn't have a "L" or a "H" next to it, levels hugging the bottom or the top of the range get missed

When I did my follow-up visit to the cardiologist I brought the labs and showed him. I asked him if he thought that could have caused my heart to spasm because low levels of those minerals will cause spasming. He said he did not remember those minerals being low but when I pointed out that they were at the bottom of the range he seemed surprised and said "well maybe you should take more calcium and magnesium then". Pretty scary. Stuff like this happens all the time with people where things get missed because they did not have the prerequisite L or H next to the lab value

Also I am curious about this learned helplessness due to consistent high levels of catecholamines can you elaborate?

 

[frankfranks]

On these forums as well as in American society at large fundamentally spiritual, lifestyle, and psychological problems are regularly very inappropriately attributed to biochemistry and remedies of drugs and diet.

I don't know how you landed here, but you do not need diet tweaks or drugs. This is the wrong place for you. You are very understandably highly "stressed". You need healing that has nothing to do with diet and supplements as discussed here.

Take confession and take communion and go for a very long walk.

 

[Sedonagal]

Cover ground under your own power. Pilgrimage/Hadj/roadtrip. Walk or bicycle a long way from where you are over the course of a couple weeks. Bring a wad of cash and stay at motels. We are a nomadic species built to cover long distances efficiently, more-so than almost any other mammal. When things really suck, whether you realize it or not, what your DNA is telling you is to break out in a brisk walk and keep going.

This is why the cowboy riding "off into the west" works. This is why everybody knew what Forrest Gump meant when he said "I just felt like running."

Frankfranks: I had to smile at this one. It probably is something I would have done easily 20 years ago but now at age 62 it does not seem so easy to do. Although when it got particularly horrible here before I filed for divorce I felt I needed to do something drastic or I would end up in a psych ward. So I did something I've never done before which was take an almost 2000 mile trip driving by myself from Illinois to Utah and stayed there 3 1/2 months. The whole idea scared me because at that time I was in a comfort zone and not particularly adventurous But I made it and it was a wonderful trip and it strengthened me and made me realize that I'm stronger than I think


Please forgive typos or any nonsensical sentences because I use voice to text quite often and don't always catch errors

 

[Sedonagal]

Also, consider something to raise dopamine/lower serotonin. Cyproheptadine has been a popular one on the forum, but there are others.

Peata, I have learned and read a lot on these forums and remember reading about Cypro. Are you saying it raises dopamine and lowers serotonin? Do I recall you guys saying that it was some form of an antihistamine? I thought I had recalled reading recently on some article that things that raise dopamine consistently can cause a problem but I cannot recall why

 

[Sedonagal]

I had to go through and edit a lot of my posts because I did not look at them after doing dictation with the voice recognition feature There were some appalling errors. Pregnenolone came out as pregnant alone