I'm appalled. Almost everywhere I look in Denver, there is rude, dishonest, or coldhearted people. And nobody cares if I'm a good person, selfless, or want to improve the world.
I admit, I don't even have any FRIENDS. Why did none of the people I knew ever contact or start a conversation with me?
So I'm surrounded by bad strangers, and generally have nobody good to interact with. Except my mother. Kind of. She doesn't care about improving the world and she's close-minded, and therefore unfit for stimulating conversation.
I feel like crying everyday. I came to Denver to meet people, and this is what I get. I'm a very fun person to talk to, but yet sometimes people go to the extent to say "their minutes ran out", "they don't have time", give fake numbers, say they have no number, etc. NOBODY ******* WANTS ME ON THIS PLANET AND I DON'T WANT THEM.
I just don't get it. I am a better person than others are. Nobody else cares about the future of the planet. Yet, nobody shows me any RECOGNITION. "Oh, you're arrogant". bull****. People know I'm better, that's why in the shithole hostel I stay at, they fly into rages, gang up on me, try to find something inferior about me ("he's a b****, he doesn't want to fight me").
But it's everywhere. No girl chased me last year. Not a single girl. An interesting fairly good-looking guy who everyone talks about, no girl chased him. And nobody chased him as a friend either. An intelligent, optimistic person, maybe because he's "weird". But not autistic, like I said, I am above people in maturity. Their silly long-term goals seem autistic and lack depth and meaning to me.
And I don't act arrogant, nor do I care if I'm better or worse. I act very friendly and people start crap with me in their heads. For example, a guy is blocking the way to the other room in a chair, ridiculous place to sit. I stand there in front of him and he asks if I'll say excuse me. I said no, move. You're in the way. This BS goes on, then he asks me will you say excuse me? I said no, I'm going to tell you to get the **** out of the way. Then he flies in a rage, gets up, gets in my face and starts threatening me. This was a guy who I thought I was friends with, and it turns out he's some sociopathic conner.
The first "friend" I ever made, in Kindergarten, was a boy who stopped being friends with me for no reason. My brother treated me with lots of "love" when I was very young, then when I went to school, he bullied me for being different and my parents never gave him the slightest scolding. I was also blamed, like we were having friendly sibling fun.
The school often blamed me for stuff I didn't do. Then my brother got more aggressive. My parents never did the slightest thing so I called the police on him when he crossed the line. The police officer didn't do anything, and my parents showed so much anger to me for this.
Everyone in my school knew what happened, and knew it was true. Nobody offered me a place to stay. I planned to move somewhere, at first to LA but then I was told it wasn't a good choice. It took me a while to figure out how to buy a plane ticket. Over the summer, brother was still aggressive, physically and especially verbally.
In August I moved to Denver. My very first experiences were all bad, it's almost comical! Before I realized how people are in Denver, it was too late to go home. But I just forgot how bad things were there. The constant bullying, yelling, complaining, being stuck in a house in the woods because I can't drive, having no dating opportunities whatsoever.
I don't know where to go. I had a Kundalini Awakening this summer and I'm apparently still in the purgatory stage which happens after Awakening. You know what is recommended during this time? Having a few good friends to get along with and live a quiet life for a while. Because in this stage, the brain is already overwhelmed by negative emotion, and it needs peace. Yet, the first thing I craved was close friends and I couldn't find friends even over Craigslist no matter how hard I looked. Not a single woman responded to my Denver ad either. Women didn't like me on Tinder, either.
http://imgur.com/3VP6QiB
Would you expect my looks to evoke feelings of hatred in people? Is it my thick eyebrows? Does it make me seem like an arrogant animal? Do I lack masculinity and people feel like they can get away with disrespecting me? Am I ugly? Why do people say I look European? Is that why? Does my forehead look slanted and make people doubt my maturity?
http://imgur.com/WoFGm0N
Is it my big nose? My protruding mouth? Do those features make me look primitive and make people hate me? Are people likely to think I'm a Jew because of the thick eyebrows, my Polish accent, and my big nose? Why was I always the least trusted person out of my group of friends if I would in fact be the most trustworthy in terms of secrets? Why do people make me a "bad guy"?
Guys have called me good-looking in the past just to create a compliment, and a straight guy said he would **** me if I was a girl! I post ads on Craigslist for women and get 0 women, only gay men. Why do only gay men like me? Is it God's cruel joke? I don't want gay men! I want women! I don't think I have EVER been flirted with by women!
My life just seems like one big joke. Help the world? Haha, the guy who nobody likes and a lot of people hate? Not gonna happen.
Please help me. I have no clue why nobody likes me and why so many hate me for no reason. My life is NOT worth living if I can't improve humanity and this world. No matter where I go, no matter what I do, there is half-assed work done everywhere. Monopoly everywhere. Broken stuff. Sloppy, coldhearted, deceptive, or rude management, bankers, secretaries, clerks, governments, police, doctors, lawyers, etc.
If you give me a place to stay, then I'll appreciate it. This place I'm in, there is no cold water in the restroom and water leaking from a hole in the ceiling. Bunkbeds. Onky shower is in the basement and it's filthy. Tons of felons too. Where my parents live is nicer looking, but I'm afraid of the great deprivation and bad emotional influence, bullying, etc.
To live with this AND not be able to improve conditions, what do I have to live for? I might as well put a bullet in my head. And I didn't even mention, I don't work and I will avoid spending and working for as long as possible. I would rather starve than work, I can feel the stress from work and it is unbearable. And PLUS it's good for bringing down the economy.
In fact, I planned to rent a place to live for people who work towards spreading knowledge with me to improve the world that has bunk beds and shared cooking, etc. So they don't have to contribute to greedy landlords and employers. I still hope I will accomplish getting so many dedicated followers, but that will be only if I find out why everyone hates me and if I fixed that. I've never felt so horrible in my life so maybe I'll just end it. But I don't want to do it while my mom is still alive. By then though, it'll be clear whether I helped the world or not, and whether I should end it all or continue. Right now, everyday is comically bad for me. I have nothing to live for right now. Nobody likes me. Nobody cares about me. Yet I'm better, and these reulsively pathetic people are why today's world is such garbage. And I receive no respect or recognition for being a strong person. I have no reason to live right now. Life is one big joke right now for me. Mommy is the only person who I live for right now.
And it is supposed to change? I've been disliked, untrusted, blamed since I was a kid. As many things as have changed, still my life is a complete joke. Why do people treat me this way? Why? I sound like a self-pitying baby crying here but I NEVER pitied myself until now. The biggest losers I knew have better lives than I have. I hate my life.
I admit, I don't even have any FRIENDS. Why did none of the people I knew ever contact or start a conversation with me?
So I'm surrounded by bad strangers, and generally have nobody good to interact with. Except my mother. Kind of. She doesn't care about improving the world and she's close-minded, and therefore unfit for stimulating conversation.
I feel like crying everyday. I came to Denver to meet people, and this is what I get. I'm a very fun person to talk to, but yet sometimes people go to the extent to say "their minutes ran out", "they don't have time", give fake numbers, say they have no number, etc. NOBODY ******* WANTS ME ON THIS PLANET AND I DON'T WANT THEM.
I just don't get it. I am a better person than others are. Nobody else cares about the future of the planet. Yet, nobody shows me any RECOGNITION. "Oh, you're arrogant". bull****. People know I'm better, that's why in the shithole hostel I stay at, they fly into rages, gang up on me, try to find something inferior about me ("he's a b****, he doesn't want to fight me").
But it's everywhere. No girl chased me last year. Not a single girl. An interesting fairly good-looking guy who everyone talks about, no girl chased him. And nobody chased him as a friend either. An intelligent, optimistic person, maybe because he's "weird". But not autistic, like I said, I am above people in maturity. Their silly long-term goals seem autistic and lack depth and meaning to me.
And I don't act arrogant, nor do I care if I'm better or worse. I act very friendly and people start crap with me in their heads. For example, a guy is blocking the way to the other room in a chair, ridiculous place to sit. I stand there in front of him and he asks if I'll say excuse me. I said no, move. You're in the way. This BS goes on, then he asks me will you say excuse me? I said no, I'm going to tell you to get the **** out of the way. Then he flies in a rage, gets up, gets in my face and starts threatening me. This was a guy who I thought I was friends with, and it turns out he's some sociopathic conner.
The first "friend" I ever made, in Kindergarten, was a boy who stopped being friends with me for no reason. My brother treated me with lots of "love" when I was very young, then when I went to school, he bullied me for being different and my parents never gave him the slightest scolding. I was also blamed, like we were having friendly sibling fun.
The school often blamed me for stuff I didn't do. Then my brother got more aggressive. My parents never did the slightest thing so I called the police on him when he crossed the line. The police officer didn't do anything, and my parents showed so much anger to me for this.
Everyone in my school knew what happened, and knew it was true. Nobody offered me a place to stay. I planned to move somewhere, at first to LA but then I was told it wasn't a good choice. It took me a while to figure out how to buy a plane ticket. Over the summer, brother was still aggressive, physically and especially verbally.
In August I moved to Denver. My very first experiences were all bad, it's almost comical! Before I realized how people are in Denver, it was too late to go home. But I just forgot how bad things were there. The constant bullying, yelling, complaining, being stuck in a house in the woods because I can't drive, having no dating opportunities whatsoever.
I don't know where to go. I had a Kundalini Awakening this summer and I'm apparently still in the purgatory stage which happens after Awakening. You know what is recommended during this time? Having a few good friends to get along with and live a quiet life for a while. Because in this stage, the brain is already overwhelmed by negative emotion, and it needs peace. Yet, the first thing I craved was close friends and I couldn't find friends even over Craigslist no matter how hard I looked. Not a single woman responded to my Denver ad either. Women didn't like me on Tinder, either.
http://imgur.com/3VP6QiB
Would you expect my looks to evoke feelings of hatred in people? Is it my thick eyebrows? Does it make me seem like an arrogant animal? Do I lack masculinity and people feel like they can get away with disrespecting me? Am I ugly? Why do people say I look European? Is that why? Does my forehead look slanted and make people doubt my maturity?
http://imgur.com/WoFGm0N
Is it my big nose? My protruding mouth? Do those features make me look primitive and make people hate me? Are people likely to think I'm a Jew because of the thick eyebrows, my Polish accent, and my big nose? Why was I always the least trusted person out of my group of friends if I would in fact be the most trustworthy in terms of secrets? Why do people make me a "bad guy"?
Guys have called me good-looking in the past just to create a compliment, and a straight guy said he would **** me if I was a girl! I post ads on Craigslist for women and get 0 women, only gay men. Why do only gay men like me? Is it God's cruel joke? I don't want gay men! I want women! I don't think I have EVER been flirted with by women!
My life just seems like one big joke. Help the world? Haha, the guy who nobody likes and a lot of people hate? Not gonna happen.
Please help me. I have no clue why nobody likes me and why so many hate me for no reason. My life is NOT worth living if I can't improve humanity and this world. No matter where I go, no matter what I do, there is half-assed work done everywhere. Monopoly everywhere. Broken stuff. Sloppy, coldhearted, deceptive, or rude management, bankers, secretaries, clerks, governments, police, doctors, lawyers, etc.
If you give me a place to stay, then I'll appreciate it. This place I'm in, there is no cold water in the restroom and water leaking from a hole in the ceiling. Bunkbeds. Onky shower is in the basement and it's filthy. Tons of felons too. Where my parents live is nicer looking, but I'm afraid of the great deprivation and bad emotional influence, bullying, etc.
To live with this AND not be able to improve conditions, what do I have to live for? I might as well put a bullet in my head. And I didn't even mention, I don't work and I will avoid spending and working for as long as possible. I would rather starve than work, I can feel the stress from work and it is unbearable. And PLUS it's good for bringing down the economy.
In fact, I planned to rent a place to live for people who work towards spreading knowledge with me to improve the world that has bunk beds and shared cooking, etc. So they don't have to contribute to greedy landlords and employers. I still hope I will accomplish getting so many dedicated followers, but that will be only if I find out why everyone hates me and if I fixed that. I've never felt so horrible in my life so maybe I'll just end it. But I don't want to do it while my mom is still alive. By then though, it'll be clear whether I helped the world or not, and whether I should end it all or continue. Right now, everyday is comically bad for me. I have nothing to live for right now. Nobody likes me. Nobody cares about me. Yet I'm better, and these reulsively pathetic people are why today's world is such garbage. And I receive no respect or recognition for being a strong person. I have no reason to live right now. Life is one big joke right now for me. Mommy is the only person who I live for right now.
And it is supposed to change? I've been disliked, untrusted, blamed since I was a kid. As many things as have changed, still my life is a complete joke. Why do people treat me this way? Why? I sound like a self-pitying baby crying here but I NEVER pitied myself until now. The biggest losers I knew have better lives than I have. I hate my life.